


The Rise of Loki Laufeyson

by plastic_cello



Series: The Ballad of Tony and Loki [2]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drug Use, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Glam Rock, M/M, Mid 70s, Rock 'n' roll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-01
Updated: 2013-05-05
Packaged: 2017-12-03 23:46:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 114,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/704022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plastic_cello/pseuds/plastic_cello
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five years after Tony Stark covered Odin's Sons for Rolling Stone magazine; he's presented with the opportunity to interview the internationally well-known glam rock star Loki Laufeyson.  And that stirs up emotions that he believed had long since faded; but loving a rock star has never been that easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I certainly didn't expect that I'd already be writing the sequel to Fifteen Cities; but here I am!
> 
> I hope you enjoy the prologue and what I eventually have in store for you; I've been enthused to write about this for some time. And I'm hoping it'll surpass Fifteen Cities in many ways. :)
> 
> And it's safe to say the soundtrack for this story will be: _The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars_ by David Bowie.

* * *

 

**Prologue**

 

* * *

 

 

Life was good; in fact it was better than good – it was perfect. After months and months of wooing, of taking things at a tortoise's pace, Tony Stark had finally gotten Miss Virginia "Pepper" Potts into his bed over a week ago; and what only sweetened the pot, was the fact that he was being permitted the honor of performing cunnilingus on Miss Potts at that very moment.

The melodic, siren-like sounds that poured from Pepper's lips, was like music to his ears. He poured every bit of knowledge he had of the female anatomy, not to mention his previous experiences, into making it as pleasurable for Pepper as humanly possible.

Considering it took a decent amount of convincing for her to even allow him to do this; he wasn't about to be a disappointment, and reveled into the way her body was reacting to him. She convulsed above him, crying out in a way that he knew meant she was drawing close; which, in turn, only fueled his actions further.

Just as he found a winning combination, the moment came to an abrupt halt. The door to his bedroom was suddenly thrown open with a bang, and caused Pepper to tense up in horror rather than pleasure. Tony paused in his ministrations, eyes wandering to Pepper's face that was beet red and frozen in terror.

"Happy Birthday for the next five years," James Rhodes suddenly declared. "Whenever you aren't busy, you should take a look. It's the white envelope on your desk."

As abruptly as James had made his presence known, he just as quickly disappeared back into the common room. Or wherever he'd chosen to disappear to, after his impromptu appearance; Tony didn't necessarily care where he went, but for god's sake he destroyed the moment; demolished it into itty-bitty pieces even.

Pepper let out a wail, before shoving his head away unceremoniously. He groaned but willingly sat up, in order to avoid a knee to the face; since Pepper all but fled to the adjoining bathroom, while grabbing onto pieces of clothing off the floor as she went.

The bathroom door slammed shut, leaving Tony in a state of confusion for the briefest of moments. He massaged his jaw that had gotten stiff, while in the middle of his attempt to please Pepper, and turned around to glimpse at his desk.

There was a white envelope as James had said on the top of his messy desk. But rather than investigate what he'd been gifted with; he chose instead to walk the distance from his bed to the bathroom door. Because really it would have been downright insensitive, if he let his curiosity get in the way of comforting Pepper in her time of need.

"Pepper, baby," he called out, gently rapping on the doorframe. "It's okay; you know how James can get. He doesn't understand the meaning of privacy; not after he spent three years out in the jungle, shitting side by side with his fellow soldier."

Tony didn't receive an answer, beyond the sound of running water. Then again, he hadn't expected for Pepper to be chatty after the trauma she'd been subjected to. She was highly sensitive and innocent; which was why it had taken so long to convince her into bed with him.

"Baby, it's okay. I promise you, he won't say a thing." He continued, only to receive a terse _go away_ for his troubles.

Knowing it would be almost impossible to lure her out, Tony decided to let her have a moment to herself before he manually attempted to weasel his way into the other room. And it would probably be beneficial to have a word with James about boundaries again.

Truth be told, Tony really hadn't any use for privacy. He was fine with James coming and going as he pleased; and he had barged in before while Tony had been balls deep in his flavor of the month before. But this time around was different; he didn't want to blow his chances with Pepper. She was different and he just so happened to really like her, comparably to the previous girls he bedded.

"Come out soon, babe." He said against the door softly. "I want to talk about it. I don't want you to hide from me, okay?"

Reluctantly Tony withdrew from his spot with an exasperated sigh, before walking towards his desk. Several textbooks were thrown open, and his chicken scratch was visible in the margins where he'd chosen to add his insight on nuclear physics.

But it wasn't like he had any need for such generic reading material anyway; he already was well-versed in most of the classes he'd enrolled in. He already had two master degrees; one in engineering and business law, the latter pushed onto him by daddy dearest. And well, having another in physics was just to appease his mind, until he finally gotten clearance to join the family business.

He picked up the envelope; the front had James's name written across it, but nothing else to explain what was inside. Slowly he flipped open the flap and reached inside to extract two tickets; more precisely, two concert tickets.

Tony overlooked them once, before his eyes widened in shock. He reread the print on the tickets again, and found that his eyes hadn't been deceiving him after all. James, somehow, had gotten a set of tickets for the hottest show in Los Angeles, and casually dropped them into Tony's lap like it was nothing.

Glimpsing towards the closed bathroom door, Tony weighed the pros and cons of leaving the room. If Pepper came out to find him gone, that could very well blow his chances with her. But on the other hand, he needed to talk to James immediately.

"Baby, I'll be right back!" He called out and practically ran out of his bedroom to find James.

Luckily for him, it wasn't very hard to find James. He was sitting in the common room, watching an episode of the _Partridge Family_ with a stony look on his face. Tony leapt onto the sofa beside him, jarring him, which garnered him an annoyed look.

"First and foremost, thank you for barging into my room like that."

"Hey, I didn't know you had company. Besides, I thought you'd want those right away." James pointed at the envelope in his hand, before he returned his eyes to the TV.

"And that's why I'm out here." Tony explained, before taking both tickets out of the envelope. "Where the hell did you get these? The show's been sold out for months; and somehow you got a set?"

James rolled his eyes, but was still staring at the television set. There wasn't anything very interesting happening on it; then again, he was watching the _Partridge Family_. And what could really happen on the _Partridge Family_ beside the usual bullshit of the family being on tour?

"Yesterday there was a contest on the radio; I was the seventh caller and my prize was a pair of tickets for the gig. And I figured you'd get some use out of them; unless you don't want them. I bet I could scalp them for three times their worth." James held out his hand, but Tony quickly pulled away.

"I never said I didn't want them." He defended. "I'm just surprised Hogie didn't telephone me about, you know, sending me to report on it."

"Oh, because you really showcased the guy in the best light the last time,"

"That spread made my career,"

"That's why you're still only a part-time reporter."

"I interviewed Blue Oyster Cult, how dare you!" Tony feigned insult. "Besides, I was given the opportunity to be a full-time reporter, but Howie obviously wants me to educate myself until I become the world's oldest scholar; you know that already."

"So do you want the tickets or not?" James asked, turning to face him fully. "Although, I don't know why I'm even asking; of course you do."

"I have a pair of tickets for the hottest show in town – of course I want them." Tony said with a pang of nostalgia in his voice. "I mean it's been almost five years."

"I think Loki Odinson and Loki Laufeyson are two very different people, brother." James shook his head, looking back at the television once more. "But you are more than welcome to the tickets; I'm not into that glam rock bullshit anyway."

"I'm not either."

"But you'll still be going."

"I'll still be going." Tony admitted, rereading the print on the tickets again. "Thanks, Rhodey."

Slowly he climbed onto his feet and walked back into his bedroom. Pepper was still holed up in the bathroom; although that ended up being the farthest thing from his mind. He was, after all, in possession of two tickets for Loki Laufeyson's _Death & Indulgence_ tour; which had been hailed a global success by Rolling Stone magazine, and every music publication out there.

It would have been foolish on his part, if he actually rejected the tickets. Anyone with half a mind would have leapt at the chance to see the show; and Tony was no different in that respect. Except, there was something else beyond seeing Loki Laufeyson and all his glory; there was a history between them. A history that he never really forgotten, but had simply put on the back burner.

Five years ago, Tony had had the privilege of going on tour with Odin's Sons; the same band that bred one of England's well know glam rock singers, Loki Laufeyson. But he hadn't only written a successful article about them; Tony had been madly, stupidly even, in love with Loki back then.

"We've got five years, huh?" He whistled lowly. "Guess you're coming for me after all, Laufeyson."


	2. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been blown away (again) about how much positive feedback I've gotten for both Fifteen Cities and the prologue for this story. And it's probably the reason behind my absurd amount of updates; I just hope I can continue at this pace.
> 
> If you're looking for anything to listen to while reading, I'd suggest anything from Frampton Comes Alive! or the song "An Occasional Dream" by David Bowie. Then again, just cue up any Bowie because he's one of the main inspirations behind this story. :)
> 
> As always, I'd like to thank everyone for all the comments and kudos. It means so much to me; it really does!

* * *

 

**Chapter One**

 

* * *

 

Tony examined the album's sleeve for several moments, enthralled by the campy and dark imagery. Loki Laufeyson was painted up beautifully, an androgynous picture in a staunch three piece suit. There was something disturbing about the image; although Tony couldn't put his finger on it, if he was pressed for an answer.

"Don't tell me you're actually going to buy that."

"What's it to you?" Tony raised his eyes, looking across the bins of records at Happy, who had already chosen a copy of _Frampton Comes Alive!_ "And why the hell are you buying that again?"

"This album is a beast, you asshole." Happy held up the record, as if to prove his point. "And mine's already skipping. I need a new one."

"And you're questioning my musical tastes?"

"Fuck you; I heard you singing some of the songs to your girlfriend of the week at my birthday party."

"She isn't my girlfriend of the week." Tony defended, before brusquely pulling out another album with Loki Laufeyson's name sprawled across the sleeve. "She might be _the_ girlfriend."

Rather than even attempt to save face, Tony chose to stare harder at the album cover. This one was similarly fashioned to the first, although only half of Loki's face was painted in a rainbow palette. The other half was the face Tony had known so well only five years prior; the dark and smoldering expression that could have easily brought him to his knees back then.

Admittedly, there were a lot of unresolved feelings when it came to that period in Tony's life. Much of which he had chosen to disregard; due to the fact, that he really couldn't do anything about them. So it was easier just to ignore them and move on; which he was proud to say he did.

Pepper, after all, was more than a passing fancy to him. Ever since he spied her in the campus library, he'd been enamored; and ever since that day four months ago, he'd actively pursued her with all that he had. Never once had Loki Laufeyson cropped up onto his radar; since that part of his life had been sequestered from his emotional palette for some time now.

But now it was back; those feelings he harbored for Loki had resurfaced thanks to James's gift to him. And while he realized it would be far better for him to return the tickets to James, something wouldn't allow him to do so. He actually _wanted_ to see Loki; wanted it more than he could ever imagine even.

"So how is _the_ girlfriend doing then?" Happy asked, still browsing through the record bins.

"Completely and utterly traumatized, thanks to Rhodey," Tony returned, before stuffing both albums underneath his arm. "He walked in on us messing around; and it took almost half an hour to lure her out of the bathroom."

Happy snorted, although it was hardly funny to Tony. It had taken him months to get Pepper to the point where she'd allow him to touch her intimately; let alone go down on her, and James had ruined his progress. Considering the fact it had been almost a week, and Pepper had been vehement about the fact that she didn't want to have sex with him in any shape or form now or later.

He'd gotten as far as hand holding the previous evening, which really didn't help him when it came to those confusing sexual thoughts he once harbored for Loki Laufeyson. And it had taken a staggering amount of willpower not to reflect on that one incident when Loki had been indirectly blowing him through his jeans.

"Why did he barge in anyway?" Happy paused as he extracted another record, before quickly putting it back in place. "Did he want to watch?"

"Please, you know how he is." Tony scoffed, walking up the aisle until he was front of the O section. "Privacy means absolutely nothing to him. And it's probably my fault for not enforcing it anyway."

Unconsciously, Tony rummaged through the row of records in front of him, before pausing on a very distinct cover. His fingers traced across the two helmets, one winged and the other goat-like. He couldn't remember when the last time he actually listened to Odin's Sons; mostly because it reminded him of what had happened between him and the band. And quite frankly, he had been a little traumatized by the infamous photo that cropped up after their last performance.

Some well-known concert photographer had taken a snapshot, moments after Loki announced his plans to the leave band; and that photograph had captured Thor Odinson striking Loki in the face. Weeks after it had been taken, the photograph had circulated across every large music publication in the western world. Rolling Stone magazine had made a point to print it as well, with commentary by Lars fucking Berry just for shits and giggles too.

"Rhodey won some tickets from a radio show." Tony spoke again, abandoning the Odin's Sons' album and walking into the aisle that Happy was in. "They're for the Loki Laufeyson gig."

"Are you actually going to go?"

"That was the plan, yeah."

"So are you taking the girlfriend or the best friend without any boundaries?" Happy quirked an eyebrow, while he pulled out another record to join the three already in his possession.

Of course Tony contemplated on who he would take to the show with him. And while it would have been an easy decision months ago, now that he was dating Pepper, things were a little more complex than that. Mostly because if he chose to take James, Pepper might take that as an insult; especially when he considered that unfortunate encounter over a week ago.

However, he wasn't completely sold on inviting Pepper either. Because there was something almost intimate about the concert atmosphere for him; the smells and sounds had sustained him throughout the summer of '71, and it was hard to share it with somebody else. Not to mention, it was Loki Laufeyson he intended on seeing in the flesh; which brought up a slew of unresolved emotions too.

"I want your opinion on that, actually." He said. "I mean, I've been dating Pepper for the past few months, and I think she'd be offended if I took Rhodey; or anyone else for that matter."

"Then it's pretty simple – take the girlfriend." Happy shrugged. "I mean whether she likes the glam rock scene or not is irrelevant. If you want to stay on her good side, you better take her. She'll definitely know you care, if you take to her a sold out concert; and maybe she'll put out afterwards."

"She hasn't put out since Rhodey barged in on us."

"Who would have thought pussy hound, Tony Stark would shack up with a priss?"

"Don't forget, she's _my_ girlfriend." Tony returned sharply, only to receive a noncommittal shrug in return.

To be honest, Tony didn't believe there would a huge conflict of interest if he did take Pepper with him. He didn't actually believe that he and Loki Laufeyson were destined to meet again. Loki was far too big now; he toured the globe several times since he'd gone solo, and cemented his name beside the likes of Bowie and Reed. And that was the exact opposite to what had befallen Odin's Sons, after his departure.

Odin's Sons had released another LP in '73, and it had very little commercial success. Tony had bought the record for no apparent reason beyond feigned camaraderie; and while there was a catchy song or two on it, they couldn't capture the magic that had been on _Still Waters Run Deep_.

Having Thor moonlight as vocalist was the wrong approach; although Tony believed the band was doomed already. They needed Loki to carry the heavy weight; he was the one that made the band shine after all. But at the end of the day, Loki really didn't need them at all; if the past few years were anything to go by.

"Take the girlfriend, brother." Happy piped up again. "You'll get brownie points for it; but I got to figure you won't be getting backstage anytime soon. Not with how you skewered the guy in that article of yours."

Tony made an exasperated noise, leveling Happy with a look. But his friend didn't back down; he returned the stare, with a twist that could only be described as sarcastic. Everyone had pointed out, once the magazine gone to press and was out for purchase, how he defamed Loki to death. And he really didn't see it that way then and especially now.

"I did not skewer him." He emphasized tersely. "I don't know why everyone says I did. I told the truth and to be honest, I actually withheld a lot of the shit which would have painted him in a bad light."

"You didn't fuck him up the ass with that article?" Happy suddenly howled with laughter. "T, if you wrote half that shit about me, I would have pummeled your face in! Even if it was completely true, do you think someone like you described, was it an ego maniac, would be peachy keen with it?"

"If you thought I imagined he'd fly back from jolly 'ol England and blow me for the write-up, well that would be the farthest thing from the truth." Tony muttered and looked down at his feet.

It would have been a lie if Tony didn't admit that he had some reservations about writing what he'd experienced on tour with Odin's Sons. He had volleyed between being as sweet as pie, or being an absolute asshole and writing out every ugly detail. But he had found a happy medium in between the two; and while many things he'd written about Loki's personality weren't flattering, he compensated by praising his talents.

There had been a balance of his accounts; but he would be damned if he compromised his ability as a journalist for the sake of potentially being in Loki's good graces. Then again, he highly doubted he was actually in his bad graces. Maybe initially he was, but five years later was kind of stretching it.

"When is this show anyway?" Happy changed directions, as if he could sense possible conflict going on in Tony's mind.

"On the tenth," he muttered, as he walked towards the front of the record shop. "So I have at least two and a half weeks to figure out who I'll take."

"No thinking necessary, compadre." Happy sidled up beside him, reaching out to tousle his hair. "Take the girlfriend; have a good time watching that pixy on stage. Then go back to your dorm and have kinky ass sex. Or in your case, maybe some heavy petting and cuddling afterwards,"

Tony shot him a look, but knew it would be ineffective. Happy was impossible to piss off, and he was generally oblivious to when people were angry at him. Once Tony had gotten back from his experience on tour with Odin's Sons, he had made sure to telephone Happy and curse him out for leaving him stranded after the Los Angeles show.

Except it proved to be a futile argument, since Happy pointed out the fact that if he hadn't drunk himself under the table that night, Tony wouldn't have actually been lucky enough to have gone on tour with the band anyway; which was technically true. But it hadn't made him any less angry about it.

"Knowing Pepper she might not be up for a show like that." Tony approached the counter, sliding both Loki Laufeyson albums into the awaiting cashier's hands. "She isn't a fan of rock 'n' roll."

"If you tell me she's a fan of the Carpenters, I will slap you. And I will slap you so hard, she'll feel it." Happy said in a no nonsense tone. "I swear to god, T. Just say the word and you'll have your own Happy Hogan hand print across your face."

"Slap me, and _Frampton Comes Alive!_ on your fucking face."

"Do you hear this motherfucker?" Happy asked the cashier with wide eyes. "His girlfriend likes the fucking Carpenters, and he has the gall to talk shit about Peter Frampton! But I really shouldn't be surprised; you did go to town on Loki Laufeyson too."

"Jesus Christ, why don't you just blow Peter Frampton?"

" _Frampton Comes Alive!_ is a monster of an album! Mikey am I fucking insane?"

"That album is perfect." Mikey, the cashier gave them the okay sign while ringing up Tony's purchases.

"Thank you!" Happy almost yelled. "Everyone knows it's incredible, but you!"

"Okay, you've worn me down! It's the album of the year! God himself couldn't surpass Peter motherfucking Frampton!"

"Then you, my friend, haven't heard Loki Laufeyson's _Death & Indulgence_ album yet." Mikey offered, before reciting the total for both records. "Now that is the album of the year; it's better than his first record, _Super Nova._ "

Tony passed several bills to Mikey, who had invoked Peter Frampton's number one fan's wrath. But he hardly paid much attention to the back and forth; instead he took his change and stuffed it absentmindedly into his pocket, before taking up both records from the counter.

Loki Laufeyson, formerly Odinson, looked back at him with those lethal green eyes which had fascinated Tony completely back then. Everything about him had been enigmatic and alluring; and somehow it only seemed to be emphasized by his peculiar aesthetic now.

Tony couldn't help but be fascinated, and something told him, a gut feeling maybe, that he was in world of trouble once the tenth came.


	3. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't say it enough, but thank you for all the reviews and kudos. You guys really make my day, and I'm so happy that you've enjoyed this series thus far. :)

* * *

 

 

**Chapter Two**

 

 

* * *

 

Loki Laufeyson's voice hadn't changed drastically since the last time Tony had heard it. It was still powerful, soul shattering, and had the capability to cause goose flesh to spread over every inch of Tony's body.

The sensations were particularly overwhelming, as Tony lay in the dark with his headphones snugly against his ears. He shut his eyes and conjured up a slew of images of a twenty-six year old Loki with a cigarette between his fingers, and how he would sway his hips in an entrancing way when the music inspired him to move.

Lyrically Loki had expanded his range; each song was like a story and transported the listener to some exotic location, oftentimes dark and dreary but always beautiful. Tony splayed out, spread eagle, across his mattress, and tried to regulate his breathing and heartbeat; because it would do him very little favors to divulge in inappropriate touching now.

It had been five years, after all. There wasn't any way that he'd still harbor some sort of sexual attraction to Loki. He was straight and had expressed as much through spurts of wild and uninhibited sexual practices with a variety of girls. Hell, it was the very reason why he was alone right now; because Pepper still refused to let him touch her beyond platonically.

He was sexually frustrated, and while he could have found one of his usual bedmates for a good time; he had decided not to. Pepper was the only one he wanted to be with platonically and intimately; which was why any thoughts he had about Loki were spurred on by his lack of intimacy within the past nine days.

Even as he attempted to convince himself of that, his thoughts slowly began to run amok. That awkward moment where Loki had dropped to his knees, and nuzzled his groin like an over-eager kitten that wanted attention; before he was nipping and sucking away with heavy-lidded eyes…

"Son of a bitch," Tony groaned, although his voice was lost to him as Loki continued to croon into his ears.

He fisted his hands into the goose feathered pillows that were stacked behind his head, while he continued to try and control his body again; rather than allow his body to control him. Which was harder to do than one would think; he, after all, had struggled with control when he was a teenager and the involuntary bouts of arousal he'd been a victim of.

But his attempts were futile; his mind decided to take the wheel and steer him head-on, into the many unsavory images he conjured up about Loki from so many years ago. One of the most ridiculous and particularly arousing ones was Loki and that cowboy hat Tony had gotten in Austin; the cowboy hat that he hadn't any worldly idea where it had disappeared to.

His hips rose on their own accord, imagining Loki completely bare beyond that awful cowboy hat, and straddling him with that little smirk on his face that always seemed to spell out trouble. Despite having never felt Loki's body on his like that; Tony could almost feel how heavy he was, and how firm every contour of his body truly was.

Loki's voice grew breathy in his ears, no longer a song but a wanton, unhindered moan. Tony bucked his hips, looking for any kind of friction from that imagined body; which only grew more desperate as Loki was saying his name in that impeccable British accent, in a way that was so vile and debauched that it almost sent him over the edge already.

Tony bit his bottom lip, hoping to silence any sounds that he might make; all the while catapulting his body into a bridge position. His hands clutched the pillow behind his head, to the point where he might very well rip it in half, and he swore he felt something give way once a very real hand curved around his shoulder and shook.

"What the fuck?" Tony cried out, almost vaulting off the bed.

His headphones fell off his ears by his abrupt movement, suddenly assaulted by the sight of Pepper who was a brilliant color of red. She had chosen to back away from the bed, clearly aware that she had walked in on a weird sexual thing.

"Does anyone know the concept of knocking around here?" He asked softly, although his heart was going a mile a minute.

"I did knock." Pepper informed him, before moving towards the record player and shutting it off. "But you obviously couldn't hear me. I'm sorry if I startled you; I was even calling your name."

"No, it's okay." He sat up slowly. "It's cool; just about went into cardiac arrest is all."

It took several moments for his heart beat to return to normal; and during that time, Pepper came and sat beside him. She maintained a fair distance, as if she feared he might launch himself at her due to his previous actions.

But that was the farthest thing from his mind at the moment; since he was in the midst of another identity crisis, which he thought he had solved accordingly over the past five years. Not to mention, he hadn't had any attraction towards another man either; he had been perfectly heterosexual. He _should_ have been perfectly heterosexual still.

"Was this what you were listening to?" Pepper bent down, retrieving the album sleeve for _Death & Indulgence_ off of the floor. "This Loki Laufeyson character,"

Of course Pepper peered at the album sleeve, as if Satan himself had taken the opportunity to be photographed for it; which might not have been that far from the truth. Loki did look devious; his half-painted face was maniacal, depending on the angle you stared at it. And the record name wasn't helping his case either.

"Uh, yeah; I picked it up at the record store a few days ago." Tony gently pulled the sleeve from her grasp and squinted down at it; the lamplights outside his window were the only thing illuminating his room. "I actually have two tickets to see him live; but I doubt you'd be interested. I know this kind of music isn't your thing."

Almost reverently, Tony splayed his fingers across the sleeve, and recalled a particularly poignant moment between him and Loki. It was embarrassing then and it was a bit embarrassing still; but Tony couldn't help but reflect fondly on how Loki comforted, when he lost all control of his emotions.

He'd been a naïve seventeen year old kid on tour with a rock band; coupled with the fact that he was way over his head emotionally, ended with him beaten and broken in Loki's lap. And Loki, who generally carried himself with a massive chip on his shoulder, had sung to him and cradled him like a whimpering infant.

There had been something there, something between them. And as Tony predicted five years ago, things had changed drastically. He wasn't a dumb kid anymore, who would bend over backwards to please Loki either. He'd grown up significantly; he had to when he'd begun to attend Berkeley in the fall of '71, and then came across his mother dead on the kitchen floor, after having choked on her own vomit when he was nineteen.

Loki had also changed in that period of time. He was an internationally known rock star, who had evolved both musically and physically. Although, if he had evolved beyond that embittered and self-centered individual was a mystery; one that Tony, admittedly, wanted to solve.

"So you're a fan of Loki Laufeyson?" Pepper asked, shaking him from his reverie.

"More or less, I guess you could say that." He tossed the sleeve back onto the floor, offering her a charming smile. "I know I haven't mentioned it before, but my favorite band back in the day was Odin's Sons and Loki Laufeyson was the lead singer; which is kind of fueling my decision to go to the show."

"I have to figure James gave you the tickets to the show then." She replied, turning that endearing shade of red again. "When that incident happened a few days ago,"

"He won them from a radio show; the concert's been sold out for months, apparently." Tony explained. "And I mean there's a history there; so that's why he gave me the tickets. He could have easily scalped them to someone for a huge payday, but he gave them to me instead."

"You'll be going together then?"

"That wasn't the plan; I mean if he wanted to go, he would have only given me one ticket if that were the case. And Happy's probably too busy worshiping at the church of _Frampton Comes Alive!_ to want to come along either." He took a deep breath, before locking eyes with Pepper. "I wanted to ask you, but I know this isn't your cup of tea."

They stared at one another for several moments; Tony was almost positive, and maybe relieved for that matter, that Pepper would probably turn him down. After all, she was a fan of easy listening; Happy had been spot-on about her fondness for the Carpenters, although he wouldn't have admitted it even on his death bed.

While he really liked Pepper; really, really liked her even. Tony despised her musical tastes; which was one of the many reasons why he brought her to his dormitory compared to going back to hers. Because he had to stare at the walls, plastered completely by posters of Donnie and Marie, and for Christ's sake, those dastardly Carpenters; and he could not stomach that for more than five minutes at a time.

"No, no." Pepper slowly reached out to grasp his hand. "I mean, it isn't my type of music. But I'd be happy to go with you; maybe I might even start liking Loki Laufeyson myself."

It was a valiant attempt, on her part, to even entertain the idea of coming along to the show with him; it was, however, an entirely different matter altogether to say she might become a fan of Loki Laufeyson. Tony wasn't sure if he was a fan of Loki's new material; or if he was simply sexually frustrated and since the guy had performed the closest thing to his first blowjob on him it just happened to stick in his mind now.

"You don't have to go if you don't want to." He said, unsure if he was attempting to make her comfortable or making himself comfortable.

After all, there were still quite a bit Tony hadn't divulged about himself to Pepper. Some things were pretty insignificant in the scheme of things; and he suspected his association with Rolling Stone magazine was one of them. So she hadn't any idea about his experience on tour; and to be honest, he didn't really want to tell her about that portion of his life either.

It had been a pain in the ass to explain that his mother was dead, let alone that he'd taken off on tour with a rock band, and played footsie with the lead singer for weeks on end. Only for it to come to a close on a rooftop in New York City with the promise that within five years they'd reunite and have kinky, uninhibited sex with one another.

Something told him that wouldn't go over very well. Especially when dealing with someone like Pepper, who was a little too prim and proper for her own good. But maybe that was one of the reasons why he liked her so much too.

"No, I want to go. It'll be fun, I bet." She smiled at him, but it wasn't very convincing. "Besides, any time that I get to spend with you is always worth my time."

Ill-advisedly, Tony leaned in and tried to kiss Pepper, only to receive a mouth full of ginger colored hair for his troubles. Of course, he was being too straightforward with her; James had, after all, set him back at least a whole month by barging in on them. And he wasn't sure who he was supposed to be angry with; but he just knew he was both exasperated and a smidgen annoyed by the situation.

"I should get going now; it's pretty late."

"I could walk you back to your dorm, if you'd like."

"No, it's fine. But I'd like to see you tomorrow, if you're available." Pepper stood from the bed gracefully.

"I always have time for you, babe." Tony returned, following her lead and getting to his feet.

He walked her to his bedroom door and through the unoccupied common room, before seeing her out into the hallway. Several wayward students meandered by but didn't pay either of them any attention. And this time, he didn't attempt to kiss her goodnight; he knew he'd get another mouthful of hair, which hardly made up for lip on lip action.

So he let her go on her way without a struggle; although his sexual frustration spiked at its highest level since the ill-fated day over a week ago. But what made it even worse, was that Tony couldn't really say he'd be thinking about Pepper at all in his fantasies like he normally did. Instead, he recalled that obnoxious black cowboy hat and a wicked grin; none of which Pepper embodied in the slightest.

And he really knew, unequivocally now, that he was fucked.


	4. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This happened a bit faster than I expected; originally this scenario was going to be at the end of the story, but I decided to shake things up a bit. So I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> As for any songs I listened to, I went between two versions of "All the Young Dudes"; the original by Mott the Hoople and the cover by World Party. I can't say which one I like better, since I think both are pretty good.

* * *

 

 

**Chapter Three**

 

 

* * *

 

The last time Tony had deliberately gone clothes shopping had been well over two years ago. And he wasn't exactly thrilled with his own decision to find something decent to wear for the concert in three days. After all, it wasn't like he'd be noticed in the crowd amid the likes of Loki Laufeyson's painted up fans.

However, that hadn't deterred him from meandering through several clothing shops and selecting pieces that would flatter him best, mindful to be casual all the same. He didn't want to appear as if he over thought his outfit, which actually made it that much harder to choose something appropriate to buy.

Tony couldn't say definitively how many shops he visited; but it was enough to have gotten him a fair amount of clothing that would probably sustain him for another two and a half years. Not to mention his feet ached from spending hours on them during his shopping excursion, and led him to shuffle across the pavement at an agonizing slow pace.

But he'd make sure that no one ever found out about it; especially the reason behind it. No one would understand it anyway; hell, Tony had a hard time wrapping his head around the why himself. Due to the fact, he was a completely straight, hot-blooded twenty-two year old man. And the thought that he wanted to dress up for some glorified glam rock star, a male one at that, made no sense whatsoever.

He wasn't supposed to have any withstanding feelings for Loki. That was a period of his life that had been emotionally trying and confusing; it wasn't supposed to resurface by the mere thought of being in the same room with the man who had been his idol, his eventual obsession, and then ended up meaning nothing at all to him.

While it made no sense whatsoever, Tony didn't do anything to try and figure it out either. Instead, he just fueled it by his recent actions; when he should have handed over the tickets back to James and wished him good luck with scalping them for a good profit.

Except he didn't do that and couldn't do it; he knew that he would regret it, maybe even for the rest of his life. Because god only knew if he'd get another opportunity to see Loki in the flesh again; it was a miracle that Loki had even survived five years, considering his self-destructive ways; which ranged from taking drugs and climbing on rooftops, to his diet that consisted of gummy bears, tea, and cigarettes.

Midway to his car, which he had parked several blocks away since he couldn't possibly be tired from buying a few tee-shirts and a pair of jeans; Tony slowly paused in his tracks. He strained his ears; amid all the noise around him, he swore he had heard a voice that he hadn't heard for years. He turned around, examining the cluster of people that wandered about the store fronts and restaurants; only for his eyes to zero in on a beautiful woman in a form fitting zebra printed dress.

She tossed her head back, laughing at whatever her companion had said, although it appeared to be a shop-keep; before she turned away to walk in Tony's direction. Recognition struck him from every side; although he felt mostly nostalgic. The woman advanced forward, running her fingers absently through one side of his feathered hair; but she soon stopped walking once she made eye contact with him.

They stared at one another for what felt like a small eternity. And Tony suspected that both of them were making sure they actually knew the other. It had been years since they last seen one another and both of them had changed more or less.

"Daddy-o is that you?"

"If that's you Siffy," Tony couldn't help but smile stupidly.

"Oh my god, oh my god," Sif exclaimed mid-laugh, only to cross the distance between them in several long strides; and before Tony knew it, he was engulfed in a tight embrace.

Right away Tony noticed the physical differences between them. Five years ago, they had almost been the same height, and now he was at least a head taller than her and gained some muscle mass on top of that. But the thing he realized that hadn't changed despite the years was how Sif still smelled of fresh-cut sunflowers.

Slowly Sif disengaged herself from the embrace, making a show of looking at him from head to toe. And well if Tony returned the favor, he really couldn't help it. Sif was far more attractive now than she had been when she was only nineteen; which meant she was now twenty-four years old.

"I hardly recognized you." Sif beamed up at him. "Who knew you could get any more handsome?"

"I would have kept walking if I didn't hear your voice." Tony admitted, almost mesmerized by how beautiful she looked; after all, he had fallen in love with her for a split-second when they had first met in front of the ticket master.

"Well, I'm glad you did stop. We could have easily bypassed one another."

"What are you doing in Los Angeles?" He asked, before he was struck by the sudden, awful realization that it had to do with the upcoming show. "Are you here with Loki?"

For the briefest of moments, Sif looked downright befuddled; but she easily saved face with another thousand-watt smile. Tony didn't know what to make of that, and he wasn't sure why his stomach had almost dropped to his knees by that realization either; although he suspected he could have figured it out easily, if he permitted his brain to wander down that path.

"Why don't we go somewhere and talk. I haven't eaten lunch yet." Sif motioned towards a café within walking distance. "My treat,"

Before he could say a word, Sif was already on the move. He quickly followed after her, even though his feet were protesting further by pounding the pavement. Thankfully, the walk didn't last very long and before he knew it, they were seated outside on the patio.

That brought up another slew of memories; they'd been seated outside of a non-descript restaurant in Austin, Texas. And they both were wearing those obnoxious cowboy hats; the same one that decided to rear its ugly head in Tony's fantasies not so long ago. But at least this time around, they weren't in the midst of dealing with an eroding rock band.

Tony collapsed into the iron-wrought chair provided to him, carelessly dumping his shopping bags around his feet. He managed to suppress the sound of relief that threatened to come up; although he knew he didn't have to be that mindful of his behavior with Sif. Not when she'd seen him mid-coitus with some girl whose name who he couldn't even remember.

Then again that seemed to be a running theme in his life of late. Someone always had a tendency to walk in on him when he was having an intimate moment; albeit none had been as disturbing and distressing as that time on the tour bus. Now that had almost been the end of him.

"So you didn't answer my question." Tony piped up, once they had ordered something to drink and the waiter had disappeared inside the café.

"Remind me of the question." She replied sweetly.

"Why are you stateside, more specifically Los Angeles?" He reiterated. "And is the reason because of Loki?"

"Oh, you mean the internationally successful Loki Laufeyson." Sif cracked a smile. "I heard he was touring stateside for the next month; but no, I'm not here because of him. This is actually my last day in town; I'll be going to New York tomorrow and back to England two days after that."

Tony furrowed his brow, but attempted to keep any disappointment he might have felt at bay. He hadn't seen or heard from Sif for five years; for whatever reason they never swapped information in order to keep in touch. And well, admittedly, that had been the farthest thing from Tony's mind after the last gig of the tour.

"I actually haven't spoken to Loki in close to a year." Sif continued after a moment. "But he got me through a rough patch a few years back."

"I'd ask what, but I assume that would be prying."

"I trust that you won't spread it around, daddy-o." She winked at him. "As you would expect, everything went to hell when Loki left the band. Everyone was angry, obviously. And well, they're still trying to keep things going, even though they aren't getting the recognition that they did with Loki."

The waiter approached the table just then, balancing their refreshments on a tray; before he set them down in front of them. Tony thanked him as he departed, although his initial instinct was to bark at him to get lost. He was strangely curious about what had befallen everyone after Loki's grandiose exit, and he wanted to hear it without any unnecessary interruptions.

"About a year after Loki left, the band played some shoddy little university pub," she huffed, looking suddenly unhappy and annoyed. "And that wanker Thor cheated on me with some pre-med student studying abroad. So I broke things off with him, and technically that's why I'm here."

"I'm not following; I don't know why Thor's inability to keep his pants on would bring you here."

"Well, I'm here with someone; who might be doing an interview or two for his band." Sif smiled secretly. "I can't tell you who though; not yet anyway."

"If you can't talk about it, I figure the guy's kind of a big deal." Tony surmised, before looking at the checkered tablecloth thoughtfully. "I guess things have really changed for everyone."

"Mostly Loki, as you'd expect." She said. "And I guess you'll be going to see him in concert again, won't you daddy-o?"

Tony diverted his gaze again, suddenly self-conscious about the situation. Unlike his discussions with James, Happy, or Pepper involving the matter; Sif had some insight into the situation five years ago. If anything, she knew far too much about the happenings between him and Loki. Most of which, if he had to be honest, he wasn't very proud of.

"A friend of mine gave me a pair of tickets." He admitted.

"Loki's shows are far out; a real mind trip."

"Yeah, well I barely picked up his records a few days ago. And they're far different than what he'd done with Odin's Sons."

"Loki always had a different vision from the band's; that caused a lot of conflict between them. And well, I can't say I'm surprised he went full force with his newest image." She said, but there was a moment of hesitation which Tony didn't like.

He liked her expression even less than her hesitation. Sif appeared as if she was attempting very hard to withhold something from him; and when it came to Loki, that was never a good thing. Of course, that only made him that much more curious about the situation; when in all actuality he shouldn't have given a shit at all.

Loki wasn't his problem, after all. He wasn't anyone's problem anymore. He'd gone solo, was internationally famous and probably just as rich; so he finally attained the level of lone wolf, which he sorely seemed to be gunning for so many years prior. And yet, Tony knew he'd ask about what was wrong anyway; he'd always been a masochist, considering the family he'd been born into.

"There's something you're not telling me." He said slowly, watching as she toyed with her straw.

"Word to the wise – stay away from Loki; he'll rip you apart, daddy-o."

"Well, it's good to know that we have a roaming serial killer moonlighting as a singer out there. I bet the Queen is enthused by his success; he's the crown jewel of the British people, I'm sure."

"You actually do have a personality, you know instead of only being Loki's biggest fan." Sif returned with a smirk. "I like it, honestly."

Truth be told, Tony knew he'd been an emotionally wrecked little boy back then. Everything about him had been minimized to that; he had been strangely dependent on Loki, and oftentimes attempted to get his approval. Which definitely wasn't how Tony was normally; and especially now, he could care less about what people thought of him. He wouldn't even care what Loki Laufeyson thought of him either.

"Loki was incensed by the article you wrote." Sif drew him back to the present, still toying with her straw. "And I think that's what spurred on his dramatic exit from the band. Thor said he was brooding over it for days; and it was probably made worse by Thor quoting things from it."

"Yeah, but that was five years ago."

"You really don't know anything about Loki then."

"Maybe I don't. I figured he wouldn't be that childish to hold a grudge over an article a seventeen year old kid wrote is all."

"You weren't just some seventeen year old kid to him." Sif said serenely, which stopped his heart for a split-second. "I don't think I'm projecting when I say, he thought very highly of you. He might have actually had a bit of a crush on you too."

Despite his valiant attempt to appear nonchalant, Tony knew he was flushing. And it was in that moment he felt like a stupid seventeen year old kid again; but he'd been acting like one since he found out he'd be seeing Loki again anyway.

He went shopping for new clothes, after all. New clothes which had taken him a good four hours to choose; he'd put so much thought into his purchases it was over the line of ridiculous. He, Anthony Edward Stark, was not supposed to be a giddy schoolboy with a crush on a megalomaniac who liked to play dress-up. He was a grown ass man with a beautiful girlfriend, and he'd be damned if he acted like a lovelorn fool over another guy.

"You had an impact on him." Sif spoke again, peering up at him through her false eyelashes that really had a way of making her eyes pop. "And if you can impact someone like Loki, you've accomplished something big, daddy-o."

"It was five years ago." Tony repeated.

"Time doesn't matter much to Loki." She bowed her head. "Love and hate are the only things that transcend time for him. And when he feels both simultaneously, well you better look out."

Their conversation stalled after that revelation, but it wasn't very awkward either. They shared a few moments of quiet, before Sif dropped some money on the table to pay for their drinks, not even bothering with buying anything to eat like she had planned to. It was a clear indication that their meeting was sadly over now; that Sif had to be somewhere and Tony probably needed to get back to his dormitory and check up on Pepper anyway.

"So are you ever going to tell me who your mystery boyfriend is?" Tony asked once they'd both gotten onto their feet and were walking away from the café.

"I think you've heard of a little band called Led Zeppelin before." She smiled that thousand-watt smile again, spinning on her heel in the opposite direction Tony was going. "Be safe, daddy-o. My Loki can be lethal; so don't let him bite you."

"It wasn't a dream, after all. All of you are still crazy." Tony called after her fondly; although he meant every word that he said.

"Crazy is as crazy does!" She waved at him, before disappearing into the crowd, and leaving Tony with a lot to think of.


	5. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's nothing really to say beyond my evident insanity has taken over. As always I hope you enjoy this.

* * *

 

 

**Chapter Four**

 

 

* * *

 

The line was longer than Tony had expected it to be. It ran the length of the theater and curved around the corner and down the block. Much of the crowd consisted of costumed individuals, wearing three piece suits and body suits with extraordinarily high platform boots. Their faces were painted artistically; some had replicated Loki Laufeyson's full face paint, while others only painted one side of their faces as he had on his newest record's sleeve.

The sheer number of people was staggering to see and only fueled Tony's irritation. He had specifically told Pepper that they should have shown up some time in the morning; but she insisted on waiting until the last minute. And now they'd be lucky if they were even allowed in the theater at this rate.

"Maybe they'll keep the doors open for we can peek in and around the corner." He scoffed, as he went down the line and towards the end of it. "Or maybe the restaurant across the street will reserve a table for us; since there is no way in hell, we'll be able to get in."

Pepper hobbled behind him on her platform heels; she looked amazing, dressed to the nines even, but that hardly pacified his bad mood. Not when he knew he wouldn't even be able to touch her beyond a platonic, childish round of hand holding.

His temperament took a turn for the worse by that thought; he had half a mind to just leave her on the sidewalk with the freaks, who wanted to see their supreme king of weird. But he knew he'd regret it later; although he couldn't say for sure if it was the thought of leaving Pepper unattended to, or leaving before even attempting to see Loki instead.

"Tony, I'm sorry." Pepper huffed out behind him, attempting to keep in step with him. "I didn't realize that so many people would line up this early."

"Virginia, it is a sold out show!" He spun around, walking backwards for several paces. "Of course, they're going to line up early! I bet some of these fuckers have been here since last night!"

One of the many painted up girls on the line shot Tony a look, as if she was offended by his choice of words. Which was just rich, considering the potty mouth she was waiting to see; Loki could curse anyone under a table if the urge arose. Or at least he had when Tony knew him.

"Hi, nice hair; want to mind your business?" he blurted out, which made the girl turn away hurriedly.

"I already said I'm sorry, what more do you want?" Pepper asked, once they finally came to the end of the line; which was so far away from the theater, Tony couldn't even see it anymore.

Honestly, Tony couldn't say what he wanted. He had been the one to go along with Pepper's time frame, despite his experience with live shows. And maybe a lot of that had to do with the constant influx of nausea he felt earlier on in the day; not to mention his perpetual costume change.

He had changed at least six times, before he had settled on a dark wash of jeans and Rolling Stones tee-shirt with a leather jacket thrown over it. No one would have suspected it took him that long to put it together; hell, Pepper hadn't even said anything, which translated to the fact that she didn't realize how much time and effort he put into it either.

"Nothing, whatever; it's not your fault." He said tightly, while resting his hands on his hips. "Either we get in or we don't. There's nothing we can do about it now."

"But you're going to be mad at me if we don't get in." Pepper chimed in, trying to catch his eye.

"I won't be mad!" He threw up his hands, laughing exasperatedly. "I'll be disappointed, sure! But who hasn't lived with mind numbing disappointment before? I certainly have; so this will not be anything new!"

Of course, Tony knew that his outburst was unjustified. He couldn't blame Pepper for anything; although much of his frustration with her was in the physical portion of their relationship, or the lack thereof. And while he really, truly liked Pepper as he had told Happy; the fact of the matter was that he _needed_ physical affection, sexual attention.

Having emotional affection was an important part of any relationship too; but Tony couldn't rely on that alone. In fact, he was slowly coming to the realization that he might be wasting his time. He had been infinitely patient, more so than he normally would be; he hadn't pushed Pepper into anything, since she was a virgin when he met her. And he even dealt with this newest outburst of platonic touching for two and a half weeks; but it was too much to ask him to put up with it forever.

He couldn't envision himself handling it for another day, let alone a lifetime. And it was made worse by the fact that his mind had been toying to death with him. Every fantasy that he tried to have, in order to relieve himself, had bounced away from thoughts of Pepper, Farrah Fawcett, Raquel Welch, any woman really, before they landed on Loki.

Loki in a cowboy hat and nothing else; Loki performing the sloppiest and hottest blowjob on him known to man; and Loki begging him to fuck him senseless, regardless of how wrong it was. Those thoughts had been on his mind non-stop; they were on a loop, and wouldn't let up regardless of how many times he attempted to divert his fantasies elsewhere.

Tony scowled at nothing in particular, deciding that it was probably for the best if he and Pepper just broke things off. It was evident to him that sex really wasn't her forte; or at least sex with him wasn't. And if that was the case, it was better just to be done with it; which would only be enforced if he did not get into the theater for the show.

"Tony, I'm sorry." Pepper repeated, but this time she slowly wriggled her arm through his. "Just tell me how I can make it up to you."

"You don't have to make up anything to me. We're cool; everything's cool." He returned unable to keep the agitation out of his voice though. "The doors open in forty-five minutes, so we'll see how that goes. I bet we'll get the best seats in the house; just you watch!"

Pepper only responded physically to his rant. She pressed herself against the side of his body, in a way that screamed temptress, rather than girl next door. Usually that would be enough to appease Tony's irritability, but for whatever reason it wasn't enough currently. It didn't do anything for him at all; which either said something about how angry he was or how those fantasies really fucked with his head.

He continued to stare ahead of him, looking at a sea of brilliantly colored hair and elaborate costumes. There were few normally dressed individuals amid the quirky; which would explain why some people were shooting funny looks at a mostly straight-laced guy who was winding in and out of the line.

The guy's dark hair was messy but presentable, although he had a five o'clock shadow on his face as if he'd been far too busy to even shave. As he drew nearer, shooting out hasty apologies as he clambered down the line; Tony was struck by recognition, something he hadn't necessarily been bargaining for. Then again, he had been having a lucky streak on running into people from his past.

"Sergeant Bucky Barnes," Tony called out before the guy could get away; and he was relieved to see that it wasn't a case of mistaken identity.

Bucky Barnes paused, eyebrows knitted together as if he was debating on confirming or denying that it was actually him. Tony felt marginally uncomfortable underneath Bucky's stare, and was about to explain who he was just to break the silence. But there appeared no need for it; Bucky's face suddenly lit up in recognition as he stuck out his hand for a handshake.

"I remember you! You're Tony Stark!" Bucky announced.

"One in the same," Tony took Bucky's hand and gave it a firm shake. "I'm surprised to see you here of all places. Then again, I've been seeing a lot of people from the past of late."

"I'm surprised to see _you_ here." Bucky laughed and released his hand. "Especially at the end of this extremely long line; I don't think you'll be able to get into the theater at this rate. The place was over-sold; but if you hang around the ticket master they'll give you a refund."

Disappointment hit Tony like a city bus at full-speed; of course the possibility had been there that they wouldn't get in. But the reality of it was harder to swallow than he imagined it would be; especially since he'd been so high-strung and out of his mind for the past two and a half weeks. And now it ended in the biggest disappointment Tony had had all year.

Pepper tightened her grip on his arm, maybe in a futile attempt to keep him together. He swore for a split-second, that he might actually start screaming at anybody that looked at him funny; although his biggest and meanest outburst would have been unfairly tossed in Pepper's direction.

"I really shouldn't be doing this; I'll be totally fucked if he finds out." Bucky suddenly sighed, before running his hand through his unkempt hair. "But you did me a favor back in the day when you didn't have to; so I'm going to pay you back. Come with me; don't ask any questions."

Bucky motioned for Tony to follow him, which he did automatically with Pepper still on his arm. They followed Bucky down the street, where even more people had lined up at; before he turned the corner and pushed his way into a record store.

The guy behind the counter didn't pay them any mind, even when Bucky forgone the bins of records and made for the cramped back room. As quickly as they had entered the shop, they were exiting it; Bucky opened up the back door that led into a series of alleys that ran behind several buildings and walked out.

Tony was hit by another wave of déjà vu, which was starting to get pretty old at this point. After all, he'd gone through a similar alleyway when Happy had conveniently forgotten him at the gig; and well, the rest was history, which only meant…

"You have access to Loki Laufeyson." Tony blurted out, which caused Bucky to turn around with a small smile.

"Glad you didn't say that in front of the piranhas, because I would have been eaten alive." Bucky turned back around, continuing along one of the dirty alleys. "Those girls are vicious, especially the ones in Japan. They practically ripped each other apart whenever Loki got anywhere near the edge of the stage."

"Hold on a minute, you were in Japan with him?"

"I've been on tour with him for the past three years!" Bucky chuckled, before coming to a halt on the other side of a barbed wire fence.

That information temporarily floored Tony; only five years ago Bucky had been a soldier right out of Vietnam, and only dreamed about meeting Loki. Tony had made it possible and the results had been dire; mostly because Loki and Bucky looked they were about to fuck one another in front of everyone, and a seventeen year old Tony was beyond jealous.

And it was the same night that Loki had proclaimed that within five years they could be together. And yet that hadn't been a good enough promise to seventeen year old Tony; although it scared the shit out of twenty-two year old Tony now.

Bucky pushed open the gate, before holding it open for Tony and Pepper until they were securely on the other end. Several large trucks were parked close to what could only be the theater; at least half a dozen large and bulky guys were unloading equipment and heading inside. It was a huge production, far larger than anything Tony had seen while on tour with Odin's Sons even.

But what caught his attention almost immediately, was the tour bus on the farthest end of the lot. The probability that Loki was inside there was pretty high, and something terribly familiar overwhelmed him completely. It was that anticipatory feeling, that lovelorn feeling which he always had gotten while in Loki's presence; and it made him sick.

"Follow me." Bucky anchored Tony back to the present, leading the way into the theater where the roadies were coming in and out of. "I'll get you guys situated, so just stay put there. The doors are going to open soon, and I'll probably get a tongue lashing for doing this anyway. Especially if Phil catches me in the act,"

"Fucking Phil is still his manager?" Tony asked, ignoring the way Pepper clung harder onto him, as if she wanted to ask a question but couldn't possibly be bothered to verbalize it.

"Tour manager, anyway; Hamish is the big boss, but he doesn't do the touring bit." Bucky explained as the stepped into the oversized room where the gig was to take place.

It was at least three times larger than any venue Odin's Sons played; which cemented the fact that Loki really had hit pay dirt. The stage was inordinately large too; it was currently being fashioned with heavy black, red, and purple drapery and the sheer amount of lights being strung about was amazing.

Tony gaped, blindly following after Bucky who climbed down onto ground level where the crowd would inevitably be corralled into. Bucky pushed apart a section of the barricade, so they could slip through and take a spot right in front of center stage; which sent Tony's heart into overdrive.

Not even half an hour ago did Tony think he'd actually be inside the theater, let alone center stage; and yet here he was, watching as several roadies were hanging up a wickedly grinning moon amongst a cluster of misshapen silver stars. He watched as the roadies swapped filthy jokes, and continued to build the world that Loki Laufeyson inevitably thrived in.

"Fuck, it has been awhile." Tony uttered, reaching out to grasp the barricade that was cool to the touch. "It has been a fucking long time."

"If you thought Loki was incredible back in the day, you haven't seen anything yet." Bucky grinned, before he started back onto the stage. "You, my friend and your lady love, are in for a fucking treat. Am I right guys?"

The roadies hooted enthusiastically, some even fondly telling Bucky to go fuck himself. But they shared a rambunctious round of laughter nonetheless. Bucky crossed the stage, pretending to kick one of the biggest guys in the ass, before quickly retreating as he whirled around and called him a very colorful name.

"Stay put my friend. I have to see to the main event now." Bucky saluted and disappeared back outside, leaving Tony and Pepper to watch the roadies work on the elaborate set.

Pepper murmured something in Tony's ear, probably a question about how he knew Bucky and how he knew some inside information about Loki Laufeyson. But he chose to ignore her inquiries and reveled in the atmosphere around him, one that he thought he'd never experience again. And yet he was; he was center stage, in front of a mammoth stage, where Loki Laufeyson would be performing for at least two solid hours.

It felt like coming home.


	6. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I had a few ideas for this chapter and somehow it ended up like this. I hope you enjoy it, because I enjoyed writing it (surprisingly); even though I'm god awful at writing concert performances.

* * *

 

 

**Chapter Five**

 

 

* * *

 

Silver-white light cut through the darkened auditorium; a pale beam that danced fleetingly to and fro before it swung around back onto the unlit stage, and slowly expanded until every square inch of the space was illuminated.

The misshapen stars that hung from the rafters twinkled and spun in slow circles; while the wickedly grinning moon peered down upon the audience. But as quickly as the light had appeared, it dissipated back into blackness, and was replaced with a low whistling sound that grew higher in pitch as the moments ticked by.

The audience collectively held their breath, until an explosion of rainbow colored lights shuttered and roamed about and led to a hysterical outburst. Tony felt his heart leap to his throat, although outwardly he appeared cool and collected beside Pepper whom seemed confused by the proceedings; since she hadn't been to a proper concert before, and most certainly not to one of this magnitude either.

The light show continued for some time, which only extended the crowd's frenzy. After all, they had waited close to two hours for the main attraction; having to listen to a subpar opening act, who only wished that they were on the same level musically as Loki Laufeyson. And now, everyone was impatient; moaning in need to see Loki Laufeyson in the flesh.

A loud whine from an amplifier echoed off the walls, effectively quieting the crowd once more. Tony gripped onto the barricade tightly, until his knuckles turned bone white. He attempted, futilely though, to calm himself and keep himself in check; and yet it was all but destroyed by the voice he had known so well five years ago, humming through the theater.

"Welcome to my world." Loki Laufeyson uttered but still remained unseen.

It could have very well been a voice track by the way it dwindled into a monotone drone. But it was enough to drive the audience wilder than before. People's hands were shooting up, reaching into thin air for their invisible idol, while the rainbow light spun around faster and uncoordinated; before they focused onto center stage and switched off abruptly, and was replaced by that silver-white spotlight once more.

But this time it bore onto a tall, lithe figure whose head was bowed and whose hands were behind his back. Somewhere amid the crowd, a girl wailed so loudly that Tony swore she must have burst into tears already.

Loki Laufeyson slowly lifted his head, revealing his half painted face. The left side of his face was elaborately colored white, highlighted by pink along his sharp cheekbone. His eye was lined with black and a hint of green; whereas one side of his mouth was colored a sinful shade of red.

His hair was a tad longer than it had been five years ago, and was slicked back and curled in wide curlicues at the ends. He wore a three piece suit, completely black from coat to vest to tie; and a pair of platform shoes that increased his height by several inches.

Before Tony could even fully absorb the image in front of him; Loki brought his hands forward, one of which was holding a microphone, and brought it to his lips. He sung very softly into the microphone before the back-up band suddenly erupted around him.

All the lights suspended above the stage flickered on, exposing a guitarist on the right side of the stage, a bassist to the left, and a drummer directly behind Loki. It was a cacophony of sound, loud and unapologetic, that formed into a melody that Tony had heard several times since he'd bought Loki's newest record.

Loki was singing powerfully into the microphone, inciting the audience into a renewed, almost violent, frenzy. They danced and sang along to every word; many continued to reach out, as if they could somehow broach the distance between themselves and Loki, who was already swaying to the music without any inhibitions whatsoever.

There was a magnetism about Loki, which had been lacking while on stage with Odin's Sons. But alone, he shone brightly and unhindered; he was electric and sang like the world might very well come to an end at any moment. He sang in a way that made Tony temporarily forget how to breathe.

Tony was entranced, all but ignoring the way Pepper clawed at his arm to remain by his side. He could only watch the man, who'd meant the world to him when he was seventeen years old. The man who, terrifyingly enough seemed to mean just as much to him now; every hidden emotion suddenly burst forth at an alarming rate, until he thought he might suffocate.

Every lovelorn, unrequited feeling struck Tony like a tidal wave; and he was swept away with it. He was consumed by them and watched Loki, almost as if a starving man who'd been presented with a feast but couldn't reach it. And all he wanted to do was climb over the barricade, and drag Loki off stage and keep him away from prying eyes; to keep him for his own.

Loki stalked to one corner of the stage, igniting further hysteria from the crowd. Every single person in that room, aside from Pepper it seemed, was enamored with him. The way that he carried himself, the way that he sang; everything about him was worthy of praise, worship even.

Tony tightened his hold on the barricade, trailing every one of Loki's movements; which only seemed to grow more elaborate and flamboyant as time went on. He sunk to one knee, so close to the edge of the stage that he could have easily been dragged down by a particularly enthusiastic fan; and boy did they try and reach for him.

Loki reached out, grabbing onto one of the many hands presented to him, before reaching out for another and another. Someone close-by to Tony was crying loudly, audible even over the chaos of the crowd, the loud music, and even Loki himself.

In fact, there were many crying girls around him; hysterical even. Tony had only seen one girl faint from being close to Loki; but he never experienced the mass insanity that was currently underway. How everyone in the crowd was feigning for his affection and attention; how they reached for him as if he were the only one for them.

Loki pulled himself away from the fans, who tried to keep him rooted to the spot; and headed back to the center of the stage, and bellowed out the end of the song to a roar of applause. Tony, however, couldn't keep track of the set list; in fact, he was unsure if that was the first song, the second, or even the third.

They melded together into a beautiful symphony of sound; the lyrics became more of a story, and the visuals erected on the stage only furthered the illusion. And Loki, Loki was the storyteller; he was the creator of the world that was growing around the auditorium.

At some point, Loki stripped off his coat and pushed up his sleeves to his elbows. He rid himself of his tie too and practically ripped open the buttons of his shirt, exposing his collarbone; a thing that he had a proclivity for so many years ago too.

He slinked from either side of the stage, grabbing hands and causing further chaos around him. And then, after he ignored center stage for so long, he began to climb over the speakers that had been stacked in front of him; before he sat down on one of them, and peered down into the awaiting crowd.

Tony stared up at him, memorizing the way in which perspiration trailed down the column of his throat, and how his adam's apple bobbed as his voice grew louder and higher. But everything he noticed collapsed, crashed around him as those brilliant green eyes pinned him with sudden, unshakable intensity.

Loki was looking directly at him; he saw him, recognized him even; if the crinkling of his nose was anything to go by. He continued to sing though; never losing his place in the song, or even his pitch for that matter. He was cool and collected, even as he diverted his gaze elsewhere after he stripped Tony bare.

That feeling of being suffocated became more apparent; Tony sucked in several breaths, and prayed that he wouldn't end up fainting like some of the girls around him undoubtedly would soon enough. And that was a level of embarrassment that he really couldn't afford to experience in his life right now.

Eventually Loki withdrew from his spot on the speaker, seemingly cautious of keeping his eyes on any face, any spot that wasn't Tony; which said volumes about the state of their relationship or lack thereof. And in a way, Tony was relieved by it; even if there was a part of him that ached by the blatant rejection.

Of course, he shouldn't have expected anymore from Loki. Sif had said he was incensed by the article and it appeared that Loki was capable of holding onto a grudge for years on end. But Tony knew it was for the better; knew that any relationship between them (romantic or otherwise) would fail.

Tony followed Loki's progress across the stage still, only to gape at his sudden disappearance. The band was still mid-song, but Loki had slid through the heavy red curtains and slid out of view. Gasps of confusion arose from the audience; Pepper even uttered something about what was happening; however, the reason behind Loki's disappearance was soon revealed.

The crowd went crazier than they had beforehand, because Loki was traversing the gap between the barricade and the stage. He bellowed into the microphone once more, picking up the song where he had left off, and pausing along the way to reach out to his fans whenever the urge struck him.

The spotlight followed him diligently along, as he continued down the barricade. Several large and intimidating bodyguards, maybe the theater's security, followed after Loki just in case a wayward fan tried to climb over the barricade, and throw themselves at him.

Without so much as warning, Loki drew to a stop in front of Tony. They locked eyes for a split-second, before Loki walked closer, and stuck his feet into the openings in the barricade and hoisted himself up for the audience could see him properly.

Dozens of hands shot out, some managing to clasp onto Loki's clothing; while other eager hands managed to grasp onto his arms. They were, strangely enough, mindful to not hinder his ability to keep the microphone to his mouth for he could continue to sing.

Tony practically had to lean backwards to peer up at Loki. He was so close that he would only have to lean in a tad, and he would be nuzzling his chest. But he could smell him; despite the many years, the fortune he must have procured in that time frame, Loki smelled the same. His cologne hadn't changed at all, nor did his predilection for cigarettes either.

One of Loki's long-fingered, artistically inclined hands, braced itself against Tony's shoulder; and for a heart's beat, Tony almost reached out and clung to his waist. His fingers twitched against the barricade but he was too cowardly (translation: smart) to reach out and do so.

The band was gradually building up speed, coming to the end of another song; which was backed up by the fact Loki hit another high note that caused his entire body to tremor from the strength of it. Tony could even feel the vibrations from the sheer force of it; before the note dissipated into a heavy breath that Loki let out.

Predictably, the audience screamed and hollered in appreciation. It was almost deafening, to the point where Tony's ears began to ring; albeit that was a secondary concern. Loki's hand slipped away from his shoulder and slowly onto his collarbone, but it quickly returned to his shoulder to provide him with enough momentum to swing his right leg over the barricade.

Tony automatically moved his hand and held steadfast onto Loki's outer thigh, lest he fall headfirst into the crowd. Loki peered down at him, leaning forward until Tony was forced to tilt his head back so they could maintain eye contact.

"Hello, darling," Loki suddenly murmured into the microphone, and quieted down the mayhem around him.

Many of the hands that had been clinging to Loki as if he were their lifeline, crumbled away. Tony opened his mouth but was at a loss for words. He doubted Loki wanted him to respond anyway; they weren't having a casual conversation, after all.

"Did you miss me?" Loki pressed, seemingly only satisfied when Tony dumbly nodded in response.

Without any warning, Loki dropped the microphone from his lips and doubled over until they were face to face. Tony attempted to say something, anything but was silenced by Loki's mouth against his. There was no rhyme or reason for the sudden kiss, and yet Tony was quick to open his mouth, urging Loki to deepen it; which he inevitably did.

Tony moaned, kissing Loki wantonly; their tongues met and sent sparks of heat throughout Tony's entire body. The screams of the crowd, and what could only be the scandalized and shrill cry from Pepper, meant very little to him compared to how sinfully Loki was kissing him.

It ended within moments, though; Loki drew away and if Tony tried to kiss him again, well he wasn't foolish enough to admit it. There was an unreadable expression on Loki's face, although he again broached the distance between them. This time, however, he didn't kiss Tony but spoke against his lips, so softly that no one else could possibly hear him.

"Sod off, you arsehole." Loki practically hissed, before extracting himself from Tony with trained speed that left him feeling dizzy.

And yet the most dizzying thing was what had happened within a span of two minutes. Loki had kissed him like Tony always wanted him to; not in a sympathetic way or one that was inherently gentle. He had always wanted him to kiss him vulgarly like he just had. But he hadn't expected to receive that venomous retort soon thereafter.

Stunned, he watched as Loki climbed back onto the stage and began to sing again. But what only made the whole situation even worse, even more peculiar, was the way Loki winked at him; as if he had gotten one up on him. And Tony hated to admit that he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This picture really inspired me to write this scene (and I just love it too).
> 
> http://25.media.tumblr.com/bc895b4a96361cba4adeb3850ac94a18/tumblr_mgebhgmyls1rxv8wqo1_400.png


	7. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course inspiration struck me at an ungodly hour, and I refused to stop writing until this chapter was finished. So I'm running on very little sleep and have hours of work ahead of me. Probably wasn't wise, but I think I'm pretty happy with the results of this chapter nonetheless.
> 
> And I want to give a big thank you for everyone who commented on the previous chapter; I was blown away. The sheer fact that so many people commented, gave kudos, bookmarked went above and beyond my expectations (albeit I always go into these things without any, anyway). I also have to give a big, massively huge thank you to ipomoea_alba who drew a GORGEOUS picture of Loki. I can't stop staring at it; it's absolutely perfect. T^T

* * *

 

 

**Chapter Six**

 

 

* * *

 

Tony stood outside the theater in complete and utter silence. His mind was elsewhere, consumed by a maelstrom of thoughts and emotions that drew him back to one conclusion – he needed to speak to Loki one on one. After the stunt he had pulled, kissing him senseless and basically telling him to fuck off, well that deserved a conversation in the very least. And he would be damned if he allowed the opportunity to bypass him.

The best way to ensure that he got to Loki was through Bucky; which meant that Tony would have to track him down somehow. He had to assume that Bucky would still be running around like a chicken without its head outside; although Tony hadn't gotten his job description. Mostly because he feared that it might be Loki's personal fuck buddy; and that was the last thing he wanted to think of at the moment.

Methodically he began to pace to and fro, racking his brain for a way to find Bucky. He would have returned to the record store down the block and around the corner; but he figured it would have already been closed down for the night. And he didn't have much of a proclivity for scaling buildings, let alone potentially attempting to get past a barbed wire fence. So he had to figure out another way to get in with Loki.

"Tony, are you even listening to me?!" Pepper cried out, breaking him from his reverie.

He paused in mid-step, having completely forgotten that she was with him. Once his mind was engaged by something, it had a tendency to shut down and focus on that one thing. And well, Pepper hadn't equated into his plan of attack; although he was struck by horror by what had transpired right in front of his _girlfriend's_ very face.

Another man had kissed him in front of Pepper. He had kissed another man in front of Pepper, and he hadn't even given it any thought until that moment. His eyes widened comically and he spun around to gape at her; however, it was hardly surprising that she looked murderous, if not downright disgusted.

"You have lipstick all over the side of your face." She said icily, before offering him a handkerchief. "I think you've already made a fool of yourself; there's no reason for you to continue to do so."

"I didn't mean to do that." Tony returned, but it wasn't very convincing. "I don't know what that was."

"Oh, you didn't practically jam your tongue in another man's mouth? Because that's what it looked like to me!" Pepper shrieked, throwing the handkerchief in his face. "You looked like you were in heaven!"

Tony snatched the handkerchief before it could fall, and was surprised by the sudden anger he felt. Maybe it had a lot to do with the fact that Pepper had been holding out on him. Or that he was expected to practice saint-like patience, until she recovered from the humiliation of James seeing his head between her thighs. Either way, those frustrations boiled over which led to him hitting his breaking point.

"Maybe it was finally nice to have someone pay me some fucking attention! You know instead of just hand holding and long talks about what the future might hold!" He roared out. "You've held out for so long, I probably went gay, Virginia!"

"Don't you blame this on me, Tony Stark; don't you dare!"

"The guy was clearly going for shock value! But you wouldn't know anything about that, because you listen to the motherfucking Carpenters!" Tony threw the wadded up handkerchief to the ground. "The Carpenters, Virginia,"

During the four month period that Tony had known Pepper; he hadn't been blessed with the sight of her being incensed until that very moment. Her beautiful face turned an unflattering shade of red, far different than when she was embarrassed, and her features scrunched up in a way that was almost violent. She looked like she wanted to claw his eyes out.

Tony was prepared for a screaming match; he was a pro at them, after all. Being raised in a house with two raging alcoholics gifted him with the ability to verbally spar. Or at least act completely out of his mind and say things he would eventually regret in the morning.

Before he could even drop the gauntlet, someone called him by his last name. He whipped around, ready to insult whoever had the gall to interfere and their mother too. But he drew short once he saw who it was, and what their presence there might very well mean.

"Hogie, what the hell are you doing here?" Tony felt the anger dissipate, as he stared at Hogun and that rat bastard Lars Berry.

Even the sight of Lars Berry was a reprieve, because that meant only one thing – they were probably headed somewhere where Loki was. They couldn't have possibly cornered him before the show, and when it came to gigs like this there were usually after parties.

"We came for the show, of course." Hogun jutted his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the theater. "Now we're headed to out to get a few drinks."

"Hogie, help a guy out." Tony raced over to his editor-in-chief, grabbing onto his upper arms. "I need to get into that after party. I need to get that interview from Loki Laufeyson."

"Because he'll be tickled pink to talk to you, after that abysmal article you wrote about him." Lars Berry scoffed. "By the way, I love the lipstick; where'd you get it?"

"From Loki fucking Laufeyson's mouth, you fucker," Tony snarled back. "And it'll be around my dick by the end of the night, so you can just ask me to show it to you then. Oops, did I make you uncomfortable?"

Hogun made an exasperated noise, by no means stunned by Tony's words; albeit Lars Berry looked like he swallowed a handful of sour grapes, which was the desired effect. But he quickly returned his attention onto Hogun, who looked like he rather be anywhere in the world but in Tony's presence.

"I know the guy well enough to know how he ticks. He'll spill his guts to me and you know my article about Odin's Sons was far from abysmal. If that were the case, you wouldn't have handed over Blue Oyster Cult to me. Please, Hogun."

"I don't know why I'm agreeing to this. I know how much trouble you are, Stark." Hogun shook him off. "It'll be best if you rode along with us."

"Thank you, Hogun. Thank you so fucking much." Tony put his hands together as if in prayer, before he whirled around to face Pepper.

She looked angrier than only moments ago, which wasn't a very good look for her. And he assumed she'd only hit the roof when he stuffed taxi fare into her hand. Because he would be damned if he brought her along to a swanky, indulgent rock 'n' roll party. Hell, she probably wouldn't survive a second without getting molested in some way.

Jamming his hand into his back pocket, Tony extracted his wallet and pulled out a good chunk of change from inside. It would be enough to get her back home, and probably enough to print up fliers exclaiming that he was the bastard boyfriend from hell too.

"This will get you home." He explained, as he grabbed onto her hand and forced her to take the money. "Or wherever you want to go; I'll even hail a cab for you."

"So you're going to that party?" Pepper seethed, which made him feel marginally bad because there were tears in her eyes. "After you humiliated me, you're going to run back to that, that _freak_?!"

"I didn't humiliate you." Tony stepped towards the curb, raising his arm. "I didn't plan for that to happen; if you don't believe that it is fucking okay. But I have some unfinished business I have to take care of."

Within a matter of moments, a miracle really, a taxi cab pulled up to the curb. Pepper looked in between the cab and Tony, and it looked like she might actually burst into tears. That really made him feel awful; he knew he shouldn't have yelled at her, despite the fact he was upset about their non-existent sex life or even because she insisted on arriving late to the show. He should have kept it bottled up, until he hit forty and went on a homicidal warpath.

"Lose my number, Tony Stark." She spun away from him, opening up the taxi cab's door, and climbing inside. "I never want to see you again!"

Tony clenched his jaw, watching as she slammed the door once she was securely inside. He even watched as the taxi merged back into the late evening traffic; even though things had soured in one element of their relationship, it hadn't made Tony care any less about Pepper.

Despite being a pro on keeping his emotions in check, for the most part anyway; he couldn't switch off his fondness for Pepper within an evening. So he felt like shit, when he turned around and followed after Hogun and Lars Berry. Thankfully, neither of them chose to ask him about his break-up; and instead, they chose to go in between one another about the best way to get to the party.

They walked down several blocks until they reached a parking lot filled with dozens of vehicles. Hogun's lime green Volkswagen beetle was parked in the front of the lot, and unsurprisingly Tony was forced into the cramped backseat.

The eight track player came to life once they were securely inside; Pink Floyd's _Dark Side of the Moon_ filled the beetle, coupled by Hogun and Lars's back and forth about the directions to the party. Tony leaned back in his seat and managed, somehow, to quiet down his mind momentarily.

There were far too many things in his head and most of them weren't very pleasant either. His need to speak to Loki was dampened by what had just transpired between him and Pepper; and what that inevitably meant to him. He had sworn he had found _the_ girlfriend for him; not one of the floozies he frequently spent time with, and yet it blew up in his face.

Loki Laufeyson blew up in his face, and it hardly mattered that a whole five years had passed. The bastard still had an effect on him; he still could control him by merely being in his presence. And that kiss only cemented that fact, because Tony wanted more; so much more from him.

Los Angeles flew by Tony in a blur of lights and sounds; non-descript buildings lined the busy streets and even more non-descript cars raced by him at an alarming speed. Pink Floyd lulled him into a mind space that was oddly calm, to the point where he was hardly jarred by Hogun taking a sharp turn around the corner that ignited an insult from Lars.

The drive lasted at least twenty minutes, but flew by for Tony; they arrived at an upscale Hollywood hotel, the sort that Howard stayed at whenever he decided to visit from New York, since he no longer lived in California. Hogun pulled into the parking lot, forgoing valet parking, and killed the engine and Pink Floyd alike.

Tony pulled himself out of the backseat once Hogun popped out, following closely behind as they made their way inside. There were very few people wandering around in the lobby, and neither Hogun nor Lars hesitated to go directly towards the elevators, though.

"So help you if you get on Loki Laufeyson's bad side, Stark." Hogun heaved out, as they boarded the elevator, and he reached out to hit the highest floor number. "We want him on the cover."

"I'm already on his bad side." Tony whistled and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "But that doesn't mean I can't get on his good side. I just need to play him is all; he's good but I'm way better."

"More like a manipulative little shit." Lars provided.

"Then clearly you haven't met Loki Laufeyson; probably because he's still holding a grudge against you for talking shit about his voice." Tony shot back, but hushed up as the elevator came to a halt.

Beyond the elevator doors was a floor filled with people. It was a happening party; some people were dressed to the nines, while others looked like they had just rolled out of bed. The hallways were congested with droves and droves of people, which would make it easy to get lost in the crowd.

However, Tony knew exactly where he needed to go; before either Hogun or Lars could advise him to stay close, he quickly shot out of the elevators and into the crowd. He wove in and out of the stream of people, not even stopping to ogle the beautiful women, some famous even, as he went.

Super manager extraordinaire, Phil Coulson was amid the bustling activities; which only inspired Tony to quicken his pace. He knew if he was caught by Phil, the probability of his speaking to Loki would all but be diminished; and it certainly wouldn't matter that Hogun had brought him either. It would only mean that Rolling Stone would lose out on an interview with him completely.

It took well over ten minutes for Tony to make it to the end of the floor; very few people were mulling around that that corner of the hotel, which only seemed to back up Tony's hunch. The hotel suite was situated at the end of the hallway and was probably where Loki had holed himself up in.

Tony walked to the door and reached for the doorknob and slowly turned it. It gave way without any problem to his surprise; so he eased the door open silently and was met with the murmurs of conversation inside. The front room was all but abandoned; several large suitcases were stacked beside the door, while an elaborate tea set was spread out on the coffee table.

Closing the door behind him, Tony made his way further into the suite. The voices seemed to have originated from the master bedroom, whose double doors were thrown open. Clearly neither occupant had believed someone would come in unannounced, which would explain why they were in such a compromising position in the first place.

Tony must have made a noise of some sort, due to the fact Bucky peered up at him. But instead of looking incensed by his intrusion, he only smiled brightly at him and even had the gall to wave at him. And that's when Tony actually put two and two together; they weren't in the middle of anything salacious after all, it was actually just downright weird.

"Hey, it's you!" Bucky greeted. "Loki, it's Tony Stark!"

"Bless his soul." Loki groaned as Bucky kneaded his back with both hands.

"Sorry, I was the middle of giving him a back massage."

"Yeah, well I heard I had magic fingers. So why don't you leave it to me." Tony blurted out; glad that his initial thoughts were disproven; but it was hard not to think of an awful scenario by their positions.

Bucky was straddling Loki, who was on his stomach; and anyone would have jumped to conclusions, since it truth of the matter really wasn't what one would have suspected. Not from two people who were eye-fucking in front of Tony's very face five years ago.

"I get it, that's the blow off." Bucky laughed, before he stood up. "I'll be mingling or something similarly. Don't wait up."

Loki lifted his head and looked like he was about to protest; but Bucky shot out of the suite in no time flat, which left very little for Loki to do but acknowledge Tony. And yet Tony took full advantage of the situation; if only to prove something to himself, and maybe to Loki as well.

He wasn't the dependent little boy he'd been; and he was definitely not intimidated by the big bad rock singer. No matter if his heart was in his throat, as he broached the distance between himself and the bed was irrelevant.

Tony hopped onto the bed and took up Bucky's previous position. He laid his hands on Loki's bare skin and dragged his fingers slowly across it, which incited a grunt from Loki. But Tony couldn't be positive if it were a good or bad noise, although it really didn't matter either way.

"You made a promise to me five years ago, and I've come to collect." He said slowly, continuing his ministrations.

"You've revoked those privileges to me, Little Stark." Loki returned darkly. "I rather skewer you than offer myself readily to you."

"Wow, wow sweet cheeks. I don't know what you're talking about; but the promise you made to me included _three_ hours of your time, you know to interview you." Tony leaned forward, until he was close enough to speak into Loki's ear. "Because let's be honest, I'm way too good for you now. After all, I'm this close to inheriting Stark Industries."

Loki tensed underneath him, no doubt shocked by his revelation. And that's exactly what Tony wanted; he finally, after so long, got the upper hand.

"Oops, never told you that, did I? And daddy dearest is on the way out; cancer surprisingly instead of booze." He continued, still speaking into his ear. "He probably won't even last the year; so once I get my master degree in physics, which I will in a couple of months. That big 'ol money making machine is mine; and fuck baby, you could have had a piece of it. I would have even let you press _the_ button; but you had to be difficult."

"Stark-"

"Life's a bitch when you're a bitch, Loki." Tony smiled, suddenly feeling like he was on top of the world; but he had a plan and he knew Loki would play right into it because he couldn't stand to lose. And he could count on it.


	8. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I write Loki something unpredictable happens. This is the case with this chapter; I have no clue how it evolved into this. So I hope you enjoy it?
> 
> And I'm sorry if I haven't responded to your comments and/or questions. I try to get to them as fast as I can; and I hope I don't sound rude, because sometimes I rush to write them out whenever I have the opportunity. So I apologize if I have come off poorly!

* * *

 

**Chapter Seven**

 

* * *

 

Loki Laufeyson was predictable to a degree; Tony knew he was a sore loser, and he hated to be one upped. So naturally he played right into his hand, although it wasn't without its cons. Especially when Loki all but bucked him off of him and called him a slew of disgraceful names soon thereafter; but the seed had been planted and bitterness was evident on his features now cleaned of makeup.

They sat across from one another in the front room; the coffee table with its elaborate tea set stood between them, practically drawing the lines of the battleground. Tony lounged back into the antique chaise lounge, watching as Loki drank from one of the many dainty teacups. It was distracting, especially since Loki was still shirtless and had his trousers unbuttoned and unzipped on top of that.

Of course this was war and Loki was using Tony's weakness against him. But he'd be damned if he fell down that rabbit hole again; he had gotten Loki exactly where he wanted him, and he wasn't about to blow it. Besides, he had seen that pleasure trail dozens of times already; it wasn't like this was anything new.

"I'm surprised by your gall, Stark." Loki said around the rim of his teacup. "Showing your face at my show was daring, but this, well this is beyond imagination."

"I like to live on the edge of decency, babe." Tony winked obnoxiously. "But you are the one with the unwavering gall; considering you came to me and kissed me. Which I can't really forgive you for, because you decided to pull that shit right in front of my girlfriend,"

"Oh, I hadn't even noticed that." Loki feigned surprise. "I hadn't seen her at all. I only saw a very lovely redhead who looked positively terrified by the atmosphere around her."

Tony bit the inside of his cheek; he now had proof that Loki had done it on purpose, not only to mess with him psychologically but to fuck with his relationship with Pepper. And he'd been successful in that mission; except Tony had played a crucial role in fucking it up too. But when did he not fuck up something important to him?

"Funny," he said. "By the way, I happened to see Sif a couple of days ago. I bet it must burn; you know that you are a huge international sensation, and yet she bypassed you entirely. Tell me, which one is her mystery man, Plant or Page?"

The psychological warfare had hit its peak already; Loki looked like Tony had punched him right in the face. It was a victory to say the least, and yet it hardly felt like one. Maybe it was because Loki had diverted his gaze downwards and knitted his eyebrows together in what could only be described as disbelief and evident unhappiness; and that struck a chord with Tony, more than it should have.

Slowly Loki lifted his eyes once more, but he had masked any emotion that he might have felt; which was his typical behavior. Tony had seen Loki hurt both physically and emotionally, and each time he managed to hide the extent of his pain.

"Why on earth would you want to interview me?" Loki asked, before placing his teacup onto its awaiting saucer. "Haven't you already had your fill?"

"You know I haven't had my fill, because you never let me. I was supposed to interview you properly and you always bailed out."

"If I remember correctly I did sit down with you. But you chose to ask mundane, insignificant questions. So I owe you nothing and I most certainly do not feel indebted to you in any way. I'm sure if you could scrounge up Thor, he would be more than happy to allow you to interview him."

"But he isn't the popular, successful, not to mention _sexy_ brother now is he?" Tony made a show of ogling Loki openly, which invoked the desired effect.

Loki sneered at him, as if he was offended by the fact that anyone saw him as a sexual object. Even though his forte was to use his sexuality to get what he wanted. Tony had seen him in action before; and while he never crossed the line, Loki manipulated people by the promise of it.

Not to mention, he was practically flaunting his assets to get the upper hand on Tony. Any other person would have gotten dressed, instead of sauntering around half-naked before sitting down for tea. In fact Loki looked like he wanted to be bent over the edge of his armchair and fucked hard; or maybe Tony was just projecting what he wanted to do to the bastard instead.

"I would be a fool to allow the likes of you to interview me again." Loki arched an eyebrow. "But if your claims are true, why would an heir to a weapon manufacturing company want to play music journalist anyway?"

"It's simple," Tony's smiled although it faltered almost immediately. "Making money off of shit that kills isn't exactly valiant now is it?"

"So I was almost choked to death by the CEO of Stark Industries?"

"Howard Stark himself," he affirmed. "But don't worry he'll be in the ground before the end of the year. Right next to mommy dearest,"

It only began to dawn on Tony after the words left his mouth that Loki had unwittingly managed to turn the tables on him. It had only taken one question and he was already singing like a bird; which exposed his vulnerability right off the bat.

Loki gradually got to his feet, rounding the coffee table until he was an arm's length away from Tony. One of those beautiful hands reached out and carded through Tony's hair; he knew this was just another part of the game, Loki's trademark manipulation. And yet he couldn't protest it, especially when Loki straddled him and sunk into his lap.

Loki was far heavier than he appeared; he was a palette of hard muscle and wiry limbs, and it felt oddly right to have him in his lap. Tony leaned back against the back of the chaise lounge, trying to avoid touching Loki as much as he could in this new position.

"Poor Little Stark, you'll be an orphan soon."

"Want to adopt me then? I bet you'll be a better daddy than Howie ever was."

"I don't need any children. What I need is someone who'll," Loki grabbed one of his hands abruptly, before his tongue slid out to flick at his fingertips. "Take care of me."

The power shift had clearly taken place already. Tony tried to keep a level head, but found it terribly hard to focus with the way Loki's tongue was running up the length of both his index and middle fingers. And he was almost certain his mind went haywire, once he sucked both fingers into his mouth hungrily.

He knew it was a trap; there was no doubt about it. This was the same behavior, only to a higher degree, that Loki used with both Phil and Hamish. And while he knew it full well, Tony could only watch as Loki toyed with him; but he wouldn't give him the satisfaction of making any noise.

"Is this a European thing, you know after you've been reunited with someone you haven't seen in a couple of years?" Tony quipped, although he sounded breathless.

Loki hummed in return still making good use of his mouth elsewhere; which made it harder for Tony to resist reaching out to touch him. He wanted nothing more than to rip him away from his hand and kiss him like they'd kiss earlier in the evening.

Eventually Loki did pull away, only to lick Tony's palm until it was moist with spit. Loki peered at him from half lidded eyes that were uncharacteristically dark, and Tony knew he was in a lot of trouble. He poked a sleeping lion and it was going to attack at any moment.

"How long have you dreamt of this, Anthony?" Loki purred as he maneuvered Tony's hand towards his open fly.

Tony swallowed hard, incapable of thinking a lucid thought. It was an impossibility with the way Loki urged his hand into his trousers and against the warm, pale skin hidden from sight. But his breath all but hitched once he felt the curve of Loki's cock against his palm.

Automatically he curled his fingers around Loki, who made a surprised noise. His hips jutted forward, almost as if he hadn't expected Tony to reciprocate so quickly and readily; which spoke volumes of what his motivations were. And for that brief moment, they were on even ground.

"Answer me." Loki growled suddenly, before his hands were clawing at the button and zipper of Tony's jeans.

"Since the first day I fucking saw you, okay!" Tony all but moaned, starting to pump Loki's cock which was starting to harden.

Loki managed to open his fly within a matter of seconds, which ignited another wanton noise from Tony. The climate of the situation had definitely shifted into a realm Tony only had the gall to dream of. It seemed like a fantasy once Loki reached into his underwear and followed Tony's lead, pumping him in earnest.

The game had abruptly ended and was replaced instead by the pent up sexual tension between them. They both squirmed and bucked their hips to further the pleasure that they were feeling; Loki made a particularly loud noise of approval as Tony thumbed the head of his erection, which set off a chain reaction of moans from both of them.

They rutted against one another like a pair of animals in heat; although Tony wasn't as mindless as to not appreciate the way Loki looked in the throes of pleasure. His cheeks were flushed a warm pink and his mouth was slack and opened obscenely.

Tony had dreamt of seeing that face so many times in the past, that it was almost surreal that he was seeing it now. And god, he was struck by the sudden urge to lean up and kiss him; smother those lust-addled sounds with his tongue.

He leaned inward just as he ran his thumb across the head of Loki's cock, and was only centimeters away from capturing his lips. He could feel his breath puff against his face, hot and hurried; which in turn caused Loki to pump him faster and ignite a world of pleasure through him too.

Without so much as a warning, the suite's door was shoved open almost violently. Tony's eyes bulged and for a split-second he swore he was imagining things. There was no way, no way in hell that someone had actually walked in on him again. That was impossible; no one would have had that much bad luck, and especially when they were about to jerk off internationally famous glam star Loki Laufeyson to completion.

And yet reality was a cruel bitch. Loki cussed out a slew of words that would have made a pirate blush, yanking out his hand from Tony's jeans and forcing Tony to remove his hand as well. But that didn't mean he didn't whine in protest, and babble out an incomprehensible argument over the benefits of finishing up what they had started.

"Bloody hell, could you knock?" Loki seethed, as he hoisted himself out of Tony's lap.

Thankfully the chaise lounge was angled away from the door, and at least hadn't revealed to the perpetrator the extent of what had just been transpiring. Tony didn't really care though; he was in a state of both shock and arousal, and he realized those feelings combined were bound to make him completely and utterly murderous.

"I heard Stark was snooping around." Super manager extraordinaire declared. "And since I couldn't find him in the crowd, not even with Mr. Hogun and Mr. Berry of Rolling Stone magazine; I had to figure he might try and weasel his way in here."

"Well, you bloody well found him!" Loki looked as angry as Tony was beginning to feel; but strangely sexy by the way he was cupping his erection through his pants.

"I only came to ask him, politely mind you, for an interview." Tony croaked out.

"Not after that defamatory piece you've written five years ago." Phil shot back, apparently choosing to ignore what he might very well had walked into; or maybe he really didn't know what the hell had been going on. Tony wished for the latter.

"No one asked for your opinion." Loki almost yelled, making a show of picking up his teacup, and almost throwing it back down onto its saucer; it was miracle it didn't break. "Once I ask for it, you will know."

Phil protested only to be yelled at fully by Loki, who was clearly in a terrible mood. Tony could relate, especially since the cosmos had aligned just right in order to ensure he would never find sexual gratification by himself or with another human being again.

Suddenly a third voice entered the back and forth; Bucky had conveniently returned from his mingling and was shooting off questions like a sniper. But there was only a lot of cursing and shouting to be had. None of which Tony really cared about; not when he was still painfully aroused and Loki looked positively sinful as he stormed around the room.

"Stark, leave." Loki whipped around and zeroed in on him. "You will get your interview; tomorrow evening in San Francisco. Phil will provide your editor with the details; but you will sorely regret it if you mimic your previous article."

"Okay." Tony replied, unsure what he should feel; despite it being a victory, he couldn't really call it one with the physical state he was in.

"Phil get out now; _now_!" Loki demanded, which was followed by what could only be Phil's retreat. "James, I'll be in the bedroom. I expect you to escort Stark out, before you join me. I want to have sex."

Before the words were even out of Loki's mouth, he stormed across the front room, and slammed the doors to the bedroom closed behind him. Tony gaped, stunned stupid by what he had just heard. His worst fears had actually been confirmed; and yet somehow, he managed to get to his feet and turn to look at Bucky.

Bucky had the gall to shrug his shoulders at him, before yanking his tee-shirt over his head. And he knew it wasn't just for show; Loki hadn't said that to piss him off royally, even though it did. He actually meant what he said, and Bucky was more than happy to oblige.

"I have to say this is best part of my job." Bucky cracked a grin, before sauntering towards the bedroom doors. "You know the way out, my friend. And I guess I'll see you in San Francisco."

Tony watched as Bucky slipped into the bedroom, leaving him alone to reflect on everything that had transpired within such a short period of time. He had been so sure he had the upper hand, but everything had been reversed on him; and all he had was the knowledge that Loki Laufeyson was fucking Bucky Barnes.


	9. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize that I didn't have this up a bit earlier; sleep somehow took over and I was a victim to its allure. But anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter, despite it being a filler!
> 
> And I'm really overwhelmed by how many of you stopped by and reviewed. It means the world to me and I'll always try to respond; albeit sometimes I might accidentally overlook your review, so I'm sorry about that!
> 
> Music wise, well I would say several songs by Fleetwood Mac, but the album wasn't released until 1977! *shakes fist*
> 
> Oh! I had an idea - would anyone want to read a smutty scene between Loki and Bucky? Meaning that it would be separate from the story (a one shot, mind you), but would give some insight into Loki's mindset after his encounter with Tony? I'd really like to have your opinion! :)

* * *

 

**Chapter Eight**

 

* * *

 

Pools of sunshine streamed through the windows, brightening Tony's room substantially. He moaned in spite of himself, cowering away from the light, but finding no relief. His goose feathered pillows were nowhere in sight, nor was his collection of blankets; in fact all there was, was the rough carpet against his cheek and the remnants of broken records and tattered pieces of their respected sleeves.

On further investigation, once Tony deemed the matter worthwhile enough to open up his eyes, the records that had been destroyed had been his newly purchased Loki Laufeyson ones. Tony didn't necessarily remember much of what happened after his meeting with Loki; he knew he'd been angry and hurt. He also remembered being dropped off by Hogun at his car, and had made it back to Berkeley within three hours, instead of the usual five; mostly because he'd sped all the way back.

Once he'd gotten back to his dormitory, Tony had started to drink; which inevitably would explain why he was face-first on the floor and why his room had been destroyed. Luckily though, the only thing beyond repair was the records.

Tony pushed himself up into a sitting position and assessed the damage further. He had thrown several of his textbooks off their shelves, ripped down his periodic table chart from the wall, overturned his desk chair, and clearly made a show of stripping his bed and tossing his linens in the corner. All in all a mess, but fixable; but he wasn't in any condition to clean up now.

He cradled his head in both hands; the world slowly started to spin and if it continued, he imagined he'd be stuck with his head in the toilet for a very long time. But it was preferable compared to the memories that started to break into his consciousness; memories that he really didn't want to think about, since they caused him to demolish his room only a few hours ago.

However, one of the many drawbacks of being a genius was that overly analytical side of it. Or at least in Tony's case that was a curse he'd never been able to control. He always had a need to overthink things, analyze them until they could be analyzed no more; before he either found a solution or simply gave up on finding one. And in this case, Tony knew he wouldn't find a solution.

Being in Loki's presence had a tendency to make him revert to a foolish kid. Even though he attempted to approach the situation differently, carry himself with an arrogant and unflappable air; he easily ended up a wanton, insufferable child again. He had allowed Loki to manipulate him with both words and physical sensations; and then he sucker punched him directly in the face with the revelation that he and Bucky were more than business associates.

Tony should have figured as much; he had predicted it to a degree, and yet he had some sort of blind faith. In theory, his plan had been foolproof; if he could take Loki by surprise, then he would be able to use his own form of manipulation to, in so little words, control him to a degree. Or in the very least get him into a position of agreeability.

But he was hardly equipped to deal with Loki. Five years hadn't prepared him at all; Loki was far more intimidating and domineering that he had been before. In fact, his presence was almost suffocating; it was huge, bigger than life. And Tony all but approached the situation as if he was dealing with the Loki of old.

He hadn't prepared himself mentally for it at all; which would explain why he felt emotionally drained, almost numb. Loki had leveled out his whole life within a matter of hours, and Tony had been helpless to prevent him from doing so.

"Fuck," Tony croaked out, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes.

His heart hurt; Loki had a vice-like grip on it still and he'd proven his willingness to tighten his hold whenever it served him best. Tony hated him for it, hated himself for being that easily manipulated. But most of all, he hated himself for having lingering feelings towards someone like Loki; in both personality and gender.

He was straight; he liked women. He was still crazy about Pepper to a degree, and yet he threw everything away in a split-second for a man; who could hardly be called that with how he acted anyway. And yet, Tony had thrown himself headfirst into a situation he never wanted to be in again.

Somehow Tony managed to collect himself, when in all actuality he wanted to break down and cry; but instead he forced himself onto his feet, and was immediately assaulted by a bout of vertigo. He staggered for a few seconds, eventually righting himself but only just.

Luckily he had, because he almost jumped out of his skin by his bedroom door being pushed open. He glimpsed over, not very surprised to see James on the other end. Unlike Tony, who imagined he looked like a colossal mess, James was dressed smartly and was well groomed. But then again he always was after being in the military for three years.

"You have some place to be in two hours." James said softly. "You should probably get cleaned up before then though."

"What are you talking about?" Tony asked, before lowering himself onto his stripped mattress.

James eased the door open further and walked into the room; there was a yellow colored legal pad in his hand, which he was overlooking just in case he misinterpreted whatever was written on it. Tony didn't like the look of it; something told him it could only be bad news.

"Your editor from Rolling Stone telephoned this morning." James explained, keeping his eyes on the page. "You have to be at the Great American Music Hall at three-thirty; someone named Phil Coulson will meet you in the front, and he'll take you to Loki Laufeyson so you can interview him."

"I knew it was god awful news." Tony said softly, lowering his head into his hands.

"What happened last night?" James broached the distance between them and sat beside him. "You came in like a hurricane and raided the liquor cabinets. I doubt you remember that I tried to calm you down; probably don't remember much of last night anyway."

"Pepper and I broke up, and she never wants to see me again." Tony kept his head down still, too ashamed to look at his best friend.

They never discussed what had happened five years ago; not after Tony had been forced to have a sit down with Howard about what he'd walked in on in the motel room. Regardless of Tony's vehement denials and Obie's back-up, Howard had been convinced Tony had gone funny. And well, that had hardly been a fun conversation; albeit a conversation didn't really properly explain it; it was more like a screaming match.

So Tony hadn't been very open to talking about what had occurred between him and Loki to anyone. Not even James who'd proven himself the least judgmental person in his life. James would have probably laughed if he'd been with him at the show the previous night; would have made a stupid joke about him finally becoming Tony Laufeyson, instead of freaking out like Pepper had.

"I have a feeling this is my fault." James spoke up again, only for Tony to raise his head to look at him.

"It had nothing to do with you, trust me. It was all me."

"I walked in on you guys; I didn't even think about it. And I never apologized for it either."

"Rhodey, trust me it wasn't you." Tony took in a shuddering breath. "Something happened at the show and I fucked up."

James stared at Tony in a way, which was both invasive and comforting. Thankfully, Tony had a tight hold on his emotions, unlike before James had entered the room; because he swore if he hadn't, he might end up weeping like a child.

"Something happened between you and Loki Laufeyson." James stated more than asked. "Not only last night but when you first went on tour with Odin's Sons; and well, I'm not going to ask because you clearly don't want to talk about it. But there isn't any reason to be ashamed of it."

That struck an invisible chord in Tony. Of course, he should be ashamed by how easily he was used and manipulated by Loki. He became reckless and had even left his heart on his sleeve. That wasn't the Stark way, and it definitely wasn't the Tony Stark way either.

He should have had some self-control; he should have shoved Loki out of his lap, ripped his hand away from his sinful mouth. He had known it was a trap, and yet he allowed himself to fall victim to it once more; which was fucking shameful.

"I can't go to that interview, Rhodey. I just can't." Tony bowed his head. "I'm just going to have to call Hogun and tell him there's no way that I can. Even if it means he kicks my ass off the pay-roll."

James got back onto his feet, although Tony didn't look up. He refused to look up, even though he heard James shuffle around the room, pulling out drawers and going through god only knows what. Not even when Tony heard his best friend go into the adjoining bathroom did he look up.

The ritual lasted about ten minutes, if not more. Tony finally peered up at James, once he deposited a duffle bag beside him. He looked in between James and the bag several times, before James held up his hand as if to silence him from asking any questions.

"You need to get in the shower now; I'll drive you to the venue."

"What's the bag for?" Tony couldn't help but ask, and well his mind wasn't exactly sharp with a hangover and a raging headache.

"Last time you went on tour, you didn't have jack shit with you." James motioned towards the duffle bag. "So this time you'll be prepared. And I know you've already finished up all your work and projects for your classes, so I'll drop them off to your professors on Monday."

Tony made a disbelieving noise in the back of his throat. The idea that he'd willingly go on tour with Loki Laufeyson was laughable. The first time around had been complete and utter hell, and while he could look back at it fondly and frequently; he never wanted to go back on tour with the guy again. Especially if that meant being left alone with him; because at least last time, there had been other people to distract him.

"Rhodey, I am not going on tour with him."

"Yes, you will."

"No I will not." Tony climbed onto his feet, fueled by the anger and hurt that Loki had made him feel. "The guy is a fucking psychopath! You don't know what he's like; he sucks you dry and fucks with your head, because he thinks it's funny to do! I can't do that again, Rhodey; it'll kill me this time!"

Something broke inside of Tony by that revelation; he quickly turned away, if only to hide the tears that were suddenly burning his eyes. It was only exacerbated by the fact that he meant every word of it. He didn't know when he realized the circumstances between him and Loki were that toxic; but something told him he wouldn't be able to survive the emotional turmoil again.

Despite only being seventeen at the time of their previous encounters, Tony had at least gone into the situation naively; he had been over eager and needy, but ignorant. He hadn't known about how emotionally trying it was to be with Loki then; and to some degree it had been an escape to be on tour with a rock band. But now that really wasn't the case.

Regardless of the toxic relationship he had with Howard, Tony still wasn't emotionally prepared for him to die; and he definitely wasn't ready for the responsibility to be dumped onto his shoulders completely. Sure, Obie would take some of the brunt of the weight; but everything really fell onto Tony.

So if Howard died while he was playing emotional warfare with Loki; he really couldn't imagine himself surviving that blow. And that was something he had hidden well even from himself; something he refused to think about until that very moment.

"Tony, you'll regret it if you don't go." James squeezed his shoulder. "You might not today or tomorrow or maybe even five years from now. But you might look back on your life, and really be pissed off at yourself that you didn't do it. And I know you, and you'll be white-haired and bitching for hours on end about it."

"Fuck you, James." Tony muttered. "I would use hair dye."

"Go get cleaned up; and well if things go to hell during the interview, I'm a phone call away. I'll come and pick you up and kick the guy's ass; you just have to say the word."

"Vietnam hardened you, Rhodey." Tony half-joked, "Do you really think you can take on an internationally famous singer who wears elaborate makeup?"

"I think I can manage; if only because of you." James shoved him gently towards the bathroom, and Tony willingly went.

After all, James did have a point. Tony knew he'd regret it, even if it meant going through emotional hell; because he was a masochist and masochists were always attracted to the scariest, and most unhinged sadists that they could find.


	10. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter; I'm sorry I wasn't able to bring it out the day before, but I wanted to get that one-shot out before progressing the story along.
> 
> As always thank you so much for all the support; you guys are too kind! T^T

* * *

 

 

**Chapter Nine**

 

 

* * *

 

Tony felt his heart drop to his feet, once the Great American Music Hall came into view. He still hadn't mentally prepared himself to be in close vicinity with Loki after the previous night; which was exacerbated by the fact he was still hung over.

"I think I'm going to be sick." He moaned softly, dropping his head into his hands.

"You'll be fine; you've handled worse situations than this." James said; the culprit behind why they were drawing nearer to the building, and the colossal line of fans that had already congregated outside.

"I think you confused me with you, Rhodey. I didn't take on the Viet Cong."

"Let's put it this way, if I can handle two and a half years in Vietnam, then you can interview a pain in the ass rock star." James slowly pulled the car to the curb, before putting it into park. "Like I already said if things get out of hand, I'm only a telephone call away. All you have to do is call and I'll come and get you."

Tony lifted his head and peered out at the line of colorfully adorned individuals. Many were dressed like Loki again, while others had that artsy avant-garde sensibility to them. It was an eclectic group to say the least, amplified by the middle aged man who was looking at his watch irritably close-by.

Phil Coulson, super manager extraordinaire, was pacing up and down the line, looking annoyed despite the fact that Tony had arrived at least twenty minutes earlier than he should have. Then again, he and Phil hadn't parted on particularly good terms; which was probably only aggravated by his article that painted Loki as, well, like himself.

"Come on," James urged him to get out of the car, as he took the keys from the ignition, and climbed out of the driver's seat.

Reluctantly Tony followed suit, struck by a slew of emotions; especially when Phil caught sight of him. Phil shot him a look filled with malice, as if he'd like nothing more than to push him into oncoming traffic in order to salvage Loki's honor; which he probably would have done if he could have gotten away with it.

He braced himself for the inevitable snide tone of voice Phil was bound to greet him with. And he wasn't quite sure if he could muster up his fast wit to counteract it; although he'd be damned if he allowed Phil to walk all over him right from the get-go.

"Well, I'm surprised you had the gall to show your face around here, Mr. Stark." Phil said, but somehow managed to keep his voice neutral. "Then again, you seemed to have a staggering amount of gall, if memory serves me correctly."

"Yeah, well you have the uncanny ability to hold a grudge." He shot back, relieved that he sounded as cocky and over-confident as ever. "Especially when you really don't have the right to; I mean Loki Laufeyson might be justified in it, but you Phil? No, I would say you need to extract yourself from his ass and start to live like a separate entity already."

There was a moment, a split-second really, where Tony was convinced that Phil might take a swing at him. And while Tony had learned to take a punch after his previous encounters with the mentally unhinged Odinson brothers and their roadies; he suspected Phil might be able to level him out, which really wasn't appealing to his ego.

"I'll be escorting you to speak with Mr. Laufeyson; you will have to do so while he gets prepped for the show though." Phil responded tersely. "You'll have approximately an hour and a half; that is all the time I can guarantee, understood?"

Tony nodded, despite the fact that it only aggravated his headache. But it was far better than the alternative of taking Phil to school; since he was the key to Loki, and well Tony needed to interview him even if he rather jump back into the car and speed far, far away from there.

Before Phil could lead him to wherever they needed to be, James slipped back into the car and unearthed Tony's duffle bag from the backseat. Tony opened his mouth to object to taking the bag with him; but the look on James's face made him shut up.

"Call me if you need to, okay." James urged the bag into one of his hands.

"You'll hear from me, trust me." Tony took the bag, but made a show of not being happy about it.

"If I could inquire about the bag," Phil began, almost in a haughty tone. "What is it for?"

"Precautionary," James shot back, giving Phil a sideways look.

"Well, I really don't think he'll need that. It'll be an hour and half interview."

"You must be Loki Laufeyson's manager." James turned to face him fully, which made Tony instantly uncomfortable. "I packed him a bag just in case. But if you have a problem with that, then you can take it up with me. And trust me; I don't work for Rolling Stone magazine, so I don't have any problem with giving you a piece of my mind."

Maybe it was the way that James had spoken those words, or even the way he looked like he might beat the shit out of Phil if he said anything untoward. Whatever the reason may have been, Phil only nodded as if he wanted to avoid any unnecessary conflict that he could; which was very smart, since James had many unresolved issues when it came to Vietnam; issues that Tony wisely did not ask about in detail.

"I'll see you whenever I see you." James turned back to Tony then, clasping a hand on his shoulder. "Be good."

"You'll see me faster than you know it." Tony offered him a pitiful smile and a wave, before he followed Phil who was already on the move.

The motley crew standing in line barely paid them any heed as they passed. Many were in the midst of sharing anecdotes of the elusive Loki Laufeyson; while others boasted about seeing him live when he'd still been known as Loki Odinson.

None of them noticed as Phil led Tony to a side door of the building, and knocked brusquely onto it until it was swung open by a wiry guy with coke-bottle eyeglasses. They exchanged only a few words between them, mostly the explanation of who Tony was and who he worked for; before the guy allowed them to pass inside.

Phil remained stoically quiet as they continued into the building. James's warning seemed to have been enough of an incentive to cease any accusatory back and forth. And Tony was, admittedly, glad for it; he really didn't have the energy to come up with anymore snappy retorts. Not when his stomach was in knots with the knowledge that he would soon have to face off with Loki again.

The only thing that he had really prepared himself for was the interview. He had quickly constructed two pages of interesting questions to ask Loki; a far cry from the half-assed attempt five years earlier. He wasn't about to ask who Loki's musical influences were, or when he decided that a musical career was the way to go. Rather, he wanted to know about his stage performance, his visual, things that would inevitably make Loki sing like a bird.

Eventually Phil drew to halt, after they traversed the labyrinth of the building's interior, in front of a non-descript door. He knocked on it, but didn't wait for the go-ahead to step inside; instead he pushed it opened and peered inside.

"Your three-thirty appointment is here." He said unhappily, not even attempting to hide it now; before he turned to Tony. "You have an hour and a half that is all."

"I heard you the first time; I'm not deaf." Tony replied and took in a deep breath.

Without sparing Phil another look, Tony stepped into the unfurnished dressing room before the door was closed behind him. There was a vanity that ran the length of one wall, which was stacked with a variety of makeup products and even more brushes. Several pieces of clothing were laid out on a rickety card table in the center of the room, most of which were parts to a suit.

But the focal point of the room was definitely the shirtless man sitting in the corner. Loki was clothed in only a pair of jeans that were reminiscent of his years in Odin's Sons; his boots might have very well been the same ones from that time too, if the scuff marks were anything to go by.

Loki was wiping his face with a fluffy white towel, looking uncharacteristically tired. He, however, stood from his seated position and approached Tony right away; although the lower half of his face was still hidden by the towel.

"You're early."

"Better early than late," Tony replied, instantly feeling foolish. "Right, so we should get this interview going. Your manager reminded me twice how I only get an hour and a half with you."

Loki squinted at him, but didn't say anything else; instead he walked towards the vanity and fell unceremoniously into the fold-out chair positioned in front of it. Tony couldn't help but watch him as he placed the towel onto an unoccupied section of the vanity, and then how he carded his fingers through his wet hair.

There was something strangely mesmerizing and fascinating by the movement. The muscles in Loki's back rippled underneath his lily-white skin, and caused something to ache inside of Tony. It was that stupid want that he'd been harboring for so long. The want that led him to envision caressing Loki, kissing him along his shoulders and up his swan-like neck; the want that hurt so badly that he thought he might actually die from it.

"Bring your chair over here." Loki spoke again, pausing in his ministrations to pick through his cosmetics.

"Yeah, sure, excellent," Tony rambled out, before taking up the chair that Loki had previously been seated in with his unoccupied hand.

He settled it down beside Loki's, although kept some distance between them. He tossed his duffle bag in between the chair's legs, and quickly pulled off his shoulder bag with his notepad and tape recorder in it. It was the same bag that he'd taken on tour with him, and for whatever reason it just felt appropriate to bring it along with him this time too.

It took a few minutes for Tony to get properly situated; but even more than that, it took some time to get his feelings sorted out. He had already decided that it was pointless to go toe-to-toe with Loki, or even show him any side that wasn't his professional side. Especially after last night and how Loki had flaunted the fact he was fucking Bucky right in front of his face.

"Ready whenever you are," Tony piped up, peering at Loki who had opened up a bottle of foundation and slowly started to cover his face with it.

"Oh I'm ready." Loki gave him a sideways look, which seemed almost sexual in nature; but one he quickly disregarded because something akin to anger began to boil underneath the surface.

Tony steeled himself though; determined to be as professional, if not entirely cold as he could be. After all, it was the only way he'd be able to survive any close contact with him; because if he wore his heart on sleeve, he'd probably end up trying to kill him.

After taking a deep breath, Tony asked the first of his many questions in a way that left very little room for his personality to shine. It wasn't about him anyway and it was probably a bad idea to back-up his article with his opinion on Loki again.

Midway through the interview, Loki paused in his makeup application and stared at him. Loki's trademark makeup wasn't completely done yet; in fact he looked more like a cadaver than an international rock star. The left side of his face was already painted white and a ring of black eyeliner was also already applied; but it looked peculiar without the finishing touches.

There was an inquisitive expression on Loki's face, almost a confused one even. Tony stared back at him and almost snapped out something vicious at him. He didn't like that look and he especially didn't like how both Loki's brows rose slightly, in a way that made him look harmless; when in all actuality, Loki was a fucking menace.

"There are only a few questions left." Tony said meanly, which hadn't been his intention initially. "I think you can handle them, unless they're too hard hitting for you."

"You're angry." Loki stated rather than asked.

"I'm far from angry, I'm actually pretty happy!" He lied. "My girlfriend, you know that drop dead gorgeous redhead, well she totally forgave me! And I'm pretty sure I'll be getting lucky tonight!"

Maybe it was a trick of the light, but Tony swore that Loki looked briefly incensed. Before he could really analyze the expression, Loki had turned back to the mirror and had taken up his eyeliner pencil once more; albeit he was far more brutal with his use of it than only moments beforehand.

"Then why on earth would you have a duffle bag with you, unless you intend to be with me instead?" Loki returned sharply, before immediately correcting himself. "Intend on _touring_ with me,"

"Go fuck yourself, you self-righteous piece of shit!" Tony exploded out with, momentarily shocked by his own gall.

Loki paused with his eyeliner pencil pressed against his eyelid, but that was the only discernible response. He began to draw on his eyelid once more, creating a heavy black outline that made his eye brighter than it naturally was.

"I want you to tour with me, Anthony. And if you think your previous article was life altering, rest assured you haven't any idea what's in store for you within the next month."

"Do you not even listen to anybody but yourself?" Tony scoffed. "I told you last night I'm going to be running Stark Industries before the end of the year. I'm not trying to be an award winning journalist!"

"Then why are you here?" Loki caught his eye in the mirror, giving him a steely look. "If your goal isn't to write an article that'll blow people away, then why would you specifically come to me and demand that I allow you to interview me? Clearly you are here for some reason, so maybe you should ask yourself why."

Tony was stunned speechless, especially by how earnest Loki had been. There wasn't any anger to match his or even a snide remark either. Loki had only been brutally honest with him and asked him a question that he really needed to answer.

Slowly, defeated even, Tony peered into the mirror and at his own reflection; although his gaze shifted towards Loki instead, who was darkening the ring around his eye further. And regardless of what his logical side was telling him, screaming at him even; Tony simply sat there and knew that he'd be leaving San Francisco on Loki Laufeyson's tour bus; begrudgingly so even.


	11. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter (even though I think it sucks); and I know some people thought Loki was uncharacteristically calm with Tony last chapter, but reassured you'll see your favorite unhinged Loki within the next few chapters again.

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**Chapter Ten**

 

 

* * *

 

The tour bus was far nicer than the one Odin's Sons had toured the country on. While the set-up was similar to the previous one, this one was definitely more luxurious. There was a breakfast nook across from a kitchenette and several bunk-beds lining either side of the aisle; but there was also a separate room beyond the lavatory and shower stall, with a large bed that could have only been for Loki Laufeyson himself.

Tony examined his surroundings critically, unsure of where he should go or even if he was actually given clearance to roam beyond the brief tour that Bucky had given him. He'd been brought there several minutes after the concert had ended, although Tony seriously considered running down the aisle and to the nearest payphone to call James.

No one would have held it against him if he bailed out; he'd gotten most of his questions answered anyway. And if he did have any regrets, he suspected it would be decades in the future; which wouldn't exactly be bad. Tony had had a lot of regrets in his life, so another one wouldn't be that hard to live with.

"Make yourself comfortable." Bucky said, before he collapsed into one of the booths across from the kitchenette. "It'll take some time before our Lord and savior manages to get on board."

Something akin to dislike welled up in Tony for Bucky. It didn't necessarily strike him by surprise though; not when he took into account his destructive outburst the night before. He'd been utterly incensed by what had happened between him and Loki, and what inevitably transpired when he escorted himself out of the hotel suite.

Bucky had swooped in and taken what was rightfully his. Despite the logical side of him shouting out that he was being childish and possessive, and a slew of other awful things; Tony couldn't banish the thought. He couldn't stop narrowing his eyes and shooting Bucky venomous looks whenever he turned away.

Regardless of his annoyance with Bucky, it didn't stop him from sinking into the opposite bench; still overlooking the tour bus, as if something unpleasant might leap out and attack him. After all, Phil hadn't been seen of late, and well he imagined James's warning wouldn't be enough to stave away any abusive comments Phil was bound to hurl at him eventually.

"It's probably been awhile for you, being on tour." Bucky piped up, quirking his eyebrow in a way that could easily be dubbed as attractive; which made Tony hate him a little more.

"But you must be completely used to it by now. Didn't you say you've been on tour for a solid three years?" Tony replied coolly with an edge of venom to his tone.

"Not solidly no," Bucky waved his hand dismissively. "But it has been about three years; I mean Loki has taken breaks in between. He had to, in order to start recording the next record."

Tony crossed his arms over his chest, staring Bucky down; but it was hardly his intimidation that seemed to distress him suddenly. It was fairly apparent that that was something he wasn't supposed to mention especially to the reporter who would be more than happy to write about a new record in the works.

Honestly, anything to get Bucky into hot water would be an ideal outcome for Tony. Even if it meant it was several months in the future; it really didn't matter, not when he felt uncharacteristically vicious and vindictive.

"Shit, I probably shouldn't have said that."

"You haven't had much experience with reporters have you?" Tony smiled meanly. "I'm going to have to ask him about that, since that is big news. I mean, didn't his last record just come out less than a year ago, and he's already recording the next one? I would say he's been a busy little bee of late."

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything to him. Especially because his work is the most important thing to him,"

"I actually thought the most important thing to him would be _you_. Since you seem to have some kind of weird business arrangement slash love affair going on." Tony shot out, before he could stop himself; and he really felt like kicking himself in the ass for being so transparent and especially so soon.

He'd barely managed an hour in Bucky's presence, before he already voiced his ire. He wished he could have taken it back, maybe even laughed it off; but it was all already on the table, and by the way Bucky was staring at him, nothing would have convinced him otherwise that he was just joking around.

Bucky leaned into the booth's cushions, draping both arms over the back of it in feigned relaxation. His eyes hardened, staring Tony down in what could only be offense and definitely anger. There was a slow simmering anger behind Bucky's eyes, and if Tony hadn't learned to take a punch, well he might have apologized for vocalizing the nature of Bucky's relationship with Loki out loud.

He should have anyway; it really wasn't his business. Bucky had been with Loki for three years, whereas Tony had only been a passing fancy for about two months. So there was really no comparison; Bucky had more of a right to Loki than Tony did to him.

"I forgot you're one of those types of reporters." Bucky sneered at him, while pointing at him for emphasis.

"One of those types of reporters? Want to elaborate on that for me?"

"The kind who gets off on slandering his subjects; I really should have known, because you wrote a pretty scathing description of Loki. And I was pretty surprised since you seemed to be so reverent of him beforehand. But anything for a good story, right,"

"For one I did not slander him; if anything it would be defamation because it was in print. But I didn't even do that either; you should know better than anyone how he acts. So give me a fucking break; I omitted more than my fair share of bullshit that would have made him look like a raging lunatic."

"And now you're back, digging up some more dirt. I bet you're going to write into your little article how Loki has someone on the payroll to fuck and suck him off, because he's that mentally unsound." Bucky leaned inward, baring his teeth. "That's clearly your game and I'm not about to play it."

Tony felt his face suddenly flare up with heat; stunned by the accusation tossed at him. No matter how many times he had attempted to explain why he characterized Loki the way he had in his article, it was never effective. Everyone had focused on the negative bits, disregarding the fact that Tony had mentioned Thor's penchant for full-blown yelling matches and violence, and Fandral's casa nova ways, and Volstagg's favorite pastime of drinking.

Everyone had taken focus of Tony's description of Loki, and how he described him as complicated with bouts of diva-like behavior; as opposed to how he praised the hell out of his musical abilities and stage presence, and even dubbed him as legendary.

He'd written a fair and balanced account of his time on tour with Odin's Sons. He actually made Loki look far better than how he really was. But no one wanted to hear it; while his article had been praised by Hogun and the various reporters of Rolling Stone, there were hundreds more that condemned him, and obviously Bucky was one of them.

"I'd never write that into any article! I have some fucking integrity as a human being, you know!" Tony spat out.

"Then why the hell would you care about what happened between Loki and me?" Bucky glowered. "Unless you're harboring some kind of feelings towards him; which I figure is by far more impossible than you writing out the dirty deets on him."

Of course, Tony must have made a face that could have easily been interpreted in a way that revealed his true feelings; because the anger that had been bellowing off Bucky in waves, abruptly stopped and was replaced by a mixture of shock and horror instead.

"Son of a bitch; you are in love with Loki." Bucky said exasperatedly, before letting out a disbelieving chuckle. "And here I thought you were out to sabotage him."

Tony wanted to deny it, maybe even lean over and sucker punch Bucky in the face; but having those words being spoken by someone else had caused him to freeze up. Sif was the only other one who had known about his true feelings about Loki, and somehow it had been okay for her to know. She didn't abuse that knowledge, whereas Bucky could very well do so. He was in love with Bucky's boss and boyfriend, after all.

"You are really unbelievable." Bucky chuckled again. "Apparently you haven't even read your own article, because it would be highly unadvisable to fall in love with a psychopath like that. Unless you are so fucked up emotionally that, that's all you would want."

"Obviously you're so fucked up that you can't get enough of him! You practically ripped off your clothes in front of me, when he snapped his fingers and told you to have sex with him!"

"And that's all it is; it's sex!" Bucky slapped his hand against the tabletop, temporarily draining the anger out of Tony. "We aren't star crossed lovers or anything like that! We barely have sex anyway nowadays! It was more frequent in the beginning, but I'm lucky if he even acknowledges me sexually for months at a time!"

While that revelation should have put Tony at ease, maybe even made his heart soar; there wasn't any satisfaction in it, not really. There was more to his situation with Loki than that; albeit, it was the thing that pushed him over the edge the night before.

"If you want to fuck him, then do it! I'm not going to stand in your way! Have at him!" Bucky threw up both his hands in the air animatedly. "But if you think for one second you'll be able to convince Loki to love you, then you are out of his mind! The guy doesn't have the ability to love!"

"Then you really don't know him at all." Tony said; surprised by how in control of his voice he was; especially since he wanted nothing more than to scream at the top of his lungs from all the emotional turmoil he was feeling.

"I've been with him almost every day for three years. You were with him, what? Maybe a month or two at the most,"

"Ever hear of Amelia Fenton then?" Tony uttered, feeling a nasty knot developing in his gut. "Loki has admitted that he's in love with her; and when I brought her up last night, it was pretty obvious that he still feels the same. So yeah, I might have been on tour with the guy for only two months; but at the end of the day I know more about him than you ever will. I know things so intimate and personal, it would make your hair curl. But congratulations on the sex."

Without any hesitation, Tony climbed to his feet and hurried to the front of the bus. It didn't matter that his duffle bag was tossed onto one of the many bunk-beds; he didn't need it anyway, not when he had his valuables in his shoulder bag.

He climbed off the tour bus, feeling as if he could breathe again. The oppressive air was gone and he took in several deep breaths, as if he'd been underwater and barely managed to break through the water just now.

But that liberating feeling only lasted a few minutes; he hadn't even gotten very far away from the tour bus before super manager extraordinaire and his client were stalking in that direction. Tony felt his heart sink, mostly because Loki looked suddenly _happy_ by catching sight of him. Maybe he was only seeing things, since Loki never looked happy to see him; and yet it was hard to ignore, even if it only lasted a few seconds at the most.

"We have to go now." Phil strode past Tony, before yanking open the tour bus's door. "Those girls are like blood hounds; they'll be able to sniff out Loki in a split-second."

Tony opened his mouth, ready to tell both Phil and Loki to fuck themselves over. Except something stopped him; Loki stopped him by quirking the corner of his mouth up in a way that was reminiscent of that happiness from only a few moments ago. The same happiness that Tony somehow invoked in him; which was terrifying, confusing, and downright intriguing.

Despite every fiber in his being telling him to run away; Tony listened to his sentimental side instead. That was the only reason why he followed Loki onto the tour bus, pointedly ignoring the scowl Phil made sure to give him, and even disregarding Bucky who looked surprised by his return.

The only thing that mattered; seemed to draw him nearer was Loki. And he was very happy that he caught himself before he followed him directly into the back of the bus where his bed was located. Because he was pretty sure Loki would have punched him in the face for that.


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent a substantial amount of time writing this, when I should have been in bed. But in between being struck by awesome inspiration and listening to the new Bowie album, I couldn't really stop myself (until I was almost dead on my keyboard).
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and I always appreciate the comments. They really make my day. :)

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**Chapter Eleven**

 

 

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Slot machines by the hundreds lined the casino's floor, piloted by white-haired grandmothers with cigarettes clamped between their bony fingers, and the occasional half-drunk businessman in a gaudy suede suit. Tony meandered between the many rows aimlessly, nursing a tumbler of scotch; the same brand that dear 'ol dad had a predilection for.

Then again, Tony had begun to notice the terrifying similarities between him and Howard of late. Every time he looked in the mirror, he was almost shocked by how much they looked alike. The facial hair wasn't doing him any favors in that arena either, and yet maybe there was a part of him that _wanted_ to be more like his father than he already was.

It would explain why he was now remedying his problems with hard liquor; and how easily it was to avoid things by just not showing up. He had bypassed Loki's show, choosing instead to wander the Strip and play a hand or two of poker.

He had all but abandoned his attempts to communicate with Loki; and it was far too awkward to be left with Bucky and Phil alone, particularly when he had had bad blood with both of them. The situation between him and Bucky was especially tense; they hadn't spoken a word to one another since their confrontation. And Tony imagined they wouldn't speak for the duration of his time on tour with them.

However, he'd already come to the decision that he'd jump ship by the beginning of the next week. He'd get all his questions answered, before heading home to beg like a dog for Pepper to take him back; which, he suspected, would be close to impossible to accomplish. But Howard Stark didn't, partially anyway, raise a quitter.

Pausing beside a rainbow colored slot machine, Tony watched the lights chase after one another, before falling unceremoniously into the chair in front of it. He fished out a quarter from his pocket, sliding it into the slot, and pulled the lever.

The slots spun round and round, whirling and beeping until it came to a halt without a match. He fed another coin into the slot, and repeated the ritual several more times; if only to stave away the boredom he'd begun to feel. His winnings were inconsequential, since he made very little to begin with anyway.

Time passed by excruciatingly slow, but Tony knew it must have since he had emptied his glass and both of his legs had fallen asleep. Dragging his eyes from the brightly lit console, he checked his watch and saw it was drawing close to midnight; but that hardly deterred him from slipping another coin into the slot and pulling the lever again.

The twinkle of coins spilling into tray below hardly kept his attention, even when a substantial amount piled up and almost began to overflow. Money wasn't an issue for him; he was only wasting time, until he was perfectly sure that he wouldn't have to face the circus troupe.

He especially didn't want to come face to face with Loki anymore. Loki only had a way of confusing him; not to mention making him an irrational, irate mess. And well, he really shouldn't have agreed to come on tour with him, considering they were absolutely toxic to one another.

It didn't help either that he recalled how happy Loki had been to see him after his performance in San Francisco. It was an expression that Loki seemed to reserve only for Sif, and the idea that he might be on the receiving end of that was beyond comprehension; particularly when Loki had told him to fuck off the first time they'd seen one another in years.

Tony didn't want to delve into it too much, due to the fact that it made him irrationally hopeful again. Hopeful that there could possibly be something between them, even though it was downright wrong; and yet that didn't deter Tony's fantasies of Loki, and his unrelenting desire to touch and kiss him.

Before those thoughts could take over, Tony shook his head and scooped up some of the coins out of the tray. He quickly fed them back into the machine, but stopped short of pulling the lever again. Someone sat beside him at the machine next to his, which drew his attention immediately; especially since there over a dozen unoccupied machines in that row alone.

Bucky swiveled in his seat until he was staring a hole into the side of his head. Tony cast him a sidelong glance, before pulling the lever and giving the console one-hundred percent of his attention. He didn't know why he was there, but he wasn't inebriated enough (not by a long shot) not to figure out the reason behind it.

"I never took you for the gambling type." Bucky began; quirking an eyebrow in that stupidly attractive way of his. "Especially not of the slot machine variety, anyway."

"Already played poker, lost a hand then won a hand." Tony returned noncommittally.

"You're a smart kid; I figure you know why I'm here."

"The Gestapo sent you, I know."

"Then I imagine you'll come peacefully." Bucky mused; he didn't sound like a man with a grudge from a day ago, and he definitely didn't look like one either.

Tony figured that Bucky would be as annoyed by him as Phil was. But he looked like he'd gotten over Tony's blatant disrespect, which suddenly made him feel very bad. Of course, Tony knew that he hadn't any right to give Bucky any shit for his relationship with Loki. It didn't concern him whatsoever; Loki's personal life wasn't for his examination.

Jealousy was an ugly thing though, and Tony was consumed with it. He wanted Loki like he never wanted anything else before. Being a billionaire's son had its advantages; he never went without any material item that his heart desired. But money couldn't buy him Loki; it couldn't give him a manual either on how to understand him.

So in a way it was only natural for Tony to loathe Bucky. Bucky had had Loki in a way that he never would; he had gotten to be with him intimately, touch him in the way that Tony could only dream of. And it was hard for him to be an adult about it, when all he wanted to do was yell and scream about the travesty of the matter.

"I suspect he isn't very happy with me." Tony sighed, peering down at his tumbler that was filled with melted ice cubes.

"When he realized you weren't at the show in particular," Bucky rubbed his chin. "He's in a god awful mood right now; I was only too happy to come looking for you. But now that I found you, I'll have to take you back or we'll all suffer his wrath."

"Shouldn't you be used to his tantrums at this point?"

"Used to and liking them are two different things, my friend." Bucky stood up, motioning for him to follow his lead. "Come on then; it'll be better if you face him now instead of later. Later he'll be even angrier."

Reluctantly Tony climbed to his feet and shook them, until he felt that painful needle-like sensation run up both his legs. Once he was sure that he wouldn't collapse, he reached into the slot machine's tray and extracted a handful of coins from it and dumped them into his pocket. The rest he left unattended to, as he followed Bucky through the smoke filled room.

Tony deposited his empty glass on a passing server's tray, before they headed out through the exit. Droves of people were still meandering along the sidewalks; inebriated tourists were making a spectacle of themselves, while others snapped photos of the legendary landmarks.

Bucky led the way through the chaos, keeping several paces ahead of Tony. It wasn't very long before they came to the hotel where they were staying; it was less than half a block away, and was a deliberate move on Tony's part. He was close enough to find his way (if he'd gotten drunk), but far enough away to avoid being caught by Phil or even Loki for that matter.

They entered the lobby, which was still filled with excitable individuals. Many of which, on closer examination, appeared to be Loki Laufeyson fans; fans who had found out where he was staying, and trying to figure out what floor he was staying on.

None of them realized they were the key to their idol; so they weren't met with any roadblocks. Bucky easily got an elevator within a matter of seconds; they both boarded it, while Bucky slapped the button for the topmost floor and waited for the elevator's doors to close and for it to lurch to life, before shooting Tony an inquisitive stare.

"What?" Tony blurted out.

"Good luck." Bucky chuckled with a shake of his head. "You are going to need it, Stark."

Tony scrutinized him for several moments, before turning his attention to the lights above the doors. They ticked off one by one, drawing them nearer to where inevitably Loki was raging; which was a mystery to say the least.

It didn't make any sense why Loki would be offended by Tony skipping out on the show. He hadn't promised that he would be at every show, and quite frankly he didn't need to be there anyway to write his article. He wasn't writing a concert review, after all. But leave it to Loki to find some offense by that too.

Slowly the elevator drew to a halt, before its doors slid open into a brightly lit corridor. Without being told where to go, Tony stepped out of the elevator and headed for the hotel suite that would undoubtedly be at the very end of the hallway.

Bucky only followed him halfway there, stopping at an adjoining room, and slipping in without a proper goodbye. But it wasn't like Tony expected them to be chummy, after their brief walk from one casino-hotel to the next.

Tony made it to the end of the hallway within a matter of moments, and didn't even bother to knock. He pushed open the door like he owned the place (which he could have, if he only asked Howard nicely), and stepped inside into the small but luxurious foray.

Further inside, Phil was there and had collapsed into an armchair with a pained look on his face. For a split-second Phil almost looked relieved by his appearance, but quickly masked it with a disapproving expression; reminiscent of a schoolmarm who was about to chide their misbehaving student and Tony supposed it wasn't too far from the truth.

"Where have you been?" Phil hissed lowly. "You were supposed to be at the show."

"I never said I would be there. That wasn't a requirement for this interview, Philly boy."

"He is incensed."

"Well, run off then. I don't think you want to be a witness to a murder; because if he's that incensed, then I'm pretty sure he's going to attempt to kill me." Tony said lightly, although he was struck by fear at the thought of coming face to face with an angry Loki.

Luckily Tony had consumed some alcohol, because if he hadn't he was almost certain he'd be quaking in his shoes. More so even, when Phil actually followed his instructions and made himself scarce; which led him to believe that Phil really hated him to leave him alone with Loki.

Taking a deep breath in, Tony advanced even further into the hotel suite until he came to the bedroom doors. He rapped on the door, which earned him an irritable _what_ for his troubles. Without further ado, he pushed open the door and peered into the impressively large bedroom.

Loki was standing in front of the full length windows, which displayed a breathtaking view of the Strip. He was still in his stage ensemble; or at least the majority of it. And Tony suspected that he might very well still be in full makeup as well.

"You were looking for me?" He asked and almost flinched by how fast Loki whipped around.

His hunch had been right; Loki was still painted up like a deranged doll (at least on one side of his face); emphasized by the fact that he looked like he wanted nothing more than to strangle Tony to death.

"Where the hell have you been?" Loki snarled, crossing the room in several long strides.

"I went out for a drink and a bit of gambling. We are in Las Vegas, after all."

"You were supposed to be at the show!"

"I never agreed to that. I don't need to be at every show for the article, you know." Tony explained but it didn't seem to be a good enough answer; if Loki's expression was anything to go by anyway.

Loki's face contorted into something terrifying; Tony had only seen it do that while in a physical altercation with Thor, but it never had been turned on him (or anyone else for that matter) before. Before he knew it, Loki was drawing nearer and was only an arm's length away.

It would have been almost too easy to retreat; he could have run out of the room, praying that Phil was somewhere within the vicinity. Then again Loki had longer legs than him and probably would have caught him before he got very far; Phil also would have probably allowed Loki to beat the shit out of him. He, more than likely, would have even cheered him on, quoting lines from his article for motivational purposes as well.

"Calm down, buddy. It was just one show; I'm sure you did the same 'ol song and dance like last time." Tony held up both hands, already realizing how bad that sounded once it left his mouth.

Bucky had mentioned that the most important thing to Loki was his work, and he had unwittingly insulted it. He could have blamed it on the nice buzz running through his system, his frayed nerves, and his inevitable inability to speak like a level headed person while in Loki's presence. But honestly, he probably did it to rile Loki up.

"So I bore you already." Loki drawled but it was by no means any less intimidating than when he was shouting like a lunatic. "To the point where you rather gamble than see me perform?"

"I did win some nice change at a slot machine." Tony patted his pocket filled with the coinage he'd won; even though that dug him into a deeper hole than he'd already been in.

Anger practically rolled off of Loki; it was palpable and admittedly only put Tony further on edge. He should have known better and yet his mouth had a tendency to get him into a lot of shit. He might have very well wanted to make Loki mad, probably for some sort of retribution over the Bucky incident. Or maybe he wanted to make him angry in general for making him into an idiotic, jealous kid again.

"Is that so?" Loki asked lowly, before backpedaling away and pacing the floor. "A few measly coins mean that much to the heir of a weapons manufacturer?"

"Sorry babe, but money talks." Tony swallowed hard. "Even a penny can get me hot and bothered."

It was a lie, of course. But the truth was by far more harmful than the lie. Tony knew he couldn't tell Loki he wanted to leave already; that watching him perform was like a dagger to the heart, even if he was compelled to stay by how happy he looked not even a day before.

The situation was too toxic and Tony couldn't handle it. He wasn't seventeen anymore and he had too many people to please already; most of them who held Stark Industries in the balance. Those were the people who counted, not some lanky beautiful creature who crushed his heart by those awful stares he was throwing his way currently.

Maybe if he was better at apologies, he would have said he was sorry and hope for the best. But he wasn't and he didn't, which would explain why Loki paused and turned to face him fully, with the meanest look on his face that he could muster; the sort of look that would have probably killed Tony, if science permitted that sort of witchcraft.

"You came to me, Stark." Loki uttered, suddenly clenching his fists until they were bone-white. "After all this time _you_ came to _me_."

"I didn't come for that, Loki." Tony lowered his eyes, unsure of what to feel; he didn't even know what he was saying and why he was saying it.

Several moments ticked away and it was only then that Tony looked up again. Loki had lowered his head and placed his hands on his hips; he was stiff as a board, but without so much as a warning he crossed the distance between them, and fisted his hand into Tony's tee-shirt.

Terror swept through Tony by how angry Loki looked; worse yet by the fist Loki had leveled with his face. He openly flinched as Loki pulled back his arm, preparing himself, poorly at that, for the pain that would inevitably come with being punched full-on in the face. And yet the pain never came; instead a loud boom echoed in his ears right beside his head.

Tony shifted his eyes, not moving a muscle. Loki punched the wall hard enough to crack the plaster, but he wasn't done yet; he punched the wall again and again, until a hole the size of his fist was left behind with speckles of blood on the broken plaster.

Loki jerked backwards, shaking his hand in evident pain. His face was pinched in a slew of emotions, but primarily indignation; without acknowledging Tony any further, Loki stormed into the adjoining bathroom and slammed the door shut and made Tony flinch again.

Suddenly Tony's knees buckled and he found himself sliding down onto the floor. His breathing was ragged and heavy in his ears, and his heart felt like it had been clenched in a vice-like grip. He pressed his hand to his chest and tried to calm himself; although it proved impossible by the mayhem being wreaked in the bathroom now too.

"Jesus fucking Christ," he choked out, somehow managing to get back onto his feet, and practically ran out of the room before Loki could reemerge and this time strike him instead of the wall.


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry everyone, but this is a bona fide filler chapter. I know you probably wanted something different in comparison (especially after the last chapter); but there needed to be a cooling off period, before I set everything into motion. And the next chapter should be VERY explosive.
> 
> I also have to say you guys are the best; the reviews from the previous chapter really got to me (in a good way). A lot of you had me actually having FEELS towards my own characters, beyond what I normally do (I can easily abuse them without blinking an eye). But I got a bit depressed by what I was doing and what I'll inevitably be doing throughout this story and the next. XD
> 
> I listened to David Bowie's collaboration with Massive Attack, the song called "Nature Boy" while writing this. Of course, this wasn't recorded in the 70s but it still might be worth a listen?

* * *

 

 

**Chapter Twelve**

 

 

* * *

 

Despite bruising his hand badly, Loki was still playing the chords for Pink Floyd's _Wish You Were Here_ from his nest in the back of the tour bus. The melody carried through the uncomfortable silence that had befallen the other occupants of the space, and eased some of the tension; although it was impossible to banish it completely.

Tony had already drawn up most of his article, mindful to keep his opinion to a minimum and only write about the finesse in which Loki performed; whereas he chose to omit anything about his personality. It was safer that way and while his article might be lackluster compared to the previous one, Tony was willing to make that sacrifice.

It really wasn't worth it anyway. He wouldn't be writing for Rolling Stone magazine after this article, not with how progressively worse Howard was getting. He had telephoned Obie before they had left Las Vegas, and had been told things were not looking good; and that it would be a miracle if Howard lasted through the two month mark he was promised.

It was just another blow to his already fractured psyche; although he managed to keep a level head, regardless of the accusatory glares Phil sent him and worse yet the talking to he received hours ago. The kind of talking to that Tony hadn't experienced since he was boy, and had conducted science experiments on his fellow classmates in grade school.

Phil had yelled himself hoarse, expelling out his many grievances that he'd been holding in for five years; and well, Tony couldn't say he disagreed with his position. Whenever he was in the vicinity of Loki, things had a tendency to go haywire and chaotic quickly. It was apparent to anyone who knew them beyond a few meetings, that they had an unhealthy relationship.

Loki had almost broken his hand, compelled solely by the fact Tony had disrespected him. And Tony had destroyed his relationship with the girl of his dreams, made a potential enemy out of a great guy like Bucky, because of his possessiveness over Loki.

They were bad for one another; worse than five years ago even. At least then Tony had some protection due to his age; but now everything was out on the table. Every toxic thought, word, and action could be flung at him, and he hadn't any way to block them; not unless he cut ties entirely, which was exactly what he intended on doing.

Once the tour stopped in Texas, Tony intended on buying a plane ticket for New York. Obie had wanted him to come home anyway to take care of some pressing matters; although Tony's ulterior motive was to see Howard before the end. He hadn't seen Howard for almost four months, when the cancer was slowly beginning to eat him alive; so he thankfully missed much of the gruesome details and Howard's heightened deterioration.

However, it would probably be the only time he'd get to say goodbye; which would be a good excuse for making an abrupt exit from the tour too. Daddy Stark needed a farewell party thrown in his honor, and it was only natural that his only offspring would be there to bid him bon voyage.

"How's the article going?" Bucky greeted him unexpectedly, momentarily breaking Tony from his reverie.

He lifted his head, peering up at Bucky cautiously. Instead of blurting out a snarky and ill-advised comment, he chose to think it over properly. For whatever reason, Bucky was making an effort to speak with him, and he knew how hard that must have been for him; so it was only polite to not be a colossal asshole in return.

"So far so good," Tony murmured. "Clean-cut kind of article, you know."

The implication was there and Bucky seemed to pick up on it. He nodded before slipping into the booth across from him, where he'd taken refuge earlier in the day. Since any distance between himself and Loki was a plus; although Loki hadn't necessarily waltzed by and attempted to speak to him anyway.

Both of them had pretended that the other didn't exist; which worked out just perfectly for Tony, since he hadn't anything to say. He had made it perfectly clear that he hadn't come on tour with Loki to fulfill the five year promise. And he really hadn't expected Loki to want to either; in fact, he suspected it was a mind game of Loki's, designed to drive Tony further and further into madness.

"That's good to hear; it'll be refreshing to see your take on the character that is Loki Laufeyson." Bucky nodded briefly, before extracting a pack of playing cards from his pocket.

"Larger than life and awe-inspiring," Tony returned, while carding a hand through his hair. "There isn't another show like his, and the effort he puts into them goes above and beyond anyone else's."

Those words felt inauthentic for some reason; while Tony believed Loki put on a memorable, mind blowing show, it wasn't the way he would have normally worded it. Tony was known for being brass and excitable when he wrote, and while he was fairly certain Hogun would be pleased with his effort; he knew that it would be a clunker in his opinion.

"You missed out on a great performance, Stark." Bucky had opened the pack of cards, before he began to shuffle them like a veteran blackjack dealer. "No two performances are the same; they only get better. I know I've said this so many times that it isn't even funny; but from being on tour with him for so long, I can say that with some kind of authority. Loki puts everything into his music; blood, sweat, and tears."

"I noticed."

"I don't think you really understand." Bucky paused in his ministrations, quirking his eyebrow; which seemed to be a trademark of his. "This is the only thing Loki has; sure he has a fancy fucking flat in London, but it's empty. He doesn't have any family or friends, well unless you count me or Phil or even Hamish. Hell, he doesn't even have a cat."

Tony didn't readily respond; it would be pointless to bring up Thor or even Sif for that matter. Clearly any relationship between Loki and Thor would be beyond fractured; they could hardly stand one another for a few minutes at a time, when they had been in a band together. But after the band, Tony suspected the relationship was officially history.

"Music's all he has." Bucky whistled, placing the cards down for a round of solitaire. "I think that's why he was so upset that you didn't show up. He almost went into a panic when he couldn't see you in the crowd."

Even though Tony tried to remain neutral and unaffected, something akin to pain rushed through him; but even more than that – want. He wanted to rush to the back of the bus, and to kiss every inch of Loki's face; he wanted to throw his guitar aside and covet him in every way that Bucky had. He wanted to make Loki his; but reality held him back.

"I mean when a reporter from Rolling Stone doesn't show up, that is a big deal for someone like Loki Laufeyson." Bucky explained, focusing on his card formation.

"Yeah, I can understand that." Tony deflated against the booth's cushions; trying to pretend as if hope hadn't gripped him for that brief interlude.

"I hope you'll be there for the Phoenix show then. It's the least you can do, you know. And it'll probably calm things down between you and Phil."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." He said, letting his eyes go astray, and towards the back of the bus.

The aisle was unoccupied, since Phil had taken refuge in the front with the bus driver. Another melody had replaced the Pink Floyd one; although this was accompanied by the hauntingly low voice, an octave that Loki frequently sang with.

Tony knew, without having any foresight, that that song was Loki's own. It sounded like it was being improvised as he went along, but it didn't make it any less beautiful. The lyrics were several disjointed ideas, spun together by the melody that he was playing; but there were several words that struck Tony hard.

It sounded like Loki was composing a song about him; even if it sounded narcissistic of him, Tony was almost positive that the song was about him. And maybe Bucky realized it too, because he paused in the middle of his game and appeared to strain his ears to listen to what Loki was in the midst of singing.

The song continued, evolved for several minutes until it dissipated into nothingness. Loki made a noise that could only be described as pained; despite being told specifically by Phil not to attempt to play guitar, Loki had gone ahead and done so anyway.

"It'll be best if we stay far, far away from him. Especially since he's touting around a bum hand; which he's only making worse by playing little ditties," Bucky caught his eye. "Since that's the case, we should hang out after the show; let bygones be bygones, as they say."

"I've been a pretty big asshole, though." Tony gazed at Bucky, shaking himself out of that hypnotic state Loki briefly put him in.

"Yeah, you have been. But everyone has their moments; so like I said – let bygones be bygones." Bucky returned to his card game, although Tony noticed a tenseness in the way he flipped the cards and set them aside once he got a matching set.

Several theories started to form in his mind, but they quieted down very suddenly. The sound of footfall interrupted his train of thought, and the sight of Loki coming up the aisle almost took the breath out of him in a mixture of fear and admiration; albeit, the latter was a residual effect from his teenage years, and maybe those grossly inappropriate fantasies that had been on repeat in his head for weeks.

But Tony couldn't deny that there was a sadness attached to it too. Sadness because no matter how much he wanted Loki, it wasn't meant to be; it shouldn't happen, even if it could happen. But he wasn't under any sort of delusion about the matter either; he knew it could never work, and in all likelihood Loki didn't want it to work out anyway.

Loki pointedly ignored Tony, uttering out something inconsequential to Bucky; before he moved towards the front of the bus where Phil inevitably was. However, his presence was lingering; it was a mammoth entity that loomed even when he wasn't in someone's presence. Tony knew that far too well.

"He'll get over it eventually." Bucky piped up once more, although he still appeared to be tense. "It's hard to have someone blatantly reject you. Or in this situation, blatantly reject your work. But so long as you show up to the next show, everything will be peachy keen."

"For some reason I'm doubtful of that." Tony mumbled, before peering over his shoulder.

Loki was on his way back from the front of the bus, cradling his injured hand to his chest. The skin was cracked open to reveal bloody wounds, which probably had been exacerbated by the fact he'd been playing guitar not so long; playing a song that seemed to be devoted to Tony on top of that.

"I need your help, James." Loki said gruffly, still ignoring Tony.

"Whatever you say, boss." Bucky returned, smoothly sliding out of the booth, before turning to Tony. "And you, don't mess with my cards; I'm on a roll today."

Tony didn't readily respond; his eyes had focused entirely onto Loki. And it only seemed like a matter of time before he felt the heat of Tony's gaze on him. It only took about two point five seconds for Loki to turn around and pin him with an indiscernible look; the same one that was both intense and enigmatic as the one Loki originally pinned him with, while he'd been at the Odin's Sons show in Los Angeles.

Heat swelled inside of Tony and expanded throughout his limbs, until he swore he would burst into a ball of fire. His whole body twitched, willing him to get up and grab a hold of Loki; it didn't matter in which way, so long as he established some sort of physical contact between them. Even a fist to the face would have been preferable than the distance between them, and the want that was burning him alive.

Without his consent, his left leg slid out from underneath the table, ready to propel his body up, and probably into a position that would gain him ire. Loki seemed aware of his train of thought, though; instead of allowing it to unfold into something that Tony would surely regret; Loki beckoned Bucky to follow him.

Before Tony could really process what had transpired, Bucky had spun on his heel and was following Loki towards the back of the bus and beyond the lavatory and shower stall. Tony had to crane his head, but he saw both of them had entered Loki's designated nook and close the door-length curtain closed behind them.

Tony couldn't help but slam his fist against the tabletop, before shoving everything off it shortly thereafter. He didn't even regret that he had effectively ruined Bucky's game of solitaire; after all, he only contributed to his hatred towards Loki even more. And both his head and his heart couldn't take it anymore.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to say I'm sorry from the get-go. And I recommend you listen to David Bowie's new song called "You Feel So Lonely You Could Die".
> 
> And just remember that I do love you all. T^T;

* * *

 

**Chapter Thirteen**

 

* * *

 

Bucky was shirtless, sitting on the hotel room floor with a bong pressed to his lips; Tony hadn't exactly expected that sight to greet him while coming through the door. Then again, Phoenix was hotter than hell and everyone had been particularly on edge by Loki and Tony's combined bad behavior.

So it shouldn't have been that surprising to walk in on that. And in a way it was a welcoming sight; mostly because Tony hadn't smoked any weed for well over a month. Pepper hadn't partaken and Tony chose not to either, if only to put her as ease; which in retrospect was pretty stupid.

"There you are." Bucky smiled at him; in a way that could only be described as passing into a decent, mellow high already. "I thought Phil might have decided to kill you; strangle you to death with that god awful necktie of his."

"He wanted to quiz me about the show; you know, to report to the queen bee that I was there." Tony pulled off his shoulder bag, before tossing it to the floor. "I guess I passed the test, seeing as I'm alive and well for the time being."

"Then come and sit down; you need to unwind like nobody's business." Bucky motioned to the spot beside him. "Too bad Loki isn't into pot; evidently he gets paranoid. But I just think that's his default mode."

Tony cracked a smile, before taking a seat beside him. Nobody would have suspected that only twelve hours ago that he'd been irrationally angry with Bucky once again. It had been unwarranted on top of that too; Bucky had come back to find his solitaire game on the floor only twenty minutes later. And instead of picking a fight with Tony, he'd only gathered his cards and explained that Loki needed his hand cleaned and wrapped.

It wouldn't have been the first time, especially not the last that Tony felt like an asshole; which only extended to the current situation. Bucky was being cordial and friendly as hell; when he should have told Tony to go fuck himself, and he would have deserved it too.

"So he's on a strict no drug and alcohol diet?" Tony asked, gladly taking the bong and bic lighter from him.

"He's clean as a whistle; most of the time he doesn't even eat, except for really stupid stuff. He really likes candy, anything gummy mostly; gummy worms, gummy bears, gummy fucking dicks."

Tony almost choked mid-inhale, which sent Bucky into a fit of chuckles; confirming his suspicions that Bucky was already comfortably high. He just hoped he could achieve the same state very soon; he definitely needed to be calm and without worry.

His whole life had gone from perfect to shit in less than a month. Everything had been great, well aside from the dying dad bit, and he'd been happy. Pepper had made him stupidly happy; being intimate with her was rewarding unlike his many sexual encounters. And he had valued her company too; which was hard to come by for someone like him.

Things couldn't have been better; James had come back from Vietnam only a year prior and enrolled into Berkley with him, which had been one of the best gifts he'd ever gotten. He finally had his best friend back, had a great girl who seemed to adore him unequivocally too; but he'd thrown it all away for _this_ ; whatever this was anyway.

Slowly Tony extracted himself from the bong and passed it back to Bucky, who made good use of it himself. They passed it back and forth with very little conversation between them; which was just fine with Tony, since he was finally beginning to relax again.

He leaned back against the wall, absently watching the smoke tendrils waft into the air. The many painful situations that he had been harboring in his mind faded away just like that smoke. Or at least temporarily they did, until lucidity would eventually hit him like a ton of bricks and remind him that his life was an absolute disappointment, if not entirely hellish.

"You know, I thought I was in love with him too." Bucky spoke, drawing Tony's attention to him. "He's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen; and god when he opens his mouth, you're just convinced that there's nobody else on the planet for you but him."

That declaration reverberated with Tony on vulnerable level. No one had spoken anything truer to him before; Bucky had flawlessly explained how Tony felt without even knowing it. Because he too thought Loki was one of the most beautiful creatures on the face of the planet. And his talent surpassed everyone else's; not to mention, Loki did have the ability to make you forget that anyone else existed.

Loki was something special; beautiful and talented, but malicious and hateful. He had the prettiest of sides and the ugliest ones as well; everything about him was extreme. There wasn't any middle ground when it came to him, and that was precisely why Tony loved and hated him so much.

"When you introduced me to him all those years back, I was hypnotized. And I was so goddamn disappointed when I didn't get to see him again; I got backstage somehow, but he was gone. No one knew where he went either." Bucky continued after a moment, before taking a hit from the bong.

"That's because he was with me." Tony said with a croaked smile.

"What?"

"He was with me that night in New York." He repeated, remembering the memory as if it only happened yesterday. "I'd climbed onto some building's roof with a cheap bottle of wine, and was having myself a little 'ol pity party. And he came and found me; showed me a side of him I didn't think I'd ever see, and it was fucking beautiful. Even more beautiful than when he's on stage."

The events on that lone rooftop played crisply through his mind; the way Loki had crouched down beside him and spoke with a gentleness and truthfulness that barely saw the light of day; albeit his exact words were lost after so many years. Tony knew though, that Loki promised that he wouldn't uproot his life if he didn't want him anymore.

He had promised and yet he had done so anyway; which only meant one thing and one thing only – Tony wanted him still and Loki knew it, and maybe he wanted him too. No, he must have wanted him; it was the only explanation for what had occurred within the past few days.

"Sometimes you mistake lust for love, you know." Bucky piped up again, before shifting closer to Tony. "Because even if you think Loki can love anyone, do you really think it'll be you? That's what I asked myself and maybe you should ask yourself that too."

Tony inhaled sharply, looking to Bucky who was far closer than he originally anticipated for. As eloquently as Bucky described his feelings for Loki, he also described Tony's inner turmoil perfectly as well. Maybe he hadn't it allowed it to break through his consciousness in some times, especially of late; but now he was forced to think of it now.

The fact that Loki was still in love with Sif was apparent; and yet if he hadn't any attachment to her, Tony couldn't imagine that Loki really could love him. He wished for it, hoped that his mind games would lead up to actual affection; he prayed for it even. But he knew deep down that it was an impossibility to the highest degree.

"Can someone like Loki Laufeyson love you Stark?" Bucky asked, staring at what could only be his lips.

"Fuck if I know." He breathed out, suddenly overwhelmed by the swirl of emotions that were wrapping him in their unwelcome embrace; but even beyond that, he was assaulted by how close Bucky was and that stupidly attractive quirk of his eyebrow.

The mystery behind the reason why Bucky had drawn so close to him was beyond him. But he hadn't the ability to ask why; his heart was pounding very hard and was practically dancing in his throat. There were so many disjointed thoughts going through his head that he could only study Bucky as if he were a complicated mathematical problem, one that he knew he could solve if he just focused hard enough.

Bucky's hand, heavy and warm, curled into the denim of his jeans right against his upper thigh; which only made Tony's heart hammer harder in his throat. Absentmindedly, the bong was set aside and there wasn't anything to distract them any longer. There wasn't anything to pass between them and puff on, and there weren't any more words to speak of.

In fact, in that moment Tony couldn't recall anything of their previous conversation. His mind hit a roadblock, compromised completely by the feel of Bucky's hand on his thigh and his breath against his mouth. And goddamn the fact that his body was responding to it; uninhibited because he was high, and because he hadn't been properly touched for far too long, not even by himself.

"Oh god, I'm not into guys." He rasped out.

"Me either." Bucky returned as his fingers slid against Tony's inner thigh.

Without his consent, a moan erupted from Tony's mouth; suddenly very much aware of how someone would find Bucky attractive; his eyes were a brilliant blue and smoldered with a confliction that Tony oftentimes seen in James's eyes too. It was the haunted look of a soldier, but one who would readily throw himself back into the jungle if he was only asked.

"You're just something special, Stark; kind of like Loki, you know." Bucky breathed out, leaning into press a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth. "There's something so sad about you, and I can relate."

Bucky's hand traveled farther than what Tony would normally be comfortable with. But he hadn't the vocabulary to stop him; maybe he didn't have the desire to either. Not when he'd been so neglected and wounded and terribly depressed. So when Bucky grazed his semi-hard erection, pressed painfully against his jeans; he could only moan again, which was quickly devoured by Bucky's awaiting mouth.

Somewhere in his mind, Tony knew this was wrong, but he couldn't be bothered to think about why. Not when Bucky forced his lips apart and was gliding his tongue against Tony's, almost as if it belonged in his mouth. And if he responded almost eagerly, it was because he couldn't stop his weed-addled mind from preventing it.

Bucky kissed him like a starving man; kisses that could bruise, which Tony reciprocated in turn. It was the sort of kissing that he longed for, but could never do with Pepper; because Pepper was so meek and unassuming, and she was hardly comfortable with her own body to let him ravage her like this.

Tony reached up, grabbing a hold of Bucky's hair while their tongues grazed one another's until soft moans rumbled out of both of them. Although the feel of Bucky kneading his groin was a major factor on why he was making such wanton noises; and why his hips were rhythmically rising to ensure that the pressure would remain.

Slowly they drew away from one another, gasping for much needed air. Bucky withdrew his hand from Tony's groin after squeezing him, and igniting a glorious sound from his mouth, which left him rutting into thin air to reenact what had just transpired to no avail.

Bucky laughed breathlessly, maneuvering onto his knees, and giving Tony something to look at. He was hard too and while Tony hadn't any extreme sexual feelings for any men, aside from Loki; something inside of him wanted nothing more than to yank down Bucky's jeans and get a better look of his assets.

Maybe it was the wanton way in which he was staring at him, Tony wasn't sure; but Bucky started to unbuckle his oversized belt buckle with the band Boston's logo on it. Unconsciously, Tony's hand reached down to squeeze and rub his erection that was beginning to throb and ache in anticipation for what he was about to see; and he couldn't deny how good it felt either.

But what was even better, was when Bucky shoved down his jeans and underwear to his thighs and exposed himself to him. Tony paused in his ministrations for a moment, in order to gaze at how hard Bucky truly was and how stupidly attractive he was; something that Tony really couldn't tote about himself.

Several lily-white scars spotted Bucky's torso, undoubtedly marks from when he'd seen action in the army. He was also impressively built; his muscles were even more defined than Loki's, which drew immediate envy from Tony. He could only wish to look that good.

"Push down your pants." Bucky leaned in, pressing a wet and sensual kiss to his mouth.

Tony responded by deepening the kiss, moaning shamelessly as Bucky reached out and tried to unbutton his jeans. Once the button slipped free, his zipper was pulled down until the pressure of the denim was replaced by nothing but thin air; which would have been unacceptable, if it hadn't been for Bucky fondling him masterfully.

"Oh fuck," Tony hissed, hurriedly lifting his hips just as Bucky abandoned his previous actions to yank down both his jeans and underwear too.

His tee-shirt soon followed the same path as his jeans; Bucky forced it off of him and threw it over his shoulder to god only knows where. But that was hardly a concern for Tony, whose body was hot with arousal.

"I knew we'd get along." Bucky chuckled, drawing Tony into another wet kiss; which left Tony dizzy and lightheaded. "Lie back."

"You aren't fucking me." Tony blurted out suddenly.

"I don't want to fuck you." Bucky laughed louder than before, urging him into switching his position from against the wall.

Reluctantly, but still terribly aroused, Tony shifted until he could stretch out comfortably. Soon enough Bucky followed suit, but stretched out across Tony's body so they were skin-to-skin. And the feeling was electrifying, especially since their erections were pressed together.

Bucky bracketed Tony underneath him, planting his hands on either side of his head. They stared at one another in evident lust and were clearly stoned out of their minds; which only led to Bucky rolling his hips and grinding their erections together in a way that made them both moan.

Tony reached up, grabbing onto Bucky's hips for optimal pleasure; in order to press their cocks together even closer. They began to rut against one another like animals in heat, until Tony was cussing out a blue strike. After all, it had been way too long and it felt so damn good to feel someone so intimately that was only exacerbated by his god awful, wandering mind.

It was almost too easy to visualize Loki pressing against him, driving sharp ripples of pleasure through his body. The kind that was intensified a tenfold by having been denied a good orgasm for some time; and having his cock pressed snugly against someone else's was enough to make his eyes roll back in his head.

Tony bucked his hips hard, dragging his hands off of Bucky's hips until they cupped his ass. Bucky reacted as he suspected he would, hissing out something, and grinding against him harder and more desperate to find release; which he suspected was very close on both their parts.

The pressure began to build more and more, disorienting Tony more so than even the weed in his system did. He held onto Bucky tighter than only moments beforehand, and felt a tremor of pleasure work its way through his body. He was so close that it was only a matter of time before he completely lost it.

And yet it never came; _he_ never came. Bucky stopped moving above him, staring somewhere ahead of him with a look of confusion painted on his face. But the confusion slowly melted away and was replaced with something akin to horror.

Tony was about to ask what was the matter, until the problem revealed itself very suddenly. Someone was hovering over them, and it was only when he lifted his head that he thought he might literally choke on his own tongue and die.

It was Loki; Loki still painted prettily and dressed to the nines. It was the same Loki both of them had only been talking about, about how he was so perfect and beautiful and otherworldly that he couldn't possibly love either of them. And it was the same Loki who looked like he wanted nothing more than to kill them both.

Before either of them could gather their bearings, Loki suddenly struck. It happened so quickly that Tony was utterly disoriented, because one minute Bucky was on top of him and then he wasn't. Instead Bucky was being shoved with a hand to his throat onto the unoccupied bed, with enough force to make him gag and turn bright red.

"What the _fuck_ are you doing?!" Loki bellowed so loudly, that it snapped Tony out of his shock.

Tony hurriedly scrambled onto his knees, yanking up his underwear and jeans, and fumbled with the zipper and button; all the while trying to process what he should do besides get dressed and run for his life. Because that's precisely what he wanted to do; he wanted to run far, far away and never come back. But he couldn't leave Bucky there with a crazed Loki either.

"You couldn't keep your hands to yourself, could you? Could you?!" Loki was still screaming, holding down Bucky, who was attempting to claw at Loki's hand so he could breathe again. "I've done nothing to cause this sort of disloyalty! And you have the gall to take what's _mine_! You couldn't take anyone to your bed beside him?!"

Those words hit Tony like a ton of bricks; even through his inebriated state, he heard them and realized the weight of them, and for a split-second he swore he couldn't breathe. He felt lightheaded and nauseous, and he must have made some sort of noise because Loki whipped around to stare at him.

Without sparing Bucky another look, Loki advanced on him instead. He grabbed onto Tony's forearm and yanked him so hard, that he swore he was attempting to dislocate his arm. And then he was pulling him away, forcing him to follow him towards the door, and inevitably into the hallway outside.

Incessant babble spilled out of Tony's mouth; he really didn't know what he was saying beyond his attempts to shift the blame onto himself, and more than his fair share of apologies. But it didn't stop Loki from dragging him down the hallway and towards his hotel suite; not even when Tony planted his heels into the ground and made an effort to twist away from his unbreakable hold.

Loki was far stronger than he looked; he'd shown it before so many years back, but this was an eye opening reminder of it. And it would have been a lie if Tony didn't admit to being scared. Loki was like a time bomb ready to explode at any moment, and Tony had been the object of his ire not even two days beforehand; so he was justified in his fear.

Within a matter of moments, Loki ripped open the hotel suite's door and pulled Tony inside with him; and his fear went up a tenfold when Loki twisted the lock shut. But Loki refused to release him, dragging and yanking him across the foray and through the posh sitting room. It was only when they made it into the master bedroom that Loki unhanded him.

"Sit down." Loki gritted out furiously.

Tony didn't need to be told twice; he sank onto the foot of the bed, feeling exposed and small in front of the man who he thought the world of (not to mention the worst of). His whole body was shaking, ready for the other shoe to fall; and he had no way to defend himself. He was stoned, dazed and confused, and abuzz with what could have been a glorious orgasm; which was in no way the best approach to an impending fist fight.

Loki stormed from one side of the room to the next, while swinging his arms wildly as he did so. His face was contorted in so many emotions, it was hard to tell which one was genuine; and for whatever reason, Tony was even more terrified by his makeup; although it might have very well been a side effect of the weed.

Suddenly Loki drew to a stop, before he lunged at him. Tony raised his hands to stave off any attack, but was shocked by where Loki's hands landed on him. He was tearing at the top of his jeans, ripping down the zipper and forcing the button to give.

"I told you I'm sorry! I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to do it, honestly!" Tony babbled again, as Loki crouched in front of him, abandoning his jeans, and instead pulled his tennis shoes and socks off, before throwing them as hard as he could across the room.

Just as quickly as he'd been forced into the bedroom, Loki was shoving him into the adjoining bathroom. He watched in mounting confusion and paranoia, as Loki ripped open the glass door to the shower stall and turned on the water; which splashed against the tile with a brutal echo.

Once that was done, Loki got onto his knees in front of him and forced down his jeans and underwear; but he paused halfway through the action and made the queerest noise Tony had ever heard him make. He went perfectly still, looking down at him, and swore he must have been imagining things. He blinked several times, but the look didn't change and the shine to Loki's eyes didn't disappear either.

Loki wasn't necessarily looking at him, although his eyes were boring into his abdomen; he was far, far away from the present and it scared Tony even more. Loki shook his head, tightly closing his mouth into a thin line, which seemed to emphasize the anguish on his face further.

"We'll clean you up." He whispered brokenly, before bowing his head, and pulling down the only pieces of clothing Tony had left on his body entirely.

Tony stepped out of both articles, engulfed unexpectedly in an embrace by Loki who was still kneeling in front of him. Loki buried his face against his stomach, holding him impossibly close; in a way that tore Tony's heart into tiny, insignificant pieces. His hands came up to card through Loki's hair, attempting to be comforting when he was so out of element it wasn't even funny.

But the embrace was short-lived. Loki slowly rose to his feet again, taking Tony by the hand and leading him into the shower stall regardless of being fully clothed. In fact, Loki remained in the shower stall with him, grabbing the soap bar and rubbing it in between his hands until he had a fair amount of suds between them. He then started to clean Tony from head to toe, almost as if he was trying to cleanse him after what he'd been doing with Bucky.

Somewhere amid the ritual, Loki had begun to speak and sing, going back and forth, in what had to be Norwegian. But every few minutes there was a crack to his voice, that hurt Tony so badly that he thought he might actually break down and cry.

His heart ached and all he wanted to do was to take back his impulsivity. He couldn't even look at Loki, whose clothes were clinging to every part of him, and who was again crouched down to clean his lower back and thighs, still saying things in a way that sounded like they comforting, if not entirely reassuring.

Tony felt his entire body convulsive but he wasn't positive if his cheeks were wet because of the water pelting him in the face or if it was because he was crying. But he refused to overanalyze it, not when it was almost appropriate to let all the pains of the world rush out of him and into the awaiting drain.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reception I received for the last chapter was pretty astounding; you guys keep blowing me away with all the comments and the incredible analysis in them. Thank you so much for all the support!
> 
> The lyrics within this chapter are from the song "Nature Boy"; I listened to the David Bowie and Massive Attack version again, but I also listened to the Nat King Cole version as well. Either way, the lyrics reminded me of Tony and his relationship with Loki to a degree.

* * *

 

**Chapter Fourteen**

 

* * *

 

When Tony came to it was to a melody; a melody that sounded vaguely familiar, but one he couldn't immediately place. Opening his eyes, he focused onto the canary yellow wallpaper with a posh design stenciled onto it, and attempted to gather his bearings.

It took several moments, but he found himself recollecting things in vivid detail. His initial thoughts had focused on the wildly inventive show that he'd seen; the same that had integrated a baby grand piano and a pianist whose face had been painted colorfully on one side, and who'd sung like an ethereal and surreal entity.

There had been a cacophony of sounds, explosions of rainbow colored lights; it had been a circus of imagination, an imagenarium (a word dubbed by the show's creator), if you will. And the audience had been starved for it; moaning and crying, dancing and flailing, and wanting to become a part of a world that they could only glimpse upon.

Tony had wanted into that world too; except reality had dictated a different route for him. His reality had been filled with cancer, impending death, responsibility of thousands and thousands of faceless individuals; and it had been filled with bong smoke, hazy highs, and the taste of Sergeant Bucky Barnes's on his lips.

The memory of being caught rutting against Bucky, forced him to sit up and study his surroundings further. He was in a large bed, probably a king, with at least a dozen pillows stacked around him as if he was precious cargo. He peered down only to find he was bare chested, and by means of deduction realized he was, in fact, completely bare.

Normally that wasn't beyond the realm of possibility while waking in a disoriented state; but the events that led him to be stripped and freshly bathed were another thing entirely. His throat tightened by the onslaught of recollections, which only became worse once he remembered how he even ended up in the bed in the first place.

Loki had washed him from head to toe, before he dried him and wrapped him into a fluffy white towel as if he were an infant. He even carried him to the bed, soaking wet still, and tucked him in; remaining crouched beside the bed until he'd drifted off.

It was a very un-Loki like thing to do, and yet Tony suspected that might have actually been the opposite of the truth. There was a possibility that Loki was gentle, caring even when it came to someone he loved. And it seemed like a fair deduction that Tony was loved; if he hadn't been Loki might have simply left him on the floor with Bucky or kicked him in the face for good measures. But he hadn't been left behind, hadn't been physically harmed either.

Loki had taken care of him and was now perched on the foot of the bed, playing that melody that Tony couldn't readily recall. Loki's back was to him while he faced the pane of windows and the twinkling lights of the city below; which seemed to suggest only a few hours had passed, since the disastrous situation between Tony and Bucky had occurred.

He swallowed hard and watched as Loki continued to play. Several emotions struck him all at once, but the most prominent was regret; regret for letting his pigheadedness get in the way of logical thought. But most of all, he regretted the hurt he caused Loki; the hurt he probably wouldn't admit to, but what had been evident during that heart wrenching ritual.

 _"There was a boy, a very strange enchanted boy,"_ Loki slowly began to sing. _"They say he wandered very far, very far, over land and sea; a little shy and sad of eye; but very wise was he."_

The words were haunting and somewhat biographical to a degree. Tony suspected that much of what Loki said and did was well thought out, pre-planned to an extent even. Of course, when he was angry and throwing his trademark tantrums those were unexpected and unplanned consequences; but otherwise, everything had its place and its reason.

Gradually the melody dissipated, not fully played but there was good reason for that. Loki had turned ever so slightly, enough for he could peer at the head of the bed and at Tony himself; which wasn't something he was prepared for, especially after what he'd done only hours ago.

His heart pounded faster than only moments beforehand, until he swore he might go into cardiac arrest. And it only got worse, once he observed Loki bending down to put away his guitar in its awaiting case; because that meant they were about to have a confrontation, that he would never be prepared to face.

Loki stood from his perch on the foot of the bed, a picture of lucidity. His painted face had been cleaned to reveal an impassive expression, while his water soaked clothing had been changed to a drier and more casual set; the kind of clothing he had worn frequently on stage while still in Odin's Sons. In fact, Loki resembled his former self far more than he had since they'd become reacquainted.

In a way, it calmed Tony down; the familiarity was strangely cathartic. He watched as Loki approached the unoccupied side of the bed, before he placed his hands onto his jean-clad hips with a look of pained contemplation on his face; the kind that made Tony feel guiltier than he already felt.

The standstill lasted for what felt like a small eternity, which made Tony want to scream. He didn't care if it invoked Loki's wrath or not; so long as he wouldn't be subjected to that forlorn look on Loki's face anymore. Scary and unhinged Loki was better than this; because at least he could gauge what he was thinking, in comparison to now.

Hesitantly, Loki climbed onto the bed but maintained his distance; almost as if he was terrified of Tony instead of the other way around. Loki leaned into the upholstered headboard, and looked suddenly intrigued by the opposite wall; which should probably be a cause for concern.

Tony sunk onto his back once more, pulling the duvet up around his shoulders. It was a stupid attempt to protect himself; albeit if Loki really wanted to hurt him, he would have throttled him alongside Bucky. He wouldn't have been as gentle and caring with him as he had been.

"We need to talk." Loki deadpanned, in a way that seemed to suggest he knew how cliché that sounded, but he knew it needed to be said nonetheless.

"Do we really?" Tony asked, taken aback by the look Loki whipped around to give him.

Clearly there was no way he was getting out of it, not if that stern look on Loki's face had anything to say about it. And well, he owed the guy at least a conversation after he royally fucked up; which is what he would call what had happened between him and Bucky.

"Do you have feelings for James?" Loki asked so abruptly, Tony couldn't speak right away.

"Could you repeat the question?"

"Do you have feelings for James?"

"No, not at all; of course not," Tony forced himself to sit up, although he felt shaky and nauseous still. "That, that thing you walked in on was a mistake! I've never done anything like that with a guy! I'm not into guys!"

Loki didn't respond beyond crossing an arm across his midsection, and pressing a hand to his mouth in a way that looked both thoughtful and potentially torn; which was the exact opposite of what Tony wanted to do. He kicked the covers and sheets off of him, ignoring his nudity for the time being, and almost lunged towards Loki; who seemed temporarily surprised by his sudden closeness.

"I didn't mean it that way; I just," Tony took in a shaky breath. "I just don't know how to say it."

"Anthony Stark," Loki reached forward, placing his hand to Tony's chest, right above his heart before it slid down to his side, almost lovingly. "I won't keep you here if you don't want to be here."

Something inside of Tony panicked; desperation overwhelmed him entirely. He grabbed onto Loki's wrist once his hand caressed its way back to his chest, and held it steadfast over his heart. He was certain that Loki could feel how fast his heart was beating now, even though he refused to meet his eyes.

"I'm scared." He whispered. "You scare the shit out of me."

"I think the feeling is mutual."

"I'm not supposed to feel this way about you anymore." Tony shuddered. "It's been five fucking years and I was a stupid kid; I was star struck. But it wasn't supposed to last; it never should have lasted. Because nothing ever lasts for me, except for disappointment after fucking disappointment. _You_ weren't supposed to last."

Loki didn't immediately respond, which never was a good sign. He suspected he offended him by that outburst of honesty, and yet something unexpected happened. Loki leaned inward only a breath away from him and bore his eyes into his.

They stared at one another for some time; Tony was instantly mesmerized by how green Loki's irises were and the flicks of gold in them too. But his focus was compromised by the long-fingered hand cupping his jaw and the warm breath against his lips.

"I've come back for you and I intend to have you then." Loki declared in a way that made Tony's heart skip a beat.

Before he could reply, Loki closed the distance between them, kissing him lightly and almost reverently. The kind of kiss Tony didn't deserve, especially from someone like Loki. And yet that didn't stop him from responding, barely ghosting his lips against Loki's; which was far more soul shattering and toe curling than any of his previous kisses before, including his previous ones with Loki.

Throwing caution to the wind, Tony reached out and gripped Loki by the front of his oxford, bringing them closer than they originally had been. It was that small action that tipped the scales; Loki's arms suddenly engulfed him and somehow Tony ended up on his back again against the mattress with Loki hovering over him, kissing him harder and more desperate than only moments beforehand.

Tony met Loki point for point, hungry for the attention and affection. It didn't matter that Pepper had been attentive towards him or even Bucky for that matter; he wanted this from Loki and Loki alone. He wanted to be ravished by him and almost choked on his tongue that forced its way through his lips.

A wanton moan expelled from Tony, transferred directly into Loki's awaiting mouth. His hands scrambled away from the front of Loki, traveling backwards until he had a sturdy hold on his shoulder blades. He used it as momentum and pressed his body further against Loki's, who had the gall to lift away from him and away from his mouth too.

"Not today, Little Stark." Loki breathed out heavily, before licking his lips in a way, which aroused Tony almost immediately. "Not until I know for sure."

"Until you know what for sure," Tony repeated, trying to break through the haze of want that roiled in the pit of his stomach.

"Until I know this isn't a passing fancy for either of us." Loki looked pained for a split-second, as he righted himself and leaned back against the headboard again. "I won't invest into you physically, if I'm not certain about your intentions completely; that you will not run off to your redheaded girlfriend or even for that matter James again."

Tony shut his eyes and attempted to stave away any irrationality he might have felt. Because that statement was enough to send him off the deep end; he couldn't have made his intentions anymore clearer to Loki in the past, and yet he had the gall to act like he was actually the victim.

Just as he was about to say something undoubtedly uncouth, Loki shifted beside him and drew nearer again. Tony opened his eyes once more, watching as Loki lifted the duvet and sheets, in a clear invitation for Tony to get back underneath since he was still very much naked.

He didn't put up a fight, despite his annoyance and slid back between the sheets. Once he settled down comfortably, Loki pulled him close against his chest, and wrapped him up in a pair of strong and reassuring arms; into an embrace that temporarily took his breath away.

"Stay with me tonight; if only for tonight." Loki whispered against his temple, before he began to sing softly and soothingly. " _And then one day, one magic day he passed my way; while we spoke of many things fools and kings; this is what he said to me – the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return._ "

Tony slid his arms around Loki again, pressing his face against the crook of his neck. He felt defeated, completely and utterly defeated. Because he knew for certain that he would always love Loki, no matter what happened in his life and no matter how much he changed; the only constant in his life would always be Loki. And that was the greatest blessing and curse of all.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know anymore; I've lost complete control of Loki. He does what he wants.

* * *

 

**Chapter Fifteen**

 

* * *

 

Phil Coulson, super manager extraordinaire, was the type of businessman that was no-nonsense. He was efficient and diligent, whenever it came to any pressing matter; Tony had seen him on a few occasions and how effectively he had worked and how quickly he got results; hence, the reason why his nickname was super manager extraordinaire.

The only weakness Phil exhibited as a manager, although some would call it a strength, was his inability to stand up to Loki. Even when the situation was hazardous to his health, Phil generally allowed the situation to unfold until he hadn't any other choice but to derail the inevitable fall-out.

Surprisingly this wasn't one of those times; in fact Phil was beet red and shouting directly into Loki's face, who looked oddly passive in spite of it. But that hardly deterred Phil, whom tried to rip away whatever Loki had in his grasp but to no avail.

Tony watched from the sidelines, having stumbled upon the scene as he boarded the bus which was destined for Dallas, Texas. And it was a scene that was both peculiar and uncomfortable to walk in on; mostly because Phil hadn't been this fiercely outraged before, not even towards Tony; and he'd been dubbed as enemy number one.

"I am not playing around with you, Loki!" Phil yelled, trying again to grab at Loki's right hand and the item he must have had clenched in it. "Now give it to me this instant!"

"You were hired to be my manager, not my mother! You will do well to remember that!" Loki snarled back, finally revealing what he had that was driving Phil crazy.

The sight of a Jack Daniels bottle in Loki's possession momentarily floored Tony; aggravated only by the fact that he had the gall to take a swig from it. Loki wasn't a drinker; not even when he was completely out of control and furious with Thor, did he ever touch a drop of alcohol. Loki's vices consisted of cigarettes, tea, and sometimes a hit of acid; but alcohol was strictly off limits.

There was good reason for it too. Tony had learned about the murkiest and ugliest parts of Loki's past from Sif, who revealed Loki's biological parents were alcoholics just like Tony's. The only difference between the two was that Loki's parents had neglected him to the point of an unimaginable horror befalling upon him.

"Loki, that's enough!" Phil roared, turning an even darker shade of red. "Now give me the bottle!"

"I'll give you the bloody bottle when it's empty." Loki declared after taking a healthy swig from the aforementioned bottle; the same bottle that was over halfway empty.

On further inspection, Tony noticed a flush to Loki's normally pale skin; there was also a delirious shine to his eyes, suggesting that Loki was probably past a pleasant buzz and was heading full steam ahead into inebriation.

Phil attempted once more to snatch the bottle away, but the height difference proved to be an even greater disadvantage than Phil seemed to anticipate for. Loki raised the bottle above his own head, before backing away gracelessly as Phil lurched and jumped at him without any results.

The tango lasted several moments of futility; proven by the fact that Loki practically downed the rest of the bottle, as if he was a seasoned drinker comparably to being a vehement non-drinker instead. And there was something terrifying by how gone Loki seemed to be; it unearthed the horror Tony had felt at seeing Loki singing on the rooftop in Seattle, and coming close to falling off the edge.

But while there were no ledges for Loki to fall from, this was a situation that was clearly a cause for concern. Phil probably would have been reasonably flustered if Loki had taken something like LSD; but it had happened in the past, and he probably knew how to handle the situation accordingly. Alcohol, hard alcohol at that, was on an entirely different level because of what it meant; and that was that Loki was teetering over the metaphorical ledge.

Phil managed to get the bottle away from Loki somehow; albeit there was very little Jack Daniels inside it to matter. And Tony suspected Loki had willingly given it to him; probably aware that he wouldn't get any drunker by a final mouthful.

"What the hell are you doing?" Phil stared at the bottle then at Loki, who was swaying on his feet and looking like he didn't have a care in the world. "This is unacceptable, Loki! I will not put up with this!"

"There is the door." Loki motioned dismissively to the front of the bus, before smiling in a broken way. "Off you go then, Phillip. Give Hamish my regards!"

"This isn't funny, Loki. You're too drunk to understand this, but we're not going to have a repeat of what happened four years ago. I refuse to go through that again; not when you have so much to live for. I will not let you try and throw it away again." Phil slammed the heavy duty bottle onto the kitchenette's counter with a finality that seemed to momentarily sober Loki up.

There was a split-second of lucidity in Loki's eyes, before it dissolved away and was replaced by delirium again and an obnoxious laugh. Despite being piss-drunk, Loki managed to turn and walk up the aisle of the bus without any troubles. He remained upright, and while he weaved a bit, he still managed to get to his bed at the very back without hurting himself.

Tony was suddenly very aware of the fact, that he walked into a situation that someone of his status shouldn't have. Regardless of his intimate knowledge of Loki, Phil only saw him as a reporter; and a bastard of a reporter who smeared the hell out of Loki in his previous article. So he wasn't very surprised once Phil turned and saw him, which caused immediate outrage to spread across his face.

But instead of super manager extraordinaire going onto a colorful rant, demanding he leave the bus for good; he wordlessly pointed to the booth, in a way that was in the universal language of: _you better sit down right now or so help me, I will end you_.

Rather than press his luck and aggravate the situation further, Tony slowly moved towards the booth and sunk into the cushiony seat. Phil didn't sit, though; he chose instead to pace, probably a precaution if Loki came back and started to raise hell; which was a possibility since he did that normally without any alcohol in his system for fun.

"You've been nothing but trouble from the beginning, Stark." Phil said tersely. "I only allowed you on this bus because Loki insisted, but clearly his judgment is skewed. Why else would he be drinking again?"

"Hold your horses," Tony raised a hand, which made Phil pause. "What do you mean by that? Because the last time I checked, Loki wasn't a drinker. He did drugs from time to time, but never did he drink."

"It's exactly what I said – he's drinking _again_." Super manager extraordinaire crossed his arms, looking at him sternly. "It happened four years ago, and I will not put up with it again."

"Off the record, tell me what happened."

"I trust you as far as I can throw you, Stark. And I suspect this is your doing anyway."

"Listen, buddy I refuse to take the fall for something I don't even understand. So you better sing like a bird, and tell me what the hell happened four years ago, or you can stop accusing me of shit. Do we have an understanding?" Tony snapped, not knowing what to feel at the moment; he had all but blocked out the incident between him and Bucky, and the even stranger contact between him and Loki.

The fact of the matter was that Tony didn't know what to feel, no less how to react to what had occurred. And when the going got tough, he had the uncanny ability to shut off his higher faculties until he was comfortable enough to go through everything at his own leisure.

Phil glowered at him hatefully, before he took the seat across from him. He crossed his arms in a vice-like grip across his chest, and looked like his head might explode if he had to recount whatever happened four years ago.

"Loki never touched a drop of alcohol until he heard through the grapevine that Thor had proposed to Amelia." Phil narrowed his eyes. "He was in the middle of recording his first solo record; he already had success with the single he'd put out beforehand. But this was important; beyond important, really."

"Thor proposed to Sif?"

"He proposed all right, but Thor's capacity to stay committed is lackluster at best. And I suspect that decision was fueled by the fact, that he knew it would send Loki over the deep end; which it did." Phil looked away, visibly disturbed. "Loki went drinking, almost damn near killed himself from alcohol poisoning. And when he came to, he had the gall to ask me why I even took him to the hospital when all he wanted to do was die."

Horror of the highest order overwhelmed Tony; although he found much of Loki's past to be surprisingly tragic, oftentimes self-imposed even. Which was relatable on several levels; Tony could see similarities between them, especially with how they dabbled in self-harm via controlled substances, and in the way they hopelessly harbored feelings for a single person who didn't seem to give a shit about them; except that seemed to have changed for Tony, in a way.

"But he recovered, beautifully even." Phil continued in obvious frustration. "He pulled himself together, laid off the drugs, stopped smoking as much; his mood improved by spades even. His only problem was his abysmal eating habits and sleep habits; but he was doing better. And then _you_ came along again; and _you_ aggravated the situation."

"How did I aggravate it?" Tony managed to ask, although he was terrified by the answer.

He already knew his relationship with Loki was toxic; it was the exact opposite of what he had with Pepper. When he'd been with Pepper, there was pure joy in their coupling. They enjoyed one another's company; they laughed together, and would spend hours speaking with one another. Whereas, when he was with Loki everything devolved into a game of hard ball, and the objective was to hurt the other with either words or actions.

Their very first encounter only a week and a half ago had been meant to hurt. Loki had kissed him like Tony always imagined he'd be kissed by him; then he told him to fuck off. And somehow they had gotten involved intimately only hours later, which resulted in further hurt feelings and Tony getting hammered.

They were bad for one another; they'd always be bad for one another. As much as Tony was negatively affected by Loki, Loki was negatively affected by him. And someone else finally had the gall to call them out on it.

"You showed up again and turned his world upside down." Phil threw his hands up in the air. "He was so angry, so _hurt_ by what you wrote about him that he obsessed about it for months on end. For whatever reason, your opinion mattered to him and he couldn't understand why you would do that to him. Quite frankly, I don't know why you'd do that to him either; but that's irrelevant.

"What's relevant now is that you've sent him into a tailspin. And just so you know, I do know about what happened between you and Bucky; Loki and I had a very long conversation about that. It's a miracle that Bucky still has his life, let alone his job."

"Where is Bucky?" Tony asked, before covering his face with both of his hands.

"On the other bus with the band; it would be stupid to let him in close proximity with Loki, especially now." Phil stood from the table, which forced Tony to drop his hands to look at him. "You created the mess, Stark; and if Loki can't bounce back from this I'll hold you solely responsible for it."

Before he could respond properly to that, Phil grabbed the bottle of Jack Daniels, and stormed to the front of the bus. His voice carried as he climbed back outside, warning whomever was in close range that they were to keep any and all alcoholic beverages away from Loki for the duration of the tour.

But that only kept Tony's attention for so long; his thoughts roved elsewhere, to the point where he was surprised his head didn't burst from all the tension he was feeling. He felt so many things and at the same instance none at all; which was an atypical Stark-like coping mechanism. It just came naturally at some point.

Slowly he stood from the booth and started towards the back of the bus. He didn't know why he was headed that way, since he hadn't anything necessarily to say to an inebriated Loki. But something compelled him back there anyway; maybe just to check that he hadn't vomited and was now choking on it, like his mother had only three years earlier. Or maybe it was just to ensure that he wasn't sitting there sobbing hysterically over what Tony had done to him.

Either way, it didn't matter. Tony was bound to still feel guilty for what he'd done, bordering on nauseous even. But he set aside his personal hang-ups, as he continued down the aisle and to the nook which held Loki's bed. The curtain was still thrown open to reveal Loki who was on his side with his back facing Tony. He stripped off his shirt at some point, which did funny things to Tony every time.

"Loki?" Tony stepped closer to the bed, until Loki made a show of rolling onto his back and cracked a delirious smile at him.

"Hello, love." He replied, reaching out a hand; impatiently jutting it forward until Tony finally took it. "Come join me; I've missed you."

"That isn't a good idea."

"It's an exquisite idea."

"If exquisite means bad," Tony sighed, even though he allowed himself to be pulled onto the bed and beside Loki.

Without any hesitation whatsoever, Loki wrapped him into a similar embrace from only the night before; while placing gentle kisses across his forehead and cheeks. Tony felt the urge to push him away and tell him to sober the hell up; but he instead persevered the coddling until he was dizzy from all the attention and the smell of Jack Daniels on Loki's breath.

"Stay with me, darling," Loki suddenly said between kisses, and even had the gall to lick the corner of his mouth. "You've hurt me so much, I can't even think straight anymore. All I can think of is you and I want you so badly."

Tony squirmed under the attention for a variety of reasons; he knew that Loki was drunk and while he could have possibly been speaking the truth, since alcohol was known to be a truth serum, that didn't mean he should take advantage of the situation. Not even when Loki began pushing his very apparent and very hard bulge into his hip, which made him moan in spite of himself.

Loki was clearly well-endowed; Tony had figured as much with how tight his pants tended to be, but he was a grower too. That would definitely be intimidating once, if, they were intimate; and for all intents and purposes, Loki appeared to want to progress into that realm right now.

"Wow, wow," Tony gasped, managing to grab a hold of Loki's wandering hands. "You're drunk, a handsy drunk obviously; but we're not going to do this right now. You said as much and while the thought's appealing, it's not going to happen. I'll stay with you, but only if you promise that there won't be any more hanky-panky; got it?"

"But you'll promise to stay?"

"Scout's honor,"

"Good because I can't live without you now." Loki uttered in a way that was so honest and heart-wrenching that Tony could only stare at his flushed face and hazy eyes for several long moments.

Loki pressed a kiss to his forehead tenderly, before he pressed his face against Tony's neck; and within a matter of seconds Tony knew he'd fallen asleep. And that revealed a few things about Loki right off the bat when he was inebriated – he was a handsy drunk and one that had the propensity for falling asleep without any trouble whatsoever; and that might have been how he ended up in the hospital in the first place.

Tony's heart clenched at the thought, but the only thing he could do was wrap his arms around Loki in consensus. He rested his chin onto the top of his head, taking in that unnamed cologne that thrilled him to no end, and try feebly to banish any horrible thoughts that he might have had. But something told him, he couldn't leave Loki now; not after what Phil had told him, and it was just a sacrifice he was going to have to make, selfish as it may be.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said I loved you? I really do. ;)

* * *

 

**Chapter Sixteen**

 

* * *

 

Fantasies had plagued Tony's mind for a very long time. Ever since he'd hit puberty, he had been particularly sex crazed; something he attributed to the Stark genes, if Howard was anything to go by. But the fantasies had been especially intense during the past few weeks; considering the fact he'd been touting a pair of blue balls for just as long.

The emotional chaos however had made it impossible to focus solely on his physical needs. Whenever he was alone, his mind oftentimes was working a mile a minute; which made any chances for relief few and far between. Not to mention, he generally didn't want to jerk-off when he preferred to jump off of the highest building within a five mile radius instead.

So the intensity of his current wet dream wasn't all that surprising, although it was far more vivid than any he had before. The tongue that was lazily lapping at one of his nipples felt real; so real that he found himself moaning and arching into the phantom mouth, which slowly clamped down and sucked on his nipple sensually before moving to the other and repeating the action.

Strong hands slid down both his sides, scratching lightly at his skin; he felt a familiar heat pool in his stomach and a twitch in his groin that only seemed to increase by the sudden shock of pain from being bitten gently.

Tony's eyes shot open, gasping as if was breaking the surface of the water. While his brain was still sleep hazed and he felt completely disoriented; his body was still experiencing those sensations from his dream. In fact, they only seemed to grow stronger as the moments ticked away, and as he started to gain his bearings.

That phantom mouth wasn't a figment of his imagination as he originally thought it to be, nor were those hands either. They were connected to a very real person who'd been inebriated on Jack Daniels, and declared some very powerful things to him not so long ago.

"Son of a bitch," Tony choked out, which paused that tongue in mid-lick.

Loki slowly raised his head, peering at him in what could only be described as mischievous; like a child who'd been caught playing with matches or using a magnify glass for nefarious means against a colony of ants. The tip of his tongue poked out from between his lips, clearly unashamed to be caught in the midst of stimulating Tony until he woke up.

It could have been dubbed, easily, as a violation of some sort; but Tony found that he was only turned on by Loki's lack of boundaries, heightened by the fact he looked dead sober. His eyes weren't glazed over as they had been, nor was there any of those sloppy and imprecise movements either; instead his movements were feline-like and well plotted out for ultimate pleasure.

Loki continued to stare at Tony, never breaking eye contact; even as he lowered his head once more and touched the tip of his tongue to Tony's hardened nipple. Tony gasped again, electrified by the sensation; he bucked his hips but had very little success due to Loki's body weighing him down.

"Feeling better, sunshine?" He managed to say, even as Loki began to suck on his nipple again in a lazy and unhurried manner. "Guess you aren't one for hangovers, which points to the fact that, ah, you aren't human! Oh god,"

"I have a migraine." Loki lifted his head again. "I've vomited twice already, but I think I've gotten it out of my system."

"Why the fuck are you doing this? I thought you wanted to wait."

"I want to make you feel good, is that so hard to believe?" Loki pressed his index finger to Tony's mouth, silencing any response, inevitably sarcastic, he might have had. "That was rhetorical; so do keep your snark to a minimum."

Without further ado, Loki began to pepper kisses across his sternum; wet and warm kisses that drove any witty retort from Tony's already compromised mind. He wasn't at his best when he first woke up anyway, and it was probably a blessing in disguise that he hadn't sprouted out some half-baked response that he'd inevitably regret.

He closed his eyes again, reveling in the way Loki's thin lips and overactive tongue ran across his skin, which had been exposed. His shirt had been rolled up to his collarbone and by the trajectory of Loki's hands; his jeans had been pulled down around his hips ever so slightly.

The combination of both mouth and hands were exciting him considerably; and he couldn't help but squirm as Loki delved downward to suckle on the skin just above his navel. He practically mewed, which drew out a chuckle from the man he both loved and hated simultaneously; the man who was poisonous to him and vice-versa.

But logical thought was fleeting; even if he knew this was a terrible idea, there was no way he was about to stop Loki from doing what he pleased with him. And that was a liberating thought; to put away the emotional hardships and miscommunication, and focus on the here and now, and the sinful way Loki was touching him.

Loki nibbled down further, following the thin trail of hair that delved towards his semi-hard cock. His hands were methodically stroking up and down his sides; caressing and scratching him, and repeating the action whenever he received a favorable reaction.

"And here I thought your mouth was only good for singing." He rasped out, as Loki shifted above him to lick up his left side wetly.

"You'll know the extent of my talents very soon, Little Stark." Loki murmured, biting into the sensitive spot just above his hip, and drawing a startled cry from Tony. "And you'll forget every other person that has ever touched you intimately when I'm done with you."

The promise, because Tony had no doubt it was a promise, sent shivers down his spine. His whole body anticipated the movement of Loki's mouth and hands, but he wasn't truly prepared for the sensation once it came into fruition. He rutted and gasped, completely consumed by the amount of pleasure he was receiving and too far gone to care about anything else.

Logically speaking, Tony should have known better; he should have stopped the proceedings, and focused on the many reason why this was a mistake. He should have repeated in his head, like a mantra, how they were unhealthy for one another and could only hurt one another. He should have done something, beyond arching his back and holding back another moan as Loki roughly pulled down his jeans a fraction more.

But that was only the beginning of it; Loki maneuvered himself onto his knees, in order to get a firm grip on the hem of Tony's tee-shirt. It only took a few tugs for Tony to understand his intent; he managed to sit up and helped pull the offending material off, before it was unceremoniously thrown aside.

"You're not a boy anymore are you, Little Stark?" Loki ran both his hands down his chest slowly, which made his skin break out in goose bumps; but the sensual way in which he spoke also was a contributing factor to it.

"I think there's a way to prove that, you know." Tony returned breathlessly, letting the innuendo hang in the air for several moments.

Loki cracked a sly smile at that, not wasting any time with formalities; he readjusted himself into the limited space, while forcing Tony to scoot farther up the bed so he could unknot his shoe laces and hurl his shoe at the curtain that had been drawn closed. So his shoe didn't go very far beyond falling to the floor with a thump, which was quickly followed by the other and then his socks.

While there had been some sensuality beforehand, Loki was now far too hurried to draw things out; which was just fine for Tony. He was just as eager, if not more so; and he knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that the probability that someone might walk in on them was fairly high. Since, he was apparently a magnet for kill joys.

"Where's Phil?" Tony breathed out, lifting his hips as Loki grasped onto top of his jeans and yanked them down in one fluid motion, followed shortly by his underwear.

There wasn't an immediate response to his question, due to the fact that Loki had busied himself tossing both articles of clothing away, and was now openly staring at him. Generally, Tony wasn't self-conscious about his physique; he'd grown into his body since he was a teenager and had taken up weight lifting by Rhodey's insistence.

But at that moment, semi-erect and wanton, he felt like he should cover himself. He was nothing compared to Loki, who was lithe and long and beautiful. He was still shorter than him; hell he was shorter than Rhodey and Daddy Stark too; and he didn't have as much muscle definition as Loki had either. Not to mention, he was pretty sure even while fully erect he wouldn't bypass the python in Loki's pants; if touch had been any indication of its size anyway.

Loki pressed his hand against Tony's stomach, before he awkwardly bent over and kissed the tip of his cock. Which led to Tony making a noise that didn't sound very human at all; in fact, he didn't know what it sounded like besides a cat being thrown into a bucket full of water.

He would have been embarrassed had it not been for the repeated action. Loki gently pecked at the head of his rapidly growing erection, eventually integrating his hands into the mix as well. One of his hands took a firm hold of his hip, preventing him from thrusting upward to seek out further relief; while the other encircled the base of his cock.

The butterfly kisses slowly grew firmer until Tony was squirming under the attention, torn between enjoying the sensation or demanding more; so much more. He bit back another feline noise as Loki's tongue darted out and grazed the slit of his cock several times.

"Loki, shit!" Tony cried, growing painfully hard as his tongue began to lick him long and languidly.

It was apparent that Loki intended on torturing him with small spurts of pleasure; when all he really wanted was to fuck Loki's throat raw, until he couldn't even sing at his upcoming concert. And those ponderings only increased his need for relief; especially since he'd been without any sort of release in weeks.

Tony reached down to tangle both his hands into Loki's hair, wordlessly begging him for more than those teasing licks. But his actions only caused Loki to halt altogether; he lifted his head, before knocking his hands away, and giving him a stern, no-nonsense sort of look.

"I'll be the judge of when you're ready for more. Now keep your hands to yourself." Loki sneered, before he began that torturous licking again; and maybe as a punishment, he pressed the tip of his tongue snugly against his slit until Tony was practically dizzy with sensation.

"G-Going to make me explode," he stammered out. "Haven't cum in weeks,"

Despite this revelation, Loki continued his lazy ministrations but soon implemented the use of his hand on Tony's shaft. He pumped him ever so slightly, which drew another tirade of embarrassing noises from his mouth; the kind that Tony swore he'd berate himself for later, but he didn't care now since it was driving him towards the edge of insanity.

Gripping onto the multi-colored velvet duvet with both hands, Tony shut his eyes as Loki pressed down onto the slit of his cock once more until it almost hurt. He sharply took in a breath and was glad the pressure lessened only to be replaced by an apologetic kiss that would have been romantic and chaste if it had been pressed onto Tony's actual lips.

But he wasn't done making it up to Tony; Loki sucked the head into his mouth, and even began to stroke him in a way that sparked spurts of pleasure through Tony's whole body. It increased a tenfold as Loki finally conceded and took more of his throbbing cock into his mouth, sucking on it wantonly as if he was getting off on it as much as Tony was.

The mere idea that Loki was the type of person that got off on sucking cock only pushed Tony further to the edge of no return. He arched his back, desperate to lose himself into the wet and warm sensation of Loki's mouth, and that sinful tongue that was lapping at the underside of his cock with an enthusiasm that he normally seemed to lack.

Tony almost lost it entirely, once Loki took more of him into his mouth, and moved his hand away from his shaft to cup his balls. He ran his thumb lightly across the sensitive skin, timing it impeccably by the sudden bob of his head; which immediately shut off any sound thought that might have been inside of Tony's head.

"Fucking hell," Tony choked out, somehow managing to arch his body off of the mattress; and that perfect bastard that Loki was, took full advantage of it, shooting out both his hands and clasping onto his ass in a vice-like grip and drawing him further into his mouth.

Without asking for permission, since it was pointless when he was that far gone already; Tony reached down and held onto Loki's hair again, although this time he wasn't met with any resistance. In fact, the only thing he received in return was a muffled moan around his cock that felt so good that he might have very well said it aloud; but he really couldn't be sure, until Loki did it again.

The reverberations from the sudden cacophony coming from Loki's throat, was pushing him further and further over the edge. He grit his teeth as Loki kneaded his ass and dragged himself up his cock until only the head was between his lips, before he plunged back downward until Tony was practically hitting the back of his throat.

He repeated this action half a dozen times, pulling out loud and indiscernible jabbering from Tony's mouth; the kind he frequently reverted to when he was in a heightened state of pleasure. But he couldn't remember a time where it was this good; he definitely never had been sucked off like this before, not even by the girl dubbed as Berkeley's blowjob queen. And she gave one hell of a blowjob.

Suddenly Tony felt his body stiffen up, hit by the onslaught of tremors; a telltale sign that he was about to cum and cum hard. He tugged on Loki's hair harshly, forewarning him of what was to come; but that only made him bob his head faster, suck and nip and lick in a rapid secession that had Tony seeing stars and then he was coming, hard and long into Loki's mouth; practically sobbing from the sensation.

It felt so good that he couldn't help but jut his hips forward, and ride out his orgasm even when he heard a gag on Loki's end; which only made him moan deeply. He shuddered but soon released his grip on Loki's hair and allowed him to slowly disengage himself from his softening cock. And the sight was absolutely filthy.

Loki looked dazed, panting hard, as cum and saliva dribbled down his lips and chin. But he didn't even bother to wipe it away, instead both his hands shot out to work at his fly, and pull out his erection that exceeded Tony's expectations. It was much larger than he could have imagined, and looked painfully hard.

Loki leaned forward, bracing himself above Tony with one hand, while the other took a hold of his erection and began to stroke himself. His eyes fluttered shut, reveling in the feeling, and Tony couldn't help but reach out and touch his bare torso; which only caused Loki to groan and press further into his touch.

"Cum already," Tony said in his most authoritative voice he could muster; the one that sounded awfully like Howard's and almost made him cringe from the realization. "Do it; now."

Something akin to a mew bubbled out of Loki, before he thrust his hips forward and came all over Tony's stomach and chest; which was something Tony never thought he'd see in his lifetime. And while he was as heterosexual as he could get, he knew that image would be permanently engraved in his brain; and undoubtedly one of those memories he'd conjure up for nefarious means.

Loki turned his head away, in order to wipe his mouth and chin on his arm, while absently stroking himself still. But it only took a few moments for him to gather his bearings again, and peer down at the mess he inevitably created all over Tony.

"I'm not apologizing." He said breathlessly, before leaning down and pressing a chaste kiss against Tony's lips.

"Apologizing for sucking me off like that, then being stupidly sexy and coming all over me?" Tony quipped, nipping at Loki's bottom lip. "Wouldn't dream of it,"

They didn't exchange anymore words; instead they focused on kissing one another. Tony pressed his tongue against Loki's lips, until they parted and he was given access to tangle his tongue with Loki's in a slow and deep kiss.

His body continued to buzz with the after effects of his mind-numbing orgasm; but it was only secondary to the warmth that was spreading through him by how stupidly light he felt. For that brief moment, he actually relished in how much he loved Loki, and how he knew somewhere deep inside of him that Loki felt the same way.

He was in love and it was the first time that it felt right.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize that this has taken longer than normal to come out; I'm not exactly thrilled with this chapter, but I'm hoping that I'm over this hump and that things'll get better. So I'm sorry if this is lackluster.
> 
> Also I wanted to thank everyone who commented; I never imagined I would get to one-thousand comments (I know I contributed to it as well), but I'm bowled over by all the support and kind words. Thank you so much; it means the world to me! :)

* * *

 

**Chapter Seventeen**

 

 

* * *

 

Bliss was the only way to describe Tony's current state of mind. His many unresolved issues had dissipated within several hours; replaced instead with a weightlessness that he hadn't felt in some time. And it was all because of Loki Laufeyson, whose throat he was currently fucking without any hesitation whatsoever.

His fingers carded through his normally coiffed hair, pumping his hips as he rode ripple after ripple of unfiltered pleasure; which was only heightened by the fact that Loki's face was painted in its signature way, and his expression was wanton and needy as Tony took full advantage of his mouth.

Tears sprung up in Loki's eyes as Tony hit the back of his throat, and set off his gag reflex; but that hardly deterred him. After all, it had been Loki who requested for Tony to fuck his mouth with wild abandon; even if that meant risking the chance of Loki becoming voiceless and hoarse for his upcoming performance which was only hours away.

And that only proved beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Loki was irrationally turned on by giving oral sex; Tony could read the signs. He noticed how Loki's eyes darkened exponentially, when he was the midst of the act, and even when he requested Tony to take full advantage of him. His whole body seemed to stiffen and practically melt by the process; and it was impossible to ignore how much he got off on it.

It wasn't like Tony was complaining, though; not when it felt like he might explode at any second, especially with the way Loki dragged his nails across the back of his thighs, and made rumbles of approval whenever Tony cried out.

Tony tightened his hold in Loki's hair, bringing his hips to a stuttering halt, and tried to catch his breath. He hadn't been at it very long, but he'd been painfully aroused once Loki asked him for this. And well, he found it very hard to hold out on Loki; although this was only the second time that any form of intimacy happened between them.

Without being prompted to, Loki moved his tongue languidly along the underside of his cock. His mouth was sinfully wet and already dribbling with spit, due to the sheer force in which Tony was fucking into his mouth. And that only contributed to that building pressure in his body, which threatened to make him come at any moment.

"L-Loki fucking Laufeyson's deep throating me right now." Tony blurted out, laughing shrilly at how alien that sounded.

During their first bit of intimacy, Tony had seen Loki as a fellow human being. Somehow it was easy to see a cleaned face Loki and think him average, even though he'd been a member of his favorite band and sang like an angel. But right now, he wasn't Loki but Loki Laufeyson; painted face and in a three piece suit with his lips wrapped around the shaft of his dick.

Loki hollowed out his cheeks considerably and without any warning, began sucking him to the point where it broke off his peal of laughter; and instead replaced it with a weird kind of sobbing noise, that had only come out of him a few hours previously. And it was something he found really embarrassed the hell out of him.

He held onto Loki's hair for dear life, even when he tried to pull away. It was enough just to feel his tongue lave him with erratic and messy licks, which made his legs shake uncontrollably. He moaned again, especially when he looked down at Loki, who looked like he might get off without even being touched.

"Y-You're getting off on this, aren't you?" Tony groaned, as Loki's nails dragged against the swell of his ass. "Bet you'll come just from this, huh?"

Loki's eyes fluttered closed momentarily, parting his thighs wider than they had been beforehand. That was the clearest of indicators that Loki really did have a fetish for giving oral sex; and it might have explained why this was the extent of their physicality so far.

Of course being a hot-blooded young man as he was, Tony had already wanted to progress things to full-blown intercourse. He wanted to have sex with Loki and had been so close to saying so, before he sank to his knees and told him to fuck his mouth; the memory of which ignited another wave of pleasure in him.

Without warning Loki of his intentions, Tony loosened his hold on his hair, and jutted his hips back and forth at a rapid speed. So rapidly in fact, that Loki gagged obscenely and tears rolled down his cheeks; but he also spread his thighs further and practically writhed in arousal.

The heat that welled up inside of him was incredible, earth shattering even. Every part of his body hummed and ached, begging for release in Loki Laufeyson's mouth; and before he knew it, he was stilling his hips once more, gasping out an _oh god_ , and coming explosively and long to the point where his body almost gave out entirely.

Somewhere beyond the haze of his orgasm, he felt more than heard Loki moan whorishly around his cock with his eyes clenched shut. His nails were digging grooves into Tony's ass, while seemingly riding out his own orgasm without a single touch just as Tony predicted.

Slowly almost painstakingly, Loki pulled away from Tony's softening member; looking like the poster child of debauchery. If he looked like it during their first session, well he had surpassed it a tenfold by the sheer amount of cum dribbling down his chin and even more still in his mouth.

"God look at you." Tony rasped, pushing back Loki's hair that had fallen into his face; entranced by how he was panting with his eyes tightly closed still. "Loki fucking Laufeyson just came from sucking my dick."

"Shut up." Loki managed to say, sounding like he'd been mouth fucked as he had been.

"You look fucking gorgeous." Tony returned honestly, which caused Loki to open his eyes.

They stared at one another, conveying a slew of emotions that neither was brave enough to say out loud. Tony wasn't proud of being a coward, but he also was cautious. He'd be stupid not to be; even though things were hunky-dory between them physically, there was a hell of a lot of emotional baggage to go through still.

Bucky was a glaring point of interest in between them; they needed to discuss it one way or another. Not to mention the fact, Tony wasn't exactly sure he'd be around to discuss it; especially if Howard decided it was a great opportunity to kick the bucket, which seemed like an inevitability at this point.

Loki licked his lips, before wiping his chin on the back of his hand; however, he still looked debauched and strangely ethereal. He then leaned inward pressing a kiss against Tony's belly, before he began to help clothe him again; in that same chaste way he'd handled him with after the Bucky debacle.

"I need to clean up." Loki croaked, while finally getting onto his feet in a fashion that someone who'd just came in his pants would. "Go off and explore the city for a few hours."

"So you don't want me to help you get cleaned up?" Tony was quick to wrap his arms around Loki's waist and pull him close to him; even though he looked reluctant to be within such a close proximity to him now.

"Devious minds think alike, Little Stark."

"Is that necessarily a bad thing?" Tony pressed a kiss to the edge of Loki's swollen lips, slowly urging him into lip to lip contact.

In a matter of moments, they were in the midst of a passionate kiss; their tongues entangled and roved one another's mouth, to the point where Tony could taste himself on Loki's tongue. But it didn't last very long either; Loki disengaged first, trying to look stern but he failed miserably.

"Off you go." Loki said; sounding gruff and raw, which was definitely a cause for concern especially if Phil heard him.

"Before I go, though," Tony held on steadfast to Loki still. "I want to know if you own a cowboy hat or not."

"No, why would I?"

"No reason; I just thought you'd look kind of cute with one on."

"My dear, dear boy," Loki suddenly carded his fingers through Tony's hair, pulling him close as if to kiss him again. "I might be many things, but if there is one thing I am not and that is cute."

"Point taken," Tony took the opportunity to kiss him hard, before pulling away from him. "Right now, you're just a walking mess; you know when you came from sucking me off."

Loki had the good grace to glower at him, but didn't exchange any verbal barbs with him; which Tony found to be kind of a disappointment, especially since he didn't have any desire to leave. He'd be on his own, comparably to the first time around when he'd been with Sif almost every waking moment of the day. And Bucky was definitely not a possible companion either.

Then again, it would probably be beneficial if he telephoned Obie to see how Howard was faring. Even if it meant Obie giving him the third degree about why he wasn't rushing home to be at Howard's side; and he couldn't possibly say it was because he finally won over a man ten years older than him, who he'd lusted over since he was a stupid and delusional teenager.

"Be back before the show." Loki called after him, as he headed to the door.

"For you anything, babe," he winked and made his exit.

Within minutes, the emotional high Tony had been experiencing leveled off. Every step he took away from Loki's dressing room seemed to weigh him down, and remind him of the many problems he had to deal with. The ones he couldn't avoid even if he tried; after all, Howard wasn't going to get better anytime soon and keep on running the family business.

No matter how much he prayed for it, Howard had one foot in the grave and the other was hovering above the open plot. And that meant Tony was toeing the line of becoming CEO of Stark Industries; meaning he might as well kiss his whole life goodbye, including Loki.

He really didn't think he could do it either; not once he'd won over Loki in some capacity. It had been a long time coming and he'd be damned if he just broke ties with Loki to take over Stark Industries. It might kill him to let him go.

After winding his way through the venue, luckily not running into Phil or Bucky, both of who had been banished to the smaller tour bus without as many amenities, Tony made his way outside and chose a random direction to head into. There had to be a payphone close-by and he had to know about Howard's status, regardless if ignorance was definitely bliss.

Only a block away from the theater, he found an unused payphone and quickly jogged over. He rummaged through his jeans' pocket and fed a coin into the phone, before taking in a steady breath and calling Obie's office number since he was bound to be there. He was always there; more so even, since Howard had fallen ill.

Tony counted six rings, before the other end was picked up. Obie answered the phone with his usual spiel, and Tony found it hard to reply; he was terrified suddenly by what he might hear. After all, he conveniently went off the grid within the past few days, so who knew if Howard was already six feet under or not.

"Hey Obie, it's me, Tony." He managed to say, despite feeling physically ill.

"Tony, where have you been? Are you still on your journey for self-discovery? Because I hate to pop your bubble, but it's neither the time nor place for it."

"How long do you think he has, Obie? I don't want you to sugarcoat it for me or tell me what the doctors think because they're all idiots anyway. Tell me what you think."

"What I think?" Obie echoed, before going quiet for several terse moments. "I'm hoping for the best; it would a god send if he hits the two month mark like the doctor's predicted. But it's looking bad, Tony. Maybe six weeks at the most,"

Tony shut his eyes, trying to attain that carefree attitude he had while in Loki's presence. And yet it was impossible when Obie was predicting Howard might only live six weeks at the most; two less than what he was promised by the best oncologists in the world.

"When are you coming home?" Obie broke him from his reverie.

"Give me a week, okay? Just to get shit together; tell Howard to hold on."

"Call me whenever you have the chance, do you hear me?"

"Loud and clear, Obie; loud and clear," He replied, before he hung up the receiver; but that was far from satisfactory, and he found himself picking up the receiver once again and slamming it over and over into the cradle until he threw it and struck the dial pad.

Blindly Tony stormed away from the payphone, needing to get away from the problems snapping at his heels; and it didn't necessarily matter where he went. He just needed to get away; far, far away from it and straight into the heart of the city. Far enough away so he could breathe; even if it meant running away from Loki too.


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for all the encouraging words about the previous chapter. I know it wasn't my best, but I'm glad so many of you liked it anyway. I only hope can rectify things with this newest chapter, though.
> 
> I listened to a very random song while writing this; it's "Madame de Pompadour" from the Doctor Who soundtrack. I'm just currently getting into the series, so I was pretty consumed with angst after watching the episode, "the Girl in the Fireplace", so just a head's up.

* * *

 

**Chapter Eighteen**

 

* * *

 

Tony was in a bad way; he was stoned out of his mind, even though he remembered all too vividly what happened the last time he'd gotten fucked up. And yet it should have deterred him from buying a few joints and smoking all them, which resulted in him finding an alleyway to sob uncontrollably in for what could have been well over twenty minutes.

He really couldn't say who he'd been crying for; it could have been for Howard, but it could have easily been for himself. After all, he was only twenty-two years old and expected to take on a huge company that was heavily entwined with the ongoing war, and was single-handedly keeping thousands and thousands employed.

The responsibility was daunting and terrifying; he was so scared that it was suffocating. But there was no one he could turn to; Obie would only tell him to suck it up, that he was Howard Stark's son and that meant he was expected to be brazen and business savvy. He was supposed to be prepared for the inevitable takeover; Howard couldn't live forever, regardless of his bigger than life persona. It was inevitable and yet Tony hadn't expected it to happen so soon.

Confused but relying on his previous knowledge of the city, Tony somehow made it back to the oversized theater. It was already dark and the line of people had already filed inside, which only meant the concert was probably in commencement by now.

He'd broken his promise to Loki, and yet he couldn't bring himself to care. The weight of the world was on his shoulders and he was scared and sick and paranoid; and all he wanted to do was to go home and crawl into bed and never get up again. Loki be damned.

It didn't matter in the long run if Loki was angry; it was never supposed to last anyway. So it would be far easier to leave, if the bastard was spewing verbal barbs at him and being completely and utterly irrational; it would be far easier to walk away without any regrets. His heart would mend eventually and he'd move on too; it would just be a matter of time.

Slowly Tony reached the back door of the theater, where half a dozen individuals were clustered around the exit, passing cigarettes and bottles of beers between one another. Some of them were vaguely familiar, but he could hardly remember any names even if he put his mind to it.

They regarded him with nonchalant looks, some almost friendly; but at least none were hostile like Loki would inevitably be after he got off stage. Most of them were English, unlike the roadies Odin's Sons had had on their tour; which meant they were the types that went everywhere with Loki, rather being hired for one tour or another.

"Gentlemen," Tony said in that tone of voice that was so much like Howard's it was sickening. "Where's the big boss now? Still dancing and prancing on stage?"

"He'll be coming off the stage in," one roadie peered down at his watch. "Less than twenty minutes,"

"Oops, guess I really am late." He guffawed, even though that was the last thing he wanted to do; it wasn't funny, not by a long shot.

Loki was bound to be incensed, especially after he'd been on his knees, risking his voice for Tony's pleasure. And while that should have brought forth some sort of guilt from Tony, he really couldn't muster up the power to care. Not when his whole life was about to become an insufferable mess again. He was going to lose his only parent left and inherit all his responsibility in one go.

Another roadie, gray-bearded and obviously amused, pulled open the door for him; he probably knew Loki was bound to skewer him for his insolence. Despite that fact, he thanked the guy anyway, before walking into the empty corridor that was unfurnished and oddly depressing.

The overhead lights were a blinding fluorescent; it hurt his eyes but they'd been hurting since his impromptu crying session some time earlier, although the precise time when it happened eluded him now. He walked down the cement covered floor, aimlessly wandering towards the closest sign of human life; since he couldn't be positive where Loki's dressing room was, especially in such oversized theaters like this one.

His only point of direction was the roar of an audience, which was superseded only by a voice that could cause goose bumps to appear all over his body. Loki was in the midst of singing a slower song; his voice carried and reverberated off the sickening pale green walls; in no way compromised by the activity they'd partaken to previously in the day.

Tony paused, struck by a sudden maelstrom of emotions; while sadness was already a given by the sheer number of tears he had cried, he hadn't expected to feel such an overwhelming sense of love. The kind of love that only seemed to happen in TV shows and cheesy romance novels; the kind that made it difficult to breathe or even live without having the person you loved in your life.

No one could really contest how he felt about Loki; but it never hit him so hard before. He had always known he loved him, lusted after him, and even admired him infinitely. He just hadn't expected that he had the capability to love that strongly and unwaveringly before.

It was a scary revelation; worse than even his fears when it came to running Stark Industries. Because even while completely stoned and out of his mind, Tony knew something had changed inside of him. Or at least he was finally recognizing that change, which had buried itself under layers and layers of apprehension and denial. Masqueraded itself as simply lust and hero worship and teenage stupidity; when in all actuality it was anything but that, it was actually real. Far more real than he ever expected it to be.

His time with Pepper was inconsequential in comparison; every fickle emotion he had towards anyone else seemed so stupid. Every attraction, every sexual rendezvous felt like a lie; when all he ever wanted was Loki. He had found who he was meant to have the very moment he asked that wild-haired kid at the record shop for a recommendation on a new up and coming band.

He had found the one, while being handed that record sleeve with the two opposing helms on the front; when he ran home and down into the basement, where his brand new record player, from Howard himself, had been stored. And he _knew_ the first moment he had heard Loki's voice that he was the one.

Loki was his, and he was Loki's. Before Loki even knew it; Tony had become his. It had only been a matter of time, when both of them came to the terms of that agreement. And finally, _finally_ it was happening.

Tony staggered forward, quickening his pace, and running from hallway to hallway. The sound grew louder and louder as he traveled on; and by some stroke of luck, he came across the bright green colored door with the words _dressing area_ posted on the front of it.

A wave of relief rushed over him, almost as if he'd never find the room again. And somewhere amid the chaos in his head, Tony was sure the weed in his system had convinced his brain that that was a very feasible possibility; especially when he'd finally come to terms with what was happening in his life, and what Loki inevitably meant to him.

Reaching for the door, Tony turned the doorknob and was pleased to find it opened without any trouble whatsoever. He made his way into the room to find the usual cosmetics splayed across the vanity's tabletop and a used teacup with the slightest hint of lipstick on one side on the rim; the same color Tony knew was delicately applied to the left side of Loki's mouth.

After securing the door behind him, he advanced further into the room and desperately studied every item in there that was Loki's. Every article of clothing hung up on stray nails along the wall, and several pairs of shoes that ranged from riding boots to platform ones that were lined up on the floor; and even the open guitar case with small bits of paper in it with beautifully written cursive on them.

There was a calming effect by being in close proximity to so many of Loki's possessions; it was like the man himself was present, instead of entertaining thousands and thousands of adoring fans. And while they might have loved him from afar, none of them would be able to see him beyond the spotlight like Tony could.

Slowly he sank into the rickety chair in front of the vanity, running his fingers along the oversized container of powder and the many brushes that had gone unused by Loki still. He picked up his tube of lipstick, uncapped it, and was momentarily mesmerized by the color; before he capped it again and went onto another cosmetic product.

He didn't know how long he sat there, touching every item once, twice, three times even; but it must have been some time. The door was eventually pushed open and Phil's familiar babble filled the air; as to be expected, he was praising the hell out of Loki, spouting about the sheer number of people in the audience and how Loki played beautifully despite the injury still to his hand.

However, the wave of compliments came to an abrupt end, and Tony knew why almost immediately. It was his presence that prompted the quiet, which only seemed to be reinforced by the expressions on both Phil and Loki's faces; although Phil wore his feelings on his sleeve, if his scowl was anything to go by.

"It'll take less than an hour for me to clean up." Loki said coolly, sending a sideways glance Phil's way. "Maybe forty-five minutes at the most; so see to other things then."

"Stark, come." Phil flicked his wrist, beckoning Tony like he was a dog.

"Forty-five minutes," Loki repeated, which seemed to get his message across.

"Forty-five minutes, yes, of course." Phil echoed, glowering once more at Tony; but he turned on his heel and shut the door behind him, effectively leaving Tony alone with Loki.

Tony braced himself, waiting for the inevitable explosion and the spiteful words to be thrown his way. The last time he had skipped out on a gig, only two cities ago, Loki had punched a hole in the wall. But this time, he had a feeling that Loki wouldn't be hitting any wall.

Wordlessly, Loki began to unbutton his vest and crossed the room towards the adjoining bathroom, one that could hardly accommodate to a person as tall as Loki was. But that hardly deterred him from entering the cramped space, bowing his head so he could see into the cracked mirror above the sink; all the while ignoring Tony completely.

The silence was deafening and was far worse than when Loki was screaming. At least the consequences of Tony's actions were on the table right away, compared to this; whatever this was anyway. And the unknown was a terrifying thing; it was the reason behind his erratic actions earlier in the day, and why he was still high as hell.

"Loki," Tony called out, ashamed by how whiny it came out as.

Loki didn't readily respond; in fact, he continued to study himself in the mirror. He was actually ignoring him and it hurt far more than it should have. Tony should have been used to being ignored; his parents' favorite pastime was ignoring him, and while it made him cry when he was younger, it shouldn't have had that effect on him now, when being ignored by Loki.

"Babe, please. I'm sorry." He tried again. "Please, Loki, please."

Still there wasn't any reply, which sent Tony haphazardly to his feet. He almost knocked over the chair in his haste to broach the distance in between them. He clung onto the doorframe, once he got to the bathroom, and watched as Loki shrugged off his vest and began to fold it over with deft fingers; probably an attempt to continue ignoring him.

"Loki,"

"I can't rely on you for anything, now can I?" Loki suddenly spoke, but kept his eyes down.

"You can, you really can." He insisted desperately.

"Don't lie to me, Anthony." Loki finally granted him with a look that was surprisingly anger-free. "I can't rely on you to even entertain my simplest of requests. And that's because it means very little to you; you're punishing me for what happened all those years ago. I know it and you know it too."

Tony froze, bowled over by those words. Maybe somewhere in darkest part of his consciousness, he might have done something as passive aggressive as that; but it certainly hadn't been his intent now. His life was falling apart around him, and the only way he knew how to cope was to run away; to use something to stave away the pain.

"I never claimed to be perfect." Loki looked away again, fidgeting with his vest further. "I'll never be perfect either. So if this is some ploy for revenge, I rather you just say so and crush my heart now instead of drawing it out."

"Babe, no," Tony choked out, surprised by how quickly his eyes welled up with tears. "No, you got it all wrong. Everything is just so fucked up right now. I can't think straight at all; everything that isn't you doesn't make any sense at all to me anymore. I'm drowning over here and I can't save myself at all. I can't do anything right; not for you, not for anyone."

For the umpteenth time, or that's how it felt to him, Tony started to cry in front of Loki. But he didn't just cry, he babbled out disjointed sentiments of how everything had gone wrong in his life. It hardly made any sense, though; he knew he was a daft stoner and drunk, and made the worst decisions and said the stupidest things while under the influence. So he really wasn't that taken aback by his behavior.

Loki shifted against the sink, openly staring at him again. And for a split-second, Tony swore he was going to slam the door in his face; but instead he dropped his vest into the sink, and gathered Tony up into a tight embrace. One of those embraces that made you cry even harder than before.

Loki held him steadfast against him, not even flinching as Tony entwined his arms around his waist and cried into his chest. If anything he held him tighter in an impenetrable hold; almost daring anyone or anything to pull them apart.

"You stupid, foolish boy," Loki murmured above his head. "You've turned my world upside down. You've ruined me for anyone else."

"I'm sorry." Tony sobbed, unaware if he was apologizing for his broken promise or for effectively ruining him, or maybe even both.

"I'm not." Loki replied, before burying his face into his hair; still holding him like the frightened child that he was.

And Tony never wanted him to let go; not now or ever. Howard and Obie be damned.


	20. Chapter Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if this is acceptable or not; fair warning it might be god awful ( and Tony's mouth is pretty filthy too), but I tried my best!
> 
> And I suggest listening to Bad Company's "Feel Like Making Love". ;)

* * *

 

 

**Chapter Nineteen**

 

 

* * *

 

The French Quarter twinkled obscenely behind the sheets and sheets of rain that had ceased to stop since their arrival. Tony stared through the open shutters, beyond the iron wrought balcony and onto the rainy street below. He hadn't had to even move an inch from the bed, which proved to be a god send because he was far too exhausted emotionally to even make the short trek to the windows.

He'd been emotionally drained for days now; since the looming date in which he'd have to return to New York was swiftly approaching. And he had yet to tell Loki a single thing about it; it was hard to, when he had a very different entity on his hands than what was normal and predictable.

Loki had approached his insolence with a level head; never once raising his voice or beating him senseless. In fact, he really hadn't done much of anything in response. He'd given Tony his space, only cropping up like clockwork when Tony needed him the most; and fading away once his presence was no longer essential.

It was weird, but also a relief of sorts. Tony needed the time to think, without being bombarded by someone else's emotions; and he was, at least, gaining some sort of perspective on how he felt and what he had to do. Two things that opposed one another dramatically, which made the decision within the near future that much harder to make.

He wanted to make the right decision, even if it meant being selfish. And he'd taken extra care to weigh the pros and cons of his potential future; the selfish and the not so selfish route. While it had always been his birthright to inherit Stark Industries, he really hadn't any interest to the business side of it. He had always assumed he would be recruited for the research and development department; that he would be well into his adulthood, before he would have to take over.

So Howard's terminal illness had come as quite a surprise; although he probably outlived his expiration date by at least five years. In between the alcoholism and cigar smoking, Howard had lived fairly long with all things considering; and to think prostate cancer was about to level the field, instead of his many vices instead.

Tony ran his fingers through his damp hair, warily looking towards the bathroom door. Loki had practically thrown him out of the room once he'd gotten out of the shower. He barely had the chance to put a towel around his waist, before he was herded away; locked out and without his suitcase, which he conveniently had left beside the sink.

It had been a decent amount of time, since Loki had gone in there; which was doubly suspicious because he'd showered before Tony had. God only knew what he was doing in there, but there was enough of a ruckus going on that suggested he wasn't up to the usual bathroom activities.

"Loki, are you almost done in there?" Tony called out, while pushing himself into a semi-sitting position against the pile of pillows against the headboard. "I'm not opposed to gratuitous nudity or anything like that; but there's kind of a breeze coming from the window, and I kind of miss the prospect of wearing pants."

As to be expected, there wasn't any response to his inquiry. Loki had a tendency to ignore him at times, which was one of those things that had a way of getting under his skin. He didn't know for sure if Loki was aware of what he was doing, or if he was just completely consumed in what he was doing that he couldn't be bothered to answer. But something told him it was a bit of both.

Once more he called out, despite knowing the futility of it. Loki would answer when he deemed it fit, and if he intended on staying in the bathroom all night, well he would consider it his right. It was his management that was paying for the room, and he was technically the only reason why they were in New Orleans in the first place; so Tony had very little rights, even if it meant he was to be pants free all night long.

Slowly, almost cautiously even, the bathroom door was pushed open but only a smidgen. Tony craned his neck, unable to make out any discernible shape from the crack beyond several long fingers that curled around the edge. Beside that Loki was still well hidden, making Tony that much more suspicious of what he was up to.

"I need you to promise me something, Stark." Loki said lowly, almost irritably.

"What did you do?"

"I mean it; I need you to promise me something before I come out of this lavatory."

"I can't promise anything, you know. Not until you tell me what I have to promise to." Tony replied, doing his best to repress the sigh that threatened to leave him.

He couldn't say he was in a mood for any mind games; although, he should have been grateful that Loki had accommodated to him so much already. It just would have been a bit nicer to have another few days to sort through the tangle of thoughts he had, before Loki threw something else onto the pile.

"Promise me," Loki murmured. "Promise me you will not laugh."

"You're not exactly comedic gold, babe." Tony said, suddenly very curious on what he'd been up to in the bathroom now.

"That's wasn't a promise."

"Okay, fine. I promise I won't laugh at you. Now could you come out here, so I can get my suitcase?"

"If you do laugh, I'll throw your suitcase out the window." Loki threatened half-heartedly, before he pushed open the door further and stepped out into the bedroom.

It took several moments for Tony to process what was before him, which would have been an insult to his superior intellect; albeit his body had taken the opportunity to react almost immediately without his consent. While his head was taking its time to survey the scene, his body was far quicker on the uptake and had already heated up exponentially.

He sat up further, gazing at Loki from head to toe; who looked uncomfortable and almost insecure by his staring. Loki should have already been used to being ogled by people; his audiences consisted of nothing but horny individuals, who wanted nothing more than to fuck his brains out. So he didn't necessarily understand why he'd be uncomfortable with Tony doing the same; especially since he was donning a pair of riding boots, his trademark tight bell-bottom jeans, unzipped to reveal what could only be a glimpse of his shaft, and a black cowboy hat on top of his head.

"You look like you're going to laugh." Loki deadpanned.

"I can barely breathe, let alone laugh."

"Stupid idea," Loki looked like he was about to retreat back into the bathroom, which was the last thing Tony wanted.

"If you walk into that bathroom, I will never forgive you for it. Not when you're my walking fantasy right now." Tony blurted out speedily, pointing an accusatory finger at him. "You don't even know how many times I wanted you like this and in the most perverse and obscene way I could get you."

That seemed to be enough of a reason to keep Loki in place. But he soon became mobile again, moving towards the side of the bed Tony had taken refuge on. Gracefully, Loki climbed onto the bed and made quite the show of straddling Tony's hips; forcing him to take in a sharp breath by the sudden closeness between them.

There were a few moments when they only stared at one another, as if gauging the other's reaction by the new position they were in; before Loki rested his hands against Tony's collarbone and slowly slide his fingers along his exposed skin, and down the length of his torso.

Tony bit his bottom lip, keeping a close eye on the path of those smart hands that suddenly paused at the terrycloth towel around his waist. Methodically, Loki hooked his fingers underneath the fold in the towel, which secured it in place, and pulled it apart to expose him fully.

"I should bar clothes in the privacy of our room." Loki quirked his eyebrow; before he gently ran his finger over the vein on the underside of Tony's cock. "You're just too delectable to be covered."

"Well, you'd have to follow your own rule; lead by example, you know." Tony heaved by the light stimulation Loki was continuing to bestow upon him with that one finger of his.

"Would you like that?" Loki practically purred, gliding his palm against his cock in the most torturous of ways.

"Y-Yeah, yeah I would." He sputtered out, trying to keep any moans to himself; although it was becoming progressively harder to do so with the friction that was building up between Loki's palm and his growing hard-on.

A mischievous smile cropped up on Loki's lips, as he took Tony fully into his grasp. Languidly he began to pump him from shaft to head, shaft to head until Tony allowed the tiniest of groans to escape him. He couldn't help but attempt to lift his hips, wanting to enhance the already sensuous sensation he was feeling.

Loki paused in his ministrations, before he brushed the pad of his thumb along the head of his cock, and forced another humiliating noise out of Tony; which, in turn, only motivated Loki to repeat the action several more times, until he was dripping precum.

"Are you trying to kill me?" Tony gasped, once Loki changed techniques on him again and began to pump him harder and faster; as if it was his sole purpose was to make him prematurely come.

"If you die from pleasure, I don't see the problem with that."

"M-Maybe I want to touch you for once."

"Could you really handle me is the question, though?" Loki smirked, before ceasing his actions altogether, and reaching into his dangerously low waistband to pull out his own member.

It was fully erect already and all Tony wanted to do was jerk him off. He knew he would be a failure at even attempting oral sex; he'd only performed it on women before, and they were definitely a different specimen altogether. But at least he knew he could perform a damn good hand job; he'd gotten himself off enough to know his skills were pretty stellar.

Just as he reached out to touch, Loki slapped his hand away. His eyes shone brightly with a playfulness that only appeared once in a while, and made him that much more attractive. Then again, it was hard to get any more attractive than having Loki Laufeyson straddling you with his hard-on curving against his belly, and with a cowboy hat to boot. That should have been deemed illegal.

"I haven't given you permission to touch me, Stark." Loki said, while making quite the show of stroking himself in the most obscene way possible.

There was something extraordinarily fluid about the way Loki moved; even more so when he was experiencing some sort of pleasure. His hips rolled forward in small, elegant circles; as he stroked himself with the self-assurance of someone who'd explored their body enough to know what would give them maximum stimulation.

Tony was entranced by him, blindly reaching for his neglected cock and pumping it hastily. No one could accuse him of being elegant; he was abrupt and straight to the point, but he always got the job done. And he'd always been with likeminded people physically too; Pepper had been the only exception, since she really didn't know how to act sexually anyway.

With his free hand, he ran it up Loki's denim clad thigh; reveling in the way he twitched ever so slightly from the contact, which seemed to confirm Loki was equally affected by him as he was affected by Loki. That they were mutually getting off on watching the other jerk off.

Loki ceased his movements abruptly and practically jumped off the bed. Tony gaped about to question him, but found he could only moan in approval by how erratically Loki was trying to shred off his jeans and kick off his boots simultaneously.

There wasn't anything graceful about it; it was spurred on by sudden, uncurbed desperation. Desperation that was clearly brought on by Loki's desire to be that much closer to Tony; in a way they hadn't experienced before. And that was new and exciting and everything Tony had ever wanted.

Lurching forward onto his knees, he grabbed onto the seat of Loki's jeans and yanked them down; exposing a perfectly sculpted ass that he instantly latched onto instead. Loki made a peculiar rumbling noise deep in chest, as Tony fondled his ass with an aggressiveness that had been dormant only moments ago.

"You must have been made in a laboratory." Tony groaned, watching as his hands squeezed and rubbed Loki's ass. "There's no way you can be this perfect. I mean you got the talent, a face to die for; the height, the huge dick, and nicest ass I've ever seen. Not to mention the cowboy hat; fuck can you pull off a cowboy hat like no one else can, babe."

"I can't take off my trousers with you latched onto me, Stark." Loki took in a stuttering breath, which only inspired Tony to fondle him further, and drag a gasp out of him.

He dragged his tongue between his shoulder blades; before he slowly unhanded him in a way he knew would inevitably make Loki shudder. And just like clockwork, a tremor ran through Loki's body; but he didn't hesitate to break away from Tony, and to quickly bend over and pull his jeans off the rest of the way.

Loki turned to face him just as he tossed his jeans aside; only clad in that cowboy hat and nothing more. Tony had to fight the urge to launch himself at him; even though every part of him wanted nothing more than to do just that. It had been his fantasy for five years; imagining Loki with a cowboy hat, looming over him as he fucked himself on his cock into a mess of pleasure.

"Well?" Loki tilted his head down, before meeting his eyes.

"Come over here right now." Tony practically growled, reaching out for him. "I've waited five years and I'll be damned if I wait another five minutes."

That mischievous little smile reappeared on Loki's face, but he didn't withhold himself from Tony anymore. He stepped up to the bed, directly into Tony's outspread arms, and grabbed onto the nape of his neck maintaining eye contact.

"You've waited that long, have you now?"

"You have no idea." Tony returned, wrapping his arms around Loki and pulling him close until they were pressed up against one another; not a shred of clothing in between them, and it felt better than he could ever imagine it to.

Loki bowed his head enough to allow Tony to kiss him, in a way that was unrushed and passionate. While he might have been emotionally compromised of late; Tony had learned and stored a few things away about what Loki seemed to enjoy. And if there was one thing he really enjoyed, it was long and drawn out kisses with a lot of tongue.

Tony urged his tongue between Loki's lips, drawing out a moan of appreciation from him; before they were running their tongues against one another's, sending sparks of pleasure through Tony's whole body. The taste of cigarettes and peppermint assaulted his senses, as the kiss drew on; although he was particularly aware of Loki's erection pressing wantonly into his hip.

Before he knew it, Tony was being pushed away and forced back into his previous lying position. It was almost too easy for Loki to do; more so because he was happy to oblige, especially if that meant things would progress as they had in his fantasy.

Loki didn't immediately join him on the bed; instead he yanked out a drawer from the bedside table, and extracted a tube of some sort, clearly indicating that he'd planned the whole thing down to the smallest of details. That only served to be another irrational turn-on; to know that Loki had prepared this from the beginning almost made him want to come right then and there.

"You haven't done this before, have you?" Loki slowly climbed back onto bed and straddled him again; but remained planted onto his knees and denying him of the skin on skin contact he desperately wanted and needed.

"Of course, I have." He replied, running both his hands along his thighs. "More times than you can count; I have grown up a lot in the past few years, you know."

"Surely, you have, you dolt. That's a given." Loki looked briefly annoyed. "I meant with another bloke."

"Do you usually get more British when you're horny?"

"Clearly, you only get stupider." Loki scoffed.

"I already told you before that I haven't. It's you; only you." Tony gently cupped Loki's hips, before peering up at him. "You're the only one I want of any gender, babe."

The hardened expression on Loki's face dissipated bit by bit, replaced instead by that gentle and almost loving look he seemed so privy to nowadays. And it made Tony's heart pound erratically in his chest; more so even when Loki leaned inward and pressed a kiss to his lips in a gentle and unobtrusive way.

Tony closed his eyes, kissing him back, and moaning as Loki's hand found its way around his shaft again. He pumped up at the same pace as they were kissing; languid and unrushed, which felt far better compared to his usual hurried manner.

Sex had always been a thing he sped through; wanting to get his rocks off as soon as humanly possible. He barely took the time to breathe, let alone take things nice and slow, and relish in the build-up that came close to being absolutely torturous.

"Next time," Loki managed to articulate between kisses. "Mm, next time I'll slowly bring you to climax; I'll make you fuck me deep and measured, until both of us can't take it anymore. But now, now I can't wait anymore."

"Me either, god," Tony groaned as Loki pulled away to balance back onto his knees, and off of his body. "This is already torturous enough as it is."

Loki didn't reply; he uncapped the tube he'd been holding with his unoccupied hand, before smearing the substance, lubricant, on three of his fingers. Once he was done, he got onto one hand and both knees, bracing himself above Tony's body, while his other hand traveled backwards and caused him to grunt.

"Are you…?" He trailed away, unable to articulate what he wanted to say; especially since his cock began to twitch from the scene unfolding in front of him.

While the angle was all wrong and he couldn't see as much as he would have liked to, Tony still found it to be breathtakingly erotic. Loki shut his eyes, biting down onto his bottom lip, as he began to rock his hips and fuck himself with his fingers.

The expression on Loki's face was entrancing, enhanced further by Tony's hands abandoning their station on his hips, and instead finally being brave enough to encircle one of them around Loki's hard and swollen cock. And the results were electrifying for both of them; Loki yelped out wantonly, setting off a chain reaction of noise from Tony too.

Tony stroked Loki, loving the feel of him under his hand; and really getting to revel in it, unlike the first time that he was given the opportunity to touch him. Loki was rock hard, long and girthy, which probably would have felt really good to be fucked by, once the initial pain subsided from being invaded by something that big.

That thought was suddenly a huge turn-on; Tony hadn't ever imagined actually being fucked by Loki. His fantasies had always dictated the opposite; and yet, he found himself wanting to be bent over something and being forced to take every inch of Loki into his body; being pounded hard and fast, until he couldn't even walk straight anymore.

He squeezed Loki's cock hard, smiling at the noise that burst from his lips; lusty and uninhibited and so unlike Loki that it made his own cock throb more and more. He wanted Loki so badly, in any capacity that he could get him; that it was almost becoming torture to watch him writhe above him as he continued to fuck himself silly on his fingers.

"Don't get off on your fingers, babe." Tony huffed, stilling his hand around his shaft. "I want you to ride me, which will be a million times sexier with that cowboy hat on."

"I knew it." Loki gasped, pulling his fingers out one by one from inside of him. "You're so transparent, Stark."

Before he could respond, Tony cried out by the feeling of Loki's lube covered palm against his erection. He covered it thoroughly, making sure he was slick and ready; and he hadn't been that prepared for anything else in his life. He waited five years for this very moment and he was as ready as he'd ever be.

Loki got back onto his knees and reached for the cowboy hat still on his head. He lifted it up, using his free hand to push back his sweaty locks of hair, before placing it back onto his head, and readjusting himself above Tony.

"You're certain about this?" Loki asked, although he already reached behind him to hold onto Tony's aching member.

"Five years, babe; I've waited five years. I was ready the second day I met you." Tony cracked a grin at the exasperated look on Loki's face.

"Idiot," Loki said under his breath, lowering himself until the head of Tony's cock was pressed snugly between his cheeks.

Tony reached up and held onto Loki's waist, feeling a tremor of ecstasy run through his body by the intimate contact; which was both familiar and completely foreign. He'd been in a similar situation before; girls had mounted him before and milked him dry. But it had always been without any attachment; it had been mindless, fast paced and sometimes drunken sex.

This was different, though. He'd never had sex with someone he was in love with; never found himself looking up at someone with all the adoration in the world, and almost sobbing in pure joy as he was being led inside that tight wetness above him.

The sensation was incredible, beyond description. His eyes rolled back into his head without permission, as Loki lowered himself over the head of his cock, and slowly took him in inch by inch until he finally bottomed out and engulfed Tony fully in his body.

Tony felt Loki tremble above him, around him; overwhelmed by the feeling as he was. It was more than physical closeness but a mental one too; the bond that both of them had fought tooth and nail to deny, and done everything in their power to deter it, but neither of them were strong enough to fight it anymore. And it felt so good not to have to pretend like it didn't exist anymore.

Loki laid his hands against his chest, unable to control the small buck of his hips; which sent little spurts of pleasure through both their bodies. And it took a lot of willpower for Tony not to get lost in the sensation entirely. He forced himself to open his eyes, instantly glad that he had done so; because Loki was looking down at him, flushed and sweaty and beautiful.

There was so much adoration in Loki's eyes that it was almost suffocating. He'd never been looked at like that before; not even Pepper had looked at him with sort of unfiltered love before. He was almost one-hundred percent positive no one had actually loved him in any way whatsoever; but he was proven wrong and he knew without a shadow of a doubt, he was looking back at Loki with the same expression.

Tony reached up, cupping Loki's cheek; whispering out sweet nothings like they were a mantra. They exploded off his tongue shamelessly, fueling Loki to suddenly move experimentally along his cock. He barely lifted himself, before sinking back down, and igniting that hidden pleasure that they built between one another.

The small movements felt torturously good; Tony dropped his hand, replacing it back onto his waist but never once allowing his eyes to stray away from Loki's face that was illuminated partially by the lights off the French Quarter.

Loki started to move faster bit by bit, taking the time to revel in each movement; until he was almost lifting himself completely off of Tony's cock and gliding down until they were connected once more. But the pace was slow and measured, and Tony found that it was dragging out every bit of ecstasy in his body and making it that much more intense.

He moaned unashamedly as Loki clenched around him without any warning. Loki closed his eyes shut, seemingly overwhelmed by his ministrations; which was backed up by the speed he was now moving with. It was by no means fast, but it was fast enough to spark more physical sensations from the both of them, and sent Tony's hips to thrust upward automatically.

"God, you feel so good." He croaked out, just as Loki sat back down onto him fully. "So good, Jesus Christ; just like that."

Loki raised himself again before abruptly taking him back in, in a split-second, and causing both them to cry out. Tony knew then that their lazy pace was no more; which he ensured by thrusting his hips up as hard as he could, and forcing himself deeper into Loki's body.

Loki's whole body shook, but it hardly deterred him from riding him faster and harder; until all lucid thought had completely disappeared from Tony's mind, and was replaced by the heat and tightness clenched perfectly around his cock.

His hips snapped to meet Loki's, synchronizing their movements for optimal pleasure. And he was already seeing stars; bright bursts of light that danced over his vision, as Loki was fucking himself faster on his cock and making noises that were downright sinful.

Suddenly Loki almost doubled over him, squirming in a way that seemed to force the head of Tony's cock to brush over what only could be his prostate. The way he looked so desperate and needy, unable to even fuck himself on Tony's cock properly anymore; but chose instead trying to massage his prostate with Tony's help almost sent him over the edge.

"You're fucking obscene." Tony shuddered, allowing Loki to have his way; when in all actuality he just wanted to fuck him silly.

"Shut up." Loki managed to say, although he appeared in too much ecstasy to care; which only seemed to double by Tony grabbing his leaking member and pumping it quickly.

Tony's actions seemed to inspire Loki to find his rhythm once more. He struggled for several moments, before he finally built back up to where they had been before. And it was only a matter time before one of them lost it; Tony could feel his need for release roil in his belly, even though he wanted this moment to last forever.

He loved the way Loki looked while out of his mind with pleasure; how he made noises that weren't overly loud or sensuous, but were strangely melodic. And the feeling of his body clenching around him, begging him to climax was almost too much to handle.

Tony pumped Loki faster than before, snapping his hips erratically until Loki was becoming equally erratic and pleasure-blind. The pace was relentless but suddenly stuttered to halt again, once Tony squeezed the head of Loki's cock.

This time Loki did double over, making a sound that could have easily been his name; before coming in thick and long ropes of cum that spurted across Tony's stomach and chest; and that sight alone seemed to spur on Tony's own orgasm, which shook his entire body and exploded hotly into Loki.

Tony gritted his teeth, throwing his head back against the mattress; as his orgasm reverberated through him powerfully, and made him rut underneath Loki as if to keep a hold of the feeling for more than the few moments that his body would allow.

"Fuck, oh fuck," he groaned. "Son of a bitch,"

Any further incoherent babble was silenced by Loki, who'd threw the cowboy hat off his head; and devoured his mouth with his own. They kissed wildly and almost violently, until it dissipated into their usual fashion; which seemed to heighten the after effects of their orgasms.

Loki hummed into Tony's mouth, sucking on his tongue in the most sensuous way that anyone had. And Tony found that he didn't want to kiss anyone else ever again; he definitely didn't want to sleep with anyone else either. Not after that earth shattering climax and the oncoming after glow.

Tony wrapped his arms around Loki's body, uncaring of the fact one of his hands was covered in cum and was probably making a mess of Loki's back; while continuing to kiss him like his entire existence depended on it. And that probably wasn't so far from the truth; since it was only Loki that was keeping him grounded, when everything else was trying to uproot him entirely.

"God, I love you." Tony uttered, once they separated; and for a split-second he almost panicked by how easily those words came out of him.

"And I love you, my Little Stark." Loki returned without any hesitation whatsoever; which made Tony feel like his heart might explode from the sudden swell of joy that he felt.

He never knew how important those words were until they came out of Loki's mouth so freely. After all, no one had ever said them to him without any hesitation; without an ulterior motive behind it. It was a brand new feeling, one that he knew he'd never get tired of; and if he repeated those three little words over and over, kissing Loki all over his face and neck, well he wasn't about to deny it.

He was loved and he loved, and that was more than he could have ever asked for.


	21. Chapter Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say I wasn't expecting quite the reception I'd gotten on the previous chapter. You guys really put a stupid grin on my face all day; I am so grateful for all the comments and the continued support, you don't even know. I know I say that a lot, but it feels like I cannot say it enough. So thank you, thank you so much!
> 
> I listened to a few songs by ELO (Electric Light Orchestra) while writing this, particularly "Evil Woman". So if you want to give it a listen. *salutes*

* * *

 

**Chapter Twenty**

 

* * *

 

Tony wouldn't characterize himself as clingy; far from it. He was an independent soul, ready and willing to drop everything and anything for some sort of thrill. He'd dropped people that were supposed to be important to him, when something interested him that might mean traveling to Japan or New Delhi or even Pompeii.

So he wasn't really sure why he felt so lost currently. Loki had been dragged off to some promotional thing; something about a radio music show with a big time deejay. And he hadn't been invited to go along, which kind of stung after the previous evening; when he had had the best sex of his life with Loki and even declared his love to him.

Then again it was business and Tony hadn't any right to tag along; as much as Loki didn't have any right to follow him to Rolling Stone headquarters and sit in on a meeting between him and Hogun. And yet he couldn't help but want to be wherever Loki was; brushing his lips against the side of his neck, or wrapping his arms possessively around his waist; anything to cement the fact that they'd actually stepped over the line from reluctant attraction to full blown love.

Tony sighed in exasperation by his newly developed possessiveness, before taking a drink from his bottle of cola that a roadie named Mitch given him; and watched from the middle of the empty auditorium as the crew constructed the stage for Loki's show.

Music blared from the sound system, playing ELO's _Evil Woman_. Some of the cheekier roadies sang along with the track, while others attempted, poorly at that, to dance. The atmosphere was far different than it had been during the Odin's Sons tour; and the roadies actually seemed jovial and willing to please, instead of unenthusiastic and underpaid.

"So they're starting to treat you like one of us." Someone said from behind Tony, startling him enough to whip around and look up only to find Bucky.

He hadn't seen Bucky since their regrettable night together; and to say he looked worse for wear was probably an understatement. Greenish bruises speckled the skin around Bucky's throat and neck, where Loki had attempted to strangle the life out of him; not to mention he had at least two days' worth of scruff on his face, which only enhanced his haggard appearance.

Without being invited to, Bucky sank down beside him; almost too close for comfort. If Loki had been anywhere in the vicinity, Tony suspected he probably would have strangled them both. Then again, Loki had been uncharacteristically calm of late; even permitting Tony the privilege of cuddling him until Phil almost ripped the door off the hinges of their hotel room.

"The guy gave me a bottle of soda," Tony eyed Bucky warily. "Unless, you know, that is roadie-speak for – you've passed the test and now you're one of us."

"Just give it time." Bucky shot back. "They'll be so far up your ass, it won't even be funny. I mean, why shouldn't they be? The nicer they are to you, the fatter their fucking paycheck gets."

Tony furrowed his brow, unsure of what Bucky was suggesting. While the roadies had always been genial enough, they hadn't been overly friendly and they never kissed his ass. They kept to themselves and Tony, well he was constantly with Loki in one form or another; so their paths hardly crossed.

"Well, for a self-described genius, you are really slow on the uptake." Bucky shook his head, before pointing towards the stage with at least half a dozen roadies currently on it. "They have an incentive to be nice to you; the nicer they are the more Loki pays them. I know; they were delightful as hell to me when I first joined up, only to find out the nicer they were to me, the more money Loki funneled down to them."

"Your deal with Loki has nothing to do with me." Tony replied tersely.

"So that huge blow-up in Phoenix was nothing?" Bucky asked, shooting him a look that might have been addled in hate. "And you haven't been sharing his room? Or you have but you've been sleeping on the floor like a common dog; which I severely doubt."

"What is it to you?"

"It's nothing to me; I'm just pointing out if they get overly friendly you'll know why."

"Sounds like you're jealous to me." Tony muttered, shaking his head dismissively; although he couldn't deny his own jealousy either.

Of course, there wasn't any sound reason why Tony should be jealous. He and Loki was officially an item; and while they hadn't given it a title of any sort, the proof was in the pudding. They said they loved one another, and he knew for certain that Loki didn't openly throw around that sentiment just for kicks. He actually loved him and he could feel it.

Whatever happened between Loki and Bucky was inconsequential. They could have fucked like rabbits every day for three years, but that didn't make it any more significant than what Tony had with him. In fact, it meant absolutely nothing in the long run; Tony was with Loki, and it wasn't about to change anytime soon. He'd be damned if anyone tried to separate them now, and that included the whole work force of Stark Industries.

"Why would I be jealous of you?" Bucky sneered. "You're just the flavor of the month; once he goes back home, you'll be left on the side of the road like yesterday's garbage. Especially if you pen a defamatory article about him again,"

Tony was struck by an unrelenting bout of anger by that sentiment. Loki's departure would obviously come with its hardships; he hadn't been under the foolish delusion that Loki would stay with him and move into daddy's big-ass mansion in New York. But he was positive that they could make it work somehow; it was just a matter of brainstorming and Tony knew he could come up with something that would inevitably work.

It was just a matter of sitting down and thinking about it; and he would have plenty of time to consider everything while they headed towards Atlanta. He'd have time to come up with a feasible reason why he couldn't run back home, no less why it would inevitably detrimental to the company if he took the reins too soon.

Obie was a businessman, first and foremost. He would understand why having an inexperienced kid as sitting CEO was a disaster in the making; and why it would inevitably be for the best if he took control until Tony was far more stable to take up the responsibility. If there was a will, there had to be a way.

"You have no idea what's going on between me and Loki." Tony managed to keep his anger in check, and even sounded almost pleasant. "And quite frankly, I don't give a damn what your assessment is. It has nothing to do with you, so keep your nose out of my business."

Bucky suddenly bellowed with laughter, as if Tony had actually said something amusing. But he knew this was some sort of tactic to push him over the edge; to cause him to throw a bitch fit of colossal proportions, which would inevitably make its way back to Phil and directly to Loki.

"You think you're invincible, Stark. But what are you exactly? Just a lowly reporter who probably wants to be nothing more than a rock star himself; penis envy, if you will," Bucky raised an eyebrow. "Then again I've seen your dick and you have every reason in the world to be envious of Loki."

"And you have plenty of reasons to be envious of me." Tony slowly stood, still cradling his bottle of cola in his hand. "Because I definitely didn't sleep on the floor last night; and I know for a fact, I won't be sleeping on the floor anytime soon unlike you.

"Bucky Barnes good enough to fuck, until someone better comes around; and Anthony Edward Stark, definitely surpasses you in every way imaginable."

"Anthony Stark?" Bucky repeated, looking wide-eyed and stunned. "As in weapons manufacturer, Howard Stark's son and heir,"

"Glad you keep up with the news, Barnes." Tony scoffed, before he made his way to the exit.

It probably hadn't been smart to tell someone like Bucky who he was; especially in an inconsequential pissing match that Tony already won by default. But he was a sore loser and he'd be damned if he sat there and took all those verbal barbs like a sitting duck; he had to one up the guy, and the only way to do it was by admitting that he was a billionaire's son.

That he was more than just some run of the mill reporter, looking for a big scoop. He wasn't looking to be famous; he wasn't looking for money either. The only thing he came for was Loki, and that's all he ever wanted; and it never had anything to do with his substantial wealth. Tony would practically be drowning in money, once Howard croaked.

Once he was outside, Tony out the breath he hadn't even known he'd been holding and tossed his bottle of cola in a nearby dumpster. He then started towards the tour bus, but drew short of it. Phil emerged from around the corner with Loki at his heels; and maybe it was stupid and utterly hopeless, but Tony felt his heart skip a beat by Loki's sudden appearance.

Loki was wearing a pair of oversized sunglasses and casual attire; or as casual as the likes of Loki Laufeyson could get, which was a pair of black bell bottom pants, a black oxford and vest, and a bright red tie. Everything about him screamed of importance, of beauty; and Tony couldn't even hide his excitement enough to allow Loki to draw nearer.

Phil paused in his tracks, glaring daggers at him; but Tony paid him very little heed. Especially when Loki seemed to focus solely on him, and smiled in a way that took Tony's breath away. Before he could move a muscle further, Loki pulled him into an embrace that instantly made his heart pound wildly in his chest.

Tony wrapped his arms around Loki, hugging him as if it would be the last time he'd ever be able to. He buried his face into the crook of Loki's neck, completely tuning out the disgusted noise Phil made in the background, and instead focused solely on Loki.

"Hello, love." Loki pulled away slowly and took off his sunglasses with one hand.

"Um, hey," Tony managed to say but found himself to be flustered by how openly both of them plunged into public displays of affection.

It was oddly natural and Tony found it hard not to do more than just embrace. He wanted to kiss Loki breathless, almost in an act of defiance. Since Phil thought it was necessary to show his disapproval within moments of them touching one another.

"How did the radio interview go?" He asked, instead of going with his initial intuition.

"He had them eating out of his hands. Those girls went completely gaga over him." Phil provided, which made Tony shoot him an annoyed look.

"What girls are we talking about exactly?"

"Philip here withheld the information from me that I would meet with several girls whom won a call-in contest. And they were very eager, to say the least." Loki looked down at him with something that could have been described as a pout. "Now don't look at me that way. I didn't know anything about them; I've never been privy to taking fans to my bed anyway."

Tony tried not to be annoyed by this revelation; albeit his annoyance was directed towards Phil. However, Loki seemed to interpret that his annoyance was towards him than the responsible party. Loki propped his sunglasses onto the top of his head, before cupping either side of his neck and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

"Let me make it up to you." Loki pressed another kiss to his mouth. "Whatever you want,"

"Loki, could you keep this behind closed doors please." Phil intervened once more. "The last thing we want is for someone to see you doing this; it'll be splashed across every music publication in the free world."

"Sod off, Phil." Loki glowered at him, before kissing Tony with enough passion to make his toes curl.

Tony groaned into the kiss, but it was muffled by Loki's tongue pressing its way into his mouth. He held steadfast onto the back of Loki's vest, kissing him back point for point. Phil made another noise of disapproval, but that only spurred Loki to kiss him even deeper and passionately.

After several moments, they slowly pulled apart; if breathing hadn't been a factor, Tony would have happily continued to kiss Loki for as long as he could. But he had to settle for Loki pressing a kiss to his forehead instead, before disentangling himself and grabbing onto his hand.

"Come keep me company for a few hours."

"By keeping company are we talking…?"

"Oh yes." Loki grinned wickedly and yanked him towards the tour bus.

"Loki, you have a sound check in two hours." Phil called after him, clearly irritable.

"I bloody know when my sound check is. Sod off a second time, Phil." Loki yelled over his shoulder, as he led Tony to the tour bus.

"Babe, you're really are something else."

"I just know what I want and when I want it; I don't believe that is in any way unreasonable. And what I want right now is you."

"Music to my ears," Tony squeezed his hand, letting out a startled laugh as Loki practically ripped open the tour bus's door and dragged him inside.

And that was the perfect distraction from his previous annoyances, specifically Bucky and the shit he'd been sprouting not so long ago. After all, Bucky could only be jealous about the fact that he lost Loki to him forever; and it was a victory sweeter than any other he'd ever had. Especially when he was being herded to the back of the bus for another round of mind blowing sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I bother with another smut scene so soon? >__>;;;


	22. Chapter Twenty-one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I really hope this isn't completely awful. This would have been up earlier had I not fallen victim to the allure of sleep, instead of finishing this up. So apologies and well, I hope you enjoy this!
> 
> And I want to thank godofmischief93 for creating this beautiful graphic; I'm still floored by it! Thank you so much!

 

 

* * *

 

 

**Chapter Twenty-one**

 

 

* * *

 

Most of their clothing was quickly disregarded within a matter of moments. Tony ripped off his Deep Purple tee-shirt and threw it into the bus's aisle, and practically kicked his tennis shoes off as if he was punting a football.

He was too eager for finesse and well, finesse had never been one of his finer points. He couldn't emulate the gracefulness that exuded off of Loki, and how he could make the hurried eagerness of disrobing look like a finely learned dance.

How anyone could look like aristocracy while shoving down their trousers, and taking their hardening cock into their hand was beyond rhyme or reason. But Loki embodied just that, unashamed by stroking himself several times, before fondling his sac as he stepped out of his shoes and eventually his trousers.

Tony, on the other hand, struggled with his last articles of clothing; narrowly coming close to falling into the aisle by becoming entangled in the legs of his jeans. Thankfully, he managed to stay upright and not make a fool of himself in front of Loki; who'd taken a seat on his bed, all the while still fondling himself, which only served to turn Tony on further than he'd already been.

Once his clothes were properly disposed of, Tony grabbed Loki by the nape of the neck and pressed a wanton kiss to his lips; an action that never seemed to get old. He reveled in the way Loki's lips compliantly opened up to his tongue, and how they got lost in the sensation of tasting one another as if it were for the first time again.

Loki nipped at his bottom lip, before licking the sting away much to Tony's delight. They separated several moments later, gasping for breath; albeit Loki laughed a soft and endearing laugh as if the mere opportunity to kiss Tony made him giddy.

"I kind of feel stupid for saying this, but I missed you. And you weren't even gone that long." Tony reached down and pulled Loki's hand away from his groin, and laced their fingers together. "I'm usually not clingy or anything either."

Very slowly Loki ran his free hand down Tony's torso, drawing circles around his navel which made him shiver. His semi-erect member twitched in interest, although his attention was drawn to Loki's eyes that were boring into his own.

"Every moment without you is agony," Loki admitted. "You've practically bewitched me, my Little Stark."

"I think that's the other way around. You do have the gift; I mean I bet there's a line two miles long filled with fans waiting to see you."

"That very well may be; I'm certainly not one for modesty. But if I can bewitch that many people and have that much power; how on earth have you single-handedly done the same to me?" Loki slid his hand downward, gently tugging on the trail of hair that led to Tony's groin. "You are much more powerful than you give yourself credit for."

"Well, I am pretty irresistible now that you mention it." Tony hummed, closing his eyes as Loki continued to pay close attention to his pleasure trail.

"Understatement," Loki squeezed Tony's hand, while continuing with his more sensual ministrations. "I haven't been this enamored in some time; and you really don't deserve it. Your article still irks me, for your information."

"If you're still irked, why don't you fuck me hard enough to hurt?" He opened one eye and found he liked Loki's stunned expression a lot.

Usually Tony spoke without any thought; he had a gift for gab and sarcasm alike. But for whatever reason he didn't regret offering himself to Loki. Not when he had that exquisite idea of how it would feel being taken from behind by something as intimidating as Loki's oversized cock.

"I just hope you have enough restraint not to kill me with your dick." Tony continued after a moment. "I mean unless you've accidentally killed your former partners with it; which wouldn't be that surprising to me, to be honest."

Loki still looked stunned silly, which Tony could understand to a degree; but it was going past an acceptable period of time, and was rapidly getting awkward. Especially since Loki had laid his hand only centimeters from Tony's progressively growing hard-on, which only fueled his ideas of being bent over and fucked like no tomorrow.

"I thought you wanted to have me again." Loki slowly spoke, doing him the great disservice of taking both his hands away from him.

"Of course, I do. I always wanted you; I still want you."

"Then why did you bring _that_ up?"

"Because I thought it would turn you on; besides, I thought about it too. I mean is it so farfetched to think I'd like you to fuck me at least once?" Tony shrugged in exasperation; unsure how they'd gone from touching one another and stimulating one another to a disagreement about whom was going to fuck who.

They appeared to have come to an impasse, although Tony's erection was still very much present. He reached down absently, touching himself in a way that would inevitably keep him aroused; which seemed to draw Loki's attention elsewhere to watch him.

"It's not that I don't want to." Loki murmured as he reached up and took his hips in his hands; all the while still watching Tony touch himself. "I'm just particularly careful about that; especially when I'm dealing with someone inexperienced in that sort of thing. And will you stop that, I can't concentrate while you do that."

Tony groaned but paused with his hand wrapped loosely around his shaft. He really was beginning to regret bringing up the topic, because it appeared as if there was going to be a drawn out conversation about it. And all he really wanted to do was skip all of that and get fucked like he had fantasized about.

Of course, he wasn't stupid. He knew it was bound to hurt and maybe even be slightly traumatizing; but he also knew that Loki wouldn't intentionally hurt him. Even though he had a penchant, from his observation the previous evening, of losing himself in pleasure; he imagined if he told Loki to stop, Loki would stop right away.

"You aren't going to break me. I know I made a joke about how big your dick is, which it is for the record; but I doubt it has the power to kill."

"I want you to be comfortable with me completely." Loki wrapped his arms around him, gently kissing the spot above his heart. "Everything that you can take from me sexually, I want you to. If you fantasize about doing anything to me, I want you to be comfortable enough to do so; and then, once you trust me entirely without a sliver of doubt in your mind, I'll take you."

"Take me how?" Tony couldn't help but ask; feeling his erection twitch underneath his hand.

The concentration Loki had built up suddenly seemed to shatter into a million little pieces. His eyes darkened considerably, as if they hadn't been having what some would deem a serious and adult conversation. Then again, they seemed particularly insatiable when it came to the other.

Loki's tongue darted out of his mouth, tracing Tony's pec until he came to his nipple, and took it into his mouth. He sucked on it lightly until a groan of approval gurgled out of Tony's throat, and sparked his previously abandoned actions along his neglected member.

"I'd have you bent over with your bottom in the air." Loki murmured in between sucks. "You'd beg me to take you and try to persuade me with your filthy actions. Exposing yourself fully to me and pressing your fingers into your needy body, but you'd only be frustrated and unhappy that they couldn't fill you like my cock obviously can."

Tony shuddered as Loki's hands crept away from his waist and settled onto his ass instead. As if to reenact a portion of his fantasy, Loki pried his cheeks apart; which was utterly exciting to Tony. He fisted his cock tighter as Loki exposed him further, and moved his mouth to lave his other nipple with his hot tongue.

"But I'd make you fuck yourself with your fingers."

"All the while begging for your hard dick," Tony moaned wantonly, by the sudden spank to his ass.

"Until you were teetering on the edge," Loki bit down on his nipple. "And then I'd finally comply; I'd pull your fingers out one by one and suck them clean; before dropping to my knees and licking you very slowly until your hole would quiver from want."

At that declaration, Loki slid a finger between Tony's cheeks and began to circle his opening with ghost-like touches. That god forsaken and embarrassing noise bubbled out of Tony; even more high pitched and delirious than it had ever been before; after all no one had ever touched him there, never even teased him. Hell, Tony hadn't even delved into that potential pleasure spot before; and he was gratuitously oversexed.

Tony let go of his throbbing erection, wrapping both his arms around Loki's shoulders, if only to keep himself upright. His knees began to knock together, trembling as Loki continued to draw circles around his opening, adding just enough pressure that it enhanced the sensation a tenfold.

"Mm," Loki hummed again, licking up Tony's throat. "Once I had my fill, I'd work the head of my cock into you before pulling it out again; repeating it over and over until you're practically sobbing for me, and rutting underneath me like an animal in heat."

"Sweet mother of god," Tony dug his nails into Loki's shoulders.

"And then, then I would take you. Push fully into you and fuck you deeply and vigilantly." Loki suddenly whispered into his ear in a breathy, aroused voice. "I wouldn't stop either; I'd crave how tight you'd be around me and how warm you'd be. I'd want nothing more than to continue fucking you; igniting so much desire in you that you'll try to fuck yourself back onto my cock. Because you'd be so needy and wanton and aroused that you couldn't help yourself; and I wouldn't want anything else."

"L-Let's do that." Tony choked out, tilting his head back as Loki nosed his jaw. "Like let's do that right now; I'm game."

"Soon," Loki slid his hands away from Tony's ass, resting them on the V of his groin. "But you could have me, unless the prospect of that is unappealing to you."

"Like hell it is; but you better promise me that you'll do everything to me like you just described later on."

"Oh, I intend to; I'd take you with so much force you'd be immobile and incapable of running away when the urge hit me again." Loki pulled back and smirked at him. "And I rather like the idea of fucking myself on your cock while you're incapacitated."

Tony grabbed Loki by the hair, hard enough to make it hurt; before he kissed him with all the passion he could muster. It devolved right away into a sloppy, spit-addled meeting of tongues and lips; so feral in nature that Tony knew he'd look back on it, as one of the fouler things he'd done and get an instant hard-on over it.

Despite having dated women who'd been up for almost anything; there was a level of reservation in them still. But the opposite could be said of Loki; Loki seemed to love sex as much as he did. And by his description of what he intended on doing to Tony when the time was right, well it was safe to say he might be even a bit more kinkier than him too.

Yanking on Loki's hair, Tony disengaged himself from that wet mouth and devious tongue. Loki licked his lips in response and dragged his hands along the V of his groin. Tony's cock was already at full mast and begging to be touched in some shape or form; especially after that erotic tale Loki had spun for him.

Hungrily he kissed along Loki's neck, biting down every few moments to leave a bright red mark; almost in a show of ownership, which didn't seem to dampen the mood at all. Loki closed his eyes and made a sound of approval, once Tony latched onto a sensitive section of flesh and sucked it until he was positive that there would be a hickey in its wake.

"Why don't you lie down on your stomach?" Tony licked along on the large red mark he'd left behind on Loki's neck, before releasing his hold on his hair. "I think you should let me explore every part of you; so you'll be positive that I want you to fulfill that fantasy we both have."

"Promise me something first." Loki said almost hesitantly.

"Do I have to promise you something every time we have sex?"

"This is important, though."

"More important than me not laughing at you; I know you have a fragile ego, but come on." Tony quipped, only to sober up at the serious expression on Loki's face. "What is it?"

"Don't hold me down. Please." Loki replied so quietly that Tony almost didn't hear him at all. "Just don't do it,"

The realization dawned on Tony almost immediately. But he knew he couldn't say anything in terms of being comforting, since he wasn't even supposed to know about the darkest parts of Loki's past. So instead he pressed a reassuring kiss to his lips, which seemed to alleviate the tension that Loki might have felt; because he gradually pushed himself backwards and climbed onto all fours. And that definitely was a sight to behold.

Loki's body was picturesque; long and lean, accented by his flushed erection and heavy sac; both of which look painful and deserved to be sucked and licked and fondled until he spurted cum everywhere. Tony really wanted to know how he tasted, and wondered if Loki would consent to him at least licking him clean when the time came.

Feline-like, Loki settled onto his stomach and peered up at him in a mixture of lust and fear. Tony climbed onto the bed too, straddling him and emulating Loki's previous position by remaining on all fours; before pressing a series of reassuring kisses along his shoulders. He gently pushed his hair aside for he could kiss the exposed skin at the nape of his neck; and was pleased by the way Loki seemed to relax from his ministrations.

"I just want to make you feel good." Tony reassured him, before he forced his hand between Loki and the mattress to massage his sac. "As good as you make me feel; I want you to come harder than you've ever come before."

Loki arched his back, reaching down to cover his hand over Tony's as he continued to rub him in a manner that Tony liked to use on himself; which he frequently did when he was teetering towards a mind blowing orgasm.

He pressed himself against Loki's writhing body, unable to contain the urge to grind his erection against the small of his back. It felt good, damn good; and by the way Loki pushed back into him, he must have known he was getting off on it.

"Anthony, stop." Loki practically mewed, but didn't remove his hand from Tony's.

"I'm only going to stop, because I know you'll let me get you off like this later. Since I plan on getting you off in every way imaginable," Tony glided his hand away, awkwardly entwining his fingers with Loki's until he was sure that Loki wouldn't take up his previous post. "Now be a good boy and lift up that beautiful ass of yours."

Once Tony shifted onto his knees beside him, Loki erotically repositioned himself so his ass was up in the air and giving Tony access to perform whatever he pleased on it. If Loki's ass looked good in a pair of tight jeans or even without; there was something almost sinful about how it looked while pointed in the air and ready to be used for nefarious means.

Reaching out, he gave it a healthy squeeze; enjoying the way Loki gasped in return. Before he leaned inward and pressed a chaste kiss to the dimples just above his ass; albeit the temptation was too great to ignore, and Tony darted out his tongue slowly tracing the swell of one cheek then proceeded to do it to the other side.

He drew uniformed shapes along Loki's skin; creating curlicues and spirals, until he found himself planting kisses over both cheeks, as he pried them open slowly but surely in order to expose his entrance which was a sight to behold. Mostly because he'd never seen it before, and the mere thought that Tony had used that small little passage for his own pleasure, made him moan out loud; and since he now knew how intoxicating the sensation was to stimulate it, he intended on taking full advantage of it.

"I really want a camera."

"W-What," Loki uttered almost drunkenly, lifting his head from his arms.

"I want a camera so I can take pictures of you like this. Open and uninhibited; exposed," Tony explained, while he leaned in to test out uncharted territory for him.

Sticking out his tongue, he gently prodded Loki's opening with just the tip, and drew away by the sudden writhing Loki started to do in response. He let out a huff of laughter, repeating the action again. Within a few moments, he was dragging his tongue over the small ring of muscles; which caused his dick to twitch minutely because the act seemed so filthy. And the sounds coming from Loki were doubly filthy.

He swirled his tongue around his opening, before he chose to tease it with just the tip to see if he could ease Loki open with the smallest of actions. The muscles quivered underneath his attention, similarly to the scenario Loki had painted about prepping him for a crazy fuck. And that only inspired him to put further pressure on his entrance; which yielded and allowed Tony's tongue to slide inside.

Loki made a lewd sound by the invasion, while unconsciously parting his knees to spread himself wider for Tony's convenience. Very slowly, Tony pressed his tongue further into him; unable to mask the groan that came out of him by the contracting of the muscles of Loki's body, begging wantonly for him to draw further and further in.

But there was only so much he could do with his tongue; something he regretted, and yet he was quick on the uptake, withdrawing his tongue and pressing it back in; essentially tongue fucking Loki's needy hole. An act that had Tony leaking from his cock, especially when Loki's pleasure sounds grew louder than he ever heard them before.

He laid both his hands on Loki's inner thighs, urging him to open up further, and quickening the pace of his tongue to the point where his jaw began to ache from the unnatural position. Regrettably as it may have been, he pulled away and pressed a sloppy kiss against Loki's opening; and couldn't help but smile at how whorish he looked in that moment.

"I'm buying a camera in Atlanta. Mark my words." Tony said, running his hands along his inner thighs, thoroughly enjoying the view.

Loki had contorted himself awkwardly, so he could look back at Tony with heavy lidded eyes and parted lips. It was one of those images he knew would be seared into his mind forever, because it was an image only for him. Everyone might have a slice of Loki Laufeyson, covet him even; but Tony simply had Loki and no one else could have him. Not now, not ever.

He pressed a firm kiss to Loki's ass again; smiling wider by the way Loki's eyes fluttered closed for a split-second and reopened hazily. It was the first time Tony had ever witnessed Loki so open and out of control; a good kind of out of control anyway.

"You look beautiful." Tony tilted his head, almost groaning at Loki sliding two of his fingers into his mouth sucking them languidly and wetly; reminding Tony of how it felt to have that tongue against him intimately.

As quickly as Loki began to suck his fingers, he removed them and blindly reached backwards to inevitably stretch himself. But Tony grabbed a hold of his wrist, keeping those saliva slick fingers away from his entrance.

"No, let me."

"You're not exactly experienced in this." Loki replied huskily.

"I'm not a virgin; I can kind of figure out the mechanics behind it, you know. Besides it might be worth you showing me what you like anyway. Since I'm here to please you, babe."

"Can you possibly handle it, love?" Loki smirked, before he managed to roll onto his back and spread his legs welcoming.

Tony laid his hands onto his inner thighs again, pushing them open to expose him further, and bowing his head to flick his tongue against the tip of Loki's erection. Before he peered up at the look of pure ecstasy on Loki's face.

"I think I can handle a lot if you'll teach me."

"O-One thing at a time, my Little Stark," Loki bit his bottom lip, arching his back like he wanted to make Tony's cock ache even more than it already was.

To add insult to injury, Loki grabbed for his hand and drew his fingers into his hot and wet mouth. The whorish expression on his face was enough to make Tony reposition himself above Loki, in order to align their cocks against one another.

Loki moaned around his fingers by the simple contact; albeit both of them were painfully erect and in need of further stimulation than the teasing licks and touches that they subjected one another to for so long. And that was what inevitably led to Tony rutting ever so slightly against Loki, and setting off a chain reaction of pleasure filled sounds from both of them.

In between his fingers being sucked and laved by Loki's hot tongue, and having his erection pressed snugly against his, it was sending Tony over the edge. It was already a challenge to maintain a level head while assaulted by someone of Loki's caliber; a specimen that was damn near perfect. But to have him in such a compromising position was making it harder and harder to not lose control.

Knowing full well that he might not last very much longer, he extracted his fingers from Loki's mouth and forced himself back onto his knees, and in between Loki's spread legs. Loki proceeded to hook one of his arms underneath his knee, exposing himself even more.

"Run your finger against me." Loki commanded shakily. "And slowly press into me with it like, ah!"

Tony was quick to follow instructions and guided the tip of his index finger into Loki's hole. Once he deemed it appropriate, he pressed his finger in further until it was fully inside; he counted back from ten, before gently beginning to move his finger, and extracting a pleased noise from Loki.

He hooked his finger a tad, working up a rhythm that served his needs well while fingering girls. And the method seemed to relatively effective on Loki too; whom raised his hips to match his movements, and appeared to be in need of another finger.

However, his eagerness worked against him, because Loki hissed out something that was more than likely a Norwegian expletive and stilled his hips after Tony pressed his second finger in all the way.

"Shit, babe, I'm sorry!"

"If you treat women like this, they have my sympathy!" Loki reached down, holding onto Tony's hand and began to move it slowly and carefully; which seemed to reverse the pain he'd caused. "Like that, just like that; nice and slow. Now spread open your fingers, ah, yes."

Tony spread his fingers apart, before he closed them again. He repeated the action over and over, reveling in the sounds pouring from Loki's mouth. They were erotic and loud, contradicting how quiet he'd been the previous evening. Then again, they'd been both eager and probably nervous since it had been their first time together.

But now they were experimenting, pushing buttons and pulling levers; trying to find out what made the other tick. And by the progress of things, they appeared to be very sexually compatible; although Tony hadn't any doubt about that from the get-go.

"Y-Your other finger now," Loki moaned, which grew louder as Tony followed his directions and pressed his ring finger into his tight hole.

He wriggled all three against Loki's constricting muscles, parting them as much as he could. But it took a lot of willpower not to plunge his fingers deeper in; he'd probably end up hurting him again, since he was still a novice, to a degree, when it came to this. Or maybe he just wanted to flex his restraint; wanted to make sure that Loki would let him do this again without any reservations whatsoever.

Loki arched his body off the mattress, pulling his knee up to his chest; seemingly giving permission for Tony to increase his ministrations, which he did but hesitantly so. He forced his fingers fully in, before withdrawing them out to the second joint, and pressing them in again. But this time he hooked each one sharply and pressed upward.

The result was instantaneous; Tony felt the sudden suffocating constriction of Loki's body, and marveled in the way his face opened up in pure and unadulterated ecstasy. His mouth opened in a silent cry and it seemed to take all his willpower not to press down into Tony's fingers, and chase that sensation like a junkie chasing the dragon.

That response however was enough to make Tony continue; very aware that he must have found his prostate and wanted to lavish it with as much attention as he could. He wanted Loki to be a mess of want and need; he wanted Loki to be out of control and only for him.

"S-Stop," Loki managed to say; even though Tony wanted to work him into hysteria, he knew better than to get lost in his own wants.

Reluctantly he withdrew his fingers one by one, before circling each around Loki's now swollen entrance. It quivered appealingly, almost begging him to plunge something back into it, and ignore his own need for release for once and focus on someone else entirely.

Somehow or another, he kept himself from following through with his train of thought. Instead he waited patiently for Loki to recover; thankfully it didn't take very long. Loki stretched one arm towards one of the pillows propped against the compartment's wall; only twisting at the waist when he couldn't find what he wanted right away.

After some scrounging about, Loki held up a tube of lubrication victoriously. Tony took it from him right away, increasingly aware of the fact that he needed to be inside of Loki and fast. His cock was harder than he could ever remember it being and was glistening with pearls of precum that begun to dribble whenever his cock bobbed and twitched.

"How do you want me, love?" Loki asked, sitting up slightly, and staring at him in a way that would have made lesser beings come in their pants; but Tony had, thankfully built up a resistance to those looks and that bedroom voice, although it didn't stop his cock from twitching again.

"Lie back and open your legs as wide as you can." Tony commanded.

"Like this?" Loki lied back and parted his legs even further than they'd been beforehand.

It was obscene and dirty and exactly what Tony wanted. He nodded; allowing his eyes to wander from Loki's heavy and leaking member curved against his belly; his even heavier sac and his ass that while not on full display but still looked damn good.

"You definitely know how to please, babe." He breathed out, unscrewing the cap off the lube, before pouring a copious amount into his palm. "Not to mention you were prepared on top of that."

"I intend on doing nothing but this, when I'm not pulled away for business." Loki smirked, folding both arms underneath his head. "Now don't make me beg, my Little Stark."

"Your Little Stark's going to fuck you stupid."

"Fuck me long and hard."

"Your wish is my command, babe." Tony practically growled, as he took his cock into his hand and began to coat it with lube.

Once he was fully slicked up, he lifted Loki's hips up so he could line himself up with his opening. He gave his upmost attention to the task at hand; determined not to make a fool out of himself, and completely miss the mark. He'd done something similarly in the past, but it mostly had to do with the fact he was too drunk off his ass to remember basic human anatomy and the girl with him was equally inebriated too.

This he hadn't done before, though. He'd never actually performed anal sex on anyone but Loki; and well, he was the one to guide him in. So he'd be damned if he missed the mark and become a laughingstock for the rest of his natural born life; especially when he was dead sober.

Reaching down with one hand, while the other still held Loki's hip, Tony took himself by the shaft and led the blunt head of his cock to that swollen and wanton hole. He pressed against it, testing the waters; which, in turn, made Loki draw in a breath. Before he put further force behind it and felt it let way under his insistence.

The head of his cock, slid in easily into that tight heat. He uttered out an expletive, returning his hand back to Loki's hip, and bucked his own hips slightly; which helped ease him further into Loki. He was halfway in as he peered up at Loki, whom had glassy eyes and was biting his bottom lip in pleasure. But it only increased once he gave a brutal thrust forward and slid completely inside.

Tony groaned, doubling over that beautiful body, and kissing Loki deeply. His hands roved up his torso and along his sides, swallowing Loki's sounds of delight. He felt good, damn good; his cock throbbed in a way that was strangely gratifying, heightened by how hot Loki was on the inside.

"Ready, babe," he drew away, smirking at the inadvertent whine that came from Loki's lips once he pulled away.

"Long and hard," Loki said gruffly, while wrapping his legs around Tony's waist, and winding his arms around Tony's that were keeping him upright.

Tony bucked his hips, pressing deeper into Loki just to tease him; before he withdrew only an inch or so and rammed back into him with enough force to make Loki choke out a noise that was very uncharacteristic of him. He withdrew further and thrust back even harder than the last time, which sent sparks of electricity up his spine, and demanded that he do it again.

Within a matter of moments, he was fucking into Loki hard as he asked for. His hips jutted forward sharply and unrelentingly, almost painfully even. And yet that only seemed to draw more sound out of Loki, whose hold on him had increased exponentially and caused his ass to tighten more and more.

Tony pounded into him over and over again; desperate to pursue those waves of ecstasy that had now flooded every part of his body. His cock ached as he was devoured by Loki's tightness; those muscles held him in a vice-like grip, determined to milk him dry. And god only knew he wanted to come deeply in Loki too; so deeply that he couldn't possibly wash away the evidence for some time.

The idea of Loki being on stage, filled with Tony still was the raunchiest thought he had in some time. And goddammit, if he didn't want to fuck him on the edge of the stage minutes before his performance, and make him go out there and sing still dripping from the ass with Tony's come.

His mouth apparently chose to work of its own accord, reciting the fantasy out to Loki who looked like Christmas came early, followed shortly by his enemies' downfall, and getting an extra good fuck all at once.

"I'd fuck you so hard against the wall, while your fans chant for you over and over again." Tony blabbed in a gruff, possessive voice that didn't sound like him at all. "Pounding into your perfect ass until you can't take anymore, and trying like the whore you are to fuck yourself on my dick."

"And you'd come so deep in me; I'd make you fill me." Loki gasped, turning his head away at a particularly hard thrust.

"I'd fill you up completely." Tony's hips worked of their own accord, losing their well-timed pace and just getting lost in both the fantasy and the amazing feeling around his dick. "So when you go out on stage, you'd feel my cum dribble out of your ass and down your thighs. And you'd remember who fucking owns you."

His last comment came out feral and angry. For a split-second, once Loki turned his head so he could look at him again, Tony thought he might try upend him and go on a rant. But the exact opposite happened; Loki dragged him down into a hard kiss, jamming his tongue lasciviously into his mouth, and raised his hips to meet his every thrust.

Tony fucked into him wildly, kissing him until he was breathless; but determined to remain attached to his mouth for long as humanly possible. Which, unfortunately, wasn't as long as he would have liked; he disengaged himself, looking into Loki's eyes, whose pupils were blown out with pleasure.

"I'm yours, always." Loki declared. "Forever and always,"

Despite his need to come, a desperate and painful need at that, Tony's hips stilled fully sheathed inside of Loki; and stared at him with a hundred of questions and a thousand of hopes. He found that he never wanted anything more than that; to be with Loki for as long as possible, even until the day he died. He wanted to be with him forever.

"You promise?" He choked out with so much hope that it might have very well destroyed the moment.

Loki looked away, reaching for Tony's wrists, and awkwardly forcing him to entwine their fingers together and balance his weight entirely onto his knees. Loki then lifted his arms over his head, taking Tony's with them, which caused their bodies to be plastered to one another's.

"Hold me down. I trust you." Loki uttered in a way that was both broken and terrified, which sent a bolt of pain through Tony's heart. "I'll give you every part of me as a promise; a promise for forever."

Tony didn't know when both their bodies began to tremble, but they were both shaking; especially when Tony held Loki's hands above his head tightly, finding it almost too easy to fall back into his previous erratic movements. His hips snapped hard and relentlessly, plunging deeper and farther into Loki than before.

Loki was still visibly trembling, but his eyes were trained onto Tony's face; clenching hard whenever their eyes met. And that was the moment, the very second exactly, Tony knew he could never leave Loki; not for anything. He couldn't go home ever again; he'd never be ready to take over Stark Industries; never go back to Berkeley to bunk with Rhodey again or shoot the shit with Happy in Los Angeles.

His whole life was spread out right in front of him; a beautiful canvas of lily-white skin with sinew muscles underneath it, expressive green eyes, and a thin but delectable mouth that'd brought him more joy with speech and action alike than anything else could.

He fucked him harder and harder, lovesick and wanting to please; before leaning inward until their noses touched and they shared the same hurried breath. Loki held tighter onto both his hands, digging his nails into Tony's flesh but he didn't care; couldn't think of anything but bringing them both to completion now.

"You're going to come without me touching your cock at all." He declared authoritatively.

"Pull out all the way and fuck into me so hard I'll see stars." Loki returned, although his voice shook from what only could be pleasure and fear alike. "My Little Stark, please."

Even though that was the last thing he wanted to do, to leave that amazing heat, Tony complied nonetheless. He slowly withdrew his member, which screamed in protest from being forced out of such a pliant and beautiful body; until only the very tip was snugly placed against the rim of his entrance.

Never once did they look away from one another, or cower away for that matter; when Tony shoved back in with enough force to make them both cry out in ecstasy induced hysterics. Tony fucked into Loki deeper and harder, while his vision wavered by how much he was being clenched.

He must have been pounding directly into his prostate, because Loki's ass only continued to get tighter more and more, almost painfully so. And without further warning, Loki was coming between their bodies, wet and hot and sticky.

Tony swooped in, kissing away those cries of completion; pumping into that that relentless heat and tightness. Before it finally became too much and he was spilling into Loki deeply; which was heightened by their tongues tangling together, and their hands holding steadfast onto one another's, as if they would spin out of control without the other anchoring them down.

The world swirled around Tony, tilted on its axis; as he began to come down from his high, and was finally able to see straight once more. And it was a beautiful sight he was bestowed with; he was face to face with Loki whose face was flushed and sweaty, with swollen red lips.

"We're both sentimental fools." Loki huffed out softly, but was no longer shaking anymore from being held down.

"Sex really made us into the people we hate." Tony couldn't help but laugh. "But I rather be stupidly sappy with you rather than be the coolest cat on the block without you."

"You've never been anywhere near cool, as you put it."

"Bye-bye sweet and sentimental Loki, asshole Loki's back in town." Tony scoffed. "For your information, I was crowned party king of Berkeley two years in a row. I am very cool; I threw the best parties too. Like drink so much you lose your pants and end up in Fresno with the foreign exchange student who doesn't speak a lick of English, kind of parties."

"I have hundreds of thousands of adoring fans, whom pay to see me in person."

"That just makes you a whore to the masses."

"And yet not a single one of them means a thing." Loki cut him off, before he could shoot himself in the foot. "Not compared to you; never compared to you."

Tony swallowed hard, feeling a tingling sensation through his entire body. Loki avoided his gaze, embarrassed by the declaration; and well, Tony knew both of them had an issue when it came to their feelings. But he was okay with making a fool out of himself, if it meant Loki knew how much he cared about him.

"Babe, I love you. I really, really do."

"That sounds familiar," Loki peered up at him through heavy lidded eyes. "Have you written for the Carpenters before?"

"Very funny, hysterical even; just remember who's shoved up your ass still, you bastard." Tony scowled, only to receive a brilliant smile for his troubles.

"I do; I really, really do." Loki replied and even though Tony was completely annoyed, he couldn't help but kiss him again with all the passion in the world.


	23. Chapter Twenty-two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a filler chapter; I'm sorry if it's not very good, but I just liked exploring Tony and Loki's interactions once and awhile without anything terribly momentous occurring.
> 
> And I randomly cued up "More Than a Feeling" by Boston, while finishing up the chapter. So if you want to check it out you can. XD

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**Chapter Twenty-two**

 

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The Polaroid Super Shooter wasn't the most sophisticated of cameras, but convenience and anonymity was really what Tony was looking for. The instant snapshot function was the most important feature to him, especially since he really couldn't justify his sudden interest in photography and his need to set up a dark room in the limited space afforded to him at all times.

More precisely, he figured his model of choice wouldn't exactly be game for a drawn out photo shoot; particularly while in compromising and inappropriate positions. Loki was frequently photographed anyway; his likeness was splashed across magazines from Germany to Taiwan, so the traditional photo shoot would only feel like work to him, whereas an amateur one was long overdue.

Except Loki wasn't currently within close distance, and was instead prancing on stage teasingly in front of Tony's very eyes. The sound check was midway through, and Tony had been mentally tormented by being that far away from Loki without any acknowledgement whatsoever.

No matter how petty, the distance between them was killing him. He didn't like being without Loki for very long, which he knew was terribly clingy and downright disgusting; but it was hard to control his feelings, when all he wanted to do was lock himself away with Loki and stay there for days on end.

Tony toyed with his camera, in between shooting lovelorn looks at Loki; who was in the midst of singing while pointing up at the rafters, indicating something that he disliked about the stage's set up. Throughout the duration of the sound check, Loki hadn't looked his way once; which only happened to make him miserable while simultaneously making him feel stupid as well.

But work came first; Loki said as much, and technically he was right. If it hadn't been for Loki's work, Tony wouldn't have seen him again, and most certainly they wouldn't be in the midst of a heated love affair. So heated in fact, Tony wanted to document it fully on film.

Idea after idea sprung up in his mind, when it came to what he'd like to photograph. He wanted to capture Loki in the most vulnerable of moments; exposed both physically and mentally. After all, it was almost impossible to catch Loki when his guard was done; he was always on the defensive, except while spread out and drunk with ecstasy. And those moments were only reserved for him from now on.

The world might have gotten bits and pieces of Loki Laufeyson, pouring his soul out through a microphone and teasingly swaying his hips to the tempo of a particularly catchy song. But they'd never have that vulnerability that Tony was bound to document for his own pleasures later on; and they would be far from being tastefully done either.

His Polaroid Super Shooter was set to downright raunchy. He wanted Loki spread open from behind, fucked stupid with cum dribbling down his inner thighs; and he wanted to capture the point where he'd press into Loki, where his eyes danced with pleasure and want that it threatened to tear him apart.

Tony hadn't any desire to take snapshots of Loki when he was camera ready; coiffed and painted like the perfect glam rock star that he was. Oh no, he'd leave that for the professionals. He just wanted the cum stained lips and delirious, blown out eyes, and flushed flesh speckled with love bites.

Biting onto his lower lip, Tony managed to suppress the groan at the back of his throat. Regrettably, his newly purchased camera would go unused for at least the rest of the day. Loki was all but consumed with making that evening's show impeccable, which was a problem with fucking a perfectionist. Tony should know; he was the same.

But Loki hadn't been exposed to that part of him. He hadn't dropped by his dorm room, while he was in the middle of tinkering with one of his many inventions. More importantly, his side project of creating and expanding on his artificial intelligence; albeit those were just blueprints and mathematical equations at this point. It was a dream forged by boredom, and well his pet project had been put on the back burner for now; especially since he found photography to be infinitely more rewarding with a subject like Loki.

"Sound check done, don't you think?" Loki stopped singing midway through, lifting his shoulders in a comical way. "Unless you think it'll be beneficial for me to perform an entire set before tonight."

There was a back and forth between the sound engineers, who'd been tinkering on and off with the sound throughout the rehearsal; but the semantics weren't very interesting, even when Loki started up a drawn out vocal exercise to reiterate that the sound system seemed up to par for that evening's performance.

"Everything sounds good." One of the engineers, hidden somewhere above the auditorium announced much to Loki's apparent relief; Tony, admittedly felt the same way, if only it meant that he could be closer to Loki again.

"Excellent." Loki tossed his microphone to a passing roadie, before walking to the edge of the stage and hoping down into a crouch.

Tony scrambled to his feet; from he'd been sitting on the concrete floor, and tried to calm himself down. His heart began to beat wildly in chest, as if it was the first time he'd be anywhere near Loki; whom was drawing nearer, while shouting out some order or another over his shoulder.

Before he could properly get his feelings under control and stop acting like a teenage girl, Loki broached the distance between them and pulled him into a tight embrace; which sent off a wave of relief through his whole body.

It was pathetic really; Tony had gone days, sometimes even weeks without seeing people he was supposed to be in a relationship with and barely noticed. He had his own life to live and oftentimes outside parties only muddled things up. And yet, he was practically going into withdrawals from being away from Loki for a few hours at a time; made worse by the fact, he needed to touch Loki more than just casually have a conversation with him.

Tony slung his free arm around Loki's shoulders, almost purring in contentment by the bodily contact. But it didn't last very long; Loki pulled away before his attention turned to the camera in Tony's hand, which earned him a befuddled look.

"I didn't know you were into photography." Loki held out his hand until Tony deposited the camera into it. "I suppose there's quite a bit I don't know about you still."

"Guess you were too out of your mind with pleasure, you know because I'm fucking great in bed, to remember what I said to you." Tony wriggled his eyebrows, looping one of his arms around Loki's waist.

"I would forgo the accolades for now." Loki snorted, examining the camera still.

"Hey, I take offense to that. Both times we had sex you came hard."

"I didn't temporarily faint when I climaxed, though."

"Excuse me?" Tony gaped at him. "That happened to you before?"

There was a smug look on Loki's face that only grew a tenfold when he brought the camera up to his eye, and took a picture, undoubtedly, of Tony's reaction. The flash made Tony blink multiple times, but he found himself far more annoyed by the fact that anyone had been a better lover to Loki than him.

By no means did he think Loki was a virgin; he was already thirty-one years old and an internationally renowned rock star on top of that, but the delusional lovesick part of him had hoped he had surpassed everyone else. Except the cold hard reality of the matter was he could have very well been subpar at best, and Loki just hadn't had prolonged stimulation like Tony had provided him with.

"I mean I was rimming the hell out of you." Tony lowered his voice, not embarrassed by that fact but he didn't want to broadcast it either. "I even fucked you with my tongue. I never fucked anyone with my tongue like that before."

"Maybe you should have kept it up then." Loki replied coolly, shaking the Polaroid picture that shot out from the camera.

"Yeah, if I wanted lockjaw I would have."

"There isn't any reason that you should be that upset about it then. We wouldn't want you to hurt yourself trying to please me, Stark."

"So someone tongue fucked you, made you come so hard that you blacked out. My question is who the fuck was that, and if you say Bucky I will punch you."

"I don't kiss and tell." Loki turned the snapshot around for Tony to peer at his own likeness; a very poorly taken picture of him at that.

Tony snatched the picture away from Loki, disgusted by how irate and annoyed he looked. It would have been obvious to anyone that he was jealous by the fact, that someone could please Loki better than him. And well, being second best was never an option with Tony Stark; he strove for perfection and he'd be damned if he let someone else fuck Loki better than he could.

Worse yet, he suspected this person was probably some big name celebrity too. Just the thought of someone like Bowie or Jagger tongue fucking Loki was enough to make his stomach churn. But what was even more telling than that, was that Loki appeared to have some sort of oral fixation in general in between his love for giving blow jobs, and his apparent enjoyment of being rimmed.

"Now tell me why exactly did you get this camera?" Loki held out the camera, forcing Tony to let go of his waist.

"For the sole purpose of photographing you at your most vulnerable," he supplied tersely, before shooting Loki an annoyed look when he took the snapshot from him and stuffed it into his back pocket.

"Ah, your plan is to photograph me mid-coitus."

"Stop being so prim and proper; mid-fuck sounds a hell of a lot better."

"Mid-fuck then," Loki repeated, swooping in and pressing a hungry kiss to Tony's lips.

Despite wanting to remain angry, Tony found it an impossible feat when Loki was kissing him like that. He groaned but returned the kiss, until he felt lightheaded and felt a familiar warmth coil in the pit of his stomach; combined with the fact, he'd been thinking about Loki splayed out before him while he photographed him, well he was headed straight towards being completely aroused.

"You will be at the show this evening, now won't you?" Loki pulled away, speaking those words against his parted lips.

"Abso-fucking-lutely, babe,"

"I want you front row, center stage."

"Are you sure you'll be able to concentrate with such a hot piece of ass in front of you?"

"Oh, I'll manage." Loki reached down, grabbing onto the top of his jeans, and pulling him closer to him. "And if you are a particularly good boy, I'll grant you permission to take as many photographs of me as you want. But might I suggest, it'll be beneficial if you make sure to have as much film as you possibly can. Because I am very photogenic, Mr. Stark,"

Tony could only groan like some kind of Neanderthal in return. Then again his higher faculties decided to go on vacation, when faced with the potential scenario of photographing Loki in several stages of being undressed and sexually aroused.

Loki kissed him hotly, dragging his tongue along his lower lip; before pulling away with that mischievous little grin on his face. And by god, it made Tony weak in the knees; confirming that he was a lovelorn fool by every definition of the word.

"Now I have to go." Loki pecked him several times.

"Where are you going?"

"My favorite costume designer has come all the way from London, in order to show me his newest sketches." Loki kissed the corner of his mouth. "And unfortunately, you are still a reporter; so you will have to find something else to occupy yourself with."

"Masturbating sounds like a plan."

"Don't tempt me; I'll be forced to join you and perhaps show you the benefits of using your tongue, even though you feel a crick in your jaw." Loki said in a harsh and predatory tone.

"I'm keeping you to that, you silver-tongued bastard." Tony returned; trying to grab onto Loki's hip to no avail.

The teasing bastard drew away from him, pointing at him with a wink; which only made Tony want to take chase. If there weren't any roadies, sound engineers, and the back-up band around; he might have very well been compelled to latch onto Loki, and fuck him right there and then.

But he still had a shred of restraint left in him, even though the separation anxiety already began to take its toll once more. Being away from Loki was a new kind of torture, and yet he knew he had to get used to it. It was only a few hours, after all; and well, it would give him some time to conjure up ideas on how he wanted to photograph Loki anyway.

Smiling to himself, he started towards the exit as he watched Loki climb back onto the stage. There was a lot more film he needed to buy, and very little time for him to get it, after all.


	24. Chapter Twenty-three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Concert scenes are always a pain in the ass for me to write; hence, why I tend to avoid them like the plague. But you can't write a music-oriented story without having a few of these scenes thrown in; so I hope I did it justice and that you enjoy it! :)

* * *

 

**Chapter Twenty-three**

 

* * *

 

Loki Laufeyson stood underneath the heat of the spotlight, immobile despite the electrical current that encompassed the massive auditorium. His normally black attire had been replaced with all white instead; whereas his face was completely painted by makeup. His brilliant green eyes were ringed with silver and blue glitter as were his lips; it had a cosmic appeal about it. Stars, moonlight, tin-plated spaceships made by adolescent hands even. And he was positively entrancing.

Cries of reverence wafted from the audience of thousands. Hands shot out, desperate to touch, and unwilling to believe that it was an impossibility. They wanted to covet such an otherworldly entity; those hands wanted to strip him bare, bury their fingers between his strong thighs, and pull every bit of pleasure out of him that they could. They wanted to make him sing, hurried and messy but melodic and beautiful from swollen red lips.

Tony held steadfast onto the barricade until his knuckles were bone-white. Bodies of over-eager fans pressed up against him from every angle, wanting nothing more than to uproot him and take his spot which was the best in the house. The coveted front row center stage spot, which was bound to draw Loki's attention; and every single one of them, was vying for that split-second of recognition.

Small hands with hot pink nails dug into the crook of his elbow, hoping that the stinging pain would either cause him to concede and permit her to take his spot; or potentially to turn on her only to have some phantom boyfriend twice his side to level him out.

It took a lot of restraint not to make a scene; albeit, it became progressively easier to ignore the feline-like nails in his flesh when the object of everyone's affections suddenly began to sing. Loki slowly parted his glittered lips and belted out an impressively long and high note; one that quieted the crowd and left them gaping in wonder and awe.

Tony felt a swell of pride deep in his belly; the kind that only someone who was intimately associated with another person could. And he was damn proud of the way Loki could bring an entire auditorium of people to their knees.

The thunderous beginnings of the band exploded and echoed off the walls, gradually driving the audience into a heated frenzy. People flailed their limbs recklessly and began to rock to the music, and eagerly sang along with Loki whom had begun to traverse the stage with a predatory purpose.

From one side to the other, Loki stalked back and forth, which caused further chaos to erupt everywhere. Girls shrieked shrilly, some abandoning the lyrics to scream out love confessions and desperate pleas for domesticity. But they went unheard as Loki sang his heart and soul out into the microphone that was pressed against his lips, and moved his body in a way that was sinuous.

Every small movement, every small enunciation captivated Tony. He saw nothing else, heard nothing else but that beautiful creature all in white. He loved no one as much as he loved Loki then; every previous partner that he had was only a distant memory at best.

His whole world revolved around that elaborately designed stage; his reality lied in Loki's fantasy. The two were indecipherable; so long as Loki existed in one, well he had to exist in another for Tony.

The audience only grew more and more hysterical as Loki flirted with danger, by stepping carelessly to the very edge of the stage. He grabbed onto several hands, squeezing them, and singing to whoever the recipient of his attentions were at that moment. And while Tony knew it was a fleeting interest of the moment, that Loki wouldn't possibly remember a single face once he was off-stage; he couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy bubble up inside of him.

Not being the center of Loki's attention, strangely enough felt like a death sentence. There was a tightness in Tony's chest that he couldn't will away; even when he logically looked at the situation, and realized how petty and childish that was – it really didn't change a thing.

Tony wanted to be Loki's world, as much as Loki was his; albeit, he knew it could never be. Loki Laufeyson belonged to the public; to every single fan who was crying out to him with outstretched hands. They owned a little part of him and he gave them rightfully every piece of him in return. He performed only for them; the way in which he carried himself, it seemed as if he was only on that stage to please one individual at a time rather than so many.

Loki was a natural showman and knew how to please; which would explain why that nasty little hand in the crook of Tony's elbow suddenly slipped away, punctured by the sound of what could only be described as someone before they fainted.

And there was good reason for it too; Loki had slunk over the stack of speakers in front of the stage, and was now giving his utmost attention to the fans lucky enough to snag a place in front of center stage. The girls pressed into him, wailed like the messiah himself had chosen to bestow them with his presence, as he leaned inward to stare at them all.

But Loki's attention was fleeting; it hopped from face to face within a split-second, before his eyes finally settled onto Tony. The air seemed to rush out of Tony all at once; despite, having only been in Loki's company a few hours earlier, being stared at by _the_ Loki Laufeyson did funny things to him.

By all means, Loki was his stage persona and vice-versa, but there were glaring differences. In that very instant, Tony felt stripped bare far more than while in Loki's presence. As if his stage persona was indeed an otherworldly being; the part which Tony vied so completely to be noticed by; and yet he knew behind all that makeup was _his_ Loki. The one only reserved for him.

Loki winked at him as he crooned seductively into the microphone. Tony suppressed a moan as warmth rushed through his body at an alarmingly fast rate. He held onto the barricade tighter than necessary, before watching Loki slip away from him and return to his previous position on stage; smack-dab underneath the white-hot glare of the spotlight.

The song drew to a close, although Tony really couldn't tell how many had already ended within that period of time. Loki's physicality always had a way of trumping his set list for Tony. But it was far enough into the show for Loki to strip off his coat and push up his sleeves to reveal his forearms.

Glitter speckled every inch of his body, as if he'd rolled through a small hill's worth before sauntering out onto the stage. His arms glistened underneath the harsh overhead lightning, as did his lips that were almost touching the microphone once more.

"Hello, Atlanta." Loki spoke in a way that was almost husky, and sent an excited jolt to Tony's groin. "My name is Loki Laufeyson and I would like very much to share with you a brand new song I've recently written."

Howls and cheers erupted almost immediately throughout the auditorium, coming close to drowning out Loki who brought the microphone back to his lips. He held up his hand in an attempt to quiet the crowd, but it took much longer for the cheers to subside than what should have been necessary.

"Sadly, the song hasn't a title yet." Loki tilted his head conversationally, albeit it was a feigned sort of pleasantness for the audience's sake. "But I find it to be a _little stark_ in comparison to my other songs."

Tony felt his heart leap into his throat, made worse by the fact Loki winked again very apparently at him from his post; before motioning above his head, which spurred the band back into action. The tempo was far slower than the previous songs that had been played; hell, it could have easily been dubbed a ballad even.

And yet Tony could ascertain right from the get-go it wasn't a traditional, cheesy love song. Loki didn't write Carpenter-like ballads; he had more creativity than that, and he proved it by the smoky and alluring voice that came out of him. A voice that made Tony's whole body break out in goose bumps and made him a tad weak in the knees.

He clutched onto the barricade as if it was his lifeline; he was completely mesmerized by the man in front of him whose voice only grew louder and more powerful as the song continued on. The song that was written about him; the one Loki had been experimenting with at the back of the tour bus not so long ago, and now it was a full-blown song.

Everything around him melted away; it was inconsequential, really. Loki had become the only meaningful thing to him and he watched him like hawk. He drank in every small motion and ingrained the lyrics to his memory to properly analyze later.

Loki slowly pulled the microphone away from his lips, allowing the music to temporarily take over. And he was on the move again, moving gracefully towards the drapery on the side of the stage; something he had only done once before that Tony knew of.

It was apparent to him what was about to happen next, and he willed himself not to jump out of his skin; especially when Loki disappeared and reappeared within a short period of time. He traversed the space between the stage and the barricade, which caused the crowd to react wildly and chaotically.

Hands shot out from every direction, determined to clutch onto any part of their idol that they could. But unlike his previous journey into the crowd, Loki ignored every wayward hand, every scream that could have easily shattered glass; instead, he walked down the aisle with a purpose until he was right before Tony.

Tony swallowed hard, expecting Loki to climb up onto the barricade in front of him; which he readily did and even flung over his right leg across the railing as he'd done in Los Angeles. This time around, Tony didn't hesitate to grab onto Loki's waist, cementing him into place protectively; even though, that didn't stop anyone from reaching out for him and finding purchase on every part of his body.

The audience's handsy nature didn't deter Loki from continuing to sing. The lyrics rumbled deep in his chest and he sang with a power that not many other vocalists could. Every word sprung out from his mouth like a cherished gift directly to Tony, and he grasped onto every single one desperately; even as the song was slowly dwindling to a close.

And yet when the music superseded Loki's voice entirely, building up to a dramatic close; Tony found that those brief moments in between Loki singing were even more precious. Because Loki peered down at him with so much intensity that it stole the breath right out of him.

Loki was no longer a commodity for the masses; he was Tony's in that moment. He ceased to be Loki Laufeyson and was only Tony's Loki, who embraced him tightly whenever they were close-by; who kissed him silly and eagerly too. And it was the same one that Tony was so stupidly and madly in love with, that every part of him ached whenever they were separated for a few minutes at a time.

Once the song drew to a close, Loki leaned inward and balanced his hand onto Tony's shoulder. Tony tilted his head up for he could ease the awkwardness of Loki's position; although it was still awkward and probably uncomfortable to say the least, and aggravated further by those wayward limbs that were shooting up around them.

"A gift from me to you, my Little Stark," Loki whispered against his lips, before plunging in for a heated kiss that Tony readily returned.

Tony moaned in spite of himself, opening his lips a fraction as the tip of Loki's tongue prodded at them and slowly swooped in to graze the roof of his mouth. The roar of the crowd grew louder and louder as they entwined themselves around one another, momentarily lost to the fact that they were now the keystone of everyone's attention.

The peculiar and almost metallic taste of what could only be Loki's glitter based lipstick assaulted Tony's taste buds; combined with a hint of some sort of tea and his trademark brand of cigarettes. It was a taste that he was beginning to love and desperately wanted more of, as he tangled his tongue obscenely with Loki's until he was drawing short of breath.

Despite his best efforts to remain attached to Loki's mouth, they were separated by Loki's insistence. His eyes glistened with pleasure and almost childish excitement; as if Tony's response to the song went above and beyond his expectations. And maybe he even questioned if Tony would be flattered by such a grandiose exclamation of his affections too.

Loki brushed his lips against Tony's once more, mouthing _I love you_ ; which Tony was quick to reciprocate in turn. And before he knew it, Loki was disengaging himself from the barricade and from all those wanton hands that were clinging to his oxford's sleeves and shoulders.

Once he'd effectively freed himself, almost losing his footing in the process, but righted by the bulky figure of an all but ignored security guard; Loki started up the aisle again with the security guard close to his back, and sporadically squeezing hands as he went.

Tony licked his lips, tasting that metallic undertone again. He suspected his mouth was smeared silver too, but he wore it proudly; even more so when Loki returned to the stage and began to belt out one of his better known songs to the excitement of his fans.

Someone behind him or beside him, he wasn't quite sure since his attention was glued onto Loki whom was in the midst of swaying his hips in a sinful manner; murmured into his ear hot and clearly envious of him.

"Lucky." The phantom person said too close for comfort, but Tony couldn't help but crack a smile nonetheless. Because wasn't that the truth?

He was the luckiest guy in the world. And that beautiful creature on the stage was all his.


	25. Chapter Twenty-four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another update; I hope you enjoy it. And my apologies for inundating you with perpetual updates.

* * *

 

**Chapter Twenty-four**

 

* * *

 

Adrenaline pumped through Tony's body rapidly. He was exhilarated as he waved his arms above his head like a maniac, in order to catch the security guard's attention. The roadies had yet to appear to disassemble the elaborate props erected on the stage. So he had to make due and try and get the guy's attention, if he ever wanted to get backstage in a timely fashion.

But he wasn't the only one attempting to be seen. Scantily dressed women of all ages were pouting and whining in ways that were meant to be seductive, albeit their efforts proved only to be downright annoying and unattractive.

"Hey, big guy, over here," Tony called out above the perpetual buzz of the people who stubbornly remained behind in the theater. "Over here,"

Soon enough everyone would be herded out like cattle, and they would have to try their luck outside to get close to Loki. The tour bus had been parked elsewhere though, outside an upscale hotel for the time being; which would make it doubly difficult to squirm their way into Loki's sights.

By some miracle or another, his constant prodding finally drew the security guard near. But he didn't look very thrilled with the prospect of casual conversation with one of Loki Laufeyson's crazed fans. Tony could see how utterly annoyed he really was; and all signs seemed to point to the fact, he wasn't in the same league with them. He definitely wasn't a Laufeyson admirer; in fact his natural habitat seemed to be in a dingy biker bar somewhere in the bayou.

"What the hell do you want?" The big guy asked curtly.

"I'm sure you already figured out that I'm going to ask you to let me backstage. But there's a perfectly logical explanation for it; I'm a writer for Rolling Stone magazine, and I've been on tour with Loki Laufeyson since day one." He explained, only to receive a disgusted look in response.

It didn't take Tony too much by surprise. He had to figure the security guard had seen Loki's tongue down his throat. Or in the very least, he could deduce he was the one who'd gotten the kiss; his lips were probably silvery-blue and speckled with glitter. And since no one within the immediate area was sporting that kind of lipstick, it really spoke for itself.

The security guard was obviously not a fan of glam rock; but he also, most definitely, was not a fan of Loki's very homoerotic stage performance. That much was a given by the way his face contorted further into disgust while eyeing Tony up and down. He was giving him a look like he might have contracted some kind of poof disease, and would try to spread it to him as well.

"Then you already know my response; tough shit, you aren't getting back there." The big guy sneered and attempted to get away.

"No, you don't understand. I got to get backstage like now! Hell, I should have been back there twenty minutes ago!"

"You mean like this whole crowd of freaks?"

"No, numero uno freak right here," Tony thrust his thumb backwards at himself, which didn't do him any favors.

The security guard again tried to leave, but Tony was anything but persistent. He'd been damned if he didn't get backstage within the next two point five seconds. He needed to see Loki as soon as possible, and he wasn't about to dawdle around and track someone down that could help him. Not when his easiest route was to convince big, dumb, and ignorant to do his bidding.

"Come on, help a guy out!" He persisted obnoxiously. "You won't even get into trouble! Even if I was just trying to weasel my way back there, I mean would I be stupid enough to finger you as the guy who let me back there? Hardly."

"Listen here, bub," the security guard practically hissed. "You ain't getting backstage! Now take your pansy ass home and get the hell out of my face!"

"No reason to be nasty, gentlemen." Bucky suddenly appeared from the steps leading to the stage, making a show of sauntering over with his hands tucked into his pockets. "Pansy ass or not, that is completely irrelevant. Pushy and persistent, well that I could get behind, my friend,"

Tony felt a sudden level of dread by seeing Bucky there. His chances of getting backstage and into Loki's arms within a timely fashion were completely dashed. After all, they were on contentious terms at best; even though, they'd been humping one another like crazy only about a week earlier.

Things really did change dramatically while on the road. Within that short time period, Tony's world had been turned upside down, and it wasn't in a bad way either. Things had only vastly improved for him, and it was precisely the reason why he needed to get backstage. He needed to see Loki as soon as possible.

"I told him he ain't getting backstage." The security guard explained gruffly.

"Good man," Bucky patted him on the shoulder. "But he is with us, so technically you'll only anger the big bad boss by leaving him out here. And we know what that guy is capable of; don't underestimate him because of that pretty face."

Bucky motioned at the bruises still very much apparent around his throat, before he held out his hand to Tony. Tony peered at it warily, but decided to throw caution to the wind for the time being and see if Bucky would screw him over later. And yet he really wouldn't be surprised about it either; hell, he was probably more than justified to do so, especially with how Loki did choke him out.

Reluctantly, Tony grabbed onto Bucky's hand, and managed to scramble over the barricade. It was far from a graceful feat, in fact he almost face-planted had it not been for Bucky swooping in to save the day and keep him upright.

The closeness felt very alien; it wasn't the closeness of a stranger or even an acquaintance. Maybe it was the fact that they had each other's tongues in each other's mouths, and had almost came pressed up together like animals in heat. And both of them were pretending like it never happened; because god only knew, Tony wished that it never did.

"Thanks, man." Tony said awkwardly, diverting his gaze from Bucky to the security guard who walked away in even more disgust.

"No hard feelings, Stark." Bucky slapped him on the shoulder. "I've learned a long time ago, holding a grudge doesn't accomplish anything. Life's too short for that kind of bullshit."

If Tony could feel any more like an asshole, which he figured was an impossibility at that point but clearly that wasn't the case, he really felt like one now. His crazy high was temporarily dampened by the realization of how much of a jerk he could be, and how Bucky was the exact opposite in comparison.

Bucky should have held a grudge against both him and Loki. They were the asshole duo, after all. Anyone who knew them knew when they joined forces, they could be the most insufferable people on the planet; and they showcased their abilities towards one another more than once. So Tony could only imagine how it felt to be on the receiving end of a double whammy of assholery.

"You're a better person than I am, Barnes." Tony admitted, before dropping his hand to his shoulder. "A way better person than I could ever be."

"While I'd love to bond with you, Stark; I have a beautiful redhead waiting for me. So I'd like to finish up my work before she can get away." Bucky started up the steps to the stage, which inspired Tony to follow suit. "Besides, I think you have someone waiting for you too. And if need be, we can have this little pow-wow later on; there's still a week and a half of the tour to go."

The indirect mention of Loki was enough to derail any apology Tony might have conjured up. Knowing him, he figured it would take an insufferable amount of time for him to even say he was sorry anyway. So instead of even trying to be remotely adult and apologize, he chose to slap Bucky across the back in the friendliest way possible, before practically sprinting up the steps and towards the backstage area.

"You're the best, Barnes!" Tony called over his shoulder, as he eventually skidded to a normal walking pace.

As was to be expected, at least a dozen people were bustling back and forth backstage. Roadies were pulling on well-worn leather gloves for the deconstruction of the many props; while other nameless and faceless people hurried about, shooting out protocol for closing down the theater for the evening.

Tony weaved through the small crowd, hurrying his steps until he was farther away from the chaotic environment. His heart pounded erratically in his chest again, almost giddy with anticipation to see Loki after that mind blowing performance.

He wanted nothing more than to show Loki his utmost gratitude; to plaster himself completely against him and kiss him until they were both dizzy and breathless. After all, there really couldn't be a greater gift from a world renowned rock star, than to be serenaded with a song written solely for you; and in front of a packed auditorium no less.

Within a matter of moments, Tony halted outside the non-descript dressing room door. His heart was in his throat, threatening to leap right out of his mouth. Taking in several measured breaths, he rapped his knuckles on the doorframe, before pushing the door open and peering into the messy dressing room.

Several articles of clothing were strewn across the room, as if Loki had been hastily trying to find a costume for that evening's performance. Almost every piece of clothing was black, aside from a sporadic splash of white and red; otherwise it was a pretty glum wardrobe to say the least. But something caught Tony's eye immediately and he felt his face pulling into the stupidest grin in the history of mankind.

Loki was still in all white, bent at the waist while staring unblinking at a three ring binder. He flicked his wrist and turned the page, seemingly unaware that someone had entered the room despite the knock. Or maybe he just assumed it was Phil, who didn't need his immediate attention. Phil had a tendency just to talk at Loki most of the time anyway, even when he clearly wasn't listening.

"Hey, baby." Tony shut the door behind him, feeling suddenly antsy and a little bit nauseous.

Slowly Loki raised his head with a deer in the headlights sort of look. But it was there only for a split-second, before it was smoothed over by a neutral expression; his eyes, however, were dancing with anticipation of some sort. And well, Tony wasn't one to disappoint.

Fueled by an innumerable amount of emotions, most of which were positive ones at that; Tony rushed towards Loki and practically leapt at him. Loki seemed to have anticipated his course of action, because he easily looped his arms around Tony and lifted him up, which permitted Tony to wrap his arms around his neck and his legs around his waist.

Neither of them spoke, delving straight into an impenetrable lip-lock; one that was desperate and hungry and completely and utterly needy. Tony tilted his head, permitting further access into his mouth by Loki's insistent tongue, and almost purred like a kitten by the tentative little licks Loki was applying to his tongue and slowly to the roof of his mouth.

They remained attached to one another for several intense moments; neither of them wanting to end the kiss, even when it became progressively hard to breathe. Loki was the one to break away first though, taking in a stuttering breath, which was strangely attractive.

"Hey, baby." Tony repeated, reaching up to smooth back Loki's hair.

"Hello, darling," Loki replied almost shyly, as he shifted his hands until they rested more comfortably underneath Tony's bottom, and lifted him up a tad more.

"You know I wasn't expecting that at all."

"Well, what would be the fun of a surprise if you had any inkling about it? Then it wouldn't be a surprise at all; it would just be a matter of anticipation."

"Touché," Tony said, nipping at Loki's bottom lip. "Babe, you're incredible. You're so fucking incredible, and beautiful, and talented, and smart, and god I love you so much. I love you so much it's stupid and I'm clingy and I'm jealous. I'm a sixteen year old girl for Christ's sake! You made me into a teenage girl!"

Loki's mouth quirked ever so slightly, before he squeezed Tony's ass appealingly. But that moment of sexual playfulness was over within moments; it was replaced by a sudden tenderness and fondness that reflected openly in Loki's eyes, and made Tony's heart skip a beat by its honesty.

"This is completely irrational, and yet," Loki swallowed. "I love you unequivocally. All I want is your happiness, my Little Stark. And I would do anything to make you happy; anything at all."

It was the first time that anyone ever said that to Tony. Not many people cared if he was happy or not; money, after all, was his consolation prize for being birthed by two unstable alcoholics. And money should have brought him some sort of happiness; a shallow, insincere kind even.

To a degree, he had been fickly happy. He was happy to drink himself into oblivion, to smoke pot, to fuck around with anything with a nice set of legs. There had been happiness in it, but what he was feeling right now surpassed it all. To have someone so sincere and willing to make him happy, who made him happy without necessarily trying – that was something else entirely.

"Then stay with me." Tony uttered out, surprised by how grave it sounded; and yet, he had already been reminded that there was only a week and a half left before the tour would end, which meant Loki would leave him behind again.

Loki didn't reply, though. Something danced behind his eyes, a hidden something that didn't go away even when he kissed Tony again. And that scared the shit out of him; because that non-response seemed to speak volumes about what was bound to happen in the future.

If they even had a future at all.


	26. Chapter Twenty-five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what I've written, but Phil suffered throughout the whole thing. Bless him.
> 
> And I couldn't help but listen to Alice Cooper's "Welcome to My Nightmare" just because it made me chuckle inwardly a little.

* * *

 

**Chapter Twenty-five**

 

* * *

 

The mood had soured considerably between Tony and Loki. Once the non-response had been fully analyzed within a fifteen second grace period, Tony had all but disengaged himself from Loki, and allowed him to clean up without any withstanding distractions; which, of course, was utterly childish and uncalled for but the best reaction in the face of his disappointment.

Loki had tried numerous times to initiate conversation; asked him endlessly if he liked the song only to receive one word replies. Very basic in nature and ones that inevitably killed any interaction between them. And the mood progressed to the awaiting van, where Phil had sidled up beside the driver and shot both of them disapproving looks all the while about their open show of affection at the gig.

But neither of them apologized, and Tony only allowed Loki to reach across the seat and absentmindedly toy with his fingers because snatching them away would only worsen the situation. Tony had a lot to think about, since there was thin veil of rejection in that non-response. The extent, however, was a mystery until he mustered up the courage to ask point-blank; but that clearly didn't hold any sort of appeal.

So he leaned back in his seat and watched the twinkling lights of Atlanta pass him by. He tried his best to ignore the way Loki's fingers danced along his own, tugging and caressing, before attempting to entwine their hands together intimately. For whatever reason though, Loki was determined to draw his attention back onto him; and it was becoming progressively hard not to look at him; especially when he looked so goddamn hot, wearing a black fedora that shrouded one side of his face, and the residual glitter highlighting his immaculate features.

Loki had scrubbed the silvery-blue lipstick from his mouth, although small traces remained. And he hadn't even tried to wipe away the makeup from his eyes. He looked both regal and high fashion strung out, which was a hard look to pull off; but everything Loki did was close to perfection as it could be.

"What?" Tony blurted out rudely, as Loki drew his hand up; leaving it to hover in front of his lips.

"Please don't be angry with me." Loki murmured, before pressing a kiss to the back of his hand. "You and I are both aware that we haven't discussed the inevitable. And I don't want to do that tonight; not yet but soon."

The sincerity in Loki's tone shifted something in Tony. He knew they hadn't readily discussed the nature of their relationship or even the semantics of it. They'd only blindly jumped into it with both feet and had been riding the high of it for days now; which any good love affair should start off as. Uncontrollable sexual appetites and needs and living from day to day in a haze of emotion; logic be damned.

But there was a lot to discuss and very little time to do it. Then again, they had very little time to be madly and stupidly in love with one another either. And wasting time being angry really wasn't doing Tony any favors; not when Loki started to press firm little kisses along each one of his fingers to the tips.

The natural progression of Loki's ministrations was inevitable, almost predictable to some degree; although it didn't cease Tony from sucking in a sharp breath at the slick feel of Loki's tongue gently lapping at his skin, before slowly taking Tony's index finger into his mouth.

"I forgive you, okay. But those bedroom eyes have to stop." Tony swallowed hard, feeling a bolt of arousal weave its way through his body, and down to its intended target. "Phil's up there, Loki."

Loki hummed absently around his finger; he did pull it out of his mouth, after a few more sensual sucks, though. His eyes had darkened in a way Tony recognized as being unashamedly turned on, which only made it worse on Tony. He was, after all, faced with a beautiful rock star who wanted him and him alone and right now.

"Kiss me then. I need reassurance." Loki shifted closer, having forgone his safety belt, despite Phil's squawking about it like an over protective mother.

"Jesus Christ, can't I reassure you in private?"

"Because you were especially shy while in front of thousands," Loki returned almost annoyed.

Tony sighed but pulled his hand away from the loose grip Loki had on it, before choosing instead to loop his arm around Loki's shoulders and pulled him nearer. He pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, keeping his eyes locked on Loki's half-lidded ones, an act he found awfully erotic.

They kissed very slowly, unobtrusively as they continued to look at one another. There was an intimacy there that Tony had never experienced before; kissing wasn't his favorite thing to do with any of his other partners except for Loki. Regardless of the fact, he spent far too much time kissing and cuddling with Pepper during their period of time together.

And yet instead of it being creepy to look into Loki's eyes while kissing him, he found that he could discern his emotions beyond his gentle ministrations. He was given further validity about how Loki felt about him. His words and his physical actions coincided with that love struck look in his eyes; which he knew was reflected in his own.

"Hey," Phil snapped and effectively broke the moment. "Knock it off back there."

"Why don't you come back here and force me to." Loki hissed back, before pulling Tony into a tight embrace; the kind that Tony found he liked more and more.

Phil glowered at them, but turned to look straight ahead; probably to pretend that they weren't cuddling in the backseat. Because that's essentially what they were now doing; Tony wound both his arms more comfortably around Loki's body, contented by the bodily contact, which only progressed further (again) by the feel of Loki's lips against the shell of his ear.

Tony shut his eyes, permitting Loki to plant butterfly kisses from his ear to the side of his neck, and back up once more. He almost shivered by the feel of Loki's heated breath against his skin, but even more so by the soft little carnal noise he made at the back of his throat.

"I've been fantasizing about taking you." Loki admitted unashamedly. "But firstly, I want to lay you out in front of me without a stitch of clothing on with your legs open wide and needy. That way I can suck your cock into my mouth and fuck you nice and slow with my fingers."

It took a staggering amount of willpower for Tony not to make a noise; instead, he clung to Loki harder and tried not to visualize that scenario too elaborately. Albeit it was for naught; because the fantasy sprung up before his very eyes of Loki between his thighs, hungrily swallowing his member, and pressing his long fingers into him.

"That's all I'd do to you." Loki murmured huskily into his ear. "I'd have to if I intend on putting this into you."

To punctuate his statement, Loki pressed his semi-hard cock into Tony's hip. And that only made the current situation even worse than before; it was escalating out of control. A few chaste kisses in front of Phil was one thing, and even a full-on hug; but they were both aroused, and Loki was talking particularly dirty to him.

"And god it's big." Tony managed to say against the crook of his neck. "I don't know if I can handle it."

"Oh, you can. I'll make sure of that." Loki chuckled softly, before he slowly drew away for they could look at one another again. "You just need some tender loving care. And perhaps to be thoroughly fucked by my tongue as well,"

"Shut the hell up!" Tony quickly slapped a hand over Loki's mouth. "Don't say shit like that! Not here, not now!"

Loki quirked an eyebrow, visibly amused but mostly horny; which really was something. Tony had never imagined being the prim and proper one in any sexual relationship. But things were spiraling out of control, and well having a hard-on of colossal proportions near Phil was just wrong on so many levels.

Once Tony deemed it safe, he slowly removed his hand to reveal a mischievous little grin on Loki's lips. Before he could even stave away any further physicality, Loki leaned in and kissed him silly. It wasn't one of those gentle _please forgive me_ kisses either; it was more like – _I want to make you come in your pants, Phil be damned_ kind of kisses.

Despite knowing what a god awful idea it was, Tony was easily swayed. He blamed Loki's dexterity with his tongue and the hard-on that decided to make its presence known once more; albeit, it also helped that as he tangled his tongue with Loki's, he remembered what he promised to do with that very muscle when they were alone.

The kiss grew progressively more heated, wet and desperate; which led Tony to cling onto Loki again, and found that his previous misgivings about submitting to Loki had taken a backseat to the sheer pleasure coursing through his veins. Every time he kissed Loki, there was an instant wave of relief and desire rolled up into one messy, wet package. And well, he was completely consumed by it; so much so, he moaned wantonly as Loki's hand crept down and began to palm his denim clad bulge.

"Jesus Christ, Loki!" Phil hollered like an incensed mother hen. "How many times have I told you to be discreet? Now stop it right now! And I know you really don't want me to go back there and break it up myself!"

Tony jerked away from Loki, dizzy from his inevitable want; and yet it almost went up entirely in smoke by Phil reasserting his presence. It was a comforting thought to know he couldn't possibly keep it up around Phil; or he really knew he had crossed the invisible line from straight to gay if that were the case.

"If you don't bloody like it, divert your attention elsewhere!" Loki retorted breathlessly, before he cradled Tony's hips, and easily hoisted him into his lap; which sent waves of pleasure through Tony's entire body.

It was beyond his control, it really was; Tony couldn't help but groan at the position change, especially while feeling Loki's own erection against his inner thigh. And his resolve got even worse, once Loki began to grab at his ass, and began to run several fingers along the seam of his jeans.

"Loki," Phil boomed. "This is unacceptable behavior and god only knows I wish I could ignore it! But you two are rutting around and making noises like a pair of overheated animals!"

"I'll make you come with just my tongue inside of you." Loki suddenly whispered into Tony's ear, completely ignoring Phil's protests, and fondling his ass further. "I bet you would adore that too, until you're capable of handling me; every pulsating, hard inch of me inside of you."

Tony crumbled forward, muffling his moans against the crook of his neck. He was almost positive that if Loki continued talking like that, he was going to come in his jeans; even if Phil was practically threatening to throw them out into the street.

"Cut it out, right now!" Phil yelled.

"Pointless now, don't you think?" Loki replied in a voice an octave deeper than normal. "There's the hotel."

"Loki, I swear to god,"

"Later, I have things to take care of." Loki began to massage Tony's ass, before pressing a kiss against his jaw, and shifting their combined weight along the backseat until they were closer to the door.

The van came to a rattling halt in front of the hotel's entrance; Phil bolted out of the passenger side door, and within a matter of moments ripped the door to the backseat open. Tony was too humiliated and aroused to spare him more than the obligatory wary and ashamed split-second stare; and in that time, he catalogued how flustered and red Phil truly was. Super manager extraordinaire clearly wasn't up to par when it came to handling Loki's sexual whims.

"I'm hard as a rock." Tony whispered as quietly as he could, which only got him a firm slap to the ass. "I mean it; I can't walk around in public like this!"

"I wouldn't want anyone to see what is rightfully mine." Loki hummed thoughtfully, before somehow maneuvering both of them towards the door without jarring Tony too drastically. "Move your arse; I have precious cargo in my possession, Philip."

Tony clung to Loki for dear life, which was justified by how he managed to climb out of the van without having to put Tony down at all. He wrapped his legs tightly around Loki's waist, capping the moan that threatened to escape him by being pressed that closely to Loki.

"This isn't over, Loki. Not by a long shot." Phil continued in a no-nonsense tone of voice. "And god forbid if I let you waltz through the lobby like _this_."

"Do I have to repeat myself?" Loki snarled; Tony could feel it rumble in his chest as he buried his face back into the crook of his neck. "I have precious cargo in my possession, and he is no condition to walk. So kindly get out of my way, before I make an example of you."

There was an unneeded shuffle that followed which only jostled Tony and made him hold onto Loki even tighter than before. But by some miraculous happening or another, Loki managed to escape whatever roadblock Phil had put in his path, and proceeded smoothly into the hotel lobby.

Tony didn't dare look up, embarrassed by the situation. He was never embarrassed by his sexuality, but he also wasn't one for proudly walking through hotel lobbies with a painfully hard erections that couldn't be easily hidden like Loki's could. After all, he had a stylish looking trench coat; one that was terribly inconvenient for humid heat like this.

"I think I'm going to come in my pants." Tony whispered again.

"I prefer if you wait, but you can if you must. I'll just have to strip you down and lick you clean."

"You that the filthiest mind in the world, I swear. I mean the filthiest ever."

"And the night has only just begun." Loki purred, halting in front of the lift, and managing to hit the button. "Let's not forget you have a brand new camera and a very willing participant as well."

"This is going to be a very long night." Tony shuddered pleasantly. "I must have accumulated a lot of good karma from my previous life to deserve this."

"No, that's not it at all." Loki stepped into elevator once it arrived. "Never forget you are the one that I love, and your happiness is the most important thing to me. Even if you find my actions to say the opposite; but we'll discuss that later. I have better uses for my tongue in store for you now."

"You better be camera ready."

"Loki Laufeyson is always camera ready, darling." Loki chuckled and no truer statement had been made either; Tony knew as much.

He also knew it was bound to be a very long and pleasurable night. And he couldn't wait to get started.


	27. Chapter Twenty-six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To say the least, I'm not exactly happy with this. It took me far longer to write than I originally anticipated for; combined with the fact iTunes decided to eat my library while I was trying to write - well, to suffice to say I was distracted (and angry as hell). But I hope it turned out well enough and you enjoy it somehow. And if you see any typos I apologize ahead of time; I had quite a bit of problem with FF.net (whose document manager I use; meaning it kept crashing on me whenever I tried to fix any grammatical/spelling errors).
> 
> As for a side note, I realize not many people seem to enjoy this kinder Loki. But trust me, I'll rectify the problem soon enough; you'll see asshole Loki again.

* * *

 

**Chapter Twenty-six**

 

* * *

 

Uninhibited was the only way to describe Loki. Tony hadn't any lover like him before; one who chased after pleasure to the very end, no matter how obscene the methods were. If it made him feel good, Loki was bound to pursue it with the bullheadedness that he was known for; and Tony was only along for the ride.

They'd been at for hours; the foreplay had escalated into territory that Tony wasn't familiar with, especially to such a thorough extent. Sex was usually a very hurried affair for him; he'd only began to take his time within the past few months, and even then his most prolonged sexual experience had clocked in at about seventeen minutes. But this session was beyond anything he ever experienced; and he had plenty of photographs that documented their progress.

Unsteadily, Tony lifted the Polaroid Super Shooter to his eye; his cock twitched by the sight before him which was downright debauched. Loki lay before him with legs sprawled open widely, displaying the love bites Tony had left on his inner thighs; alongside his heavy sac and flushed and prominent erection that was pearling with precum.

"Smile, babe," he ordered, but didn't expect a cheesy grin to pass over Loki's flushed and sweaty face.

In fact, he didn't want Loki to ham it up for the camera. He only wanted candid shots; he wanted to capture the moment, as Loki twined one of his hands through his damp hair, and the other gripped the bed linens that wrinkled and smelled of sex.

Both of them had come sometime earlier in the evening; Tony had from a particularly aggressive hand job, whereas Loki was set off by a round of hard welt-inducing spanks to the ass. But they had only rested for less than twenty minutes, before they begun to explore one another's bodies curiously and hungrily.

Tony snapped the photo, momentarily white-washing Loki out with the flash; before he extracted the photo with a flick of his wrist and tossed it onto the bedside table, where an innumerable amount of photographs were already accumulating. He was very thankful that he bought out the drug store's entire stock of film; even if he had found it a bit ludicrous at the time.

"I think you're ready for more." Tony said, almost on the verge of being conversational, as he set the camera aside and studied every delicious inch of Loki's body.

Loki only grunted in return and opened his legs as far as they would go; exposing himself further to Tony's prying eyes. And he found the spot where he wanted to lavish with attention. He scooted closer to Loki and danced his fingers very slowly along the sensitive skin of Loki's sac, which garnered him a moan of appreciation; before he delved downward to prod at his perineum with pressure that wasn't exactly necessary.

His ministrations caused Loki to suck in an unsteady breath, and eventually led to a tiny mew of appreciation. Tony rubbed the area with the pad of his thumb, before he dragged his thumb downward to rest against Loki's swollen and red entrance.

Only a few minutes earlier, Loki had been aggressively fingering himself; which inspired Tony to press two of his own digits into him at the same time, and well the sensation had been too much for Loki to handle. He had all but collapsed on the verge of release to the bed, breathing so raggedly Tony really couldn't justify the practice anymore.

Or at least, he couldn't when Loki had been so close. But he had some time to recover, long enough for Tony to decide that he needed to be stimulated again. He slowly sank his thumb into Loki, who gasped in a mixture surprise and pleasure, and lifted his hips ever so slightly to accommodate to the invasion.

"You're filthy, you know." Tony drew his thumb out a bit, before he pressed it back in; and proceeded to repeat the ritual several times in rapid succession.

"Ah," Loki moaned, simultaneously tightening his grip on both his hair and the linens. "T-There's nothing wrong with, ah, pleasure!"

As if to reiterate the sentiment, Loki released the linens, blindly reaching downward between his legs to his already occupied hole. He glided his fingers around the rim, whenever Tony drew his thumb halfway out of him, and attempted very sneakily to jut his fingers inside as well.

Tony felt his cock twitch even more so than before. Loki's uninhibited nature proved to be the ultimate turn-on for him. The dirty talk was only the icing on the cake; especially since it wasn't just talk – Loki actually lived up to his foulest of fantasies, and was by no means ashamed of exploring them.

Loki pressed his index and ring fingers inside his hole, stretching himself out further; before he built a rhythm with Tony to heighten his pleasure. Tony plunged his thumb into Loki as far as it could go, and reveled in the way his muscle tensed by their combined efforts.

"Look at you." Tony rumbled. "You can't get enough to fill your hole."

"Take out your thumb; I need your fingers." Loki shuddered, jutting his hips upwards. "T-Two of them,"

Tony obliged without any hesitation. He slid his thumb from his enflamed opening, before wriggling both his fingers into him without any preparation. Loki was, after all, already stretched and hungry for more; and cried out in sheer ecstasy as Tony began to fuck him at a steady and unrelenting rhythm like he was already doing to himself.

Their fingers brushed one another's, as they stretched and fucked him; until his whole body began to tremor and shake from the sensation. Loki moaned whorishly as he closed his eyes, and rode what could only be the tendrils of his oncoming orgasm.

That look of pure and undiluted excitement was only serving to get Tony off. He loved the way Loki looked when he was completely lost to the outside world, and was selfishly using whatever was in his reach to heighten his building pleasure.

Tony leaned inward, flicking his tongue along the seam of Loki's sac; and made sure to wetly trace it back and forth, once Loki moaned and arched off the bed like a person possessed. And that only spurred him on; he shoved his fingers further into Loki, even as his muscles clenched, and his fingers tangled with Loki's.

A drawn out moan escaped Loki, somehow melodic as if he was about to perform; which only grew louder as Tony lapped at his balls and eventually traveled to his shaft. Tony had never done that before and that might have very well been the reason for the sudden tension that encompassed Loki's whole body.

His hips stilled as did his fingers for a split-second, before he was suddenly falling back onto the mattress and continuing to moan as he came hard across his belly. It almost set off a chain reaction; although, Tony somehow managed to restrain himself and only groan against the root of Loki's cock; before he pulled his fingers slowly out of him and blindly reached across the bed for his camera.

Once he found it, he fumbled with the thing, and snapped another picture; focusing on Loki's lithe and toned torso and the cum spattered along it in a thick trail. He took several snapshots of that, before climbing to his feet on the mattress, jarring Loki slightly, but not enough to draw him any ire; and took a better shot from above.

"Not tired of your little camera yet?" Loki breathed out heavily, removing his fingers from his hole.

"Are you trying to tell me you're tired, old man?" Tony chuckled, as he sunk back to the bed; and tried to ignore how painfully aroused he was still.

It took a lot of willpower not to just touch himself, and banish the ache he was currently experiencing. He wanted nothing more than just to jerk-off, maybe onto Loki's belly too. But he still had so many ideas whirling through his mind of what he could do with him; none of which seemed to want to wait for another day.

He was selfish and impatient, and he wanted to make Loki orgasm at least three or four times more; even though, he looked completely spent from being contorted and sucked and licked and touched every which way. All the while having to be picture ready to an extent; but that was hardly a challenge for him.

"You haven't even properly fucked me yet." Loki complained, forcing himself to sit up shakily.

"I will for the grand finale."

"Granted I do like the way you think," Loki yanked the camera away from Tony, before pushing on his chest in a way that was a clear indication he wanted him to lie back. "But how long do you possibly think I can wait for you to finish toying with me?"

Tony only grinned as he lied back against the tangle of sheets; pleased by the fact, Loki wanted more than foreplay. Even if he just came, he was already thinking about the next high; something that most people put onto the back burner once they climaxed minutes earlier. And yet, Loki wasn't one of those people; he almost seemed perpetually horny nowadays.

"Well, you do seem to be enjoying it."

"Then you'll enjoy this too." Loki placed the camera aside, before absentmindedly dragging his fingers along his stomach to clean himself, and sucked away the evidence from his digits. "Open your legs; I'm going to do precisely what I told you I would do to you earlier this evening."

"Seriously," Tony almost squeaked, although his legs opened automatically; wide enough to accommodate to Loki's body.

"Oh yes." Loki's eye twinkled with mischief. "After all, my Little Stark; you appear in desperate need for release."

Before he could respond accordingly, Loki kissed him with a firm sort of possessiveness that he readily returned. Tony reached up to card his fingers through Loki's hair, which was wet with sweat; and held him close to him, as they begun to explore one another's mouths with their tongues.

The salty undertone of Loki's own cum danced across Tony's taste buds, and caused his cock to twitch again from the inevitable kinkiness of it. He'd never been with someone quite like Loki before; even he had some sort of filter while in an intimate setting. But all the rules had been thrown out the window, once he was given hours of unmonitored time alone with Loki.

Loki hummed into his mouth, before pulling away and pressing butterfly kisses against his jaw, and moved down the curve of his neck. Tony shuddered from the attention and closed his eyes as Loki sunk his teeth gently against his jugular, only to suck on the skin until there was, undoubtedly, a love mark left behind.

His attentions continued downward; Loki sucked and kissed and licked his way down his torso, igniting spurts of unfiltered pleasure through Tony's whole body. And that only exacerbated the heaviness of his arousal; his cock began to leak in lazy dribbles, which made him groan in spite of himself.

"What a beautiful sight." Loki chimed in, while he sat back. "So beautiful in fact, I'd love to have a keepsake."

"Over my dead body,"

"That can be arranged." Loki reached for the camera and lifted it to his face. "But if you won't allow me to take pictures of you, well I have a lighter and a bathroom sink. I'll burn every single one of them of me."

Tony gaped, diverting his gaze in between Loki and his stack of snapshots; the snapshots he hadn't even gone through to see how well they turned out. After all, he had his hands full with the exotic looking creature before him with the camera in front of his face.

"These will be for my private use, Stark." Loki supplied. "They will not leave my possession as yours will not leave yours. I trust you, therefore you should trust me."

Despite wanting to avoid any unnecessary photographs of himself; Tony relaxed and took solace in the fact that Loki was trustworthy. And if he wanted a few keepsakes to touch himself to, who was he to say no? Especially when the idea was so damn erotic, Tony reached down and took himself in hand.

He slowly stroked his erection, unable to stop himself from squirming. It felt incredible after all that foreplay, and finishing Loki to completion not even ten minutes earlier. But he couldn't help but be turned on by Loki himself; who clicked the button on the camera, and took a picture of him.

His eyes danced with spurts of light, thanks to the flash; but it hadn't ceased his preoccupation with his cock. He continued his ministrations, looking down to stare at Loki's groin; hoping that he would get erect again very soon.

"Enough of that," Loki suddenly declared, tossing aside the camera, before reaching down to remove Tony's hand from his member. "Allow me instead."

Those words barely left Loki's lips, before he was gliding his tongue along the side of Tony's cock. A surprised and throaty noise escaped Tony, as that talented tongue began to draw patterns along the protruding vein, and upwards to tease the head and its slit.

Loki paid particular attention to the slit, until Tony was babbling out things that hardly resembled words anymore. He was way too close and yet just when he thought he might release, the pressure of Loki's tongue dissipated, and he was faced with a wide grin instead.

"You've never pleasured yourself with your fingers, now have you?"

"Total virgin," Tony rasped, only to find the humor in that. "The first and last time, you'll ever hear those words out of me."

"I agree because I'm about to take that very virginity of yours." Loki sat back on his haunches, lifting the sheets and the duvet that had been kicked almost completely off the bed; until he uncovered the lubrication container that they had perused some time earlier.

Tony bit his bottom lip equally aroused and scared. He'd fantasized about it enough, to know that his body was revving for a chance to play submissive; and the way Loki described fingering him and sucking him dry was especially appealing. But he couldn't help but be worried; the pain might be worse than he imagined it to be, and he might not even like being touched in such a way.

His many worries stacked up on top of one another, albeit he chose not to vocalize them. Instead he watched as Loki got onto his belly in between his legs, his face hovering just above his erection; before he pushed apart Tony's legs even further.

"Don't be nervous." Loki nuzzled Tony's erection almost lovingly. "I'll be gentle with you."

"What if I come with one finger halfway in?" Tony blurted out. "That'll be embarrassing as hell."

"I'd be honored."

"Am I a little too old for this?" He continued, showing his nerves further as Loki began to open the tube and pour the lubrication in the palm of his hand. "How old were you when you first, you know? Had sex with a guy?"

Loki froze in his ministrations, and a split-second later Tony realized why. He hadn't even thought about what he'd said; ultimately, he'd been curious about Loki's sexual history and all but forgotten what had happened to him when he was a kid.

"Too young, really," Loki muttered as he pressed his mouth against Tony's perineum.

Tony jolted from the sensation, only to moan by the wet application of Loki's tongue to the sensitive area. The awkwardness of the moment had been replaced almost immediately by swirls of ecstasy that worked their way through Tony, who hadn't been licked there before.

That wet and self-assured tongue, dipped lower until it was gently prodding at Tony's entrance. It wasn't an invasive feeling, more so curious and inquisitive; pressing at the pucker of muscles, before choosing instead to circle it with light, wet licks.

It felt alien in so many ways, but made Tony's body quiver nonetheless. His hands scrambled backwards, one clutching onto the edge of an overstuffed pillow, while the other managed to grab onto the ugly upholstered headboard. Neither of which provided the sturdiness he needed, especially since he felt like he might tailspin off into outer space.

"Holy shit," Tony cried out, at the feel of Loki's tongue gliding into him bit by bit.

Loki moved his tongue in and out of him shallowly, as his hands pressed against his inner thighs, ensuring that he wouldn't clamp them closed. And boy did he want to clamp them closed by the sudden onslaught of pleasure he was feeling; weird and intense bursts that made him want to close his legs in hopes that it would strengthen it.

"I'm going to come." He panted. "Shit, I'm really going to come!"

That declaration paused Loki's tongue; he pulled away after a few moments, which only made Tony whine in frustration. He shouldn't have said anything and let Loki continue to tongue fuck him; but he had a tendency to blab even in the most intimate of moments, which was regrettable to say the least.

"Not yet." Loki sat up slightly, grazing a slicked up finger along his opening. "You'll like this, I promise."

Tony didn't respond; he couldn't really. He almost forgot how to breathe entirely, once Loki gradually began to press his index finger into his body. There was an unpleasant pressure to it, and an even more unpleasant burn that followed it too.

"Breathe." Loki instructed as he wriggled his finger inside of him. "But more importantly relax."

"Hard to relax when I'm a bona fide, ow – watch it, finger puppet!" Tony hissed in pain.

"If you're in that much pain, I'll stop." Loki suddenly glowered at him, as if he already predicted that the situation would end up like this.

But Tony thrived on being utterly unpredictable; he hated to be anywhere near transparent, and he'd be damned if he proved Loki's reservations to be correct. He could take a finger up the ass; hell, he could take two and be okay. He'd lived through worse before, and if Loki could get off by it – he definitely could too.

"Don't stop; I'll adjust." He took in a steady breath, while attempting to relax his body.

Rather than vocalize his annoyance, Loki only began to move his finger in and out of Tony with a gentleness that Tony hadn't extended to him while performing the same act. And he slowly grew accustom to the feeling of it; by no means was it pleasant, but it also wasn't unbearable either.

The motion continued for several moments, until Tony felt further pressure and the insertion of another finger which reawakened the burn. He gasped despite himself, but the noise died in his throat by the way Loki was looking at him; as if he wanted to forget all formalities of playing around, and fuck him right there and then.

And the fantasy was enough to make Tony feel his arousal once again. His erection ached by the thought of being doubled over and pounded into by Loki who looked perfectly debauched right now. He shivered by the thought, before he was struck by a blooming rush of heat and pleasure that he hadn't expected.

Those lithe fingers had hit something inside of him, which drowned out any discomfort he might have felt; and it was unlike any feeling he'd felt before. Surely, it was similar as feeling something arousing; but the level of it was different and foreign and made him mew like a kitten.

Before he knew it, Loki was pressing wet kisses along his cock; which felt like heaven on earth. Tony moaned, reaching down to run his fingers through Loki's hair; and was instantly pleased by his straightforwardness, when he took his cock into his mouth like a seasoned professional.

"Jesus Christ," he whimpered, as Loki sucked the head of his cock, and grazed that spot inside of him that almost made him see stars.

Loki hummed deliciously around him, hollowing his cheeks, and taking more of his cock into his mouth; sucking in a way that drove Tony crazy. Not many people knew how he liked to be touched, let alone master it within a matter of days; but Loki had achieved it and was bringing him to another level of ecstasy he hadn't known existed.

His fingers hooked and prodded and touched him without fail. It was a steady tempo of sensation that was consuming him fully; he bucked his hips upward and then attempted to fuck back onto Loki's fingers, anything to increase the feeling that was practically sending him off the edge of sanity.

Tony tightened his hold on Loki's hair, jolting by a sharp and accurate hit to his prostate; and without any forewarning, he was coming hard and fast, after denying himself release for so long. Expletives of all sorts came rushing out of his mouth, as he rode out his orgasm, and was sucked and fucked through it until he was boneless and spent.

Loki slowly withdrew his fingers and released his softening member from between his lips; before he reached out to grab the camera. Any protest that Tony might have had, were all but silenced by the low hum of satisfaction that enveloped him completely.

The camera's flash temporarily blinded him; made worse by the several flashes that went off in quick secession. Tony couldn't pinpoint how many photos were taken of him; but he almost drew the line when Loki directed the camera downward, and took a very intimate photo of him.

"This camera," Loki smirked widely. "Very good idea; especially now that I'm on the other end of it."

"I feel a little bit violated." Tony panted, glimpsing up at him. "But fair is fair, I guess."

"Fair is fair." Loki agreed, before he lied on his side next to Tony; the camera was still in his possession, although he didn't make a move to take anymore pictures.

Languidly, Tony followed suit until he was face to face with Loki who looked contented. It might have very well been the first time he looked so at ease; there was varying states of relaxation that Loki had, and all of them had a hidden terseness to them. But not now; he looked like whatever plagued his mind had been temporarily put to rest.

"Are we done for the night, or is this just a recharging up period?"

"There hasn't been any intercourse, Stark. I won't have you _not_ give me what I want."

"You're insatiable; how many times can you come in one night?" Tony reached out and ran his hand down the center of Loki's chest.

"I've went through a very dry spell; I'm making up for lost time." Loki quirked an eyebrow almost comically, while tracing one of his fingers along Tony's goatee. "But if you're incapable of satisfying me, I'll find someone who can."

"Very nice," Tony tried to grab the camera to no avail.

"You're young enough; I have faith in your abilities."

"Baby, I have faith in my abilities too. I'll just have a look at all those dirty pictures and I'll be at full mast in no time flat." Tony made a point to roll over and blindly grab a few photos, and return to face Loki. "Let's see how truly photogenic you are."

Loki rolled his eyes, but didn't attempt to snatch any of the photos away. He didn't look particularly thrilled with the prospect of seeing them either; having chosen instead to toy with the camera instead.

The photos were better than Tony expected, especially since his hands had been shaking with arousal for much of the time. He gazed at the first photo of Loki on all fours, back arched with a bright red ass from when Tony spanked him. And that seemed to garner some interest from his cock again; if only a stirring of sorts.

"You're unreal, babe." He flicked to the next photo that zeroed in on Loki's face contorted in pleasure and enhanced by the glitter around his eyes. "Most people have ugly orgasm faces, but not you."

"I rather not see it firsthand, thank you very much."

"So you're just going to let me keep these pictures without even approving of them? I mean they could be ugly by your standards."

"You just want me to look at them for your sick pleasure." Loki muttered, still toying with the camera.

"It'll turn me on and if I'm turned on, you get a fucking you won't soon forget." Tony grinned once he realized he'd gotten Loki's attention.

Without any real enthusiasm, Loki took one of the snapshots from his hand, and flipped it around to peer at it. For a split-second, Loki looked almost embarrassed by what he was looking at; but his perfectly nonchalant mask slid back into place with ease.

"Your ass looks pretty delicious in that; bright red and pretty much opened up."

"I'll probably have welts, thanks to you." Loki plucked another snapshot out of his hand. "Pray tell, how many photographs did you take of my arse? Because I think that was just a waste of film."

"I love your ass; I'm thinking about erecting a shrine to it."

"I don't think it's a shrine you're erecting at all." Loki smirked coyly.

Tony couldn't help but return the smile; after all, he was feeling some stirring in his stomach by viewing his photography skills. And it was hardly an untruth when he said he loved Loki's ass; it was a thing of beauty and he was more than happy to fuck it whenever given the opportunity to.

Leaning inward, he nuzzled his nose against Loki's; before he pressed a firm kiss to his lips. It evolved from there; closed mouth kisses to open mouth ones with the added benefit of teeth and tongues. Tony's free hand wound back into Loki's inky black hair, pulling him closer to take full advantage of his mouth as his tongue moved lazily against his.

Loki moaned into the kiss, which reverberated through Tony's body, and worked its way into his groin. There was definitely a benefit of being young and virile; he could recover from a mind blowing orgasm fairly quickly and be ready for another round if the circumstances were correct. And having Loki's tongue in his mouth and his hand playing with one of his nipples proved to be a winning formula.

"I'm going to fuck you so hard; you'll have a hard time walking." Tony panted as he drew away from Loki's smart mouth; before he hurriedly gathered the snapshots that Loki had deposited between their bodies, and tossed them back onto the nightstand.

He extracted the camera from Loki's vice-like grip too, and closed the distance between them completely. His mouth went for his throat, sucking wantonly at the lily-white skin, and tracing his tongue along Loki's adam's apple; which bobbed up and down as he swallowed and muttered out words of encouragement.

Loki buried both his hands in Tony's hair, tilting his head backwards to accommodate to his hungry kisses that spanned towards one of his shoulders; which previously had been marked by a love bite or two. Tony vaguely recollected spanking Loki and clamping down on his shoulder with his teeth, helping along the messy release Loki inevitably had.

And he wanted to reenact that; he wanted Loki to spurt his seed hard and messily, so lost to pleasure that he wouldn't even be embarrassed about it when the haze cleared. Then again, Loki didn't really seem to find any shame when it coincided with getting off; he was up for anything, as he'd aptly proven it from the moment they'd gotten into the hotel suite.

"How do you want me?" Loki purred as hiked his leg on Tony's hip; granting him permission to press his semi-hard member against Loki's already raging one.

"On your stomach with your ass in the air," Tony bit down on Loki's shoulder again, as he grabbed onto the underside of Loki's thigh, and rolled his hips so their cocks were rubbing against one another's.

A breathless little laugh escaped Loki, as he moved his hips in sync with Tony's. One of his wicked hands traveled away from his hair, grabbing onto his ass, and bringing them closer together; igniting a wave of ecstasy that was all too familiar after the night they'd been having.

They rutted against one another like a well-oiled machine; as if they'd been doing this for years instead of only a few choice encounters. Tony already knew a slew of ways to make Loki moan whorishly; whereas, Loki was equally gifted in that arena too. And it was nice for a change to automatically know, instead of taking shot in the dark with a fifty-fifty chance at failure.

With Loki, Tony almost had some kind of sixth sense; albeit, he was also up for anything that Tony could throw at him. Rimming, to finger fucking, spanking, to hair pulling; everything was on the table. Something that would make any normal person cringe only had a way of turning Loki on.

"Give it to me hard." Loki shuddered as Tony planted open mouth kisses along his jaw. "Harder than you ever given it to anybody before,"

"Oh, trust me I will. I'll make you sing your little heart out." He murmured in return, gradually shifting his hand from Loki's thigh to the swell of his ass; where he could feel actual welts that his spankings had left behind, and drew another sound from Loki.

Tony plastered himself as close as humanly possible to Loki, and reveled in the sparks of unfiltered pleasure that shot through his cock. He moved to kiss Loki hard, smothering the noises he made with a desperation that only seemed to increase by the second.

His fingers traced their way along the crease of Loki's ass, and slid between his cheeks to circle his still swollen and stretched entrance. Two of his fingers glided in without any trouble whatsoever, which made Loki throw his head back with a cry.

He plunged a third finger in, kissing Loki's heated cheeks that were glistening with residual glitter; and moved and stretched him further just in case his hole wasn't as accommodating from their previous bout of fingering. But that didn't seem to be the case, and Tony's cock practically leapt at the thought of being buried to the hilt inside of Loki's ass.

"On your stomach, babe," Tony instructed, still kissing all over Loki's face; before he removed his digits and gave Loki's ass a nice hard spank for emphasis.

Loki jolted from the hit, but obliged by unraveling himself from Tony's body, and making quite the show of getting onto all fours before he lowered himself onto his belly with his ass up in the air. The welts were still fairly apparent, pinkish-red against Loki's pale skin; and his hole was swollen and open, begging to be fucked by Tony.

Reaching for the discarded camera again, Tony angled it just right, and snapped a picture of how wide open and vulnerable Loki was. He probably had already taken similar pictures, but the turn-on hadn't dampened a bit. It would be almost impossible not to be turned on by how such a force of nature like Loki Laufeyson was spread open and needy, and wanted nothing more than a hard fuck.

That was thing of legend; maybe something Tony would even brag about later on. Of course, he would have to change some details, names and genders especially; but it would still be a grand tale nonetheless. Not many people could say they had a rock god in front of them, pushing backwards in hopes for some sort of friction, rather than the mechanical sounds of the Polaroid Super Shooter going off.

Once his photography kick had been quenched, Tony set the camera aside and tossed the snapshots onto the bedside table; he found the bottle of lube and poured a copious amount on his hard-on. He marveled at how stiff and heavy he felt in his own hand; as if he was a kid who'd gotten his first erection and was scared shitless by the prospect of it.

But there wasn't any fear about the moment; it was just excitement, pure and simple. He laid his hands on Loki's ass, spreading him open, and smirked at the sharp intake of breath that jostled his frame; before he bowed his head and planted a wet kiss to his swollen opening.

That melodic sound Loki had a tendency to make when he was losing control; erupted out of him and he pushed back into Tony, wordlessly begging for more. Tony kissed his opening again, but quickly forced Loki completely onto the mattress, and made him open his legs further to accommodate to him.

Tony pressed the head of cock between Loki's cheeks, bracketing himself above Loki; who was breathing in ragged and short pants. His perfect body was already covered in a sheen of perspiration and silvery-blue glitter that just would not come off, and was probably all over Tony at this point too.

"I'm going to make you scream." He jerked his hips, until his cock began to slide easily into Loki's body, and make both of them groan in relief.

The foreplay had been great; beyond great even. But nothing beat good 'ol fashion sex; good 'ol fashion sex with a glam rock star on top of that; who had the power to make Tony come within seconds, if he allowed himself to fall under his spell.

Tony paused once his hips were fully against Loki's ass, and reveled in the way he was being clenched every few moments by that exquisite ass. He lifted a hand and dragged it along Loki's back and down around his side, loving how receptive he was to his touch; and how both of them were so entirely stripped down to the other. Everything was on the table, no mind games or confusion just honesty.

He placed his hand back beside Loki's head, before pulling out of Loki halfway, and harshly pushing back in. They both gasped from the sensation, increased further by Tony's sudden aggressiveness that resulted in him snapping his hips and fucking into Loki like he was a dying man on a mission.

The pace he set was unrelenting, brutal even; Loki squirmed and moaned underneath him like a whore. He pushed back into him, initiating another level of ecstasy that almost had Tony seeing stars. His hips continued to piston unforgivingly, until Loki clenched around him so tightly that it was almost painful.

"Shit, babe," he groaned, falling unceremoniously against Loki; so they were now chest to back, but he was still mindful to thrust in and out of him at the same speed.

Loki made a guttural noise deep in his throat, shooting out his arm until his fingers curled around the camera. Tony only vaguely noticed his actions; he was so consumed by the wonderful sensations lapping at him, and setting his body on fire that it was only a passing interest at best.

One particularly hard thrust had them both crying out; Tony's movements stuttered for a split-second, as his head fell against Loki's. His cheek made contact with his sweat-soaked hair that smelled heavily of some sort of fruity shampoo and hair product, and goddammit Loki began to roll his hips in a fashion that made him teeter on the edge.

"Fuck me hard; make me feel it." Loki moaned, before a bright light flashed across Tony's sight.

He blinked several times only to notice Loki was fingering the button on the camera, ready and willing to capture them both in mid-fuck; which only propelled him to pound into him with all the enthusiasm he could muster. His lips pelted along the curve of Loki's neck and shoulder, before he transferred his hands to run down Loki's sides, and held steadfast onto his hips.

"You're so fucking filthy." Tony breathed out heavily, working harder to please. "You want a picture of me pounding your ass; making you cry out like a little bitch."

"Stark-"

"Look at the camera and smile, babe." He growled into his ear, pulling almost completely out before slamming back into Loki's ass; which almost proved to be his undoing.

Loki tilted his head, pressing his cheek against Tony's; both of them were staring at the camera, although the result of the picture would probably be a waste. That logic, however, didn't make it any less hot and once several pictures were snapped; Tony yanked out entirely from Loki's body, invoking a cry of evident confusion and a twinge of frustration too.

He maneuvered onto his knees, before grabbing onto Loki's hips again, and forcing him to get onto his knees as well. It proved to be quite a feat; especially with the way Loki's whole body rejected the notion of moving with how hard he was shaking.

"Sit on my cock." He demanded and waited for Loki to find the coordination to do as he was told.

Thankfully, Loki managed to follow through; sitting back onto Tony's erection all the way to the hilt carelessly. Tony grabbed onto his forearms, holding him into place, and thrust into him with a flourish that someone on the edge of completion only could.

He could care less about grace or even extending the act any further. All he wanted was to come and Loki seemed to be on the same boat; since he sank down to meet Tony's frantic movements, until they were panting like animals in heat. Lucid thought was thrown out the window, and all that existed was the feeling of Loki's ass around his cock, squeezing, and demanding for more.

His hips jutted up sharply and a choked sob erupted out of Loki; before his body shook with spasms and his ass was clenching around Tony harder than before as Loki came hard. It took only a few shallow thrusts afterwards until Tony too was coming deep inside of Loki; gasping for breath as he still fucked into Loki's now come filled hole.

Tony slowly released his hold on Loki's arms, running a comforting hand along his chest and up to this throat. He cupped Loki's jaw in his hand, pressing chaste little kisses to the side of his mouth. But the strain on both of their bodies was far too much to handle; Loki shuddered, managing to disengage from Tony, and falling forward in a heap of long and elegant limbs.

Once his softening member slipped out of Loki, only to expose his pulsating entrance and a dribble of semen leaking from it; Tony somehow found the lucidity to grab the camera, and lift it to his eye for he could zero in on what he wanted to shoot. And there was nothing more appealing than what he was witnessing at that moment.

He took several quick pictures, before he all but collapsed beside Loki who looked fucked out of his mind and was the definition of debauched. He couldn't think of anything more beautiful than that; nothing could really capture it. Not even the Polaroid Super Shooter and it was a fairly good camera with all things considering.

"You sure know how to show a guy a good time." Tony laughed breathlessly, while he collected the fallen snapshots and managed to place them onto the comically large pile.

The camera he deposited on the floor beside the bed, before he sprawled out next to Loki; who'd taken to burying his face into one of the goose feather pillows. But he had the good grace to peer at him with tired but seemingly happy eyes.

"Hey, babe," Tony smiled, curling close to him until they were nose to nose.

"Hmm,"

"I love you, a lot."

"And I love you." Loki replied. "I just don't love you as much as sleep."

"Asshole Loki returns," Tony scoffed, flinging an arm around him. "But I love him too; hell, I fell in love with him first."

"The only other Loki is a character, Little Stark." Loki closed his eyes. "I just hope you love the right one."

Before Tony could inquire, Loki seemingly fell asleep. His breathing evened out and a peacefulness settled over his face, which made him look almost angelic. And that was enough to quiet any questions Tony might have had; instead he cuddled up as close as he could, inhaled the scent that was completely Loki and he too drifted to sleep.


	28. Chapter Twenty-seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I have to stir the pot; so I hope you enjoy what I have in store for you guys. ;)

* * *

 

**Chapter Twenty-seven**

 

* * *

 

Tony found it impossible to concentrate on the finishing touches of his article. He was utterly distracted by the man who sat across from him in a stifling number of layers with a fedora propped on his head, and a cigarette between two of his fingers that had literally been inside of him only the night before.

His eyes glazed over by the memory; although it was only too easy to conjure it up, since pangs of soreness were very prevalent in his lower body. He'd been laid out on an oversized king bed, exposed and prodded and touched by those incredibly long fingers; while that smart mouth, quirked downward into a frown, had sucked him to completion.

"Hey, babe," Tony nudged Loki's foot with his own.

"Can this possibly wait?" Loki grunted in reply, jotting down several lines onto pocket-sized notepad; before he brought the cigarette to his lips and took a long drag from it.

"I mean it could, but I rather it not."

"What?" Loki paused in his writing, and shot him an annoyed look.

For a moment, Tony was transported to a shoddy tour bus with rambunctious noise and too little room to feel completely comfortable in. There'd always been a lot of voices, slurred mostly, and a lot of fighting. And Tony had been smack-dab in the middle of it; stupid and naïve and sorely trying to keep a twenty-six year rock god's attention; who had a knack for giving him lethally annoyed looks like the current version was now.

The present was far different than five years ago, though. The only other person, who'd been on board until recently, besides the two of them, was the bus driver; whose name Tony didn't even know. And there was more than enough room to stretch out in, without tripping over someone in the aisle or empty bottles of liquor that had a tendency to be discarded wherever they fell.

But the only constant, obviously, was that he was being given the evil eye for no apparent reason than interrupting Loki in the midst of whatever he was writing. Then again, Tony couldn't hold it against him when he was purposely being obnoxious for the sake of it. He just wanted Loki's attention, after all.

"I thought we could look at the pictures from last night." He shot him an award winning smile, all the while attempting to keep a cap on any potential arousal that he might have had from the suggestion.

"I entertained the notion last night; don't expect me to do it again. I'm busy." Loki glowered at him, before returning to whatever was so important.

"Woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, I see." Tony muttered, before redirecting his eyes back onto his own notebook.

However, the words were just a jumble of nonsense. He couldn't focus at all; especially when Loki chose that opportune moment to begin humming quietly. It eventually evolved into some half-utterances and even a bit of singing; which proved to be an even bigger distraction.

Loki was at his sexiest when he sang; there was a magnetism about him that couldn't properly be described. Even in moments like this when all the glitz and glamour was at a minimum, and Loki was only experimenting with a potential song; it was something to be admired.

But Tony hadn't much time to fawn over him; or even attempt to close the space between them in some way, which he truly wanted to do. Since someone yanked open the tour bus's door enthusiastically, before hustling inside, and stopping beside the table that Tony and Loki were sitting at.

Phil clasped his hands, rubbing them together conspiratorially. Tony quirked an eyebrow in question, but Phil had all but disregarded him and was focused only Loki; whom chose to ignore both of them as he half-sang the lyrics he was writing.

"I have a surprise for you, boss." Phil said. "It's a good surprise, so don't give me that look."

Loki ceased his actions and shot Phil the most lethal stare Tony had ever seen. That, however, hardly deterred Phil's enthusiasm; a feat peculiar all within itself. Phil was never the jovial type; he could be uppity and high strung, but he definitely wasn't the sort that was excitable. Not by this current definition anyway.

"Well?"

"Well, what exactly?" Loki scowled, before he brought his still burning cigarette to his lips.

"Would you like to have your surprise now?"

"I don't believe I have much of a choice in that. I presumed that you would gift it to me whether or not I agreed to it. But I definitely will not beg for it; so either give me your surprise or leave."

"He woke up on the wrong side of the bed today." Tony provided, only to have Phil shoot him a narrow-eyed look.

"Of course I did; you were still in my bed this morning." Loki took an impressively long drag from his cigarette, before exhaling very slowly.

"Hey, I didn't hear you complaining-"

"Surprise it is." Phil cut Tony off abruptly, before he hurried back to the front of the bus; no doubt to retrieve whatever the hell he thought would appease Loki.

The probability that it would please Loki in any way seemed to be significantly low. For whatever reason, Loki was in an unpleasant mood, and seemed to want to remain in his funk until it suited him best to come out of it.

Tony eyed him closely, wanting nothing more than get to the core of his newfound (or old) annoyance. But it was probably way overdue for Loki to have one of his anti-social, mean streaks; where Tony's very existence (or anyone else's for that matter) seemed to irritate him beyond rhyme or reason.

As beautiful and as talented Loki was; he was equally unhinged and unpredictable. He surprised Tony by how gentle and loving he'd been, as if some alien life form had taken possession of him. It had been a difference between night and day; and yet, there were so many contradictory and unexplainable things about Loki that it was hard to pinpoint what was an act and what was not.

But he readily would take any piece of Loki he could get; even if it meant dealing with the sullen, fedora adorned, chain smoker in front of him. Loki stared at him for half a second, before his attention shifted towards Phil whom was attempting to hide something behind his body, which was impossible because it was a very human surprise.

"Like I said – a good surprise," Phil explained, before stepping aside to reveal the person behind him.

Tony's heart stopped for a split-second; baffled by his own emotional maelstrom taking place inside of him once he saw who was standing in the aisle. Sif was a throwback to her old teenage self; she wore a pair of cut-off denim shorts, scuffed up cowboy boots, and a tee-shirt with Loki's face emblazed on the front. Her long hair was feathered and impeccably styled, as if she came off the set of some TV show.

Time stood still; no one appeared to know what exactly to do. Tony knew that his truest of responses would only earn him ire; probably the threat of prosecution too. Because he wanted nothing more than to get up from the table and kick Phil directly in the balls, and maybe herd Sif right off the bus; and then fuck the memory of the situation right out of Loki's brain.

Except he didn't do anything of the sort; he could only stupidly look back and forth between Sif and Loki, and stare as the smallest of twitches graced the corner of Loki's mouth. And then his half-smoked cigarette was tossed into the ashtray, already occupied by several other butts; and Loki practically leapt out of the booth, rushing towards Sif whom had the gall to do the same.

It was sickly reminiscent of what happened the night before between Tony and Loki. Tony had leapt into Loki's arm like some lovelorn fool, which was reenacted by Sif. She jumped into Loki's awaiting embrace, easily hoisted up and enveloped by Loki's arms; the same arms that had felt so good around Tony.

"Lo!" Sif cried out girlishly, in a way that Tony had always found so attractive from potential bedmates; but now it only proved to make his blood boil.

He hated that stupid nickname; hated the way Sif was pressed so intimately against Loki with her legs wrapped around his waist. And he especially hated the look on Loki's face, as if Christmas came early and Thor fell into a pit of pythons on top of that.

They both looked too happy, domestic even. Like they were a newlywed couple who'd been separated by Loki's career; and now the reunion was bound to consist of a lot of physicality and stupid endearments that would make everyone in the vicinity puke from the sweetness of it.

"Amelia Fenton, where have you been all my life," Loki exclaimed, before he sobered up enough to put her back down onto her feet.

"Where have I been? Where have you been?" Sif swatted at Loki's chest. "You've been on tour all over the world! The last place I heard you'd been in was South Korea!"

"That's been over three months ago; I've been plenty of other places as well."

"None of which have been England, though."

"I was there for two days, before we'd came stateside. But unsurprisingly, you were not in London then." Loki quirked an eyebrow, which seemed to spark an unspoken conversation between them; and that only enraged Tony further.

It just served as a reminder of how very little he knew of Loki in general. He might have known every inch of his body, how to stimulate it to make him moan in that whorish way. But they hadn't achieved the sort of understanding that Loki shared with Sif.

They couldn't have wordless conversations, where everything seemed to be understood within a matter of seconds. And they definitely didn't have the history there; years of history that evolved into familiarity on that level.

It irked him more than it should have; and he had an itching suspicion that was the goal of this little surprise. Phil probably knew what would happen if Sif was thrown into the mix; that she would impose herself completely onto Loki, and Loki was too stupid to pull his head out of his ass and remain anything but neutral. And that left Tony out in the cold; to be a spectator to the unrequited love between them like some frustrated housewife watching a soap opera.

"Daddy-o, I knew it!" Sif suddenly addressed Tony. "I knew you'd get pulled into this carnival again! Once you've experienced it, you can't help yourself but go back for more!"

Before he could even conjure up any words, appropriate ones for the circumstance; Sif descended upon him, wrapping her arms fiercely around him, and refusing to let go until he reciprocated as best as he could from his seated position.

"Did he hitch a ride with you right off the bat?" Sif released him, but directed the question at Loki.

"More or less; he'll be writing another article about me. Let's hope his efforts are a bit more pleasing to my sensibilities than last time."

"He holds a grudge, if you couldn't already tell." Sif commented to Tony, who swore he could literally feel his blood broil.

He shot Phil a look, and he was far from surprised to see that he looked absolutely serene. And that validated his earlier suspicions; that this was orchestrated to put a wedge between him and Loki. The open affections had always been an issue for Phil, and now that Sif was around the probability that any of that would happen any longer was probably zilch.

"We've come to an understanding of sorts." Loki admitted, before reaching out and carding his fingers through Tony's hair; even going to the extent of massaging his scalp like he was some well-trained dog.

There were a slew of unsavory remarks on the tip of his tongue, many of which would get across the point that they were beyond the point of Tony being an infatuated kid and Loki being the ice-cold rock star. He was almost compelled to whip out a few snapshots from the night before, and flaunt them right in front of Sif's face; if his innuendos weren't enough for her to understand.

Somehow, thankfully, he managed to keep his mouth shut and his hands on the tabletop; all the while being petted still by Loki's deft hand. It was like he could sense his annoyance and was trying to smother it away without being overly affectionate or exclaiming out loud about their partnership in front of his definition of the perfect woman.

"Well," Sif said, having the gall to reach out and readjust Loki's coat. "I have a free week, and I haven't been on a proper tour for a while. So if you would have me…"

"Anything for you, Amelia," Loki retracted his hand from Tony, choosing instead to pull Sif into a hug that was so tender and sweet that it physically jolted Tony in his seat; but not to the point of being seen, apparently.

The embrace lasted far too long; both of them clinging to one another in something that wasn't just friendly. Sif generally didn't seem to indulge Loki's affections; or that was what Tony observed five years ago. But right now it felt like she was; it even had a sense that it wasn't simply indulgence on one party's side but on both sides.

There was something there that Tony couldn't pinpoint it, but he knew he didn't like it at all. Every ugly feeling bubbled to the surface, ready and willing to come out at any moment. And it was only made worse, when they separated and shared smiles that were so private and intimate that there was no denying it – they were in love.


	29. Chapter Twenty-eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wasn't expecting the amount of feedback I received for the previous chapter (and in such a short period of time too). I was pretty blown away by it and well I wanted to say thank you with a quick update.
> 
> This is a filler chapter, but I really enjoyed writing it. And somehow poor Peter Frampton faced Tony's ire again.

* * *

 

**Chapter Twenty-eight**

 

* * *

 

Somehow the evening had escalated to this point. Tony glowered in the semi-darkness at the redheaded woman across from him, who had just set down an empty shot glass with a victorious look on her face. It defied logic, really; that someone so tiny and fragile could beat him at a shot drinking challenge; and yet he sputtered on his second shot by the sheer potency of the tequila they'd been downing. It was a disgrace; _he_ was a disgrace.

"From Russia with love," Bucky announced like some radio deejay, before clapping. "Sorry, space cadet but the lady's the winner!"

The defeat would have been laughable, if he hadn't been halfway drunk and downright miserable. Miserable over something beyond his control, and what appeared to be a running theme throughout his entire, pathetic existence.

Tony Stark – perpetually being derailed by life; perpetually _fucked_ by it too, especially if he found some sort of solace somewhere in it. It didn't matter what it was or even who it was; something just had to come around and destroy it; rip it from him violently and tatter his happiness into itty-bitty pieces.

"Rematch, ivy league," Natasha, star fucker extraordinaire, had the gall to say in the smuggest tone that was humanly possible; and he should know – he was born smug.

His instincts had a tendency to dictate his actions; he was naturally competitive and he was very tempted to take on another challenge. But he also knew the likelihood that he would be victorious was slim to none; especially when he was put toe to toe with pint size here; who could hold her liquor like a seasoned professional.

"Were you bottle-fed vodka in Russia or something?" Tony swiped a hand across his face; trying to banish his newly developed double-vision. "I understand putting some brandy on a baby's gums; but I think you guys went a step too far."

"I've been conditioned well." Natasha winked, before turning her attention to Bucky, their bona fide referee. "I think you need to get Stark some water; he already looks halfway gone."

"One glass of water on the way, and," Bucky pointed at Natasha, giving her an inquisitive once-over. "A vodka tonic for the lady,"

"Very astute, Sergeant Barnes," Natasha smiled in a subtle manner; only glancing across the small cocktail table at Tony once Bucky retreated to the bar across the room.

Tony wasn't exactly sure how he ended up in Bucky and Natasha's company. His mind had been too hazy with annoyance and anger to really think straight. But he did remember stumbling across them while lip-locked at the back of the auditorium; and maybe he had offered to buy them drinks, all the while pretending that he and Natasha had never met before.

It would be too weird to explain that to Bucky; although, everyone in the group had Loki's dick in them one way or another. That was enough of a reason for a powwow at one of Miami's dingy little bars; then again, it probably wouldn't be enough room to hold all of the people who'd had Loki's dick inside of them either.

That thought only reminded him bitterly that he was just a number; a distraction on the road even. Loki probably had knack for writing love songs for his bedmate of the minute, before he kicked them off tour, and went off to some new and more exotic location. He was a rock star, after all.

And what was Tony exactly? He was just some pesky nobody (a somebody in the weapons business, of course) with a notebook and a tape recorder. It was only a matter of time before he wore Loki down and got him into bed; the sweet nothings and _I love you(s)_ were unexpected, though.

"I can see the rain cloud over your head." Natasha piped up, drawing him from his thoughts. "Are you that upset about being one upped by me?"

"No one can accuse of you being observant." Tony ran his finger over a scuff on the table, which looked like someone's initials; although he couldn't be positive with the way his vision was dancing.

"Let me think." She hummed almost mockingly. "You were already in a shitty mood when you found us, and have been drinking more for something to do than socially, that is until I challenged you to a game, so I think it's pretty clear – you're drowning your sorrows."

Tony clenched his teeth, a little more vulnerable to the truth than he generally was. Alcohol had a way of dulling his senses and his defense mechanisms as well. That was the only reason, the only reason; he had sung most of the songs off of _Frampton Comes Alive!_ to Pepper at Happy's birthday party. And it was the only reason why he was almost compelled to pour out his troubles to an absolute stranger, a star fucker even.

"Don't give me any hints. I'm sure I can dissect you to the core, Stark."

"Highly inadvisable, my lady love." Bucky reappeared, balancing two glasses haphazardly in one hand, while the other clutched a non-descript beer bottle. "I love your power of deduction, but let the guy be."

Natasha rolled her eyes, but accepted the glass Bucky handed to her. Tony, on the other hand, was only too pleased to have his glass of water set in front of him. He probably would have dropped it or maybe even smashed it intentionally to ease the pain he was feeling.

That was the only way to describe it – pain. Ever since Sif waltzed onto the tour bus, everything had changed. He felt like that stupid seventeen year old kid again; pushed aside as Sif and Loki went back and forth, talking about things he hadn't any clue about, and making reference to events he wasn't privy to.

Of course, saintly Sif had attempted to involve him into the conversation. But he was far too sullen and downtrodden to contribute much of anything; except his enlightened moment when he called Loki a jackass for one reason or another, more than likely trying to gain his attention entirely.

"So you two are like a proper couple?" Tony lifted his head, peering up at Bucky who'd taken to standing beside the table.

"Can you be a proper couple after two dates?" Bucky asked. "Axe that, I think you already know from previous experience."

"I knew it, I fucking knew it!" Natasha rocked back and forth on her stool, before slapping her hand against the tabletop. "You and Laufeyson are an item!"

Tony couldn't help but glower at her; the last thing he wanted to discuss was his situation with Loki. And he really hadn't any desire to do so with someone who'd blown Loki in a dirty alleyway in Las Vegas. Friendships and bonds weren't created that way; or not the friendships that he wanted to create anyway.

He was already having a difficult time keeping a level head currently, without the unneeded stress of explaining the details of his relationship with Loki; or lack thereof. He really couldn't say with any certainty if what he had with Loki was a relationship or not; although all signs pointed to the negative.

Because really how could he ever surpass Sif in any way? Loki had broken off his engagement to his fiancée over a teenage girl; one he didn't have a shot in hell with. And that had been only after one meeting between them. Loki had thrown away a potential wife for the unrequited dream of being with Sif.

"Come on, let's not get into that." Bucky took a drink from his beer bottle. "I'm off the clock; no one wants to talk about their boss on their down time."

"It didn't stop you from going down on him on your down time, though." Tony blurted out thoughtlessly; and earned an annoyed look from Bucky in return.

"Well, we are two peas in a pod now aren't we?" Bucky opened his arms for emphasis, but didn't look any less annoyed. "Guess, if everything's out on the table then I better tell the lady how we fucked around too. But I wouldn't recommend doing it again, since the big boss man decided to choke me out for the offense."

Natasha made an inelegant spurting noise, much to Tony's amusement. She was way too collected for his tastes; even when she'd been caught sucking off Fandral on the tour bus, she had some kind of cool and collected hold on her emotions.

"Hold on a second." Tony held up a hand. "None of us are without sin when it comes to Loki motherfucking Laufeyson. Because from Russia with love here had gotten a mouthful of him in a dirty alley five years ago. I should know; I caught them in the act."

Silence suddenly enveloped their section of the bar, after that declaration. Much to Tony's chagrin, he could hear Peter Frampton's _Baby I Love Your Way_ sounding from the jukebox; and he felt stupidly miserable again because it made him think of Loki more than it did Happy. And he was sure the first priest of _Frampton Comes Alive!_ would be insulted by that.

"So this is a meeting of Loki Laufeyson's fuck buddies." Natasha piped up, unable to stop the snort of laughter that bubbled up inside of her.

"Former and current," Bucky chuckled in response; seemingly unperturbed by learning of Natasha's past with Loki. "Stark should be our unofficial leader."

"Loki Laufeyson fuckers anonymous," Tony provided half-heartedly but almost lost his shit, when Natasha let out a laugh that was by no means fake; it was natural and uninhibited and seemed to start off a chain reaction of laughter.

Maybe it was the alcohol in his system, or maybe it was the maelstrom of emotions he was currently feeling; whatever the cause may have been, Tony couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation. He was sitting with two people who had been intimate with Loki too; and in turn, they had technically, by the transitive property, all been with one another sexually as well.

Uncontrollable laughter enveloped him whole, which only spurred on Bucky and Natasha further; until they were all breathless and wiping away stray tears from their eyes and cheeks. It took some time for any of them to collect themselves, Tony even more so; but he felt some of the tension ease, as if that's what he really needed, and that was a good laugh. Especially when all he really wanted to do was cry; and crying wasn't an option for him.

"God, I hate Peter Frampton." Tony choked out in a half-laugh.

"You have had too much to drink, my friend." Bucky grinned at him, before raising his bottle. "But this calls for a toast; to the first official meeting of the Loki Laufeyson fuckers anonymous, even though that is a mouthful."

"Hear, hear." Natasha raised her own glass.

"To the few, the proud, and the brave," Tony lifted his glass of water too, clinking it against Natasha's glass and Bucky's bottle. "Axe that – to the many, the ashamed, and well the brave still. You have to be brave if you get that close to him."

"I'll drink to that." Bucky downed a good portion of his beer. "And well, no point on keeping you anywhere near sober; especially if Loki's going to be waiting up for you. You'll need the liquid courage to face him down."

"Scotch on the rocks; the finest they got." Tony set down his glass and then rummaged in his pocket for the twenty dollar bill he stuffed in there earlier in the evening. "I want to get so drunk I forget my own name!"

Bucky took the twenty from him, saluting him as he crossed back to the bar to get his drink. Tony took a long drawn out sip from his glass of water; almost in an attempt to drown out the reemerging feelings that brought him here in the first place. His laughter could only distract him for so long, after all. And Loki was the type of person that always demanded his attention, even when he wasn't anywhere nearby.

A sharp pain struck him directly in the chest; even though he knew it was more of an emotional reaction than a physical one, the pain still was palpable. And the sudden emotional turmoil he felt became that much greater; because he loved Loki without a shadow of a doubt, really stupidly and hopelessly loved him.

The kind of love that harlequin romance novelist wrote about, but just without the kingdoms and horses and corsets. Well, maybe it wasn't like that at all; aside from the fact there was enough heartache and passion to fill at least a half a dozen paperback books easily. And he supposed that's where the similarities ended.

Tony ran a hand over his face once more, and was sucked into that god awful Frampton song. Maybe it was a drunken Tony thing or maybe it was a heartbroken Tony thing; either way, he started to sing along to the song like the lovelorn fool that he was. And somewhere, he was almost positive, Happy was probably lighting up like a thousand watt light bulb; even though his life was falling apart.


	30. Chapter Twenty-nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I apologize that this took some time to come out; I won't even lie - I got distracted watching Doctor Who, and well I put off writing. But I hope you can forgive me nonetheless, and I hope this isn't terrible.

* * *

 

**Chapter Twenty-nine**

 

* * *

 

The world was a little hazy around the edges, and his body's ability to function normally had been compromised completely. Tony held steadfast onto Bucky's arm, traversing the last few steps down the hallway to stand in front of a set of double doors that were locked up tight.

Somehow or another, Bucky had the hotel suite's key in his possession; having probably snagged it sometime during their stay at the bar, and the cab ride to the hotel. The former seemed more than likely, considering what had happened in the cab; Tony had to figure getting blown by a hot redhead in a skintight dress had taken precedent over pickpocketing a key.

And well if Tony had watched the whole uncouth situation unfold, and gotten increasingly aroused by it; he wasn't about to admit, even while drunk off his ass. There still was a bit of a filter left in place in him; even if he had toyed with the idea of smashing his mouth against Bucky's more than once during that period of time.

"This is far as I'm going to take you, Stark." Bucky said in a hushed tone, as if not to rile the beast on the other side of those doors. "Here's the key and try and project a non-threatening aura; you're going to need to look endearing."

"I fucking love you, Barnes." Tony blurted out, far louder than was absolutely necessary.

"We should have stopped by a church for your last rites." Bucky returned as he pushed in one of the doors. "You're not going to survive."

Before he could respond in turn, Tony was being nudged into the darkened suite, and left to fend for himself once the shut behind him. Of course, he was drunk and fear hardly played a role in why he wasn't moving forward; his equilibrium was on the fritz and moving without any solid support didn't seem like a feasible choice at the moment.

It took some time before Tony felt like he could move without tumbling over; he took small shuffling steps forward, bemused by the fact it was so dark in the suite. And that only served to conjure up unpleasant thoughts in his already compromised mind; the kind of thoughts that just fuel the most negative emotions inside of him.

He was convinced almost to a fault that Sif was in the suite; sprawled naked in _his_ bed with _his_ sociopathic rock star on top of her, which definitely served as a motivator to make him cross the lounge in record speed and into the bedroom. And by some grace of god, he didn't even fall over either; didn't even end up vomiting on his sneakers.

Loki was sprawled across one side of the bed on his stomach, wearing nothing but a snug pair of black boxer briefs; but he lifted his head almost immediately once Tony trampled in. To say the least, he hadn't been anywhere near quiet; and somewhere amid his alcohol fuzzy mind, he wished he had been.

Moonlight pooled copiously through the windows, illuminating the irked expression on Loki's face; one that would have had him cowering in fear, if he hadn't any liquid courage in him already. Loki slowly climbed onto his feet, hair mussed and unruly, a look that suited him far too well, and made his semi-hard cock leap to attention, before he ventured closer to Tony.

Once he was within arm's length, Tony closed the distance between them; jamming his nose awkwardly into the junction of Loki's shoulder and neck, and sniffed him. He smelled very much like Loki; the same trace of cologne, cigarette smoke, and slightest bit of perspiration. There wasn't any scent of sex or sunflowers on him; it was simply Loki, who was now trying to push him away.

But he was reluctant to be shoved aside, especially after he'd been discarded as soon as Sif made her ill-fated appearance. He grabbed onto Loki's forearms like his life depended on it, and at least it ceased Loki's attempts to draw away from him. But it did nothing to change the look on his face.

"You reek of alcohol." Loki glowered down at him. "I shouldn't be surprised, though. Not with your track record."

"You're fucking lucky buddy that you don't smell like a flower field! I would have kicked your ass if you did!"

"What on earth are you babbling about?"

"Don't play stupid with me! I'm surprised Sif isn't here in _our_ bed!" He slurred out hatefully; struck by a slew of emotions, some of which contradicted one another.

He was both angry and turned on; desperate and uncaring, and every other negative emotion that he had experienced since Sif had come back and turned everything upside down. It was the opposite reaction of what he should have felt by her reappearance. He should have been overjoyed; thrilled to have someone who understood how it was to deal with someone like Loki. There should have been some sort of camaraderie there, instead of his unyielding jealousy.

"This isn't _our_ bed." Loki sniped, managing to break one of his arms free. " _Our_ bed wouldn't be so tacky, thank you very much. And _our_ bed wouldn't cater to piss-drunk little boys either. And _our_ bed wouldn't have any room for anyone but the two of us; so maybe you can take that into account, whenever you're hanging over the toilet bowel in the morning."

"What the hell is going on between you two?" Tony asked, even as he lost his grip on Loki; and was instead being manhandled backwards towards the bed, big enough to hold at least five grown adults.

"The same thing that has happened between us for years – nothing," Loki scoffed, easily managing to shove him back onto bed with a grunt. "The only difference is that she won't be a potential in-law anymore. Now shut up; I doubt you want me to display how truly angry I am at you. Especially after I spent at least two hours scorning the immediate area for your daft self,"

"You were looking for me?"

"Do not get sentimental on me, especially now." Loki warned him, before he reached down to work off his tennis shoe; the double knot proved to be a problem and took much longer to undo than it normally would have.

Loki grunted in frustration, but managed to get his shoe off. He tossed it, which seemed to be protocol nowadays, over his shoulder; before he moved onto the other one, and subjected it to the first's fate.

"Baby," Tony started, as Loki freed him of his socks with an unwavering diligence of someone who wanted to get a job done without any distractions.

"Sit up, Stark. Let's get your shirt off."

"We're both pissed off." He sat up halfway, only to be silenced by his shirt being pulled over his head and thrown aside.

There wasn't an immediate response from Loki, though; as much as there wouldn't be a response if Tony had daftly pointed out the color of the sky to him. They were clearly at an impasse; Loki wasn't about to humor him with a pointless argument, because he probably wouldn't remember it in the morning (or late afternoon, if he was given the leeway to sleep that long) anyway.

Tony flopped unceremoniously back onto the bed; his lower body was splayed halfway off the mattress, and gave Loki the room he needed to disrobe him. He reached up to clasp onto the button of Tony's jeans with deft fingers, and popped it open with ease; before he began to drag the zipper down, and was acquainted with the bulge Tony had been harboring for some time.

The memory of Natasha crouched in a contortionist pose (which garnered jokes about her potentially being sold to the circus while a child) in between Bucky's outstretched legs; her mouth full with his member and her eyes alit with uncontained pleasure, was still very fresh in Tony's mind. And well, Loki was barely clothed at all currently and in the midst of undressing him on top of that; which had a way of temporarily putting his anger on the back burner.

Loki pointedly ignored his problem; he chose to focus on getting off Tony's jeans instead. It proved to be a greater feat than his shoes, mostly because he'd become almost completely uncooperative by lying there succumbed by desire.

"Babe," he breathed out, stopping Loki from tearing off his jeans with unneeded force.

"Don't call me that right now." Loki sneered. "And what on earth do you want now?"

"I'm really hard."

"Oh, I gathered as much; but that isn't my concern right now."

"You don't love Sif, do you?" Tony asked, since his tongue was loose by all that liquor; and well, if he was going to put Loki on some sort of guilt trip, he wasn't about to freely admit it.

Confusion and indignation colored Loki's face suddenly. But his expression shifted after several terse moments; replaced by something that could be described as resignation and maybe a tad of hurt. Of course, that could have been Tony's imagination, though.

"I love Amelia differently than I love you."

"Prove it." Tony reached down, carding and tangling his fingers into Loki's unruly hair. "Just suck it a little, you know. If you love me differently."

"What?"

"Just suck it."

"You're insufferable; I should put you on a leash. That way you won't wander away and find the closest pub to drink yourself stupid in." Loki hissed, working down his jeans to his thighs; but ceased only to look up at him with the same resignation as before. "Why am I even going to indulge you is beyond me."

An undignified noise sprung out of Tony in reply, once Loki nuzzled his nose very gently against his hard-on. He drew away only to discard his jeans fully and soon his underwear as well. Without being told to, Tony dragged himself onto the mattress, and sprawled out spread eagle with a sigh of contentment.

Loki followed after him, crawling up his body with the grace of a jungle cat. There was something dark and beautiful about Loki that wasn't necessarily exposed to such a degree anywhere else but in the shadows.

"Never question my love for you again, do you hear me?" He uttered harshly. "Not even to goad me into sucking you off; do we have an understanding?"

They stared at one another, before Tony finally conceded and nodded. And that was all the motivation Loki needed to slink downwards and take Tony into a firm grasp. His lips pressed against the head of his cock, kissing it; before he moved along the side and pressed self-assured kisses up and down its length.

Tony gasped loudly, shutting his eyes as those kisses slowly turned to wet licks along the curve of his erection. Loki's hands traveled to his thighs and urged them apart so he could settle in between them more comfortably, and continued with his teasing ministrations.

His tongue traced curlicues and intricate patterns along his shaft, applying just enough pressure to drive him crazy but not enough to relieve him. It felt almost like an act of revenge; sweet torture that he inevitably deserved for trying to manipulate him.

Loki's fingers danced along his inner thighs, moving lower and lower until they slid along the visible swell of his ass. Tony couldn't help but shudder; every nerve in his body was at attention, craving and wanting to be consumed by Loki. Maybe for pleasure, but more so to prove a shaky and undoubtedly stupid point; he wanted to be Loki's completely.

If he gave himself entirely to Loki, then he wouldn't even think about straying. If he ripped down all his defenses, exposed himself, and gave every ounce of himself to Loki; he knew that Sif wouldn't stand a chance. Loki couldn't possibly deny him; leave him even.

"Babe," he said shakily, opening one eye. "Let's do this; let's go all the way."

That smart tongue, which had been working its way up the underside of his cock, paused in mid-lick; while his fingers ceased to caress the sensitive skin along the crease of his ass. Loki lifted his head, but Tony couldn't discern the look on his face. Being plunged in darkness and pretty drunk really wasn't helping his deduction skills very much; then again, Loki was impossible to read anyway.

"What do you mean?" Loki asked slowly, almost carefully even.

"I'm ready for you." He replied, trying to sound sober and self-confident; and probably failing at both.

Loki gave him a critical once-over, before he crawled further up his body; and bracketed his hands on either side of his head. That expression had yet to melt away from his face; but there was more inquiry than anything else about it, as if he really couldn't believe that he'd offer himself so readily to him.

"You're piss-drunk and clearly upset with me over some imagined slight." Loki arched an eyebrow. "The last thing I'd attempt to do is take advantage of you. And that's precisely what it would be, Stark. So don't try to argue that point."

"I want to, though!"

"I'm not going to discuss this with you now." Loki muttered, before returning to his previous position between Tony's outstretched legs. "But I will finish what I've started nonetheless."

Tony could feel Loki's breath tickle along his erection, until he was taken into a firm hold again, and slid easily into Loki's mouth. He gasped as Loki took him almost entirely into his mouth, and began to suck very lightly on him, but with enough pressure to make his body sing.

The alcohol in his system was working against him in more than one way. His mouth erupted with a slew of incoherent, stupid comments; while his body already threatened to come undone. Loki put further suction onto him, bobbing his head in a rhythm that served its purpose. It felt incredible and he couldn't help but reach down and tangle both his hands into his hair; urging him to try and take him completely down his throat.

Loki had the capacity to do so, he knew that. But he didn't attempt to; instead he continued at the pace he'd set and hummed in satisfaction, as one of his hands roamed from his hips to his belly and to his inner thighs. The other remained on his shaft; his thumb drew very small circles on the side of it, which sent another spark of pleasure through Tony.

Gaudy and uncouth slurping sounds slowly began to puncture the air; Tony could feel saliva coat his cock more and more, before it dribbled out of Loki's mouth, over his hand, and found its way down to Tony's balls. Loki's tongue ran amok along the underside of his cock; dancing higher and higher up to swirl hungrily at the head, which he sucked and teased until Tony was bucking his hips in an animal need.

"Jesus Christ," Tony groaned, capturing Loki's wayward hand against his sternum, and tangling their fingers together. "Just like that, ah,"

Loki tongued the slit of his cock several times, but soon plunged back down his shaft to suck on him almost desperately. Tony held onto Loki's hand tightly, while the other remained firmly implanted in his hair; refusing to let him stop now, not when that roiling heat danced in the pit of his stomach.

He was close; very close. His hips bucked insistently up, trying to switch the pace to something more urgent. And thankfully Loki listened to his physical pleas, since his mouth was stuffed with unhelpful drunken noises; and began to bob his head faster and began to suck harder.

Tony threw his head back against the mattress, clenching his eyes shut as the heat inside of him built up and the ache of arousal began to hit its peak. Loki's hand suddenly wrapped around his, after being held in a death-like grip, and that sort of intimacy; that brief flicker, pushed Tony over the edge.

"Fuck," he groaned loudly, climaxing with enough force to cause his body to jolt off the mattress; which in turn made Loki gag several times.

He fell unceremoniously back onto the bed, panting out disjointed expletives. He dropped his hand from Loki's hair that was now a mess of sweaty and unkempt curls; but he refused to let go of his hand still pressed firmly against his sternum.

Several moments ticked away, before Loki released him, and rested his cheek against his belly. His breathing was ragged and raspy, but it was a brief reprieve; he soon climbed back over Tony, licking away any dribble of cum or saliva from his lips, and peered down at him almost lovingly.

"Sleep now, Little Stark." He murmured. "We'll have a lengthy discussion tomorrow."

"What about you?" Tony couldn't help but yawn.

"I have the aptitude to take care of myself. Now sleep." Loki bent down and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, before pulling his hand free of Tony's.

Tony tried to protest the separation, especially once Loki shifted away from him; but the heaviness of exhaustion began to fall over him. And within a matter of moments, he was drifting asleep with something akin to contentedness and a twinge of dismay that just wouldn't go away.

Something bad was bound to happen, he just knew it.


	31. Chapter Thirty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter pretty much kick starts everything I've planned for. I'd like to say it was a long time coming, but my predilection for updating so frequently kind of makes that point moot. But this story will be ending within five-eight chapters, I think.
> 
> And I hope you don't hate me too much, because I think it's pretty inevitable you'll hate me some.
> 
> I listened to David Bowie's "Lady Grinning Soul" quite a bit as I went through this; so just a recommendation!

* * *

 

**Chapter Thirty**

 

* * *

 

It was an ill-advised decision, but Tony had been smoking weed again. He never really stopped, to be honest; his consumption had lessened in between his involvement with Pepper, and the god awful decision to smoke so many joints in Texas. But now, well he was almost perpetually high; mostly because he hadn't gotten the one on one time he wanted (and deserved) from Loki.

They hadn't been anywhere near intimate since Miami, which had been five days earlier. And any opportunity to have a lengthy discussion had been all but compromised by outside sources. Phil had rode Loki's ass non-stop about promotional appearances, while Sif had taken permanent residence in the tour bus; which only exacerbated the problem further.

There wasn't any alone time, which Tony found was more and more important as time went along. He needed for everyone just to go away for at least twenty minutes, just so he could talk with Loki on a one on one basis. Maybe even kiss him a few times or jerk him off, without having someone whisking him away. And Phil had done precisely that an hour earlier; something about an interview with some obscure publication.

So that was the only reason, why he was stoned as hell in Washington D. C. with Sif. She had somehow lured him off the bus, maybe with promises of greasy food; he wasn't sure anymore. But it hardly mattered anyway, as they meandered from one street to another mindlessly.

Their conversation stalled almost immediately, which could be partially to blame on Tony's inebriation; but more than likely the cause was that he still harbored unhealthy bouts of jealousy towards Sif. None of which seemed justified on the surface, but there were a slew a very good reasons behind it nonetheless.

"Pretty hot out here," Sif piped up suddenly.

"That's summer for you; hot, sometimes sticky." Tony replied, while running his hand over his newly groomed goatee. "Hot and sticky,"

"You know we really haven't had time to talk one on one, daddy-o. Not with all the chaos of the tour around us; and well, Loki's kind of hard to ignore." She continued in that bubbly Sif-like tone, which had the ability to win almost anyone over; aside from Tony anyway.

The last person he wanted to have a one on one time with was Sif. He wanted to be alone with Loki; he wanted to talk to Loki, and touch Loki and fuck Loki and be fucked by Loki. But he couldn't do any of those things, which only made him that much more hostile towards Sif than he already was.

"You definitely didn't hitch a ride on the Laufeyson express because of me." He managed not to scoff, but only barely.

"Like I told you, I haven't seen Loki in a while. So when I came back stateside, I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to catch up with him. But to see you were on tour with him too, well that was the icing on the cake."

"You guys have been pretty friendly with one another of late. I just figured there was a reason for you joining up; like maybe there was more there than what meets the eye."

"We're friends; we're supposed to be friendly." Sif laughed, before motioning towards a heavily populated stretch of park. "Hey, let's sit down; I don't know about you, but I'm kind of tired of wandering around."

Tony managed not to say anything off-color, although his restraint was very minimal at the moment. Having so much weed in his system, really had a way of compromising his better judgment; and maybe that was why he liked it so much.

He hardly feared that he would offend someone, since a Stark's duty was to be offensive and blatant when the occasion arose. But it was far easier to be offensive without any consequence whenever he was under the influence; because he could always blame his behavior on that, instead of taking any sort of personal responsibility for it.

Sif led the way along the winding pathway through the park. Bicyclists, joggers, and herds of children sped past them every few steps, until they found an unoccupied bench in the shade of an overgrown tree. Had Tony not been so stoned, he probably could have identified what kind of tree it was rather than it simply being big and hulking and kind of ugly. Then again he wasn't much for nature anyway.

He collapsed onto one side of the bench, letting out a relieved and tired groan; wanting nothing more than to return to the bus or the hotel room (he couldn't remember which), and take a nap. Being out in daylight like this wasn't doing him any favors.

"You know, I really didn't think you'd go back on tour with Loki." Sif drew his attention back, which probably was a good thing; since he had started to study the leaves overhead as if they were a complex sequence of binary code.

"Why's that?"

"I don't know; you guys weren't exactly best friends." She smiled mirthlessly. "And especially with how poorly Loki reacted about your article, well I guess I'm just surprised. Since he's known to hold grudges for years; I mean he hasn't spoken to his own family since '71."

Tony peered at her, unable to hide his interest in the subject. Loki wasn't very chatty when it came to personal aspects of his life; in fact, now that Tony thought about it – he really didn't know that much about Loki at all.

The bits and pieces of his knowledge weren't very widespread either. He knew Loki was almost ten years older than him and was born in October; so he was currently thirty-one year's old. He knew he had a predilection for cigarettes, tea, and gummy candies; and he knew the obvious discord between him and Thor, and that he'd been adopted, and had been engaged years ago. But aside from that, he was a mystery.

Tony didn't even know what his favorite color was; didn't know when his birthday actually was. And yet he touted, proudly even, how he was in love with the guy. But he hadn't even bothered to try and find out anything else, beyond what made him moan in bed.

"You're talking about Thor, right?" He finally asked.

"I mean his entire family, Thor included." Sif shifted on the park bench, so she could face him fully. "He hasn't spoken to his mother or father; not after the last show with Odin's Sons. I mean they were in the audience during that show too."

"Jesus Christ, he knows how to make a splash."

"That's Loki for you." She pulled her knees to her chest, eyeing him. "But he has this habit of pushing people away; it's like he wants to be alone."

"Why do I get the feeling he really doesn't?"

"You're right, he doesn't." She looked down. "We hadn't really spoken much after his big reveal about going solo. But we reconnected, after the whole god awful Thor debacle happened. And I never saw someone so alone before in my life. He had gotten a sizeable payday for his first single, and Heimdall made sure his current record company paid him well. So he had this huge, beautiful, _empty_ flat.

"He actually hadn't seen anyone in weeks. Everyone was so busy prepping for his upcoming record and tour that they hadn't even checked up on him. The idiot had been running completely on sugar and caffeine and nicotine; he'd written so many songs, he was practically sitting in a sea of paper, and looked so damn proud of himself because of it."

Tony furrowed his brow, struck by the mental image of Loki sitting in a huge apartment all by himself. And that only conjured up unpleasant reminders of his childhood; when he'd lived in the Stark family mansion, and was frequently left to his own devices.

Loneliness had essentially been ingrained into every aspect of his childhood. He had been completely neglected by both his parents and was always left to fend for himself. He knew what loneliness felt like, and it was one of the worst things he had ever experienced, despite having grown accustomed to it.

"I felt awful for running to him. I didn't even take into account what was happening with him." Sif began to chip away at the green paint that covered the park bench. "But he let me stay anyway; listened to all my blubbering about what a scumbag his brother was, and didn't even pile on despite him wanting to. I knew he did, I could tell."

Tony frowned deeply, suddenly struck by an inexplicable and foreboding feeling. He didn't know why, didn't have any proof, but something told him there was more to the story than that. There was more to be said about her running to Loki to vent; more to it than Loki being a lonely, misunderstood musician with a mean streak.

He studied Sif closely, trying to discern something; anything, really. But it was a challenge with how high he was; and maybe that foreboding feeling was only a side effect of his potential paranoia. Because it wasn't that farfetched that he oftentimes was struck by those unpleasant sensations; it was a risk every time for him to smoke pot, but the good always outweighed the bad in the end.

"He listened to you bitch and moan, and that was it?" He said slowly, noticing the flash of exasperation that crossed over her face by his choice of words. "He didn't even try and call Thor a piece of shit? Didn't even try and get in a single jab?"

"I think I more than made up for his lack of participation, Tony. But what's your point?"

"There's always more to a story; you're just holding back on me. I might be high as fuck, which I'm sure you noticed by now; but I'm not stupid. I can tell you're holding back, and well you might as well spill the beans because if I ask Loki, he's going to be really pissed off. And you know how that always ends up."

"I'm trying to make a point here." Sif raised a hand. "Loki's a very lonely person, who has a tendency to hold a grudge. But he set aside all those negative feelings, and allowed you on tour with him. It's actually pretty incredible if you think about it."

Despite his better judgment, Tony couldn't help but laugh obnoxiously; the stereotypical stoner laugh that could drive any sober person crazy. He knew that for a fact; he'd been around plenty of stoners to know how fucking annoying they could be. And he wasn't beyond that level of irritation either; he could tell by the way Sif was looking at him now.

But he couldn't stop laughing, and well her face only made him laugh even harder. His sides began to ache and tears sprung up in his eyes; and yet he kept laughing until he was practically out of breath and whoever was in the vicinity of their bench were shooting them disgusted and curious looks.

"Pull yourself together, Tony!" Sif leaned forward, shoving at his shoulder. "People are beginning to stare!"

"For Christ's sake, it's just too funny!" He rasped out, somehow managing to get partial control of himself. "It's like you have a moral to all your stories! You're telling me about how lonely badass glam rock star is, and since he buried the hatchet with me – well, that just humanizes the fucker a little more!"

"I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, you shouldn't have! Not until you're ready to give the full, undisclosed story!"

"What do you mean?" Sif asked cautiously, which was just a clear indication that she was holding back on what happened when she ran to Loki.

There was always more to the story; people left out the gory details all the time. But Tony thrived on the gore; he thrived on the ugliest aspects of life. After all, he'd been exposed to enough of them over his twenty-two years on the planet. And nothing could really beat finding one's own mother dead in a pool of her own vomit. That easily took the cake.

"You can either play stupid with me, or you can be a pal and tell me what happened." He absently wiped the tears from his eyes, before he ran his hand across the ache in his side. "We're all friends here, after all! And I'll tell you a story in return!"

Sif hesitated for a split-second, before she redirected her eyes to the park bench again. The sound of children and dogs at play temporarily filled the silence between them. But it couldn't last for very long; in fact there was barely a pause, before she made eye contact with him. And truth be told, Tony did not like the look on her face.

His insides abruptly began to twist, as he turned his body to face her. He crossed his arms over his chest and took in a much needed breath. He knew he was going to hear something he didn't like, and well he needed to prepare himself for it as best as he could.

"I was an emotional wreck after Thor screwed me over." She began, before looking away. "And Loki was so understanding; he let me cry on his shoulder, scream at the top of my lungs. Anything I wanted to do, he let me do. And things just sort of happened."

"Things just sort of happened?"

"Don't make me spell it out for you, daddy-o."

"You're talking to a heavily stoned genius here; you might have to elaborate for me." He jutted his thumb at his chest; somehow sounding lighthearted despite feeling far from that.

Sif scooted closer to him until they were almost touching; which gave Tony the opportunity to study just how exasperated she was. Small but almost invisible lines appeared across her forehead, the only indication that she might be older than sixteen years old. And well, her eyes spoke volumes; although the message was still muddled and hard to discern for him.

"Things got out of hand." She admitted guiltily. "I used Loki; I knew if Thor found out that it would hurt him more than anything else would. And I wanted him to feel as much pain as I did. I'm not proud of what I did, and Loki already knows about it. Neither of us was under any sort of delusion that what we did was something beyond what it was."

"Stop being vague with me,"

"We slept together."

"You slept together?" Tony echoed emotionlessly; struck by a wave of sudden numbness.

"It was the beginning of '73; it only happened that one time." She said. "I didn't say anything beforehand, because really it doesn't matter. And you seemed to have moved on anyway. Philly said you have some far-out girl of your own; ginger even."

"You slept together. Like how many times?"

"I told you-"

"No, you said it happened that one time. That isn't a specific number of times, that's a time frame!" He exploded as he rose to his feet. "How many times did you sleep with him?"

Sif gaped up at him, visibly shaken by his outburst. But that was the least of his concerns; his heart was thundering in his chest, and he felt like he might very well faint from the information he just procured. His thoughts were flying through his head in a blur; none of them would stick and he wasn't sure he wanted any of them to either.

"How _many_ times have you slept with him?" He repeated, but he refused to look at her; he was scared of what he'd do if he did look at her.

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? How do you not know?"

"It was over a weekend; it was something spontaneous. We stayed in bed those two days; I don't know how many times I did." She replied quietly and by the tone of her voice, she seemed to realize just who he was to Loki.

"Fair enough, fair _fucking_ enough." Tony laughed, before he started to walk away from the bench and from Sif. "Fair fucking enough,"

Pain superseded his inebriated state; it was poker hot and spread through his whole body. And all he could do was follow the winding path, which had brought him into the park in the first place. He slowly began to build up speed, power walking past a group of hippie types; before he was suddenly jogging then running into the busy streets of D. C., and blindly rushing into a direction that looked remotely familiar.

He ran through congested intersections, past window shops, and what appeared to be some sort of tourist group on their way to see the national monuments. He ran until everything blurred and melded together into a muddy mess of colors and sounds, and he didn't know where he was or what he was doing or why he was doing it.

But the only thing that kept echoing in his head like a siren's call was that he had to find Loki. No matter what he did, he had to find Loki.

"Loki, I'm lost. I'm fucking lost." He almost sobbed out, too stoned and emotionally and physically tired to care if he sounded crazy and weak.

All he wanted was to find Loki; he _needed_ to find him. But he was nowhere in sight; not even when his whole world was falling apart around his feet. And he couldn't help but cry at his own helplessness.


	32. Chapter Thirty-one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter came out a bit differently than I expected; I'll have to reevaluate how many chapters will be left now. But I hope you like this (although I know my little plot twist wasn't very kind from last time).

* * *

 

**Chapter Thirty-one**

 

* * *

 

Bucky had found him, crumbled beside a busy eatery. His high had leveled off, which left him feeling emotionally spent and physically exhausted. He hadn't cried so much before in his entire life; he suspected the combined years of his infancy didn't even compare to how much he sobbed over someone as sociopathic as Loki Laufeyson.

"Sweet mother of god," Bucky leapt over the sidewalk's curb, running the short distance to his side. "Where have you been?"

Tony blearily peered up at him, studying the worry lines around his eyes. But he couldn't respond even if he wanted to; he had cried himself hoarse, and it probably showed all over his face. His skin felt taut and raw, no doubt from how hard he scrubbed at it; trying futilely to appear normal, while weaving himself through the heavy flow of D. C. residents.

It was impossible to deny how truly defeated he was, though. He had all but given up after what felt like hours of running and wandering about; and had taken refuge beside the restaurant once his legs had given out on him. And it was almost a miracle that Bucky had even come across him; he had been convinced, while still amply stoned that he would never find his way back again, and that Loki would abandon him there.

"Jesus Christ, are you hurt? Did some fucker do anything to you?" Bucky latched onto his arm, slowly hoisting him onto his aching feet. "Because I'll find him and I'll make him pay!"

"Nothing like that," Tony managed to croak out, resting most of his weight onto Bucky.

"I'm hailing a taxi; we need to get you back to the hotel. Loki is literally going crazy, and I mean literally." Bucky led him to the busy sidewalk, pointedly ignoring the inquisitive looks they were receiving; no doubt due to Tony's disheveled appearance, and instead focused on walking up the street.

However, Tony found his ability to walk in a straight line was compromised by the eruption of thoughts that bounced through his head. The mention of Loki made that raw emotion bubble underneath the surface once more; and all he could think about was why Loki was going mad. Although, he readily suspected he was angry by his sudden disappearance; reminiscent of what had happened in Las Vegas several weeks beforehand.

While Tony was completely immersed in his thoughts, Bucky had somehow directed them to the curb without too much difficulty. He shot out the arm not wrapped around Tony's body, and waved it frantically for several moments. He even did that silly catcall of _taxi_ that Tony only thought happened in movies and TV shows.

Vehicles of all models and colors, zoomed past them for several minutes. None of the yellow taxi cabs pulled to the curb, which only made Bucky that much more insistent. He waved his arm faster, taking the time out to flip off any taxi driver that pondered pulling over but ended up changing their mind at the last minute; and screaming expletives that only a true New Yorker could get away with.

"Pull the fuck over!" Bucky yelled at a cab that sped by without a second glance. "I swear to all that is holy, you'll regret the day that you were born!"

The colorful rant escalated within a matter of moments; disjointed and aggressive curses flowed freely from him, and proved to be a nice reprieve from the madness in Tony's head. He listened to Bucky as he shouted about fighting for the cabbies' rights to be assholes in Vietnam, and how if this were New York every cabbie in the vicinity would have pulled over and licked his boots by now.

After what felt like a small eternity, peppered still with Bucky's insults; a taxi finally pulled to the curb in front of them. Bucky yanked open the back door, and all but forced Tony into the car that smelled like sweat, greasy food, and a splash of overpowering aftershave.

"Washington Hilton, stat," Bucky directed the driver, once he slid into the backseat beside Tony. "And I'm not playing around buddy; the faster you get us there, the more you get paid. I have a crazy man running up and down the streets of D. C.; and trust me you do not want to encounter him."

The driver made an affirmative noise, merging easily into the oncoming traffic; and maybe it was the promise of a hefty tip that led the driver to hit the gas pedal with a lead foot. Soon enough, the city became a huge blur; an orchestra of honking horns and annoyed utterances from the driver, and it made Tony's head spin.

He dropped his head back against the seat; trying to will away the maelstrom of emotions that were slowly taking hold of him again. Pain, anger, and sorrow threatened to consume him whole; but despite all of that, his greatest desire was to see Loki.

It was completely irrational, ill-advised even. And yet Tony only wanted was to be with Loki again. He could put away all those negative emotions for the time being; if it meant he would have Loki all to himself for at least an hour or so.

They needed the time alone; they needed to talk, even if the thought made his skin crawl. He didn't want to discuss what he had learned from Sif; but at the same time, he needed to know why Loki had withheld that information from him. Why he had lied to him and said nothing had happened between them. Because if it meant nothing, why the hell would he have actively hidden it from him?

Tony clenched his fists together, struck by sudden anger so intense he toyed with the idea of punching the window beside him. Of course, if someone withheld the truth there was a reason behind it. And the only reason for Loki to not tell him about his tryst with Sif was because it meant more than a roll between the sheets. There had been emotions involved in it; there had been _love_ involved.

"Come on, buddy!" Bucky jarred him from his thoughts. "We're going at a snail's crawl! My boss is going to kill me if I don't get back soon! Hell, he might kill himself within the next few minutes!"

"I can't make the traffic go any faster, pal!" The driver snapped back, hitting the horn until it whined.

"Fuck, _fuck,_ " Bucky slapped his thigh impatiently. "Loki's going to kill me."

"What's going on?" Tony turned his head to look at him; feeling the anger drain out of him just as quickly as it had filled him.

"You know the norm. Loki found out you went missing, went to find you and couldn't. So he literally went crazy. I mean in a way I've never seen him lose it before. He took off, running like a lunatic up and down the streets. I'm pretty sure someone called the cops on him, by how insane he was acting." Bucky shook his head, cursing the driver under his breath.

"Where's Sif?" Tony asked, taken aback by the venom in his voice.

"Oh, she made everything worse. Told Phil you'd been with her, but you ran off. And Phil being the genius he is went and told Loki who came back from his mentally inept run, and then almost got himself hit by a car, since he decided the sidewalk wasn't good enough for him to go searching for you." Bucky slapped his thigh again, which seemed to be a nervous tick. "He's going to get himself killed, I swear."

Tony felt his heart skip a beat, stunned by such a revelation. It didn't seem possible in any sense of the word that Loki would be that careless over something that minor. Tony could fend for himself if need be; of course, when he was high or drunk, his survival rate plummeted exponentially. But he wasn't a child and he knew (more or less) what he was doing.

And yet whenever he disappeared for a few hours, Loki had a knack for losing his mind. Someone who had readily withheld his involvement with Sif from him; was almost getting himself hit by cars and getting the cops called on him because he was looking for him.

It didn't make any sense whatsoever, and only proved to send his emotions into a tailspin again. He dropped his head into his hands, wishing that everything would stop moving so quickly around him. He wanted the world to stop, so he could gather his bearings appropriately. He just needed some time to think, to untangle the mess of his emotions.

But he wasn't given that opportunity; everything continued to move around him. And before he knew it, Bucky was screeching at the driver to turn into the hotel's lot; which he readily did, undoubtedly to get them out of his cab as soon as humanly possible.

Tony lifted his head, shocked by the utter mayhem that was unfolding in front of the hotel. Half a dozen roadies were shooting off in several different directions; some coming and some going. The ones who'd raced up to the hotel entrance were in the midst of reporting to Phil; who looked like he might die from the stress he was succumbed to at any given minute.

The back-up band was sidled beside Phil too, all of which looked concerned but god only knew what about. But the only thing that Tony could ascertain right off the bat was that this was an intricate search effort to find him. He caused all of this chaos to happen without even realizing it.

The taxi drew to a halt in front of the hotel, and Bucky practically threw a wad of cash at the driver; before shoving the door open with unneeded force. He then grabbed a hold of Tony by the arm, pulling him out of the backseat and out into the humid and uncomfortable heat.

"I found him! I found him!" Bucky declared, reminding Tony of a kid finding a golden ticket in the Willy Wonka movie. "I found him, Phil!"

Phil descended on them within a split-second. The taxi had barely pulled away from the curb; before Phil was latching onto Tony's other arm in a death grip. And Tony made it known he was in pain by shouting at him to let go, but it was to no avail.

"Do you even know how much trouble you caused?" Phil snarled, clearly incensed. "There are over thirty people looking for you right now! Most of which have to set up a stage for tomorrow's performance, but instead they've been hitting the pavement in search of you!"

"Phil, calm the hell down." Bucky forced Phil to let him go, shooting him a warning stare. "He's in a bad way right now, so don't pile up on him. Or I swear to god, you won't like me very much if you keep it up. Now where the hell is Loki?"

"Where do you think he is? He's running around like a chicken without its head still!" Phil glowered at both of them. "I have an internationally famous rock star, running around the streets of D. C. like a complete basket case! Just imagine if the press gets a hold of this!"

"If the press does, they'll think he is one far-out guy; quirky son of a bitch, who probably decided to do some street performing for the hell of it!" Bucky spat out, before wrapping a protective arm around Tony's shoulders. "But what I want to know is when did he take off again?"

"About an hour ago," Phil carded a hand through his hair, looking towards to the street.

"He'll be back soon then. The last few times he came back it was around the hour mark." Bucky also turned his attention to the streets. "And look what we have here; almost like clockwork – Loki Laufeyson in all his delirium!"

Tony caught sight of Loki amid the flow of the crowd. His hair was an absolute mess, no doubt from raking his fingers through it; but the expression on his face was strangely heartbreaking. He looked hopeless and powerless, every emotion that seemed contradictory to his nature. It was the closest to human that Tony had ever seen him, and it sent him headfirst into his emotional turmoil again.

Phil didn't wait for Loki to break away from the crowd; instead choosing to run to him, but Loki hardly paid him any heed; not initially anyway. The exchange was brief; Loki looked momentarily confused, before lucidity took its place, and he was racing towards the hotel faster than Tony had ever seen anyone run outside of the Olympics or being chased by an axe murderer.

"He's going to kill me." Tony croaked, mimicking Bucky's sentiment not so long ago.

"No, he won't. Trust me on that." Bucky murmured into the shell of his ear, and slowly withdrew his arm as Loki stuttered to a halt several feet away from them.

Loki stared at Tony as if he never saw him before; hell, he looked like he crossed paths with some sort of mythical creature instead of an average everyday human being. Tony faltered, unable to hold Loki's gaze for very long, and chose to stare at his scuffed and battered tennis shoes instead.

Without any warning, he was suddenly pulled into a soul-crushing embrace. Loki buried his face into his unkempt hair, holding onto him like he was the only thing keeping him rooted to the ground. And he couldn't help but cling to him too; having been so desperate to find him, when everything had been so scary and unfamiliar.

"Where were you?" Tony choked out. "I was looking everywhere for you!"

"Shush, I'm here; I'm here." Loki replied soothingly, as he began to rock him back and forth. "I'm here now; I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

Tony bit down viciously onto his bottom lip, trying to keep his emotions at bay. But he knew he was falling apart at the seams; bombarded by love, hate, anger, desperation, betrayal, and everything in between.

As gently as Loki could manage, he hoisted Tony up; similarly to what he'd done previously while carrying him into the hotel room in Atlanta. And much to his chagrin, what he had done with Sif once she resurfaced and ruined everything between them.

But he didn't put up a fight; he wrapped his arms and legs tightly around him, and held on for dear life. He never wanted to let go of Loki again, after his paranoid and emotionally fueled breakdown. Even though he wanted nothing more than to scream at him too, hit him even for the betrayal he'd been doled out from by Sif.

"James," Loki said in a tone that was far too soft and vulnerable for someone like him. "Thank you."

"Anything for you, boss. Now stay out of the street; no one wants glam rock road kill on their cars." Bucky chuckled, but Tony didn't look back at him; he buried his face into Loki's neck and breathed in the scent of his cologne.

He remained closely entwined with Loki; uncaring of what anyone thought as he was carried into the hotel lobby. All he cared about at that moment was that he was finally back with Loki; being held in an impenetrable embrace that neither of them appeared to want to ever escape from.

That was all he needed at that moment; the reassurance that Loki was there and he wasn't about to slip away from him. And the future could wait for now.


	33. Chapter Thirty-two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene devolved into something I really don't know how to describe. But it's far from from fluffy smut, to say the least.
> 
> On a side note, I know many people might not be thrilled with the direction of this story. I respect your opinions, of course; but this course of action has been months in the making. Before I even started writing this story, I had mapped out the general direction of the plot. And I won't be dissuaded from that path; if I did, then the overall story would suffer.
> 
> But I appreciate the continued support, and if you no longer deem this to your liking; I certainly won't hold it against you for deciding not to continue to read it.

* * *

 

**Chapter Thirty-two**

 

* * *

 

Cool lips trailed along Tony's heated and chapped cheeks, making him shudder despite the stifling heat that encompassed the hotel suite. His fingers slowly moved along any section of exposed skin that he could find, before his movements stuttered to a halt; by the kiss pressed firmly to his mouth, which he returned in kind.

He moaned softly into the kiss, tilting his head to maintain the contact that burned his skin and caused his heart to thrum rhythmically in his chest. There was something utterly intimate about the situation, and it was nothing like he experienced before; and he never wanted to lose how it made him feel.

"Loki," he gasped as the kiss was broken, while he raised his hands to thread through ebony locks that had fallen around Loki's face while they'd been kissing.

"I love you." Loki whispered against his lips, dipping his head to nuzzle his throat.

Tony heard him inhale his scent, before two deft hands danced along his sides; tracing the perspiration stains on his tee-shirt along his ribcage and collarbone. The thin material stuck to him like a second skin, and made him that much more desperate to peel it off his body.

He was slick with sweat, after his marathon run around the city. Made worse by the bodily contact he was currently immersed in with Loki; who smelled of something sugary sweet and tasted like such too, which was oddly arousing despite the eccentricity of it.

But the intimacy of the moment was what he'd been vying for, for all this time. He needed this sense of closeness, to be the sole focus in Loki's hectic world; and he too wanted to shower Loki with similar attention and affection without any interruptions.

Loki sat up gradually, perched on his knees between Tony's outstretched legs. His hands slid underneath the sweat-soaked hem of his tee-shirt, and teased his abdomen with light touches; before he took pity on him and began to peel the tee-shirt off of him, although it took longer than it would have if it were dry.

Tony reached down and unbuttoned his jeans, only pausing on working on the zipper; once he was urged to lift his arms to get his tee-shirt off fully. It was a partial relief and thankfully Loki didn't appear to want to draw out the disrobing bit any more than Tony wanted to.

They worked together to pull down his jeans that clung to his hips and thighs, before Loki yanked them down with the appropriate amount of force, and tossed them onto the floor to join his tee-shirt. Tony couldn't help but let out a contented noise by being freed from the uncomfortable confines of his clothing; albeit his body still ached from his spurt of energy only hours beforehand.

But he didn't dwell on the pain too much; he instead watched Loki who was ridding himself of his blue oxford to reveal his broad and flawless torso that glistened with residual glitter from one of his previous performances.

"It's been too long." Tony murmured, while he hooked his thumbs underneath the waistband of his boxer briefs, and shimmied his way out of them. "We haven't had sex since Atlanta."

"Things have been rather hectic of late." Loki admitted softly, before running his hand up his thigh, and resting it on his hip.

"You're telling me." He attempted to crack a smile to no avail; his feelings were too raw still to be lighthearted, and all he wanted was a distraction to end his endless cycle of thoughts.

He didn't want to entertain the information he'd received from Sif right now. It was inevitable that he would have to bring it up very soon; but at least he wanted to be intimate with Loki, before every negative emotion was unearthed and thrown unceremoniously onto the table.

It didn't mean he was any less angry or hurt. He was just very good on hiding those feelings if he was focused enough to do so; and since the weed had worked its way out of his system, he could at least set it aside for now.

Loki leaned inward, kissing him once more; but this time he was more insistent. His tongue shot out and lapped at his bottom lip, until Tony opened his mouth to deepen the kiss. The sugary taste from before, exploded on Tony's taste buds; a clear indication that sometime between returning to the hotel suite and Loki making a disgruntled and resigned telephone call to Phil (whom had been banned from the vicinity, mostly because Tony didn't want him anywhere close-by), he must have eaten something from his candy stash.

Reaching up, Tony cupped Loki's face between his hands; manipulating the kiss into his favor. He took control, setting the pace to a languid speed. Their tongues entwined and reacquainted themselves with the other's mouth, after what felt like a small eternity.

Loki snaked his arms around Tony, and pulled him flush against him. The scratchy material of Loki's trousers rubbed against Tony unpleasantly; which inspired him to try and work him out of them, despite the angle not permitting it.

"Get naked." He breathed heavily into Loki's mouth, before kissing him once more.

Maybe it had to do with the emotional exhaustion they both were experiencing, or maybe it was pure and unadulterated lust; whatever the reason may be, Loki followed Tony's instructions without comment. He didn't try and tease him, to take control of the situation like he had a tendency to do. He simply disengaged himself and climbed off the bed so he could relieve himself of his trousers.

The act wasn't a graceful one, but it was entrancing nonetheless. No matter how many times he'd seen Loki disrobed, there was something always intriguing and hypnotic about it. If there was anyone who could be dubbed as perfect, it most certainly was Loki; even when his hair was a mess of sweat dampened curls and there were visible heat rashes along his collarbone and waist.

Tony sat up, drinking in the image. He felt a warmth invade his body, rushing towards his groin in record time. But even more so than that, he felt a possessiveness, an unshakeable need for another human being that went beyond bodily relief. He needed Loki more than ever; it was a fierce and irrational feeling that he would have laughed at if described to him by someone else; and yet he couldn't shake it at all.

Possessiveness had been a common factor whenever he thought of Loki. His desire for him was unmatched even; except there was something more to this. Something that hadn't reared its ugly head beforehand, and he wished he could understand it better; wished he was more in tune with his emotional palette to feel comfortable with it even.

Loki slunk back onto the bed, displaying his feline-like grace as he had a tendency to do. He crawled towards Tony before he righted himself, and proceeded to straddle his lap; which only increased the heat that was pooling in his groin, and giving him a particularly painful erection.

Tony slid one hand along that beautiful broad chest, grazing his fingers along a nipple that hardened almost immediately, and trailed downward until his hand was just above Loki's navel. His eyes flickered up to stare at Loki, whose eyes were blown out by lust just for him.

And then the ill-fated thought crossed his mind before he could even control it – did Loki look like that when he had been intimate with Sif? Had he been as passionate, wild, and uninhibited while with her too? Or did he take on a more subtle and loving approach instead?

That dormant anger swept to the forefront of his mind. It couldn't even be derailed by the butterfly kisses Loki planted along his cheeks and down the side of his neck and shoulder. His cock twitched at the attention, but still it wasn't enough to dissuade his growing hostility and the many questions he wanted answered about Loki's time with Sif.

Loki shifted his weight until Tony's erection was snuggling pressed against his ass. He still pelted him with kisses, every available surface he could find. The tenderness and care was there, but it didn't reassure Tony at all. His disquiet continued to mount, even when Loki sucked at his pulse and made him moan from the sensation.

Purposefully, Tony dragged his hands and nails at the ready, along Loki's sides then across his back. The reaction was instantaneous; Loki twitched against him but didn't draw away even as he pressed his nails further into his skin. He didn't know if he wanted to hurt him or not at this point; all he knew it eased some of the tension he was feeling.

"Not so roughly." Loki groaned, while delicately laving at his jaw with his tongue.

But that didn't deter Tony in the slightest; his hands roamed downward until they rested on Loki's ass and separated his cheeks roughly. His erection slid between them and the swollen head prodded at Loki's entrance in want.

"Stark not yet,"

"I want this. I want _you_." He growled, tightening his grip on his ass until Loki grimaced.

The intensity in his words, no less his actions, seemed to fuel a mixture of emotions in Loki. There was a fleeting glimpse of hostility in his eyes, before it was replaced by apprehension and finally exasperation.

"Let me lie down in the very least." Loki muttered almost defeatedly.

"On your stomach," Tony demanded; struck by the realization he really didn't want to look at him right now. Not when he was so upset and angry.

It was a bad idea, though. Even if he was aroused, having sex with Loki now was a mistake in the making. He was too angry to be loving with him; in fact, he was practically seeing red by the time Loki moved away from him and settled onto his stomach.

Thoughts of what Loki had done with Sif were invading his mind without fail. Caresses and sensual kisses, heated movements and desperate touches; Tony could almost imagine the look of predatory delight on Loki's face as he had his way with Sif. A look he never graced Tony with before; one he kept denying him because of some pretentious bullshit about getting to know one another from the inside-out.

Tony blindly opened up the bedside table's drawer and grabbed for the small travel bag Loki had a knack for keeping at any stand next to the bed; before quickly rummaging through it and finding the half-empty bottle of lubrication. He twisted off the cap and poured a generous amount of lube into his palm, taking himself into hand shortly thereafter.

"Put your ass in the air." He managed to say, although the feeling of his own hand on his erection sent tremors through his whole body; and some of those tremors, he suspected, were leant to his emotional turmoil.

For a split-second, although his betrayal was far stronger at the moment; he was reminded of why he loved Loki so much. Someone so beloved, so revered as Loki was, peered over his shoulder at him with an expression that was strangely trusting that it made his heart swell. Loki Laufeyson wasn't supposed to trust anyone so freely with anything of his; but he most certainly shouldn't have trusted some emotionally wrecked twenty-two year old with his beautiful body.

Loki should have told him to fuck off like he used to. He should have sneered and kicked him out of his bed; rather than situate himself into the desired position Tony had wanted. He shouldn't have gotten onto his knees, while still resting his torso against the mattress with his ass presented and in the air. He was Loki fucking Laufeyson for fuck's sake; this was beneath him.

And yet that beautiful ass was his to take. Tony was being given permission to do whatever he pleased with him, and all he could think about was how he could abuse that privilege; to make Loki pay for lying to him. Because he had lied, lied about something important; and how could he just ignore that? It wasn't a minor indiscretion; if it had been, Tony could have easily ignored it. But this situation, it just couldn't be overlooked and he was furious.

With the residual lubrication on his hand, Tony dragged two fingers along Loki's entrance. It quivered underneath his touch; but even more so, once he began to circle it with added pressure. Loki groaned and pushed back against his touch, wanting more but probably not to the degree he'd gotten.

Fueled by impatience, Tony pressed both his fingers into Loki; which caused an even greater sound to expel from him. This one, however, was not solely pleasure based; it must have hurt to be invaded that abruptly, and yet it didn't stop Tony from exploring Loki's body. His fingers poked and prodded, reveling in the heat and tightness that surrounded his digits; before he began to separate his fingers and stretch Loki to accommodate to his girth.

Loki's breath hitched at his ministrations, while burying his face into the comfort of his own arms. Tony twisted his wrist, maneuvering his fingers deeper inside of him until another noise overrode the silence; one that was pained but still willing.

He pushed a third finger into him and felt Loki go rigid, but he didn't stop. He couldn't stop; not when his mind was becoming more imaginative and vivid with vignettes of what could have occurred between Loki and Sif.

His imagination ran rampant, filled with indecency so great he jabbed Loki with unneeded force. Loki cried out, trying to jerk away from him to no avail; which was the only thing that stopped Tony from continuing further. Not because he felt bad, but because his arousal seemed to be suddenly unbearable; and his need to covet and own Loki was exceptionally high too.

Biting his bottom lip, Tony pulled his fingers free and heard Loki exhale loudly. He uttered something indiscernible and Tony chose to ignore it too. His cock ached almost as much as his heart did; but one took precedent over the other, and it definitely wasn't his physical want either.

Things weren't as simplistic as getting rid of an annoying hard-on. Everything was in shambles and his mind was a wreck, and the only way to silence it at all was to take what was rightfully his. And Loki was his; he said as much the first time they were intimate. He was given _forever_ , after all.

He situated himself behind Loki's raised ass, tracing a finger along a healing welt from the wild night they had shared some time ago in Atlanta. There were also red crescent marks that colored his skin too; no doubt from his previous groping gone awry.

"Don't be so rough with me. Not now." Loki murmured thickly; his face was hidden in his arms still and something told Tony, he really didn't want to see his expression either.

The part of him that loved Loki deeply wanted nothing more than to fulfill that request, though. That side wanted to roll Loki onto his back and take him slowly and lovingly, until neither of them could breathe anymore because they'd be too consumed by passion. And yet the sadistic side of him reared its ugly head like a hydra from murky water.

He took hold of Loki's hips in a death-grip, pressing the head of his cock against his hole; before he thrust forward and sheathed himself halfway into him. The sensation was overwhelming for Tony; he moaned wantonly even as Loki's body protested underneath him, and pressed himself fully into him with another forceful thrust.

"Stark, you bastard," Loki gasped out in evident distress. "I said _don't_ be so rough with me!"

"I don't remember asking for your opinion." He returned nastily, dragging himself partially out of him before he pushed back in.

It felt good; better than he even remembered it to be. And all he wanted to do was lose himself in the sensation; to forget why his heart was breaking into a million pieces. He loved and hated Loki so much, it erupted in a series of uncoordinated and fast thrusts; he desperately pounded into Loki, drawing him close by the hips and holding on for dear life.

Loki made a series of noises that aroused him further. But there was something to be said about the way he was pushing back into his brutal pace; as if he was finally reveling in being taken with such force. And that hardly came as a surprise Tony; Loki was both a sadist and masochist.

They moved against one another like a well-oiled machine; Tony pounded into Loki relentlessly as Loki met him point for point. Their hips worked together to heighten the building pleasure that thrummed through Tony's body, and momentarily hushed the unsightly thoughts about Sif.

Tony focused on that heated feeling that settled into his belly, and the way Loki clenched down on him whenever he felt his own bout of pleasure. It was getting harder to breathe for him; he was winded by the brutal pace they'd established, but he couldn't stop. He wanted to feel that closeness to Loki; he needed it more than he needed air.

"Son of a bitch," Tony moaned, as he shifted into a more comfortable position; he leaned over Loki and planted his hands on the mattress to support his weight better.

The new angle drove Tony deeper into Loki, and provided him with enough momentum to hit Loki's prostate. He knew immediately by the melodic noise that belted from Loki, and the way his body trembled underneath him. So he struck it again and again, until he was growing dizzy from the way Loki was responding to him fully.

Without any warning, even being lust ridden as he was; Tony was assaulted by the thought of Sif on top of Loki, riding him with the same intensity as he was fucking into him. And the noises erupting from Loki weren't because of Tony, but because of Sif; only _fucking_ Sif.

Before he could even process what he was doing or even think for that matter; he grabbed onto the back of Loki's neck, effectively holding him down flush against the mattress. He snapped his hips over and over again, trying to get rid of that god awful image in his head; which was hardly swayed even as his oncoming orgasm grew nearer.

Loki said something, almost shrilly. But Tony didn't pay it any heed; he pounded into him until stars began to explode in front of his eyes. His balls drew up in anticipation and he tightened his grip on the back of Loki's neck until his words couldn't be ignored anymore. Especially since Loki suddenly tried to buck him off of him.

"Stop it!" Loki yelled out. "Don't hold me down!"

The words hardly computed in Tony's head; not when Loki clenched down on him, and made him come in an abrupt and intense way; the kind of way that temporarily struck him daft. He moaned, snapping his hips in a desperate need to ride out the last wave of ecstasy that roiled through his body, and spilled deep inside of him.

Once he stilled himself, firmly pressed against Loki; did he realize what he had said before he came. His brain tried to work through the fog of his orgasm, and was confronted with that declaration and what it really meant.

Loki had let him hold him down the first time they were together in an act of trust; in a promise that he'd have him forever. He was given permission to hold him down; given the most vulnerable part of Loki, and yet those words had come forth with the force of a tsunami.

"Get off of me." Loki breathed out; his body twitched underneath him as if he wanted nothing more than to violently upend him. "Just get off of me now, Stark."

"I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Get off of me now!" Loki shouted until Tony gave in and disengaged himself from him; while he absently noted the way his seed dribbled down Loki's inner thighs once he drew away.

He sat back on his haunches, despite his whole body aching from the prolonged physical activity, and watched Loki closely. Several terse moments passed without any movement from him; but Loki soon lifted himself onto his hands and knees still semi-hard and painted in Tony's come.

Almost uncertainly, Loki crawled to the edge of the bed and climbed onto his feet. He hissed in pain, reaching between his legs to wipe away the mess there; before he turned to face Tony with a hardened but somehow wounded expression.

"I expect you to be here when I come back. And we are going to have a very thorough discussion." Loki said and there was no denying the thin veil of hatred in his voice.

Before Tony could respond in kind, Loki staggered to the bathroom and shut the door with a resounding bang. And that left Tony alone with his swirl of disjointed thoughts and emotions; none of which, he found, to be remotely good.

He carded both his hands through his hair, repeating the word _fuck_ like it was a mantra. He knew he fucked up somehow and all he could do was pray that he didn't destroy everything over Sif.


	34. Chapter Thirty-three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always things didn't work out as I had planned; not completely anyway. But strangely enough, I felt a little sad from writing this, and coming from me that's pretty momentous I think.
> 
> I spent a good majority of the time listening to "Young and Beautiful" by Lana Del Rey as I wrote this. Of course, it's a new song and has very little to do with the genre of the 70s; but the feel of it was pretty good (in my opinion) for this scene. So maybe you can check it out. :)
> 
> And basically my head exploded when I saw Loki's new hair; this isn't what I need right now. This could potentially hijack my whole story.

 

* * *

 

 

**Chapter Thirty-three**

 

 

* * *

Tony picked up the scuffed boot beside his uncomfortable chair in the lounge, and ran his fingers over the abused leather that had permanently etched with distress. The other boot was nowhere in sight, which seemed to suggest Loki had kicked off his shoes while he moved through the hotel suite; uncaring of wherever they ended up.

It appeared to be Loki's everyday footwear; there was no way that the likes of an internationally renowned rock star would wear tennis shoes or sneakers. Boots seemed like the only appropriate option and this pair appeared to have carried Loki through several years. If memory served him correctly, Tony could have sworn these boots were the same from his Odin's Sons days.

The sentimentality Tony felt about the aforementioned boot was foolish. He would have made fun of any of his friends if they'd done the same thing. If Happy or Rhodey had examined a woman's pump with as much as reverence as he was with Loki's boot; he wouldn't have had any other option but to torment them for years on end, and bringing up the moment whenever he needed a good laugh.

And yet, he couldn't help but feel stupidly attached to a fucking shoe. Because he knew once Loki reemerged from the bathroom, their time together would be over. He fucked up, after all; and there was no way to remedy the situation either. It was beyond repair; _they_ were beyond repair.

It didn't take a rocket scientist to realize they were toxic for one another. That truth had been well-known, though; Tony had just chosen to ignore it. He'd been intoxicated by the idea of bedding a rock star; a beautiful and talented creature that he loved beyond rhyme or reason.

But they couldn't be; they never were meant to be. Not simply because their personalities clashed so badly, and even that Loki withheld information from him. And while what Tony had done only half an hour before was vile; that too wasn't the only cause for their doomed relationship.

Neither of them had the capability to be honest with one another. They were both selfish and self-centered, and neither of them (no doubt) was willing to make any sort of sacrifice to be with one another. Tony couldn't be some boy toy to a flamboyant musician; he was on the verge of becoming a CEO for Stark Industries after all, and he suspected Obie and the shareholders wanted to breed him into a Howard replica too.

That thought was enough to make his stomach churn; but even more than that, he felt ill from what he had done to Loki out of anger. He had done the unthinkable and felt nauseous by how his anger evolved into something violent; and how easily it had been to push the limits like that.

"This discussion has been long overdue." Loki spoke suddenly, snapping Tony out of his reverie without any warning. "And if you so kindly would give me back my boot, I'd appreciate it."

"You wear a size ten and a half." Tony returned dully, holding out the boot once Loki crossed the lounge to retrieve it. "I didn't know that."

"I never knew that my shoe size was consequential to you. Unless this is an American thing, that is."

"No, it's a Stark thing." He passed the boot to Loki, who took it and then proceeded towards the antique couch to put it on; his other boot was already securely on his foot.

Silence soon fell between them; Loki made a show of yanking on the boot previously in Tony's possession, and running his thumb across one of the scuff marks. Seemingly attempting to gather his bearings, or maybe just to put Tony into a state of discomfort; and admittedly the latter was working like a charm.

"What have I done this time?" Loki asked, peering at him from stoic eyes. "I must have done something to cause you to react this way. But for the life of me, I cannot think of anything I've done to cause it."

Tony didn't know what to say; some of his anger had leveled out, replaced instead by resignation. Guilt also chose to weigh heavily down on him; remembering all too well that look of hurt and betrayal on Loki's face not so long ago. But it had now been easily hidden behind Loki's mask of nonchalance; impenetrable by any outside source.

The only time Loki lost his composure was while in the throes of pleasure and in the not so pleasant throes of rage; although there had been the sporadic instant, where he willingly allowed Tony to see his softer side on a whim. Their last encounter in New York City was a good example of that.

"I went looking for you." Loki began again. "After that tedious interview; I thought we might spend some time together, since I've been so pressed for time. But you were nowhere to be found, and I overreacted severely. I always overreact when it comes to you; more so, when I found out you went about with Amelia and ran off like a loon by yourself."

"Pot meet kettle," Tony blurted out, feeling a wisp of his previous anger. "I heard you got the cops called on you; I think that pretty much trumps my run around the D. C. area."

"Then pray tell - why on earth did you run off anyway?" Loki glowered at him, which seemed to signify the oncoming storm.

Tony should have known they couldn't have a civil conversation. Not when emotions were so high; and it was almost impossible to keep a lid on his ire. Especially when those rampantly running images kept coming to the forefront of his mind; the ones where Sif was wrapped around Loki like a second skin, head thrown back and crying out in pleasure.

It only reiterated his awful behavior in the bedroom; but by no means did it justify it. He knew he'd been in the wrong and yet his emotions were hitting their climax again. Because he'd been lied to; he hated to be lied to, even if it was an insignificant untruth. Of course he could brush off a lie, forgive someone even; but this wasn't one of those times. He couldn't forgive and he definitely couldn't forget.

"Siffy and I had a little heart-to-heart." He almost snarled. "And well, you're generally the subject of conversation. I mean, what else do we have in common but you?"

"I'm flattered."

"Oh, you should be. I mean I found out Sif and I have a lot more in common than I originally anticipated for. I mean it's clear we both know you, and dealt with all your bullshit; but imagine my surprise when she told me you two fucked like a pair of rabbits a couple years back." Tony's voice rose at the end of his statement, struck by the full force of his rage.

Those brief moments of lucidity seemed to be only a distant memory; alongside the thoughts that he might very well lose Loki forever. And instead they were replaced with that white-hot anger that made him want to physically shake Loki and scream in his face.

What only served to be another accelerant to his anger was the look on Loki's face. His mask had crumbled away to reveal shock; the kind of shock that was muddled in truth. There wasn't any miscommunication; Tony had been told the god awful truth and there was no way to deny it. Loki couldn't possibly deny it without looking like an ass.

"She told you that?" Loki uttered, eyes widening in realization.

"Right after you told me nothing had happened between you!"

"Nothing did happen between us! It has been years ago and it led to absolutely nothing!" Loki suddenly roared, leaping to his feet; as the initial shock wore away. "And how dare you two sit around gossiping like hens about me!"

"Gossiping about you? You lied to me!"

"I did not lie to you!"

"Saying nothing happened between you two was a fucking lie! A huge motherfucking lie, Loki!" Tony slammed his fists into his thighs. "I don't care about your little play of words; it was still a lie! And people only lie about shit like that, because it meant more than a whole weekend of fucking! You hid it from me because you're in love with her!"

That seemed to be the statement that broke the camel's back. Uncontained fury swept across Loki's face within the blink of an eye; the same anger that had painted his face so frequently while in close proximity with Thor. And Tony hated to admit how terrifying it was; it was like Loki had been possessed by some sort of demon.

"My past has nothing to do you with Tony Stark!" Loki yelled, kicking at the coffee table, and almost sent it careening to the floor. "My sexual history is not for your observation and analysis! And more importantly, don't you _ever_ dare to speculate how or what I feel!"

Tony's fear subsided enough for him to stand too. He stared directly into Loki's crazed eyes, which only served to make him that much more angry. It was an endless cycle, a vicious one at that, of provoking one another until something bad inevitably happened. And yet, Tony ignored the warning signs and continued with their ill-advised emotional dance.

"It isn't speculation, it's the goddamn truth!" He boomed, jutting a finger out to point in Loki's face. "You lied to me because you have a hard-on for your brother's ex! And she won't have you; she just used you for revenge! You're the cute girl at the party, pissed off guys sleep with to get back at their girlfriends with! And no matter how hard you try, you'll never be the one! Because you aren't good enough! Not for anyone!"

"Stark, watch yourself."

"Despite being an internationally known rock star, you aren't good enough for little Miss Amelia Fenton!" Tony continued, regardless of that incensed warning. "She ran off to those fuckers in Zeppelin, because they are better than you point for point! Good looking motherfuckers with shitloads of money, and who are musically supreme compared to you by leaps and bounds!

"You're nothing, Loki! A big fucking nobody and that's what burns the most; that you'll never be anybody, regardless of how hard you try!"

Loki openly quivered, as if he was trying his hardest not to kill Tony. After all, he hit him where it would inevitably hurt. He knew Loki prided himself on his career, his music, his vision; and that was the perfect spot to hit him. To make him feel the pain and rage that Tony felt, once he learned of what happened between him and Sif.

He wanted to hurt Loki like he'd been hurt. To point out his deepest and darkest insecurities, and see him fall apart because they'd been unceremoniously thrown in his face. And that was the reason why he opened his mouth again, and began to spew even more hateful and disgusting things at him.

"I'm Tony fucking Stark! I don't know why the hell I'm wasting my time with someone as worthless as you! I could have anyone I want, and for whatever reason I downgraded to you! But no fucking more, I'm fucking gone! I'm done!"

"You don't mean that." Loki uttered. "You _love_ me! You won't leave me! You can't leave me!"

Pain shot directly through Tony's heart at those words. There was a desperation to it that he'd never heard before from Loki, as if he would flounder without him; as if he really needed him, after all. And that should have been enough; it would have been enough beforehand, but at that moment it wasn't enough. It would never be enough anymore.

That realization hurt more than the betrayal he felt. He and Loki just couldn't work; they were far too much alike to be healthy. They loved deeply but hated even more so; they were both possessive and needy. And they were far too hardheaded to admit that they were wrong; that they were far too toxic to work.

"You said you loved me a while ago." Tony swallowed hard, diverting his eyes. "But I didn't say it back. I don't love you; I never did. It was just the easiest way to get to fuck you. And I can go back home and tell my best friends all about it. That I fucked Loki Laufeyson; dumber than hell Loki Laufeyson, who actually thought I loved him."

Maybe it was a purely a selfish thing, but Tony believed it was the only way to protect himself. He'd been wounded far too much of late, and Loki was bad for him. They were bad for one another. Even if everything coming out of his mouth now was a lie; it still needed to be said.

"I'm going to go now; I mean there's nothing left to say." He kept his head down, walking towards the door and where he'd haphazardly tossed his shoulder bag whenever they'd arrived.

Everything he needed that mattered was in his shoulder bag; the duffle was inconsequential in comparison. And he really couldn't bring himself to traverse the distance into the bedroom to get it anyway. He needed to get out now, before he could be sucked into staying; into another fight or into Loki's embrace that always broke his resolve in half.

He had to remind himself, as he grabbed his bag from the floor; that they were bad for one another, that they would never work. Which inevitably reminded him of that conversation so long ago on his seventeenth birthday between him and Loki; the one where Loki spoke about having multiple loves in life which were no less important comparably to the one.

Something told Tony he'd already found the one. Loki was the one. But that didn't mean they could work; maybe if they had met later on in life, things could have been different. They could have been better for one another; and yet it was impossible right now.

Slowly opening the door, he stepped out into the brightly lit corridor; before he started to walk with the elevator in mind. Every step felt like a permanent goodbye; he was putting more and more distance between him and Loki, and it seemed to kill a part of him in the process.

Just as he turned the corner, in order to traverse down the seemingly endless hallway; he heard something distinctly like footsteps behind him. They were first quiet and unsure, but they became more confident and more determined the farther Tony moved away.

"Anthony, stop." Loki said desperately behind him. "It doesn't have to end this way. I can do better, I can be better. Anything you want, I'll do it. Just say the word."

Tony hurried his footsteps, terrified if he looked back that he'd be sucked into all the false promises. His weakness was Loki, after all. There wasn't any greater weakness; even though, he had an eye for pretty girls, good scotch, and even better weed; none of it was as potent and debilitating as Loki was.

But even his faster pace couldn't throw Loki off. He knew Loki could have easily overtaken him if he wanted to; albeit something held him back. Maybe it was fear, the same that Tony felt; which was both laughable and sickening.

"Anthony, please! Anthony, don't ignore me!" Loki persisted, sounding close to hysterical. "I'll do anything that you want! I'll tell you everything that you want to know about me! Every single sordid detail! Just come back; don't leave!"

"This is toxic! You're toxic!" Tony replied, incapable of maintaining the nonchalance and anger in his voice; instead he sounded like how he felt – confused, hurt, and scared. "All I want you to do is fuck off!"

The elevator was still a decent distance away, which compelled Tony to sprint towards it. He couldn't casually continue down the hallway with Loki on his heels; sounding so damn needy and desperate for him. It was too much to handle and was threatening to break his resolve in half.

Predictably enough, Tony knew Loki was running after him; his name was like a mantra on his tongue, growing louder and louder as they continued down the hallway. But he refused to turn back to face him; even as his heart pounded wildly in his chest, begging him to turn around and just look at him.

"Anthony, please talk to me!" Loki yelled in that near hysterical way again.

Tony hated himself for not responding, for not giving into Loki's whims; even when that's all he wanted to do. He wanted to turn around and kiss Loki breathless, and apologize for what he'd done to him while they were intimate, and maybe even grovel at his feet. It was too late, though. He couldn't go back; not now or even ever.

Once the elevators came into view, he came to an abrupt halt, and slapped his hand against the keypad beside the doors. He slapped it again for good measures, but the lift didn't come on his command; which he openly cursed especially at the feel of Loki's hands on his waist.

"Hands to yourself, Laufeyson," he said in exasperation, trying to squirm away.

"Please listen to me, Anthony. Amelia means nothing to me; it was a lapse in judgment, I swear." Loki said against the curve of his ear. "I should have told you, I know that now. But I didn't because it meant nothing to me; you're the only one I want. So please, come back with me; we can discuss things. And I can change; I have the capability to be whatever you want me to be."

Tony shifted in Loki's hold, finally giving into the urge of facing him; which he found was the worst thing he could have done. The vulnerability on Loki's face was heart wrenching, and he wanted nothing more than to give into him. He could have easily done so too; he could have wound his arms around him, and broached the distance between them. And they could pretend like none of this had happened; but that was ultimately the problem.

"Let go of me, okay." He tried to give Loki a stern look, but he suspected it was more resigned than anything. "There's nothing else to say; there's nothing else to do. I'm going home whether you like it or not."

"Don't make me beg you."

"You've already been begging and the answer's the same! I don't want to hear it! I'm going home! Now leave me the fuck alone!"

"Anthony, don't." Loki suddenly dropped to his knees in front of him, while still holding onto his waist. "Don't do this to me; I beg of you. I will do anything; anything you ask."

Before he could respond accordingly, the familiar ping of the elevator went off. The doors slid open behind him, and he was faced with the hardest choice he ever had to make. He peered down at Loki, who looked desperate and helpless but strangely hopeful; as if Tony had to be crazy to leave someone like him. And in a way he was right – Tony would be crazy to leave him.

He loved Loki; painfully so. But his need to flee was far stronger than his need to stay; and that was precisely why he pulled Loki's hands off of his waist, before taking a step backwards until he stood on the elevator's threshold.

"Not this time, babe." He managed to smile, even as Loki's face froze in shock. "Not this time."

Tony backpedaled into the elevator, blindly pressing the button that would close the doors. He watched as they rattled to life, and began to close shut. But not before, he noticed the single tear roll down Loki's face; which almost broke his heart into a million jagged little pieces.


	35. Chapter Thirty-four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say I am floored by the fact this story has over two-thousand comments. Never in a million years would I have thought something I've written would get this sort of response; it's mind boggling really!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's pretty emotional too, so I'm giving you fair warning. And like I mentioned previously, if you aren't a fan of what I've done recently with this story, you are more than happy to discontinue reading it. I really cannot stress that enough; I don't necessarily enjoy receiving comments from people telling me they're going to quit reading it. You really don't have to inform me; I'm sorry if that sounds rude, but I don't think I could convince to stay otherwise anyway.

* * *

 

 

**Chapter Thirty-four**

 

 

* * *

 

The scent of smoke was painfully familiar; Tony eyed the burning cigarette in between his fingers, and tried not to think too much about the implication of why he bought a pack of cigarettes in the first place; no less Virginia Slims.

He flicked the ash away from the cherry, before bringing it to his lips, and inhaling deeply. It was a bittersweet reminder of what he had thrown away in exchange for self-preservation. In retrospect, he imagined he could have broached the conversation like an adult; but emotions were high and he had reacted like he always did in those terms – desperately.

Whenever it came to terms of his emotional well-being, Tony had a knack for being irrational. He needed to protect himself against a bigger and badder threat than even himself. And Loki proved to be the greatest threat to him, insofar as he was to Loki; so it was only natural that they discontinue their relationship while they were ahead.

They had to stop before they collided into a wall; neither of which would be able to walk away from the impact. Even though his methods were skewed, Tony felt like he'd done the proper thing. His heart was broken but he inevitably knew it would mend with time; and he suspected he would be far too busy in the future to even have a chance to evaluate his feelings anyway. Not when Howard was in such dire conditions.

And that was precisely why he was standing there, leaning against a convenient store's brick wall. The payphone was currently occupied by some woman whose voice rose angrily by the minute. She'd been on the payphone since he arrived; even after he made several inane purchases of cigarettes and gummy worms out of sentimentality.

He was slowly losing his patience, though. He really needed to contact Obie, after he had neglected to do so for some time now. And for all he knew, Howard could have taken a down-turn while he played psychological warfare with Loki.

The woman continued to yell into the telephone receiver, alternating between English and Spanish; both of which Tony understood. Although the conversation was drab at best and really didn't provide any entertainment value for the octave it was being projected in. Domestic unrest wasn't anything very funny anyway.

Peering out onto the busy street, Tony tried to mentally retrace his steps. There might have been an unoccupied payphone a block and a half away; but he'd avoided it for a reason. It had looked like a tough and unwelcoming neighborhood, and while he could defend himself; he really didn't feel like getting pickpocketed or his sneakers stolen right off his feet.

But thankfully he didn't have to try his luck; the woman slammed the receiver into its cradle, gesturing vulgarly at the payphone, as if it was the cause for her problems rather than the individual she'd been speaking to.

Now that was somewhat amusing, even if everything else was bleak in comparison; Tony just had to not think about the past few hours, and well he could function just fine. If he could shut off his locomotion of oncoming thoughts, and disregard the fact he smelled purely of Loki and sex; well, things would become progressively easier to handle.

Once the woman had finally abandoned the payphone and the convenient store in general; he hurried to it and put the still lit cigarette between his lips, as he rummaged for a coin to slip into the slot. He removed the cigarette and took up the receiver, quickly dialing Obie's office. It might have been late, but the probability that Obie was still working was fairly high.

The hollow ring of the telephone buzzed in Tony's ear for several terse moments. He chose not to count the rings like he normally would do, because the sheer amount of them seemed to stack up on one another and might very well threaten to push him over the edge completely. Which wouldn't be exactly that uncalled for; he had yet to lose his cool, since he left the hotel and wandered about to find a payphone. But he also had gotten distracted and lost in his thoughts for a good hour or two beforehand; so really a breakdown was in order within near future.

"Obadiah Stane," Obie suddenly announced over the line; which to be honest, almost caused Tony to jump in surprise. He really hadn't expected Obie to answer, after so many rings.

"And to think I thought the great Obadiah Stane, actually went home for a change." Tony said in a voice he hoped sounded like his carefree self; although he suspected he sounded tired and over extended.

There was a noticeable pause across the line; Obie said something away from the receiver, seemingly shooing someone away from the room. Knowing him, it was probably his overworked and underpaid assistant named Debbie.

"Tony, for Christ's sake, where have you been?" Obie demanded harshly. "I thought I told you to call in whenever you could. And I doubt you've been vacationing in a place without a telephone; this is America, after all. You aren't in the jungles of Vietnam."

"I had a rough few weeks, Obie. I'm not even going to lie; I just totally blew off calling." Tony admitted, taking another drag from the cigarette that tasted so much like Loki. "I know I was an inconsiderate asshole, but things really got out of hand. And well, I'm sure Howard can forgive me; I mean I've forgiven him for missing most of my birthdays and my graduation and mommy dearest's funeral. Well, I sort of forgave him; but that's beside the point."

Obie didn't readily respond; another uncomfortable stretch of silence hummed in Tony's ear, but this one was far longer than the first. Debbie wasn't in the background, fussing over the piles of paperwork Obie always had on his desk; nor was there any indication that Obie was busy with the aforementioned paperwork either. It was just silence, dreadful and impenetrable silence.

Tony took another drag from his cigarette, trying to hear any telltale signs of activity beyond Obie's steady breathing. And it was slowly driving him mad; the silence couldn't possibly last forever, but in a way he knew it would. For him, anyway; because that was just how life went for the likes of Tony Stark, self-induced or otherwise.

"Goddammit, Tony." Obie breathed out heavily. "You should have come back home weeks ago."

"Did something happen? Where's Howard?"

"We've been keeping it out of the papers; you know how your dad was. He was the biggest control freak around; he didn't want anyone to know about it until you were sitting pretty as CEO for at least a year. That way no one would abandon ship."

"What do you mean that's how he was? That's past tense, Obie; that is _fucking_ past tense." Tony uttered in a way that sounded childishly scared. "My dad _is_ the biggest control freak around. He doesn't want anyone to know about him being sick especially the press!"

"Tony, I'm sorry." Obie said in the way only people can when expressing their condolences; detached but strangely sincere.

For several moments, Tony found that he couldn't process this new information. It didn't make any sense whatsoever; Howard Stark was an impenetrable force of nature. He was bigger than life, boisterous and smart; distracted and aloof. He was an absentee father, an even shittier husband; and had left Tony to fend for himself with his alcoholic mother.

Someone like that was stronger than nails; he was an old school type of guy, who helped the allies in World War II. He privatized peace by building bigger and badder weapons than all his competitors. He helped win battles in Korea and Vietnam; he brought soldiers back from foreign soil.

"When did it happen?" Tony asked with a quiver in his voice.

"The fourteenth," Obie replied. "I tried to get in touch with you. I rang up your roommate and even that girlfriend of yours, but neither of them had heard from you in weeks."

Tony took in an unsteady breath, before bringing the cigarette to his mouth. But he thought better of it and dropped it blindly to the pavement underneath his feet. His brain began to work a mile a minute, trying to process everything he just heard.

Howard Stark was dead; his dad was dead. The man he simultaneously loved and hated was dead; gone like dust in the wind, never to be seen again. And the fourteenth wasn't so long ago; he'd been somewhere on the fourteenth, somewhere important. Loki had had a show on the fourteenth; he knew that much. It seemed familiar enough.

And that's when it hit him; they'd been in Atlanta on the fourteenth. They'd been tangled in sweaty bed linens, stimulating one another with fingers and mouths; moaning and coming and taking gaudy photographs together. He'd been completely immersed in Loki's skin, his body, and every melodic noise that erupted from his mouth.

His father had been dying when he _fucked_ Loki senseless.

"Jesus Christ," Tony gasped out, feeling his whole body tremble. "Oh Jesus Christ; he died. He's dead; he's really dead."

Hysteria suddenly enveloped him whole. He had only felt that sort of hysteria once before in his life, and that had been when he came across his mother on the floor of her bedroom; smelling of vomit and vodka and beer, and feeling cold and rigid to the touch.

"Tony, calm down!" Obie practically yelled in his ear; probably after being ignored for several moments. "I need you to take deep, even breaths. Come on, Tony. Deep, even breaths; in and out,"

"He's dead, Obie!" He declared, barely able to keep a hold of the telephone receiver. "My dad's dead! My dad's dead; he was all I had! My mom's dead too! Everyone's dead but me!"

"Breathe, Tony. Breathe with me."

"I'm all alone now, Obie; all alone! I have no one!"

"That's not true; you have me. We have each other; we'll get through this, Tony. I swear to god, we're going to get through this together; you and me."

Tony felt like he was hyperventilating; his heart thrummed painfully fast in his chest, almost as if it might explode at any moment. His whole body began to shake like a leaf; it was all too much for him to handle. This day had been far too taxing on him to be healthy.

"Now tell me where you are; I will personally come and get you and bring you home." Obie continued after a few moments. "Tony tell me where you are."

"I'm all alone; fuck." He rasped before he dropped the receiver. "I'm all alone."

Unsteadily, Tony took several steps away from the payphone and walked towards the busy street. His head was a flurry of thoughts; madness in motion. Grainy old memories from his childhood cropped up out of nowhere, unearthing small acts of kindness Howard had bestowed upon him. Things he generally found to be stupid compared to the overall neglect he'd been subjected to over the years. But now it felt appropriate to remember, to cherish them even.

There were good times amid the bad; not many, but enough to sustain him until he came to the curb and jutted out his arm like Bucky had earlier in the day. He couldn't possibly pinpoint how long it even took for a taxi to stop in front of him; not when he was emotionally distressed. Although, he suspected it might have happened fairly quickly, which was the only positive of the day.

Tony blindly reached for the door handle, before practically collapsing onto the backseat. The driver only glimpsed at him via the rearview mirror; a faceless and nameless anomaly as far as Tony could tell or was concerned.

"Where are you going to tonight, my friend?"

"The Washington Hilton," Tony said before he could even process the words.

The only place that even felt remotely safe, despite all the bad he'd done, was in Loki's arms. And while he knew in a deep and dark part of his brain that he'd be rejected (and deserve it); all his hysterical mind could even think about was finding the only comfort in his world now and that was with Loki.


	36. Chapter Thirty-five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost, I want to apologize for this taking some time to come out. Recently, I haven't been motivated to work on this story; and while I appreciate the enthusiasm, I can only work as fast as I can. If I'm not inspired to write for this story, I really can't force it. So any all and patience is appreciated.

* * *

 

**Chapter Thirty-five**

 

* * *

 

Maybe it was fate; Tony couldn't think of any other reason why he'd still be in possession of the hotel suite's key. But there it was, tossed carelessly in the tangle of his many belongings. He fished it out and wearily stared at it; he knew he shouldn't have come back, not after the way he treated Loki. And yet, he didn't know what else to do.

The past few weeks had been an emotional roller coaster for him; he made bad choices, reacted poorly, and he was ashamed of himself. There wasn't any way around it; he had been a spoiled child, so desperate to be the center of Loki's universe, that he only caused destruction in his wake.

But there never would be enough apologies to express his regret. And he readily, almost eagerly, hoped that Loki would derogate and humiliate him as he'd done to him in return. At least then his thoughts wouldn't circle back onto Howard, and what inevitably befell him while he was away.

Swallowing hard, Tony pushed the key into the lock and turned it. He heard it click open, permitting him access into a place he hadn't any right to enter; albeit, he still pushed open the door and stepped inside.

The suite was pitch black and terrifyingly quiet; the only sound that penetrated it was the door swinging shut behind him. But nothing stirred by the disturbance; Loki didn't emerge from the master bedroom with a colorful litany of insults and expletives directed at him. There was absolutely nothing.

Tony walked further into the room; his legs were shaky and unreliable, but they carried him to the empty bedroom nonetheless. The navy blue duvet was crumbled at the foot of the bed still from earlier in the day when he and Loki had been intimate; and precisely the moment in which he destroyed everything in between them.

The faint scent of sex still clung to the air; Tony's own body carried the scent too, which he realized was oddly comforting now. He ran his fingers through his hair, eyeing the bathroom door; before drawing to the conclusion he at least needed to shower, maybe to gather his bearings. And he suspected this would be his only time to do so.

Ill-advised as it may seem, he traversed the small distance into the bathroom, and flipped on the light switch. The bathroom was pristine, despite Loki's previous use of it. A large shower stall stood on the far end of the room, and beckoned Tony towards it.

He shrugged off his bag and set it beside the sink, before peeling out of his Aerosmith tee-shirt, kicking off his sneakers, and pushing off his worn jeans. Left only in his briefs, Tony leaned into the stall and turned on the water to the hottest it would go; as if that could in any way banish his maelstrom of thoughts and emotions.

Once the water was sufficiently scorching, he disrobed completely and made his way underneath the showerhead. It was painful too; the water was hot enough to make him suck in his breath, and make him squirm. But he refused to move out from underneath the spray; punishing himself to an extent for every misdeed he had ever done in the past twenty-two years.

He was especially rough with himself while cleaning his body. He scrubbed his skin until it ached with the hotel provided soap bar. Every last inch of him felt used and abused; even his scalp hurt from his aggressive shampooing he partook in.

By the time Tony finished, he felt raw and exposed. His body was blushed pink, but he felt refreshed nonetheless; as if the grime from the whole day had gone down the drain alongside his sorrow. Except that too was only on the outskirts of his mind; ready and willing to pounce whenever it saw fit.

It was only a matter of time, really. He couldn't avoid his feelings forever; they wouldn't stay hidden behind his layers and layers of shaky defenses. But he currently had a brief reprieve, which was what he needed at the moment. He didn't want to feel _that_ human anymore; not when he had suppressed much of his humanity as a defense mechanism over the years.

Tony wrapped a heavy-duty towel around his waist, before he left the steam-filled bathroom for the adjoining master suite. And for the briefest of moments, he could only stare at what greeted him. The lights had been turned on to reveal Loki whom had his guitar case in hand, and something balanced on the palm of the unoccupied one.

They exchanged a stare that seemed to extend on for forever. Words really couldn't describe what Tony saw in Loki's eyes. There were too many emotions that flickered back and forth within a blink of an eye. But there was no denying the shock and confusion firmly embedded in them; of course, after Tony's dramatic exit, who would have thought he'd return with his tail between his legs?

"You've come back." Loki broke the silence first; cautiously quiet as if he feared Tony would scare and run away like a woodland creature.

"Yeah, I came back." He nodded, feeling a lump developing in his throat. "But that doesn't mean I have to stay. You can tell me to get the hell out right now, and I'll listen. I'd deserve that; maybe a few good hits to the face too."

Loki only stared at him, seemingly speechless for once. He looked tired and malnourished, and Tony believed he was responsible for much of his duress. That much was a given, though. It was his fault for putting unneeded stress on Loki, while single-handedly demolishing any peace that he might have had otherwise.

"I wouldn't hit you, even if you frequently test my patience." Loki sighed, curling his fingers around the small tablets in his palm; before depositing them on the bedside table. "I knew you were lying, but that didn't hurt any less. To have you walk away from me like that, I don't know."

"I'm sorry; for everything." Tony whispered, feeling his emotional side reveal itself once more. "It doesn't excuse what I've done to you, but a lot of shit has been happening of late. And I've been pretty good at ignoring it; really good, actually. And today, today is one of those worst days of my life type of days; maybe worse than when I found my mom dead."

Something painful rattled inside of him, and Tony knew it was because he was being honest with Loki. Honesty wasn't a foreign concept to him, but he couldn't stand talking about his feelings. Pepper had always wanted to talk feelings, have a good heart-to-heart every single day. And well, Tony just made things up to avoid what he truly felt.

It was easier to lie than it was to fess up to his emotions. He never spoke about the more traumatic parts of his life; never even gave anyone any indication that he suffered from separation anxiety. Because that was only a weakness he wasn't allowed to have; not when you were Howard Stark's spawn.

"Finding out about you and Sif, fuck, it just sent me over the edge. Because you're the one, Loki; it's been you since I first saw you on stage. And for Christ's sake, you lit a fire under me like no one else could." He lowered his eyes, choosing to focus on the lush carpet underneath his feet. "I convinced myself that it was a phase, you were a phase. But it's not, you're not and you'll never be one."

Fear and self-loathing kept him rooted to the spot; he wished he knew how Loki would react to that revelation, but he was far too scared to look up. Especially if it meant that Loki had finally reached his breaking point and wanted nothing to do with him anymore; which would be perfectly understandable with all things considering.

He didn't deserve Loki, not now and definitely not ever. The things he'd done were unspeakable acts, spawned from his inability to communicate like a normal human being; and Loki deserved better than that. If Sif was the one who'd inevitably make him happy, well who was he to oppose it?

"Anthony, look at me." Loki said unnervingly close to his ear, which immediately snapped him into attention to find Loki was right beside him. "I won't ask you what has been happening to you recently. I'm never one to pry, but you've truly hurt me. No one has hurt me like this in a very long time; and it's taking all my willpower not to do something I'll inevitably regret in the future. I'm barely holding on by a string."

Despite outside appearances, Tony knew Loki was telling the truth. His eyes weren't as steely and impenetrable as they normally were; rather they were pained and broken and very un-Loki like. Tony had reduced him to the shell of the man that he once was; and there wasn't any satisfaction in that.

"I'm sorry for everything. I shouldn't have even showed up at your concert in L.A.; Phil said you were doing really well until I came along and fucked everything up." Tony diverted his eyes again to the floor. "Let me just get my shit and I'll be out of here; for good."

"Yes, because that would make it easier for you." Loki laughed mirthlessly. "I'd prefer you to be honest with me than to pretend to run off for my benefit. I'm not your ginger-haired girlfriend, Stark. I can handle rejection somehow; even if it is from someone I love."

"Don't you see we're bad for one another? Everyone else can see it; I can see it too."

"I'm not bad for you, and you're not bad for me." Loki stepped in front of him, before grabbing him by the chin, and forcing Tony to make eye contact. "We are not bad for one another. The only thing that is bad for us is other people's opinions about us. And if I gave a damn about what people thought, I wouldn't be where I am today; I'd be in a gutter somewhere instead."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing. That isn't like my Little Stark. He's unapologetic, brass, and compulsive."

"All my bad qualities rolled into one description." Tony cracked an insincere smile, which quickly slipped from his face as he was led by the chin forward.

Loki only led him a short distance to the bed, and then unceremoniously plopped down onto the mattress with his legs sprawled out to accommodate Tony. Even though he knew it was a bad idea, Tony couldn't keep away from Loki at all. He was like a moth to a flame, which led him to stand between Loki's legs and rest his hands onto his shoulders.

"Can't we indulge ourselves?" Loki asked, reaching up to trail his hands along his sides. "Can't we allow ourselves to be blissfully happy for once, without having to over-analyze why? Can't you just let me love you without my past or your past or any bloody idiot's opinion factoring into it? Won't you let me love you, Anthony?"

Something warm exploded inside of Tony; temporarily silencing the agony of loss inside of him. It was the reality that Loki wanted to love him; that he didn't want either of their pasts to hold them back from what they both wanted, and that really got through his thick skull.

His hands traveled the width of Loki's shoulders, resting on either side of his neck; and fell hopelessly into the depths of his eyes. There was nothing but sincerity in them; something plausible and beautiful and heartbroken. And Tony imagined the same could be said about his gaze (although he thought beautiful was stretching it).

"I want you to love me; god only knows that." Tony breathed out. "And I want you to show me; I want you to…I want you to take control. Because I need to feel how much you love me; I need you to anchor me down, you know."

For a split-second, Loki looked stricken by surprise; but his expression slowly returned to its atypical neutrality. His hands ceased their movement during that moment, resting heavily on Tony's ribcage; before they moved downwards to brush the top of the terrycloth wrapped around his waist.

"Are you certain about this?" Loki asked in a hushed, cautious tone.

"Please," Tony almost whispered; maybe because he sounded so damn needy.

He needed that reprieve, though. He wanted to feel loved, unequivocally by Loki. In a way that he'd never allowed himself to be; he'd always held himself back from everyone, but not this time. He wanted to give every part of himself away to Loki, even if it terrified him.

Without any further hesitation, Loki slipped his fingers underneath the towel and pulled it open. The cool air caused Tony's skin to break out in goose bumps; he shivered as Loki allowed the towel to drop to the ground with a plop.

"Don't hesitate to tell me to stop." Loki trailed the back of his hand down Tony's torso, in a way that could be easily described as reverent. "I promise you I'll stop."

Wordlessly, Tony nodded; focusing on the light touch of Loki's hand that delved lower until it paused just above his pleasure trail, and suddenly shot out to grab onto his forearm. His other hand followed suit, pushing both his arms up into the air; before Loki leaned in to press fervent kisses against his collarbone and down the center of his body.

His breathing hitched as the tip of Loki's tongue slithered out to taste his skin. Heat slowly began to build inside of him as he was thoroughly kissed all the way down to his navel. Loki then retraced his path back up; he kissed and nipped and licked his way up his torso, until he ended up sucking on his collarbone hungrily.

Tony gasped, trying to no avail to break the hold on his arms. But that only earned him an unexpected result; Loki practically leapt to his feet, pushing his body flush against Tony's. He forced him to move back several paces and the spun him around, until he was walking backwards to the bed.

"I'll take very good care of you, love." Loki directed him onto the bed by the hold on Tony's arms, which wasn't very comfortable; although it wasn't uncomfortable either. "Now lie back and let me take care of everything."

"I never had that happen before, you know." Tony swallowed, as he managed to climb onto the bed and was eventually permitted the use of his arms again; so he could push himself backwards until he was comfortably situated on the bed.

"It's past due then." Loki hesitated for a moment, before he reached down for his belt and undid it. "I have to ask again, are you sure about this? I don't want to hurt you."

"I've never been more certain about anything before in my life." He admitted, relieved once Loki slid his belt free of his jeans and tossed it aside.

The next few moments were both torturous and heavenly. Loki was neither hurried nor slow while undressing; he moved fluidly as he unbuttoned his white oxford, exposing skin that was still reddened with heat rash but beautiful nonetheless.

Loki didn't shrug off his shirt once it was unbuttoned fully; instead he left it on, while he stepped out of his boots and started on his jeans. And it was in that moment; Tony noticed the predatory glint in Loki's eyes, as if he knew exactly what Tony wanted from this exchange. That he wanted to be dominated but loved; that he wanted to be taken and marked and lose his semblance of a solitary existence in that instant.

It was a feral but an emotional need, which he knew Loki was able to provide. It was evident as he fully disrobed and climbed onto the bed beside him. Tony lifted his hand, pressing it over Loki's heart; pleased to feel that his heartbeat was almost as erratic as his own.

"I love you, even if I lied before. But I'm an asshole, that's my nature. Tony Stark – colossal asshole," he peered up at Loki, who covered his hand with his own.

"From one liar to another," Loki smiled.

"Yeah, from one liar to another," Tony couldn't help but smile back; momentarily whitewashed by nostalgia.

Five years had been much too long to be separated from Loki, and Tony vowed to himself that he'd never be away from for that long again. A day without Loki didn't even make sense anymore; and a few hours proved to hazardous to his health.

It might have been horribly obsessive, even unhealthy. But as Loki said they weren't bad for one another; everyone else's opinions were bad for them. And he knew that unequivocally once Loki leaned in to kiss him in a deep and hungry way; which made his toes curl and open his mouth in a moan.

Loki bracketed himself above him, deepening the kiss with his talented tongue; flicking and tasting him. Tony wrapped his arms around Loki, kissing him back as if his life depended on it; and in some skewed way it seemed to. Everything around him was falling apart, and the only thing he had was Loki and the sudden security he felt while in his embrace.

They separated, both of them breathing heavily. Loki moved to pepper kisses along Tony's jaw, before he met his mouth again with a wet mashing of mouths and tongues. Tony felt his cock harden considerably as their tongues tangled together, and couldn't help but run both his hands down to cup Loki's ass that had easily become one of his favorite fixtures on him.

He loved the small, pleased sound that erupted from Loki; as he begun to knead his ass, and separate the cheeks in a teasing manner. He knew what to do to optimize Loki's pleasure; he knew what would inevitably turn him on, which really was all he wanted at that moment.

"The foreplay's good and all, but-"

"No need to rush; I'm not going anywhere." Loki gasped, arching his back as one of Tony's hands slid defiantly against his perineum and down to his already heavy sac. "I thought you wanted to make this about you, my Little Stark."

"The harder you are, well then I reap the benefits." He kissed Loki again, but only briefly.

He hadn't any say in the matter, really; Loki pulled away from him and lowered his head to lap at one of his nipples. It hardened immediately under that deft tongue; but it was only when Loki introduced his teeth to gently tug at it that Tony let out a wanton noise that rumbled through his whole body.

Loki proceeded to treat his other nipple in the same fashion; tugging and nipping until he arched his back off the mattress. Tony already knew Loki had some sort of oral fixation; a thing he'd proven when they were first intimate by sucking on his nipples and eventually his cock. But there seemed to be something fueling him to play so extensively with his nipples now.

"Son of a bitch," Tony chuckled breathlessly, abandoning his exploration of Loki's ass; to instead wind his fingers through his hair. "Please don't tell me you'll get me off like this. That wasn't the deal."

"I like this."

"Stop being vague; talk dirty to me,"

"I like," Loki clamped down on his left nipple, sucking on it lasciviously. "Sucking on your nipples,"

Tony shuddered in spite of himself, as Loki continued to suck and tongue his nipples. His arousal had become very apparent, curving against his belly; and twitching minutely at the pampering he was being showered with. No one had been that thorough with him before, and not many women had ever showed an interest in any part of his body but his cock.

But this moment was about him; and while Loki was far from a selfish lover, this act was meant to stimulate and please him completely. He was being lavished for the first time, which caused him to moan again as Loki drifted away from his nipples and gently licked down to his belly.

Tony writhed from the continued attention; loving the feel of Loki tracing patterns and shapes against his skin. One of his hands drifted away from his hair, grabbing onto the headboard in an attempt to cement himself into place. Although, his hips twitched in anticipation; begging wordlessly for Loki to move lower and take his aching erection into his mouth.

Loki, however, had different plans altogether. He sucked on the sensitive skin around his navel, while his hands roved up and down his sides, until they traveled downward and urged Tony to open his legs to accommodate to his body better. And he eagerly did so, if only to inspire Loki to move further down.

"You like sucking on things, might I suggest something that needs it." Tony cracked a smile with a buck of his hips.

"Oh, I think I know." Loki replied, moving lower but far too low to suck him off; instead he sunk down to press a chaste kiss against his inner thigh. "Right here, I believe."

Loki gently began to suckle the skin of his inner thigh; as he forced Tony's legs apart further until he was splayed out whorishly. And that knowledge only made his cock twitch in need. He needed to bury himself into that talented mouth and lose himself in stupid primitive pleasure.

"Too low, babe," he groaned as Loki sunk his teeth into his skin.

"You want me to suck your cock." Loki provided helpfully. "Or should I tongue your hole? And fuck you open?"

An animalistic sound rumbled out of Tony; he wanted both badly. But the sheer vulgarity of the second option was all too appealing to him; especially since he'd gotten his cock sucked a lot over his twenty-two years. But no one had tongue fucked him aside from Loki, and that had only been once.

"The second one, I think." He lifted his hips invitingly. "Yeah, definitely the second one,"

"I was hoping you'd choose that one." Loki smirked sexily up at him, before trailing his tongue away from Tony's thigh, and along the curve of his ass.

Loki paused in his ministrations, in order to part Tony's cheeks; then flicked at his entrance very lightly. Tony couldn't help but jolt at the sensation; it was still foreign but pleasurable nonetheless. And the sensation only increased a tenfold as Loki continued to tease him with small licks; until he grew bolder and licked around his hole wetly.

Tony gasped, reaching down to take himself in hand. He stroked his aching member, as Loki continued to circle his hole; before eventually prodding at it with the tip of his tongue, which felt almost stupidly good.

"Want you to tongue fuck me good." He rasped out, while jerking himself faster. "Get me ready for your cock."

Loki moaned against him, just as his tongue sunk into his entrance. He cried out unashamedly as Loki began to tongue fuck him at a languid pace; quite the opposite to the speed in which Tony was jerking himself off to.

"Ah, like that! Just like that," Tony lifted his hips, only to still them; once he realized he was teetering very close to the edge of orgasm.

Clearly Loki must have known as well, because he reached up and pried his hand away from his leaking cock; and instead linked their hands together next to Tony's hip. Never once stopping in the pace he built up with his tongue; although it didn't last very long.

Loki fucked into him a few more times, before dragging his tongue out in a way that almost made Tony sob. But he was easily distracted by Loki practically throwing himself towards the bedside table and retrieving the lube that had been tossed onto the top of it; from their earlier use of it.

Tony felt a combination of arousal and fear, as he watched Loki lube up three fingers. He remembered how it burned, but didn't objection as those three fingers slowly rubbed over his hole. In fact, he almost mewled once Loki began to work his index finger into him.

The burn was still there, but it wasn't particularly withstanding. Loki moved his finger deeper inside of him, paused for a moment or two, before sliding it halfway out. He repeated the ritual until Tony's body began to relax and even enjoy it to a degree; a concept he never would have thought possible after the first time.

The second finger that was inserted into him, momentarily took his breath away; he drew in a sharp breath but didn't protest. Even though, he could feel the tension seeping back into him again; as the burn reared its ugly head once more.

"We should have done this more often." Tony hissed as Loki continued to fuck into him with his fingers. "You know, so I would have been better prepared."

"I can always stop." Loki peered up at him, undeniably aroused; and that only served to make Tony's cock twitch in return.

"Never said that, definitely not," he managed to say just as Loki began to part his fingers in order to stretch him.

The noise that erupted out of him was inhuman, heightened by Loki suddenly bowing his head to take the head of his erection into his mouth; successfully counterbalancing the pain with pleasure. And it was only a matter of time before the feeling of being penetrated ceased to be more than a minor discomfort and ebbed towards something close to nice. Especially when Loki hooked his fingers every other time they slid into him, and parted just right…

"Oh fuck!" Tony cried out, reaching down to grab onto Loki's hair; at the sensation that was now causing his whole body to tremble.

The sensation racked through his body again; as Loki pressed his third finger into his body, and brushed against what could have only been his prostate. He bucked his hips, trying to force his cock further into Loki's mouth, while simultaneously trying to press down onto his fingers as well; if only to intensify the feeling.

But he wasn't given more than a few moments to revel in it. Loki drew away from him on both ends; leaving him breathless and wanton, and harder than he'd ever been in his life. And that was quite a feat to accomplish, for having gone without sexual contact for weeks on end not very long ago.

Tony blearily gazed up at Loki, who carded his fingers through his hair that had gone unruly from being pulled on; before almost emptying the container of lube into his palm. There was something incredibly sexy about the way Loki looked while taking his hard-on into hand, and stroking it until it glistened with lube.

"This is what you want, right?" Loki said huskily, moving both his hands to rest on Tony's inner thighs; although keeping his distance just in case.

The question was inevitably a no brainer; maybe the Tony Stark of the past would have rather taken a punch to the face than a dick up the ass. But that only oversimplified the situation; it wasn't just about the physicality of it. It was about the intimacy of it; willingly giving himself to another human being, and finding solace in someone who he was in love with.

He trusted Loki not to hurt him; even if only that afternoon he'd shown poor judgment in how to treat Loki. And yet, he knew Loki wouldn't hold it against him or seek out revenge for his stupidity. Loki loved him and he loved Loki; and that was the only validation he needed.

"Yeah," Tony nodded, swallowing down any reservation that he might have had. "Yeah, I want you."

Loki shifted closer until they were almost touching intimately; but that didn't appear to be the goal at the moment. Instead Loki leaned inward to press a chaste kiss to his lips, which spoke of volumes about what this was all about.

"I love you, Anthony." Loki murmured against his lips, as he braced himself on one hand; while the other reached down to guide his member against Tony's entrance.

"I love you too." Tony wrapped his arms around Loki as the blunt head of his cock pressed against him; and nudged its way gradually into him.

It felt alien like the first time he had sex; but now he was the one on the receiving end. He was the one being stretched and penetrated by Loki, whom was far thicker and longer than he was. And it hurt, regardless of being prepped for it.

His breath hitched and his body tensed, convinced for a split-second that he might be ripped apart if Loki continued to glide into him like that. He couldn't even tell if Loki was only an inch or two inside of him, or had bottomed out into him; all he knew was that it felt like he couldn't take it anymore.

He gripped tightly onto Loki, almost sobbing in relief once he stopped pushing into him. It was already too much to handle, being filled like that. The heaviness of Loki's erection inside of him was indescribable; even if he wanted this, he wasn't sure that he could actually handle it. He wasn't that strong.

"My Little Stark," Loki purred against his temple, before he kissed it. "My beautiful Little Stark. I want no one but you."

Tony whimpered pathetically in return; unable to form any coherent words, even if he tried. His body was trying its hardest to adjust to being penetrated; trying to relax and stave away the pain. And yet, it proved to be more than a practice of mind over matter; this was plausible and painful and his heart was in his throat from how much he trusted Loki, and how much he needed this regardless of how much it hurt him.

Because this was a good type of pain; this was a loving type. It wasn't the pain he felt when he thought of Howard being six feet under, and how he neglected his duties as his only child to visit him on his death bed. It wasn't the pain of knowing he was entirely alone in the world and essentially being an orphan. No, this pain wasn't intentional or hateful; it was something he needed.

Loki tilted his head, kissing his cheeks, the bridge of his nose, and forehead; but he remained otherwise still. Tony tried his hardest to relax and not to beg Loki to pull out; he wanted to and yet he didn't either. He needed Loki, wanted Loki in every way imaginable; even if his inside burned and throbbed in pain.

That sentiment suddenly disappeared from his mind, as Loki became mobile once more. He drew out of his body inch by inch, before he sunk back into him; which caused tears to spring up in Tony's eyes. It stole his breath away and he clung onto Loki for dear life; as he repeated the motion, until he built up a rhythm that while wasn't punishing still hurt like hell.

Tony buried his face against Loki's shoulder, unable to contain the sob that erupted out of his mouth; which was lent to a combination of things. While the pain was something he'd never experienced before, he also knew his emotions were going completely haywire because of all the shit he'd been made aware of today.

"Anthony," Loki gasped into his ear.

"Don't stop just don't stop." He sobbed. "Just don't stop."

The pace remained the same; slow but thorough. Loki's labored breathing intertwined with Tony's quiet sobs; punctured every so often by a pleased noise from Loki, whenever his hips snapped a bit too eagerly against Tony. And without any warning, Loki began to sing softly.

Tony didn't recognize the song at first; his head was too filled with self-loathing to remember it. But then it struck him like a bolt of lightning through his system; it was _his_ song. The one Loki had written and performed for him; and now he was singing it in a breathy and husky voice, as moved in and out of him. That for a few moments quieted Tony's sobs, and warmed him to the very core.

The love he felt for Loki in that moment was something he was sure couldn't be replicated again. It was a beautiful but suffocating feeling, heightened by a sudden spike of pleasure that raced through his body. It struck him again, superseding the pain; and making him moan in spite of himself.

Loki seemed to take that as encouragement, because he sped up his thrusts; while somehow still managing to sing in a voice that was by no means high-pitched or even unpleasant to hear. Tony shuddered as another wave of pleasure hit him; before his arms fell away from Loki's back, and his hands found purchase on his ass instead.

The pain hadn't disappeared by any means; it was still fairly prevalent as Loki thrust into him. But it eased as the head of Loki's cock pressed further into him, and suddenly brushed across his prostate; which sent tremors racing through his body at a breathtaking rate.

"Fuck, oh fuck," Tony threw back his head, and arched his back at the same time.

Loki made a strangled noise, seemingly incapable of singing any further; before he began to fuck Tony right where he needed it most. He didn't just simply brush his prostate, but hit it over and over again, until small bursts of light exploded across Tony's vision.

His cock was eventually taken into Loki's firm grasp, pumped in time to his thrusts; which was slowly dragging him towards the edge. His body convulsed and the tightening in his gut became harder and harder to ignore.

"Anthony, come for me." Loki said into his ear, before kissing him wantonly.

He whimpered into the kiss, trying futilely to hold on. And he would have if it hadn't been for the sharp and demanding thrust that hit his prostate just right; which sent a pleasure unlike any other he felt before throughout his whole body, and made his toes curl.

He came hard, crying into Loki's mouth; and spurting his seed across his belly and chest. His body trembled from the force of it, and he held desperately onto Loki's ass as his hips stilled, as they continued to kiss in a needy way.

Loki was the first to pull away, though. His eyes were half-lidded in lust still; almost intoxicated by it even. Tony had only seen him look like that once or twice beforehand; and that was after constant and unending stimulation. But that didn't stop Loki from removing himself from Tony with a gentleness that didn't go unappreciated.

"My Little Stark," Loki murmured, reaching up to wipe at his face; at the tears Tony hadn't realized still were running down his cheeks. "Did I hurt you?"

"No; I'm always the one doing the hurting." Tony managed to say, even though his voice didn't sound like his own.

Loki settled next to him on side, kissing the corner of his mouth lovingly. Tony pushed the messy tangles of Loki's hair away from his face, and tried to calm down the erratic beating of his heart. But more importantly, he tried to stop those bothersome tears from falling; because while he felt good and even relaxed, he knew his mental health was still in jeopardy.

"You didn't finish." He nuzzled Loki temple.

"Don't worry about me; I'll take care of it."

"Babe, don't take off on me."

"It'll only be a few minutes at the most; in the bathroom." Loki kissed him. "Mm, I'm not going anywhere else."

"Stay here at least; I want to watch, since I know you won't let me help." Tony rolled onto his side so they were facing one another; although the movement sent a twinge of pain, sharp pain, through him. "I know you aren't shy, after all."

Loki chuckled lowly, seemingly drunk from his arousal. But that was somehow endearing; more so even as Loki kissed him again. It was a short, sweet kiss that made Tony dizzy; so dizzy, in fact that he barely noticed Loki trail a hand down his own body to grasp onto his straining erection.

Peering down, Tony watched as Loki lazily stroked himself; although he was quick to speed up his movements, probably very close to release. And while he would have liked to do it for him, Tony instead focused on kissing along his jaw and running one of his hands up and down his side.

" _Oh no love, you're not alone; no matter what or who you've been."_ Loki sang breathlessly, despite his hand working faster than before. " _No matter when or where you've seen; all the knives seems to lacerate your brain; I've had my share, I'll help you with the pain."_

Tony leaned in until his mouth was almost pressed against Loki's, repeating the words _I love you_ over and over again; which seemed to send Loki over the edge. He made a sinful noise, and came in a spurting mess between them.

Loki dropped his head to Tony's shoulder; panting as if he'd just run a marathon. And Tony quickly wrapped his arms around him, holding him close, and reveling in that brief break from reality. He could focus on Loki now and only Loki; everything else could take a backseat to him.

"Thank you, babe," he pressed a kiss to Loki's forehead; before closing his eyes and willing the world to go away.


	37. Chapter Thirty-six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a very hard time writing this chapter; I initially had two pages already written, but purged them because I loathed them. Anyway, I hope this ends up being more satisfactory; I tried my best!
> 
> And I spent a lot of time listening to David Bowie's "Time" while writing this; so maybe you can check it out. :)

* * *

 

**Chapter Thirty-six**

 

* * *

 

Discomfort roused Tony rather suddenly. The mind-numbing heat pulled him into an even more uncomfortable state, though. His body was twisted in the bed linens; and stuck to him like a second skin from the perspiration that covered him from head to toe. He felt disoriented and confused, unaware of where he was or why the room he was in had an orange-red hue to it.

It took some time for his memories to return; all in their vivid and ugly detail. His conversation with Sif in the park, followed by his pain-addled flight into the heart of the city, and his inevitable rescue thanks to Bucky; but what was even more prominent was his nasty bout with Loki that had almost torn them apart.

All those pain wrenching memories unearthed one after another. Only to zero in on the worst memory of them all – his telephone call to Obie. For several moments, Tony could only lie there and reflect on the reality that his life had become. He was officially an orphan (even if he was a grown adult); who had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Thousands of people were now relying solely on him for their livelihood. He was officially the CEO for Stark Industries; one of the biggest weapon manufacturers in the world. The same person who had a pot problem, a drinking problem, and frequently had the maturity level of a five year old; and yet Tony had become one of the most powerful men in the country overnight.

Carelessly he attempted to kick away the sweat-soaked sheets from his lower body; fueled by the gravity of the situation, and wanting nothing more than to breathe. He felt claustrophobic all of the sudden, but he couldn't find the strength to untangle himself; especially when a horrible pain shot through his insides at an alarming rate.

"Motherfucker," Tony yelled; which only served to be another irritant for his current condition.

The pain was something he hadn't experienced before; it felt like he'd been torn apart from the inside-out. His ass felt raw and abused, which made even the simplest movements seem like incredible feats of strength. He couldn't even kick away the linens plastered onto his legs; which made the idea of walking seem almost laughable.

Reaching downward, Tony removed the offending material with care. But the pain still buzzed through his body, and stole his breath away. He wanted to cry; have a complete emotional breakdown that would have made his previous ones look like hissy fits in comparison. And he suspected no one would hold it against him; not if they were in his position.

Another pained noise escaped him, once he freed himself; but he was relieved to find that he didn't appear to be bleeding anywhere. It was surprise, considering the agony he was feeling; in his mind, he should have been gushing blood like geyser. Or maybe be a few steps away from death. But he seemed to be perfectly intact.

Tony took in several deep breaths, trying to gauge the probability of his ability to sit up without dying. It seemed very low at this point, and he didn't have a desire to tempt fate either. So he remained on his back, stuck to the mattress and covered in sweat; smelling as unpleasant as he felt.

"Shit," he cursed again, before he rolled his eyes to the empty side of the bed.

Loki was obviously not there, but there was folded piece of paper with his name written across it. It looked more like an invitation to a formal occasion rather than a simple note, due to Loki's penmanship. Agonizingly slow, he reached for it and tried to unfold it with as few movements as he could.

By the time he'd gotten it open, the words on the page danced and blurred by the tears in Tony's eyes. He was reduced to a bedridden fool, which was ten times worse than being a mobile one that had raced through the city only the previous day.

He forced himself to get a grip on himself, though; focusing on his breathing once more. It took several minutes before he was able to read the note, and found that the words felt strangely hollow to him. Loki had gone for his sound check and inevitably the show, leaving him behind to rest. But he had given him the okay to run up the hotel bill with room service if he wanted to.

"Always yours," Tony read the words aloud, and was eventually struck by a memory from years ago.

Howard had taken him aside for a man-to-man talk. It had been days after Tony had been discovered in the motel room with Loki, and Howard had still been sore about the situation. Not even Obie's insistence that he was dating Sif (and Sif's own insistence at that) had fully convinced Howard that he hadn't gone funny.

So they had a talk; a loud talk with expletives and insults, and the threat if Tony happened to be a pansy who took it up the ass that he would be disinherited. That he would have to use his cock sucking skills to ensure his survival, since that was all he was good for.

Tony sucked in a breath, before he quickly wadded up the note, and dropped it back to where he'd found it. If he had been any condition to do so, he might have thrown it across the room; just to be away from that sentiment of _always yours_.

Maybe it was the physical and emotional distress, the last few memories that he could conjure up of Howard; whatever is was, something inside of him didn't want to think about Loki and what they had done the previous night. All at his insistence, of course; since he wanted to be fucked and fucked he was.

He wanted Loki to fuck him; he'd practically begged him for it. He'd been so wanton and needy that in hindsight, it really had been a sickening display of weakness. And at that moment, he might have really begun to regret it; regretted both the psychological and physical strain of it. Especially because it had just proven good 'ol Howard right.

Howard had an impeccable sense about Tony that no one else did. He knew, despite his vehement denials and even Obie's back-up, that Tony was enamored with Loki. He knew that he was light in the pants, and was unimpressed by hearing of his womanizing ways. Because he knew and he loathed what Tony was; and Howard knew in the end that the temptation would be too great to stop him.

And just to add some salt in the wound, Tony had been entwined in Loki's embrace while Howard had been dying. He had lived up to the old man's expectations, by being everything that Howard had loathed; which, for whatever reason, was a hard pill to swallow. Especially since Tony had only wanted to do something that would make the old bastard proud of him; why else had he gotten a business degree, and immersed himself in engineering on top of that?

Everything, to a degree, he'd done for Howard. That imposing, stoic father-figure who hardly noticed his existence; but Tony still wanted his approval, had wanted his approval. Now though, he'd never get it no matter how hard he tried.

"Fuck," Tony cursed again; consumed by self-loathing so deep that it would more than likely eat him alive soon enough.

He suddenly found the whole situation suffocating again. The sweaty bed linens against his back; the pillow case that matted down his hair, and the imprint of Loki's touch all over him; he needed to get away, to clean himself and forget it had ever happened.

Painstakingly, he tried to move; succumbed by that relenting pain, but he forced himself to roll to the end of the bed. And somehow, by the grace of god, he climbed onto his feet; almost collapsing in the process. His legs felt like jelly and a deep-seeded ache flared up in his belly; as if Loki had managed to rearrange his organs.

Tony grabbed onto the bedside table, in order to keep his balance; before he shuffled slowly into the bathroom that had been cleaned up from the night before. His clothing had been folded and set aside on a small bench, he hadn't even noticed before. His shoulder bag had also been set aside too; no doubt Loki's work, because he highly doubted maid service would be allowed into the room with the compromising position he'd been.

But that minor details hardly computed very much. He had a goal in mind and that was to wash himself under scalding hot water; he wanted to clean away the past day, and start off new. He just didn't want to think anymore; about Howard, about Sif, about Loki. And the only way to silence everything was to scrub away the remnants of it from his skin.

It took some time, plenty of colorful expletives too; before Tony climbed into the shower stall, and blasted himself with hot water. His legs couldn't support him for very long, though; and he ended up sitting on the wet tiles underneath the spray.

He still scrubbed his body and hair; ignoring the fact that his eyes were leaking. Because he couldn't forget Howard anymore; now that the bastard was dead, it was as if his ghost was haunting his mind. And those hateful exclamations about being feminine and a pussy roared back to the forefront of his thoughts.

"You're a fucking failure, Stark." He croaked out, aggressively lathering up his hair; until it stuck up every which way and suds threatened to get in his already teary eyes. "Proved the old man right yet again; nothing but a cock slut,"

Hours seemed to tick by as Tony openly chided himself, and cleaned himself back into pristine, factory sealed, condition. He hurt more than ever, both physically and mentally, once he drug himself out of the shower stall and toweled himself off. But he forced himself to dress despite the pain; he even managed to brush his teeth and shakily shave until his facial hair was back to its previous glory.

He could almost pass as human; just your average everyday twenty-two year old, instead of CEO of Stark Industries and perpetual disappointment. No one could possibly tell the difference, and the only person who could have, now had a date with a mortician and a bottle of embalming fluid.

Once his cleaning ritual was done, Tony all but collapsed onto the bedroom floor. He couldn't stand the idea of using the bed; soiled with sweat and cum, and the tendrils of Loki's cologne. The floor was a much better option, and it was much cooler in comparison down there anyway.

So he lied there, clutching his stomach; and trying to think of anything but the pain. He thought about binary codes, thought about his AI he was developing, thought about that terrifyingly haunting Carpenters poster on Pepper's wall. Anything that wasn't directly correlated to his current predicament, which worked for a while; maybe it worked for a long while, since the orange hue that filled the room eventually faded to black.

" _Don't cry; don't raise your eye; it's only teenage wasteland._ " Tony murmured out; for some reason or another he heard _Baba O'Riley_ in his head, which sprung up from a memory of Rhodey in full air force regalia once he graduated from the academy.

His thoughts hopped from one thing to another; until it was a cacophony of sound and sight. The Who played a bigger part in his head than he ever imagined; and he could hardly complain, when it kept him satisfyingly distracted from the most pressing of matters.

Tony wasn't too sure, but he might have very well sung every song from the Who that he could remember; then moved onto Zeppelin and then Pink Floyd. A few Beatles' songs might have cropped up in his set list as well; before the sound of a door clicking open, drew his attention away from his impromptu concert.

The silence was penetrated further by a whistle; albeit it paused for several moments, until light filtered through the lounge, and made Tony blink rapidly. And then the whistling started again, but this time almost hesitantly.

"Darling," Loki eventually called out, which sent a shiver of loathing through Tony's whole body.

It felt dirty to be called an endearment like that; Tony's mother had called him that every once in a while, but it suddenly felt wrong for Loki to. It felt like it went against everything natural; it felt like a white-hot poker was being pressed to his skin, and marking him as Loki's property.

Even though, he didn't want to get up; he forced himself to stand, again using the bedside table for balance. The last thing he wanted to do was give Loki any reason to touch him; and Loki would hoist him up, maybe even cradle him close if he found him curled up on the floor.

Loki appeared in the doorway; a silhouette against the buttery warm glow of the light. But he didn't stay that way; he leaned around the door and flipped on the light switch, temporarily blinding Tony, who couldn't help but groan.

"Anthony, were you sleeping?" Loki asked in that unnaturally concerned voice of his. "Did I wake you?"

"I was just resting my eyes." He replied unsure of why he decided to lie; but he hardly felt bad for doing so anyway.

It only took a few moments for him to adjust to the light, and he really wish he didn't. Because he was faced with the alarming image of Loki in full costume still; but smiling at him like he was the only person on the planet that mattered. That look was sickeningly reminiscent of love; made worse by the fact that Tony's heart sped up excitedly because of it.

His heart pounded loudly in his ears; going into overdrive as Loki traversed the distance between them, and held open his arms to embrace him. But his body wasn't having anything to do with that; he cringed violently and pressed further into the bedside table, in order to avoid being touched.

The last thing he wanted was to be touched by Loki. It almost made him physically sick to be touched by him, especially when Howard's words cut through every other thought that he might have had. Even if his heart told a different story altogether; he didn't want to be touched again by him.

A look of confusion flashed across Loki's face, before it crumbled away to neutrality. His arms dropped heavily to his sides and Tony could see the many questions he wanted to ask, speed through his eyes at a rapid rate.

"How inconsiderate of me; I didn't even ask how you're feeling." Loki said cautiously. "Darling, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, more than fine." Tony lied again. "A-Okay even,"

"No, you're not. No one is after that."

"Okay, fine, I feel like I've been flayed from the inside –out; if that's what you were looking for." Tony clutched onto the bedside tighter, hating and loving the close proximity between them.

His mind and his heart were combating for control; and he knew his heart was fighting a losing battle. It had won small skirmishes throughout the past month; but his head wasn't about to let it win the war. Not when there was so much at stake.

"I can make you feel better." Loki tried to reach for him again, which led Tony to jerk away.

"I rather you not,"

"It's nothing nefarious, Anthony; rest assured."

"Can you just not, right now. I feel like my organs have been scrambled and reorganized and scrambled again. I don't think you can do anything about that; unless you're some sort of sorcerer." He closed his eyes. "So can you just back off?"

"At least let me help you get comfortable." Loki insisted, almost desperately.

A feather-like touch ran across the side of Tony's face, which he would have normally leaned into. But something akin to panic enveloped him and he struck out and slapped the hand away from his face with enough force to hurt.

His eyes shot open at the hiss of pain that came from Loki; although he didn't see any ire on his face. Loki just looked surprised and wounded, and something spurred a wave of white-hot hate in Tony. No one deserved to look that vulnerable and innocent; not when they made him feel like this. He had been perfectly normal and respectable until he met Loki; who then proceeded to turn his world upside down.

Tony had been straight; he'd been a pussy hound, and jerked off to busty women at every given opportunity. He had even spied on Howard's girlfriend, widow now he supposed; Colette the French whore, while she had been undressing, which provided plenty of masturbatory material for weeks on end.

And now, now he was reduced to this _thing_ ; that was in love with Loki, and wanted to fuck Loki and be fucked by Loki, and wanted no one else for the rest of his life. He wanted a whole domestic fucking life with Loki, which was utterly wrong and unnatural. And he hated himself for it.

"How do you do it?" Tony asked, voice trembling with self-loathing and disgust. "How can you live with yourself every day, knowing what you are?"

"Knowing what I am?" Loki repeated.

" _This_ ," he seethed, motioning at Loki as if he were a leper.

It took some time but understanding slowly ebbed onto Loki's face, and it was a heartbreaking moment. Tony wished for a split-second that he could take back everything that he had said; and yet that storm inside of him was still raging. Because he didn't want to feel like this anymore; he didn't want to prove Howard right anymore. He wanted to be better than that.

Loki took a step back, crossing an arm over his chest; while he pressed his hand to his mouth. There were hundreds and hundreds of emotions flashing across his face; but none of them stuck for very long. They always returned to that scarily blank face, even though his eyes were smoldering hot.

"What am I exactly, Stark?" Loki asked, as he begun to pace the length of the room. "How do you view me? And then pray tell, what's so wrong about me?"

"You're you," Tony said lamely. "You just let yourself be touched by anyone. You let me touch you and you like it. You liked it."

"There's nothing wrong with me." Loki shook his head, pressing his hand harder against his mouth; almost as if in a means of self-control.

"It's wrong. This is all wrong; we're wrong. You're wrong."

"There's nothing wrong with me!" Loki screamed shrilly, dropping both his arms, and spinning around to stare at him. "There is nothing wrong with me! I'm perfectly right, I'm perfectly acceptable!"

There was a feral glint in Loki's eyes; he looked almost crazed, as if Tony had finally found his ultimate weakness. And it was terrifying to see; because Loki looked like he might very well lurch forward and kill him for even suggesting he was anything but right.

"The only thing wrong in this room is you!" Loki spat out, jutting his finger at him. "You've been lying to me from the beginning! You claimed to love me and want me, but you are only confused by it; and I know it's a lie! Because loving someone is nothing but perfectly acceptable, perfectly right, and perfectly perfect!"

"I'm not gay!" Tony screamed back as if his life depended on it. "I don't know why I did this! I love women; I had a perfect girlfriend and I threw it all away for someone like you!"

"There's nothing wrong with me!" Loki screamed louder than Tony even; the unpainted side of his face suddenly turning scarlet red. "I'm fine, I'm right, I'm normal!"

"This isn't normal, Loki! This is sick!"

"I am not sick! I am not!" Loki stomped his feet, before clenching his hands into fists, and pressing them painfully against his temples.

A pitiful noise rumbled out of Loki, which was the worst sound Tony had ever heard. It was scarier sight than when Loki was enraged and throwing punches. This was on a different level altogether; something that no one should see. Because this was something that shouldn't have ever been unleashed; it was something that Loki probably tried his best to hide, merely out of civility's sake.

But Tony poked and pushed and shoved, until it finally erupted. Loki finally erupted in jerky movements and heavy breaths and agonized noises; as if he was a man possessed. And for a split-second, Tony realized that he might have very well tapped into Loki's own thoughts about himself.

"There's nothing wrong with me!" Loki repeated for the umpteenth time, as if he was trying to convince himself of it. "How many times do I have to say it, until somebody believes me? My father, no Thor's father, said I was devious and broken and yet they had really thought I was cured. They thought I didn't remember, but I did and that's why I'm like this. That's why I'm _wrong_.

"He caught me in the act; with an older, stupider git. And he wanted to send me away; electroshock therapy would fix me right up, he said! Make me acceptable enough to be called his son! And they almost sent me away, until Mother set her foot down; she finally stood up to him and said I wasn't wrong! That I was perfectly acceptable and was _her_ son; I was only traumatized but I'd get better!"

Loki stared at Tony with wide tear-filled eyes; and he wanted nothing more than to take back everything he said again. Even though, he knew he was wrong for loving Loki; more so for proving Howard right. And yet, he couldn't turn back time and avoid this incredible breakdown.

"I am not wrong, Tony Stark." Loki spoke again, in a voice that was trembling with emotion. "Bad things have happened to me and I've spent my whole life convinced I was funny. That there was something wrong about me; but there isn't. I love deeply, regrettably so. I love you with every piece of my heart; I love you because you are you. But you, you could _never_ love me the way I deserved to be loved in return."

"Loki, please-"

"This isn't you, Tony Stark. If it was, this wouldn't be so painful for you; you're not the one for me and I'll never be the one for you. I know that now, I truly do." Loki broached the distance between them again, taking Tony's face into his hands.

Tony swallowed hard around the lump in his throat; suddenly realizing what he had done. His insecurities and Howard's words had gotten the best of him, and he knew this time things couldn't be repaired. He couldn't just sprout out a quick apology and finally explain his erratic behavior away. No, this was over.

Loki ran his thumbs gently across Tony's cheeks, but avoided looking into his eyes. It felt like his gaze settled onto his forehead instead, before his lips came down onto it with a firm and almost desperate kiss.

"I'm going to clear my thoughts now." Loki murmured against his skin. "And by the time I come back here, I want you gone. I don't want to see you ever again, Tony Stark."

The words hit Tony like a freight train, but he couldn't say anything. He knew he hadn't any right to and he let Loki slip away from him. His beautiful, perfectly acceptable, rock star pulled away from him and spun around on his heel so fast, that Tony didn't even get a proper look of his face for the very last time.

The blur of white and red and green was the only memory he had left of Loki. He couldn't move a muscle from his position against the bedside table; where he held so tightly onto it, that it became physically painful to do. And yet, all he could really focus on was the soft closing of the door; which finally ended the story of Tony and Loki.


	38. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to thank everyone who continued to read this story, despite it becoming angst-ridden. I have always appreciated the support, and eventually I'll write the third installment. I don't know when, but I'm sure it'll happen eventually (unless it doesn't then, well).
> 
> On a side note, I listened to "The Prettiest Star" by David Bowie while writing this; although I also continued to listen to "Lady Grinning Soul" as well.

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**Epilogue**

 

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Loki Laufeyson was beloved. Thousands upon thousands of people loved him dearly and irrefutably. They knew every single one of his songs by heart; they emulated his quirky stage persona, and even spent hours on line just to see him in the flesh.

He was well loved and adored; and yet that only made him feel that much more alone. Once the glitz and glamour had ceased, and the music had died to a lower murmur in an empty auditorium; everyone had retreated, taken their piece of Loki Laufeyson, and stripped him bare. In that oversized room that was utterly abandoned, and sitting haphazardly on the edge of the stage was that mentally unsound boy from Essex that no one loved.

It was inevitable, really. People were enchanted by a persona; an imaginary character that only reflected a very small fraction of who Loki truly was. And that was both a blessing and a curse; his secretive nature was satiated by being an anomaly. But the needy side of him wanted nothing more than to be embraced by all those arms that had been reaching for him only an hour beforehand.

He needed the reassurance that he actually mattered; especially since his entire world had been shattered into a million little pieces. He needed to know that someone, _anyone_ cared about him. That he wasn't some insignificant speck of dust in the universe, whose only majestic moment was when in a pool of light.

There wasn't any forthcoming validity of his worth, though. So he sat there, staring at the dirty auditorium floor while taking a long drag from his cigarette. It was the last day of the North American tour, which had entailed a grandiose performance; a peek into the world that birthed Loki Laufeyson, and proved to be the only means of escape for the man behind the persona.

But he needed that reprieve; if only to forget about what had happened several days ago. He didn't want to think about Tony Stark anymore; not when it physically hurt to even envision the way he looked. Or even the way he enunciated his words with a tiny hint of American aristocracy, which he probably wasn't even aware of himself.

It didn't help matters any either, that Loki had found several Polaroid snapshots in his suitcase the day before; hidden in a small compartment to the side, where he frequently kept his hits of acid. And those images only proved to open up the wound again, to douse it with salt, and to rip it open further.

So he'd taken a hit and had a self-loathing masturbatory session to the photographs. Only to reach his climax and begin to hallucinate so severely; he'd taken refuge in the shower stall for several hours, until Bucky had found him in a state of disarray. But at least Bucky had the common decency not to mention it, especially to Phil; who would have gone onto a tirade again, and threatened to involve Hamish in the whole messy affair.

That was the last thing Loki needed; it would only exacerbate his already fragile condition, which he found no pleasure in admitting to. He didn't want to admit that his heart was broken, that some child of privilege had caused to him to fall so completely and utterly in love; that he couldn't even save himself from the inevitable collision either.

While it was very true that he ultimately fell hard and fast into love; Loki never found that sentiment to be very endearing. It was more of a weakness, which was now proven unequivocally. He'd been hurt and betrayed; and he couldn't possibly imagine that he'd get better anytime soon.

He should have been used to it by now; the crippling heartache and rejection. No one had been able to love him; not even his birth parents could do that. So a complete stranger really couldn't be expected to do that; particularly when he was considered damaged goods.

That reminder was an unwelcome one; one he thought he'd put to bed a very long time ago. He had thought he'd gotten over his utter disgust with himself; and yet Stark's words had reignited that fire once more. The same fire that Sif had reignited inadvertently over and over again, due to her relationship with Thor; but he had sworn he'd extinguished it three years earlier.

"Sentiment," Loki muttered, before he took another hardy drag on his cigarette.

"You know that isn't necessarily a bad thing, Lo." Someone said above him, which made him gape up in surprise.

Evidently, he'd been so lost in his own thoughts; that he hadn't even noticed Sif approaching him. He quickly shut his mouth, clamping his cigarette between his teeth; and observed her from head to toe. She always had a knack for dressing to the nines, during final performances, and it was no different this time around. She wore a form fitting canary yellow dress with bright red platform heels, which lengthened her body beautifully.

The sight didn't help Loki any; not when that too was a reminder of his failures. He'd harbored feelings for Sif for a very long time, only for it to come to a head three years beforehand. It had been two days of pure physicality, which he had imagined for a very long time. But he also knew it was nothing beyond that; for her anyway.

Of course, he hadn't been delusional. He'd taken advantage of the situation presented to him, and allowed himself to be used in return for a bit of affection; which appeared to be a pattern in his life. He used sex to garner some sort of affection; and maybe that's why he had had an awful predilection for sleeping with older boys when he was so very young.

"Amelia Fenton, what on earth are you doing here?" He asked in defeat, as he removed his cigarette from his mouth. "I hear Led Zeppelin will be on tour very soon. Or have you been hired as a photographer with another band now?"

Sif shot him an uncomfortable look; before she slowly sank down to sit beside him at the edge of the stage. They hadn't properly spoken, since everything had gone to hell and back. And he assumed that was for a very good reason; he might have very well said something or done something he would have inevitably regretted later on.

"The Zeppelin thing wasn't a job." She admitted, almost sheepishly. "I mean, I picked the worse career ever. It was different, you know; when I was going to university for it. At least I had the best subjects; you and the band. But now, I'm only shooting lame local bands. The next big things, which aren't anywhere, near the next big things at all."

"So you were on tour with Led Zeppelin because of a whirlwind romance."

"He's in a committed relationship."

"Who exactly," he peered at her; only to receive a mumbled and incoherent reply. "Come again?"

"Page," Sif stressed the name. "Jimmy Page; he's in a committed relationship. And I was the girl on the road; I was the girl. I became the girl; the same one I hated for sleeping with Thor."

Loki chuckled dryly, as he ground out his cigarette on the stage. It didn't surprise him very much; it was common behavior between musicians and young women. Even if many of the most popular musicians were married, they had a knack for reaping the benefits of their fame. And Sif had gotten used to being with the band; it was inevitable, really.

"Well, we are a miserable pair; aren't we?" He clucked his tongue. "Neither of us can maintain a relationship, even if our lives depended on it. But to be frank, you have surpassed me by leaps and bounds, Amelia. You did date that great oaf Thor for many long and prosperous years."

"Loki, I'm sorry."

"Whatever for,"

"I really didn't know about you and Tony. I just opened up my big mouth and sprouted out something private without even thinking about it. And I screwed everything up between the two of you."

"It was doomed from the beginning." Loki sucked in a heavy breath, before he looked at her again. "I have a tendency to attract people who are incompatible with me. And I have an even greater tendency to then allow myself the luxury of falling head over heels in love with them; which makes me a fool."

"No, that just makes you human, Lo."

"Why ever would I want to be human; when I could be a god?"

"Loki Laufeyson's a god. But Loki Odinson's the sweetest boy who has ever come out of Essex." Sif bumped her shoulder against his arm; then slowly reached down to take his hand. "Which is why I can't believe anyone hasn't taken you and made you an honest man yet,"

"Because I'm damaged and funny and far too attractive and talented, of course," He smiled sadly at her. "And who would ever want anything like that?"

"Who wouldn't is the question?" She returned quickly, peering up at him in a way that frequently made him weak in the knees. "Then again, neither of us seems to have a very good history with relationships."

"I suppose that means only one thing."

"What's that?"

"We're struck together; you and I." He squeezed her hand, shutting his eyes as she slowly and hesitantly set her head against his shoulder.

The reality of the matter was that Loki knew he hadn't any solace even with Sif. That moment of camaraderie would eventually pass; Sif would leave to pursue her fledgling photography career, and potentially be picked up by another popular band. While Loki would return to London, record his newest record and continue with his world tour.

They would part very soon, and he would be alone again. Alone to flounder with his self-hatred, and that horrible memory of losing the person most important to him; he had lost Tony Stark, although in all actuality, he really hadn't had him to begin with.

Loki Laufeyson had captivated and enchanted Tony Stark. Whereas, Loki Odinson had never been enough; not for Tony, not for Sif, and definitely not for anybody else; but at least for that fleeting moment, he could pretend that he wasn't that alone anymore.

It was him and Sif against the world. And that would have to do for now.


End file.
